Plus/Minus: Mad City

It wasn't the greatest week that Habs fans have ever seen. It kind of flat-out sucked. But there's still tons to be optimistic about, right? Stuff that isn't about the Habs?

PLUS

+ The biggest Plus of the week, of course, goes to Anthony Calvillo. His career speaks for itself, but his behaviour both on and off the field is what will make him a legend.

+ I know that any display of emotion can cause a player to get in trouble, especially when that player's name is P.K. Subban, but I have no problem with his angry stick-throwing during the Capitals game. He was angry. We're all angry. No use hiding it.

+ Peter Budaj gets as many Pluses as he wants for picking a fight with Marc-André Fleury. Because who wouldn't want to mess with Fleury?

+ Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons' performance at the Grammys was one of my favourites in recent years. I know that the Grammys thrive on putting artists together onstage just for the novelty of it, but this combination worked so well. I could watch it over and over.

+ This picture of Kobe Bryant, 50 Cent, and Meryl Streep:

...Kobe is basically the Meryl Streep of basketball.

+ I'm a sucker for really sweet human interest stories. (Because I'm a huge sap who cries at everything.) Seahawks player Derrick Coleman's exchange with a 9-year-old deaf girl who called him her inspiration is just about the best thing I could read in preparation for the Super Bowl.

MINUS

- This tweet by Dustin Penner:

I know prostitution isn't legal in cali but there's no other way to explain 19yo "model" drivin a G-wagon...is there? http://t.co/YsfeJo4mUJ
— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) January 21, 2014

is just further proof that he is, in fact, an idiot. Assuming that a woman is a prostitute is just about the most offensive thing that anyone could do, and the fact that it's coming from a rich man who probably doesn't judge women based solely on the books they read. (Providing, of course, that he knows what a book is.)

- Oh, and also the fact that the Montreal Canadiens just can't get themselves together, and that their coach is just barely treading water.

- Oh, and the fans who misbehaved during Saturday night's game against the Capitals also get a Minus. Enough with the ironic cheers and the booing your own team. You guys are even worse than the jerks who leave early. (Inside this Minus, though, is a Plus, to whoever it was sitting near the Family section that started a "Never quit!" cheer.)

Dear Habs: Never quit. Please.

Plus/Minus needs more gravy

Plus/Minus is back! And I, for one, am thankful that I can bring back one of HIHW's oldest features. It was on IR for far too long, and we've got tons of hockey and TV stuff to talk about. Shall we?

PLUS

+ That goal by Alex Galchenyuk. That. Goal.
+ The outpouring of support for George Parros after his injury was inspiring. Hockey people can be good people, sometimes.
+ Lars Eller and P.K. Subban are picking up points so easily, they almost make me think I can play hockey. (Me, with my clumsy limbs and my complete lack of athleticism.)
+ Joe Thornton had the quote of the year and it's barely even the year yet.
+ Sleepy Hollow might be my favourite new show of the season. It's got a talented, diverse cast, and it's  so scary but I can't help but watch it.
+ Thank you, Fox, for picking up John Mulaney's series after NBC decided not to go ahead with it!

MINUS

- Guillaume Latendresse isn't even playing in North America, and the Journal de Montréal is still writing cover features about him? Let it go, already. As interested as I am in the life of a North American player in Europe, I've had my fill of stories about Latendresse.
- Daniel Briere, you have one point. ONE. POINT. Are you just biding your time? Because I think most of us would prefer it if you just scored goals and such.
- ABC could have had a major hit in Super Fun Night. But a show that doesn't live up to its potential in addition to being mishandled by its network is just an unfortunate recipe for disaster.
- Once Upon A Time In Wonderland should be my favourite new show of the season. Unfortunately, the pilot was disappointing. The CGI wasn't convincing, there was too much of it, and most of the leads  just aren't engaging enough. I still like the concept, though, so with any luck it'll grow on me, just like Once Upon A Time did.
- This is way late, but a Minus to whoever it was that cancelled Go On. I can't even bring myself to watch Sean Saves The World, and I firmly believe that Go On would've been a great companion to The Michael J. Fox Show. And it has (almost) nothing to do with the fact that both series star good, hockey-loving Canadians.

With any luck, I'll be able to make Plus/Minus a regular feature again this season. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Have an extra scoop of mashed potatoes for me.

Plus/Minus: Locked out of heaven

Okay, yes, I took this post title from a Bruno Mars song.
Sometimes at the office, it seems like everyone around me is talking at the same time, which can be a little distracting (to say the least.) So I drown them out with music. Last week I listened to Bruno Mars, and no you are not allowed to judge me for it. I danced in my office chair, despite my best efforts not to. That's kind of how I feel about having NHL hockey back in my life. I'm trying to play it cool and pretend nothing has changed, but sometimes the excitement just takes over and I dance in my office chair. (In my defence: "Runaway Baby.")

PLUS

+ 2 One for each of our rookie Gallys, in honour of their first NHL goals.
+ Every time Ryan White accomplishes something, he gets a Plus. That's just how I run things around here. Ryan White scored a goal(!) and thus, he gets a Plus.
+ Czechtacular and I were hoping that Brandon Prust would not disappoint us. Between the punching and the scoring, he most definitely met our high expectations.
+ In my most recent appearance on the Habs 360 podcast, I said that Andrei Markov would be back in full force. I'm not giving myself this Plus - I'm giving Andrei Markov this Plus for being the amazing player I know he is.
+ A good captain has to "get" his role. He has to know what his team needs from him, and what his fans want from him. Brian Gionta delivered both in the season opener. I couldn't be prouder to have him as my captain.
+ Oh thank goodness I can finally stop hiding my #76 jersey between cardigans in my closet because P.K. is back!

MINUS

- Max Pacioretty's 3-4 week absence is a nightmare. Literally. I have this dream that seems to recur whenever I have a major event or responsibility coming up: The big day is just around the corner and I suddenly end up in the hospital with appendicitis, and I have to get on the phone and tell someone that I can't make it. (And, in the dream, I act like I'm really sorry to let everyone down, even though in real life I'd probably be all sick and feverish and asking for Tylenol.) Get well soon, Max.
- "A Girl's Guide to Watching the Rangers"? Just no. Stop. Anyone who writes garbage like this should just stop writing altogether.

- Hey, Fox? I understand that Ben & Kate's ratings weren't great, but you do realize that you had the two-hour comedy block that you've always wanted, and it was good, and you just punched a hole out of it, right?

Note to readers: For the rest of the season, Plus/Minus may be published intermittently, rather than on a weekly basis.

11 Things I Liked This Year

This is a really lazy year-in-review (a better one is forthcoming), what with all the "real" blogs and journalists making very specific Best Of lists and actually ranking things. Still, all that matters is that there were things worth liking this year, regardless of what some pessimists would have you believe. In no particular order:


MTL Stand Up by Annakin Slayd - We couldn't ask for a better song about being Canadiens fans.

P.K. Subban's hat trick - We knew he had it in him. No matter what anyone says or how many shutouts followed, that game against Minnesota was brilliant.

Bruins athletic trainer Don Del Negro helping the Habs staff while Max Pacioretty lay on the ice and everyone at home wrung their hands - so much classier than any of us would have expected.


HBO 24/7 - both seasons of it, since there's some New Year's overlap. Everything about the show is beautiful.

Cameo by Brent Musburger. Sports!

Happy Endings - I probably rave about this show a little too much, but think about it... None of the actors or the creator had really anchored a show before, and the biggest star in the cast when it premiered was Elisha Cuthbert. (No way did I ever expect to love, or even watch, a show with Elisha Cuthbert on it.) But the show grew quickly into a quirky, hip, hysterical comedy that eclipses its lead-in Modern Family.

Nicki Minaj - This really was a 2011 thing, because I paid NO attention to her at the end of 2010. Then as soon as 2011 started, as if by magic, Nicki was everywhere I turned: her songs were on the radio, she was great on SNL, I heard her songs during sports games... Heck, she's got her own line of nail polish. Everything about Nicki is genuinely crazy, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Vancouver citizens cleaning up their city after the riots.

Hal Gill - what's not to love? He adds some much-needed size to the team, has blocked approximately four thousand shots this year, made us laugh on Twitter, and was a fantastic Movember team captain.

Arcade Fire - winning a much-deserved Album of the Year Grammy (haters be damned) and performing for free at Place des Festivals. Can they have a free show at Place des Festivals every year?

Scandals of Classic Hollywood - a semi-regular feature on The Hairpin, which I could read over and over and over again. I'm linking to the Elizabeth Taylor story, but they're all great. So gossipy and so educational!

The NHL Mean Girls hashtag on Twitter - hysterical. It combined two things that I thoroughly enjoy, and there was an entire part of Twitter's hockey population that didn't get it. Poor them.

The year was full of surprises, most of which I'll probably elaborate on in my next post. What did YOU like this year?

Plus/Minus: The most wonderful whine of the year

Hockey was kind of frustrating, and there was a holiday to celebrate, so this Plus/Minus is a little erratic. Then again, what isn't erratic about Habs Nation these days?

NICE

+ Jerome Simpson's flip (and perfect landing) is the coolest thing I've seen since... last week, I guess, when Al Montoya jumped over Petteri Nokelainen.
+ San Francisco 49er Braylon Edwards gave $10, 000 scholarships to 79 college students. That's about equal to the salary that he made this season. Amazing.
+ Basketball is back!
+ Scratching P.K. Subban, even though the team lost to Winnipeg, was a good call. The poor guy needed his rest, and will probably benefit from the perspective he got by watching the game instead of being on the ice for half of it.

+ I've been thinking for a while about how sports fans tend to let their love for a team supercede other things, and if being one of those people makes you a good fan. So Dave Stubbs tweeting "Life is what matters, Habs and hockey are just a game" really hit home with me. And the girl who attended this week's Green Bay Packers game holding a "My Cheating Ex-Boyfriend Is Watching From Couch Instead" sign just made me laugh.
+ Christmas is about so much more than children and toys, but if you'll allow me a brief "kids and toys" moment: The little girl in this video is so adorable, and so right. I may have liked pink princess toys when I was a kid, but I still know exactly how she feels.



NAUGHTY (and not in a cheeky way)

On Wednesdays we wear pink

- Le Journal de Montréal continues to be pulpy, prejudiced, and just downright stupid when it comes to talking about hockey these days. Oh, crap, did I just write that in English? Désolée, J de M.
- Why on earth would one of the NHL's most lucrative franchises need to start selling ad space on its practice jerseys?
- ESPN's In Memoriam montage didn't include any of the hockey players that passed away this year? The only consolation is that hockey fans mourned them, and will continue to remember them.
- I know that fans are upset with the Canadiens, but there should be a limit to just how angry we (as fans) get with our own players and team. I wish there was a way for everyone to be angry without being ridiculous.

- First of two 24/7-related Minuses: Peter Laviolette was really frickin' upset with a game official when the Flyers were in Montreal last week. That happens all the time - but accusing him of being biased toward the Canadiens, and stupidly calling it "typical Montreal"? Can someone explain that to me? Laviolette knows that every referee makes bad calls, and that every team thinks that the refs are biased against them? And that, as far as I know, the referees work for the league, not the city they're working in that night?
- Second 24/7-related Minus: Why doesn't Jaromir Jagr want to eat lunch with Ilya Bryzgalov? Are we in high school again?

- Every player in the NBA looks like he forgot to shave his lockout beard. Why are all these lockout beards the same weird shape? Am I behind on the latest facial hair trends? Don't answer that.

Here's hoping that this year's World Juniors are as exciting as ever, and that Habs fans are even more rested than the players after Christmas break.

Plus/Minus: Without y'all, I can't buy my Phantom

So maybe this team is scrappier than I thought they were. It's kind of inspiring: people count them out, and we all keep wondering what's wrong and if things will get better or worse, and then the Habs win. I need to learn to stop counting them out.

PLUS

+ The above tweet from Paul Bissonnette, who's a good guy once you get past all the girls in yoga pants and whatnot. (But if you'd rather just go for laughs, read Ron Artest's tweets about how much he misses playing basketball.)
+ Teemu Selanne dressed up as Batman for Halloween! How awesome is that? (I heard rumblings that one of our Habs also dressed up as Batman, but unlike the Coyotes, the Habs' Halloween pictures remain a secret...)
+ For those days when work never ends, and you think you should go to bed early instead of watching the end of the game, but you change your mind and Josh Gorges scores the overtime game-winning goal.
+ Travis Moen, you are scoring goals this season. And the team appeciates that.
+ Max Pacioretty needs to go to the All-Star Game. (See Minus for more on the ASG.)
+ Ryan Miller called Milan Lucic a piece of... well, you know. And while I'm not sure that that's sportsmanlike or whatever, it's hella entertaining and I look forward to quoting that sound bite and seeing it on SportsCentre Top 10s for some time.

MINUS

I thought I could trust him

- Does Carey know that PK was triple-low-fiving another goalie?
- I'm sorry, but I still don't know what a Scrivens is. Someone please explain, and make fun of me if you must.
- Hey, Flyers and Bolts: you know that playing hockey involves MOVING AROUND, right?
- I thought players had to play a minimum number of games to be eligible for the All-Star ballot. But Sidney Crosby is on it. So, can we just write anyone in? A locked-out basketball player? An actor who played a hockey player in a movie? Sidney Crosby's dad? Batman? LMFAO? Or how about my cat? They've all played just as many games this season as Crosby has. I encourage you to vote for my cat.

- There is literally nothing I can say about this Penn State mess that hasn't been said already, and especially nothing that can make this situation better. I don't know why anyone didn't realize that covering up child molestation is not only unbelievably wrong, but even worse for the school's future than taking immediate action. I don't know what could have motivated so many people to want to cover this up. I don't know why Joe Paterno didn't realize that this scandal could end his career, and didn't try to show some sort of remorse or accountability by retiring before getting fired. But I do know one thing: it's made us as fans think about what we may not know is happening behind the scenes, and that maybe our loyalty to a sport isn't the most important thing there is in life.

NHL TV Characters for the 2011-12 Season

(Bleacher Report kinda-sorta-maybe beat me to this already. And obviously their version will get more hits than mine due to the fact that most of their other stories are about hot ladies or something. Maybe I should try posting sexy man pictures in an attempt to be all cheeky and turn the tables on them.)

The hockey season is starting. The TV season is starting.
It's a great time to compare a few hockey players to TV characters. I wish I would have done this every year, because "Jonathan Toews is totally Doogie Howser!" doesn't seem as fresh as it would have a couple of seasons ago.

Mike Richards is Will from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

If I were really and truly dedicated to my craft, I would have re-written all the words to the full version of this song, flown to Philly and LA, and filmed a video. But I decided to spend my summer making money instead of blowing it on a music video about Mike Richards because I probably still hate Mike Richards.
But if you think about it, the premise is the same. Guy gets booted out of Philly because "a couple of guys were up to no good" and gets a second chance in California, which could not be a more different environment for him. The only difference here: those couple of guys, up to no good? Yeah, Richards was one of them.
To be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing the tables turned with a sitcom based on Wayne Simmonds' trade from sunny Cali to angry Philly, with a supporting cast of teammates who aren't Drew Doughty. Be honest - you'd totally watch that show too.

Brad Richards is Liz Lemon from 30 Rock

He lives in Manhattan. He's arguably the linchpin of what would otherwise be a mediocre organization. (Keep in mind that TGS With Tracy Jordan's greatest accomplishment is an Emmy... Magazine cover story and that the Rangers have missed the playoffs in 4 out of the last 10 seasons.) He's surrounded by some pretty interesting characters. I'd say Sean Avery's craziness is equal parts Jack, Jenna, and Tracy. Erik Christensen is The Head and Brandon Prust is The Hair. I could go on. With one exception...

Sidney Crosby is Rachel Dratch's Characters From 30 Rock

We used to see him every week, but now, not so much.

Roberto Luongo is Jerry from Parks and Recreation

In the words of his co-worker Ron Swanson: "A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office." Everyone makes jokes at Jerry's expense. Poor Bobby Lu just can't go a week without somebody ragging on him.

P.K. Subban and Hal Gill are basically any hourlong cable dramedy about buddies

They're hilarious on their own, yes, but somehow, for all their differences, they complete each other. Like Franklin and Bash. Or the Lawson brothers from Royal Pains. Or Gus and Shawn from Psych. They're both funny, they work well together, and they have the perfect love-hate relationship. They're the ultimate buddy pairing - why watch them on their own when you can watch them together?

NOT A PLAYER BUT:
Jacques Martin is Nucky Thompson from Boardwalk Empire

You look at him and think, "That guy in the weird-coloured suit is the most powerful man in town?" You have trouble believing it, but if you only knew...

Things I learned last season

The summer days are already getting shorter and a little bit cooler. But the season hasn't started yet and the end of summer has me itching for that first puck drop. What better way to look forward to next season, than to remember what I learned last season?



What a stanchion is.

P.K. Subban is the very definition of lightning in a bottle.

Rookies need to learn how to behave in the NHL... but respect is a two-way street. A veteran can't complain about not getting respect if he doesn't show any.

We may hate Leafs fans, and they might be incredibly tasteless when they hate on us, but they're not bad people. The way that Maple Leafs bloggers reached out to Habs fans as soon as Graham Rynbend rushed to the ice to care for Max Pacioretty showed an incredible amount of class and sympathy. Sometimes it's not about your team - it's just about being a hockey fan.

About that Graham Rynbend: He's the best.

I'm too proud to say "I told you so," and I know this because I didn't go gloating to all those people who gave up on Carey Price last season. So never underestimate someone's opinion, and never say never.

I also didn't start gloating to all the people who never expected to become Ryan White fans.

Like most people my age who basically grew up with Saku Koivu wearing the C, I still miss my old captain. But my new captain is nearly perfect.

There are very few places on Earth like the Bell Centre during the playoffs. Or the Bell Centre in general: It doesn't matter what kind of a day you've had, if you've got tickets to a Habs game, everything goes away from the moment the flag kids take to the ice to the moment you leave.

If you go out someplace to grab a beer and watch a home game with some friends, DO NOT LEAVE EARLY. Kirk Muller will show up almost an hour after you leave. Your friends will see him and maybe even speak to him, and you will have missed out on it. (This happened to me twice this season. TWICE. And now we have no more Kirk Muller, so I totally missed the Kirk-boat.)

I knew these already, but... Trust your coach. Trust your team.

If Hockey Were A Telenovela...

So I've been watching more telenovelas than usual lately. (Don't ask why.) I don't know how Latin America does it, but they've somehow blended soap operas and sitcoms, and struck gold. You don't even need to fully understand Spanish to enjoy them! There are slaps to the face, ultra-dramatic closeups, appearances by people that I'm assuming are famous singers, and middle-aged women in completely age-inappropriate outfits. I'm enjoying telenovelas so much that some days, I have to stop myself from starting every question I write with an upside-down question mark. ¿Verdad? ¡Si!

I've even started thinking about what it would be like if hockey was a telenovela.

As with any narrative - and you should all know by now that I see sports as a narrative, rather than a bunch of stats or however it is most of you see it - there are archetypes. You'd be hard-pressed to write a telenovela (or even a gringo soap opera) without a few key characters.

THE VICTIM. There's always that character whose parents were poisoned the day before his wedding to a girl who only wanted his money, or that character who was raped by her boyfriend's brother and then shamed in court because no one believes her story except her boyfriend, whose wife is pregnant. The Victim's life is just one awful misfortune after another. There are a few guys like that in, including our own Max Pacioretty. This season was one thing after another for poor Pac, whether it was something he said, something he did, or something that injured him. You want soap opera drama? Just think of what people said for a week after Max lay on the ice, unconscious, after a stanchion pushed him into Zdeno Chara. However, unlike your average telenovela victim, Pac was never a one-man pity party. But we as fans gladly picked up that torch and made ourselves heard.

¡LA VICTIMA!

THE TEENAGER. Everyone on telenovelas has a huge personality and a crazy appearance to go with it. (Seriously, these people dress like prostitutes on early 90's sitcoms.) And, obviously, there are enough disagreements to go around. But it seems like the emotional teenagers have it worse than the grownups. There's usually a teenager on every telenovela who talks a little louder than everyone else, has a really wacky sense of style, and gets no respect from their elders. Does that sound like PK Subban to you? Young, energetic, snappy dresser, constantly being shut down by adults who think they know better but don't necessarily act like it?

¡EL JOVEN!

THE BITCH. You'll see this character in lots of gringo soap operas as well, because you can't have drama without a pre-menopausal, ultra-wealthy superbitch. She runs things. She's a master manipulator. She ruins lives for no reason at all. Heck, in a couple of telenovelas this character flat-out killed people for money or personal satisfaction. Everyone hates her and yet no one can take her down. If she were a man a very small man, she'd be Bettman.

¡LA BRUJA!

THE MONSTER. A telenovela isn't complete without a guy who's nothing but bad. He's committed about as many crimes as you can name, but he rarely sees the consequences of his actions. If you hate him (and you most likely do), you have absolutely no idea how anyone can like him. And that, at least to me, sounds an awful lot like Zdeno Chara. You'd be hard-pressed to find a Habs fan whose respect for Chara outweighs their disgust.

¡EL BRUTO!

It's a shame the hockey drama is winding down. I've learned all these fabulous Spanish insults, and I'm not sure if I have enough time to use them all before the Stanley Cup finds a new home.

A long overdue Plus/Minus

You know your first-round Plus/Minus is really late when two of the second-round series are already over. Uh, blame it on the grief?
I'm guessing that a simple "I'm sorry" won't suffice, so I'll try to make up for it by posting really cool links when I find them. Like, say, pictures of goalies drinking water.

PLUS

It's mine, all mine!

+ Very few players were more exciting in Round 1 of the playoffs than PK Subban. And that's saying something.
+ Carey Price. What else is there to say?
+ Really nice to see so many hockey players joining Twitter in an attempt to connect with fans before and during the playoffs: Yannick Weber, Mathieu Darche, Brian Gionta, and Ryan O'Byrne (I still sort of miss him, okay?).
+ Ryan White is great in the playoffs, both as a Hab and a Bulldog.
+ Paul Mara's beard. And Shea Weber's beard.

We didn't make this, but we wish we did

+ Congratulations to Guy Boucher and his Tampa Bay Lightning for sweeping the Capitals. I loved watching that series. I think it was also the first time in all these (few) seasons of watching hockey that I wasn't a little disappointed to see Washington eliminated from the playoffs.
+ A Plus for Jonathan Toews, Alex Burrows and all the players who made Game 7 between the Blackhawks and Canucks so damn exciting.
+ I guess Carey Price gets an extra Plus for his cowboy hat and his Rolling Stones shirt.

MINUS

If people could be arrested for stupidity, I would.

- Uh, Glenn Healy? What was with that "A Danish is something you get at a coffee shop" comment? It was ignorant and unfunny, and I can't believe I saw you in person two days after you made it and didn't find the closest overpriced Bell Centre beer to pour over your head.
- Nathan Horton's face.
- I was proud of Milan Lucic for most of the first round, I really was, until like a typical Bruin he ruined things. I was all ready to congratulate him on not killing any Habs defencemen, and then he went and hurt Spacek.
- It's 2011 and yet there are boorish Bruins fans out there who had the most disgusting things to say against both PK Subban and the city of Montreal. I'm not going to repeat them, or even link to them, because I can't bear to read them again.
- On a more serious note, as much as I dislike the Bruins, I can't help but wish Patrice Bergeron a full recovery from this concussion.

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air

The throat's still sore, but that's okay.

The Canadiens won a playoff game in Boston. They were outshot. They still won. They're coming home with a 2-0 series lead.

Yannick Weber, a last-minute addition to the lineup, in a position that he does not play, scored a goal.

PK Subban kept his head in the right place (both literally and figuratively).

Ryan White got a bunch of ice time, as he should be in a series like this one.

James Wisniewski... this:


The Kings shut out the Sharks.

And Josh Gorges skated today.

Things are looking good. I can't wait to see what Game 3 has in store.

Perfect start to the playoffs

The Boston Bruins, who have scored 8 goals against the Habs twice in the regular season, were shut out last night. It feels great.

I could not be prouder of my team right now. They all deserve a Plus, but just to list a few examples:

People are applauding Scott Gomez for waking up and putting points on the board. Personally, I think it's been a long time coming. Still, if I had a car that wouldn't start for months, then suddenly I was able to start it and drive around the block, I'd be excited too.

Brian Gionta proved again that he knows how to be captain of this team. (As if anyone with any common sense would doubt him.)

PK knows how to get under an opponent's skin, as we knew already. But as the Bruins and their fans (haters gonna hate) saw yesterday, he also knows how to be an excellent defenseman. Brad Marchand can wag his chin and throw as many punches as he wants - until he backs it up with some real hockey, he's just proving that PK is the better player in this stupid little feud.

Brent Sopel was all over the place, in the best way possible. Forget what you've heard about how the best defencemen are the ones you don't notice. I couldn't help but notice Sopes doing everything he could to clear the puck.

Carey Price: there are no words. He carries this team on his back. Luckily, it appears that his teammates are trying to lighten the load.

If I learned anything from last night's game, it's that the Habs have had enough tragedy this season and they won't allow any more.

I also learned that no one should ever doubt the Canadiens, EVER. On Tuesday night I expressed my stupid, stupid rationale that the Bruins might win this series even though I didn't want them to. Less than 24 hours later, I was running a fever. My temperature didn't drop until this morning - AFTER the Habs won. Same thing happened to a friend of mine: he dissed the Habs (I don't know why) and was diagnosed with sinusitis today.

It's not just about faith or being a fan. It's about certainty. The Habs can win this series, and for fear of running another fever, I think they will.

Plus/Minus: I'm happy I'm typing this so I can rest my voice

It is Monday, six days after I cheered like a madwoman, and I still sound like an idiot. (See: Subban, Pernell Karl, and my previous post.)
Great week, right? Habs beat the Blackhawks in a fantastic goalie battle and Original Six matchup, and I got to watch a Montreal-Toronto game at a Habs Tweetup in Toronto.

PLUS

+ PK Subban's slap shot. So amazing that it gets a Plus, because it also got me a sore throat and a little bit dizzy for 15 minutes because of all the jumping and screaming.
+ Carey Price, winner of this season's Molson Cup, has been awesome and played a huge role in getting his team to the playoffs.
+ Congratulations to Roman Hamrlik on being voted this season's "unsung hero." Also, thank you, Roman!
+ Ryan White *almost* got another Gordie Howe hat trick. Had he accomplished the feat in Toronto I would have been dancing in public, and even more hoarse than I already am, so maybe things worked out for the best.
+ Hot on the heels of Jarome Iginla reaching the same plateau, Joe Thornton has 1000 career points.
+ 2 Not to be outdone, Jarome had a hat trick this week. (And so did Aaron Palushaj with the Bulldogs!)
+ 2 for two of the Chicago Blackhawks: holy crap, Corey Crawford is really, really good. And Jonathan Toews played a role in the Habs' win on Tuesday (getting my team into the playoffs) and played a huge role in the Hawks' win on Wednesday (getting his own team one step closer to the playoffs).


MINUS
- Some of the other Canadian teams did something pre-game to recognize that April is autism awareness month. It would have been nice for the Habs to do something.
- Benoit Pouliot: You know I love you and all. Now are you done with all your trips to the penalty box? You're better than that, man!

- The idiot who posted this comment on a story about Jennifer Botterill's retirement. Either he doesn't know what "funny" is, or he really just is that stupid, or he's never met a girl in his life. I'm not sure. Theories welcome.
(And by the way, ringette sucks and being good at it is quite an accomplishment, as that stupid ring thing is much harder to handle than a puck.)

I haven't fixed a schedule yet for playoff Plus/Minuses. Depending on how things go, I may take more time between them and only post a Plus/Minus at the end of each playoff round like I did last year. But more importantly: the playoffs are coming! The playoffs are coming!

Why I could be a Torontonian

I had the pleasure of spending this weekend in Toronto. It didn't rain too much and I got to visit all the restaurants and attractions I wanted to see. I'd never been before, and I hadn't encountered too many Leafs fans, so it was quite the experience. I don't think I have much in common with them.
Except for one thing.

There's a slight chance I hate PK Subban.

WAIT, WHAT???!?

OK, not really, since on Tuesday I bought a T-shirt with his name on it and chose to pack it in my suitcase over my Habs jersey or other T-shirts (sorry, Carey), right after the game ended. A game during which I screamed and cheered so much that I got a little hoarse. And then PK got my team into the playoffs and I think I exaggerated a little with the screaming and the jumping and all of those things.

I woke up on Wednesday with a froggy voice. I sounded like crap. I fully expected to have a sore throat (I'd been planning it since September) but I thought it would go away after a couple of days.

It is now Sunday and my throat feels like it's burning. I hate you, PK. I hate you because you are too awesome for words, and that's probably a good thing because I can't speak these days.

Plus/Minus: The streak is over

A decent week overall for the Habs, right? I know, it's strange to have seen the team win games (sort of) and score goals this week. What's that about? Do they like us again for real, or are they just being nice to us? Can we finally stop singing "Grenade" and inserting random Hab names into the lyrics?

PLUS

+ Thank you, Roman, for finally ending the scoring drought on Tuesday.
+ MaxPac is skating! Nothing matters quite as much as our #67 being on the road to recovery.
+ Holy crap, Teemu Selanne is nearly twice our age and scored five points in one game.
+ Jarome Iginla scored 1000 career points. I'm so proud. This is just another accomplishment on his way to becoming Prime Minister.
+ Brian Gionta hit the 400-point mark against the Devils. We love you, captain!
+ PK Subban's slapshot.
+ Hey, Carey. Good on you for tying Patrick Roy's peak of 36 wins in one season. (No pressure. I just love my goalie. The rest is just icing on the cake.)
+ It hurts me to say this, but Jeff Skinner and his two goals against the Habs didn't entirely infuriate me. The kid is just so good at hockey.

MINUS

- Bill McCreary has retired. But now who will have a mustache?
- Japan withdraws from all 2011 IIHF tournaments in order to accommodate the players whose families have been affected by the earthquake and tsunami. It makes sense, but it's unfortunate nonetheless. Maybe sports can help, as implied by this fantastic post about baseball. (Yes, baseball. I know. What's up with that? Just read it.)
- Benoit Pouliot. Sigh. He was on fire for a while, but it looks like someone needs to fan those flames again.


- Is Georges Laraque serious? It seems like he only talks about the Canadiens to criticize them, and he's completely oblivious. He acts like he's still a hockey player when the general consensus is that he made his own fate. He may still be on the Habs' payroll, but he doesn't actually play for them. His last season as a Hab doesn't reflect his entire career, I know, but hockey is what made him famous and he either ignores that fact or takes it for granted and doesn't seem to understand that the most respected members of sports media are the ones who are able to show some kind of decorum. I have complete respect for his dedication to certain causes, but it doesn't give him the right to act the way he does. Bono may plan telethons and build drinking wells and meet with heads of state, but he knows that writing songs is what made him famous enough to make a difference. Angelina Jolie may do a lot of work with the United Nations, but she doesn't crap all over every actress in Hollywood just because she's a humanitarian. There's been a lot of talk this season about respect in the NHL. I don't expect it only from rookies. I expect anyone who's ever been close to an NHL team to watch what they say when it comes to coaches and players.

And on a more somber note, we're sending thoughts and prayers to St. Louis Blues prospect Jaden Schwartz and his family, after the loss of his sister Mandi. They refer to it as "battling cancer" because it's a tough fight, and you don't always win, but the support that Mandi had from her teammates, friends, and hockey fans everywhere was amazing. I'm the same age as Mandi and I don't think I'd be able to have as much strength as she had. Rest in peace, Mandi, and be proud that you inspired so many people to donate blood and bone marrow.

This week was so very Plus/Minus

I posted the last Plus/Minus before one of the most exciting games of the season. And then things just went downhill. What else is there to say? A lot, I guess.

PLUS

+ There is no mature way for me to say this: RYAN WHITE WITH A GORDIE HOWE HAT TRICK OMG OMG OMG THIS IS THE STUFF OF DREAMS.
+ PK Subban's hat trick was fantastic! I already discussed this at length, didn't I?
+ Every time I hear about Andrei Markov skating again it brings a smile to my face.
+ Good day to be a former Hab: now-Thrasher Ben Maxwell scored his first NHL goal, and now-Canuck Christopher Higgins had two goals in one game!
+ Speaking of former Habs, Chris Nilan had some radio airtime on Thursday to discuss the Habs-Bruins game and was fantastic. You may have heard by now that he offered to sign a one-game contract to take care of the Bruins so that the current Habs could concentrate on not getting hit and winning game. He's a hoot. Nilan may have retired but he's still 100% hockey.
+ The LA Kings and spcaLA joined forces to raise money for pets in need of adoption. The Kings' wives and girlfriends even designed pet bowls and put them up for auction! As someone whose adopted cat has been around longer than her love of hockey, I think this is a great initiative.
+ Speaking of the Kings, what exactly did Jonathan Quick do here? The more I watch this save, the less I understand how it happened. West Coast Forum Ghosts?

+ Montreal brings home the Cup! The Clarkson Cup, that is. Our city is home to the country's best female hockey team. And, in a wonderful turn of events, goalie Kim St-Pierre posted a shutout.
+ Blake Geoffrion with a hat trick! When he played his first NHL game, someone said that Howie Morenz and the Rocket were probably going to settle down with a nice beer and watch the game from heaven. You can only imagine what heaven must have been like on Sunday, when the League's fourth-generation power forward scored a hat trick.

MINUS

Worst possible nonviolent outcome

- New to Plus/Minus (but not for lack of trying) is l'Antichambre host Stephane Langdeau, who said there was one good thing about the Habs' play against the Bruins on Thursday: Scott Gomez got bashed in the head by Brad Marchand. Is he crazy? Usually RDS is way too partisan, but I'll take that over wishing injury on yet another Canadien.
- OK, OK, I know. I want the Habs to win every game for Max, but if ever there was really a "win one for the Gipper" game, it was in Boston on Thursday and the Habs just didn't have it.
- Actually, getting shut out three times in a row is the real minus here.
- If I paid so much attention to the Kings in Plus, I might as well give a Minus to the fact that Anze Kopitar has a broken ankle. We'll see him next season, I guess.

I have an awfully good feeling about the upcoming week. And by that, I mean that I think a Montreal Canadien will score a goal.

Dreams Do Come True... In Minnesota!

It looks like I already have tons of material for next week's Plus Minus. Maybe I posted this week's too early. I'm riding high after this win against the Minnesota Wild.

This was the game where everything happened. Lots of souvenir pucks are going to be kept by players.

Travis Moen goal? Check.

Tom Pyatt goal? Check.

Shutout? Penalty shot? Check.

Hat trick? Check.

Gordie Howe hat trick? Check.

Chicken wings? Check.

More goals by the Habs than any other game this season? Check.

It's no secret that I love Ryan White. I have for two years now, and it's entirely because of the way he plays this game. Now, without a doubt, every Montreal Canadiens fan on the planet loves the guy. He showed energy even before he scored. Which he did. His first NHL goal. That, already, was overwhelming. Then he fought. The first period ended with the probability of a Gordie Howe hat trick. In case you didn't know, I had never seen one happen. (But I really, really wanted to!) I thought White would be likely to get one at some point in his career, but I didn't expect it to happen tonight.

Ryan White makes dreams come true.

photo credit: Michael Cammalleri

And that in itself may be enough to make fans dance and cheer and shout, but did I mention that White's assist came from a goal by PK Subban, which was one of three? PK Subban got a hat trick. I REPEAT: PK SUBBAN GOT A HAT TRICK. Even though it was an away game, hats flew onto the ice. (Including Carey Price's.) Everyone should be in awe of this guy. It's his first season in the NHL and he already plays like THIS. Incredible. Did I mention it's the first hat trick scored by a Hab since Mike Cammalleri's in the Centennial game, and the first EVER by a Canadiens rookie defenceman? That's a hell of an accomplishment.

Habs win. Game ends 8-1. Three stars are PK, White, and Auld. No, I would never have expected it.

Yes, I would love it if every game could be like this. Do I have to go back to my regularly scheduled life now? Because I really don't want to.

Sort of a game preview: Habs v Lightning

Didn't we just see the Tampa Bay Lightning, like, last week?

Not that I'm complaining or anything, because they're one of the few teams in the East that I like, and they're in town after the Capitals, another team I like. (But those games are bookended by the Penguins and Rangers, who, uh, I don't change the channel when their coaches are on TV. That is my compliment to you, Pittsburgh and Manhattan.)

As you may know (or not, since I haven't written one of these in a while) I'm not very good at writing game previews, so I'll just highlight a few things to keep in mind:

As we learned during the last Habs-Bolts game on Hockey Night In Canada, Subban and Stamkos were teammates as kids, and they were so cute it almost makes me like kids.

It also might make people stop and think before they talk about Steven Stamkos as a machine who needs to score an Ovechtrick every week, and about PK Subban as if he's some kind of horrible human being.

During the last game we also found out about the Lightning's lucky dog, Chance. I'm going to repeat my suggestion that the Canadiens organization should hire one of my cats.

I submit this picture in lieu of a job interview.

Cardboard box not necessary. Juliet just likes sitting in it.

Warning: there is a slight chance one of these cats, like any cat, may attempt to stow away inside a hockey bag. Sound off in the comments if you'd like to guess which players are most likely to have a kitty hide inside their bag.

And the third thing we'll be paying attention to in this game should come as no surprise:

Not quite a photobomb there by Vinny

I've turned into a pretty good protégée, I'd say. I may not be able to break down every decision Guy Boucher makes, but I can see how well he runs his team.

If both Nigel Dawes and Aaron Palushaj are in the lineup tonight, I'll take a guess and say Palushaj scores first. He's scored both times the Bulldogs were at the Bell Centre, and they were great goals. No "Can he find the net?" questions here.

Go Habs Go!

Plus/Minus: love stinks, like hockey equipment

So apparently there's some "holiday" coming up (I think it's called "The Eve of 50% Off Chocolate Sales") that's all about pink and hearts and stuff, and it sounds way too girly for my taste. But it's about love, and I love hockey. Obviously.

This came from G9 Sports' "Runs On Duncan" and I really wish I had the creative juices to make Habs valentines

BETTER THAN MARRYING A DISNEY PRINCE

+ You know what I love? When goalies I like post shutouts. Carey Price shut out the Maple Leafs, and then looked like he pretended his stick was a lightsaber. Then, as if things couldn't get better, Kings goalie Jonathan Quick shut out the Flyers. Good weekend.
+ We're so proud of David Desharnais!
+ Benoit Pouliot showed the kind of confidence and aggression during the Bruins game that some people didn't think he had.
+ Ryan White and Max Pacioretty were great together this week. Do the Habs have a new one-two scoring punch? I hope this keeps up, because they have the potential to be a better pair than Hall and Oates or Jay and Silent Bob.
+ Time to stand up and applaud the New York Islanders - not for turning into a bunch of goons, but for actually playing. Behaviour aside, they didn't play like a last-place team this week. I'm sure there's an Islanders blog out there called "Isle Be Damned" that is really happy about some road wins.
+ I'd like to thank the Detroit Red Wings for standing up for the classier half of the Original Six and beating the Bruins with a quite enjoyable final score of 6-1.

WORSE THAN FALLING FOR SOMEONE BEFORE YOU FIND OUT HE HAS BABY-MAMA DRAMA

- Thanks, Gregory Campbell, for beating Tom Pyatt's face with your elbow pad or whatever it was. That was super classy. I could totally go after you because I'm not employed by the NHL so your dad can't suspend me. Oh wait... you've got like 80 pounds on me. Fine. You win this time.
- If this Max Pacioretty injury turns out to be serious, I will be very upset.
- Can the NHL just crack down on useless violence and head shots once and for all? I like good fights and clean hits, but no one deserves to miss half a season (or more) because he got hit.

- Biggest Minus of the week, and possibly ever: Habs Inside/Out shared two clips of a couple of amateur broadcaster idiots in Boston desperate for radio callers who clearly thought that making stupid generalizations makes better radio than actually talking about sports. I figured no one could say anything dumber this week, and clearly I was wrong, because some Leafs fans had a ball on Saturday night and Sunday morning tweeting about PK Subban. Now, I don't like it when people say he's a jerk, or that he plays dirty, or whatever, but at least those are hockey-related complaints. When you have nothing better to do than make comments about the colour of his skin, you need to turn your computer off and think about how comfortable you'd be making those comments out loud in public. If you still have no problem with the fact that you're a filthy racist, please ask someone to club you over the head, or at the very least, make sure you never ever have children. The world would be a much better place without people like you.
I can't even tell you how happy I am that the few Leafs fans I follow on Twitter didn't say anything of the like.

I can only hope that this is as stupid as people get. Please, universe, don't make me eat my words this time next week.

Team Rookie and Team Czechtacular keep handing out jerseys

(Those jerseys, by the way, have yet to be designed, but one would probably have a Czech crest on it and the other a cat. Go ahead and guess which is which.)

If you haven't read Part 1, and you certainly had time to during our extended technical difficulties, you should do that now. It'll give you a better idea of who we picked so far and how careful we are not to step on each other's toes. Not. So we're at round 11:

Team Rookie's eleventh pick:
Saku Koivu. His selection is somewhat due to leftover Koivu nostalgia from last week. We miss him.

Team Czechtacular's eleventh pick:
Henrik Lundqvist. Okay, maybe I won't need too much help in goal. Or in the GQ department.

Team Rookie's twelfth pick:
P.K. Subban. Others hate him. We love him. He's fast, enthusiastic, energetic, and flashy. He would rock the skills competition and bring some actual defence to the game. And maybe, by the end of the weekend, everyone else will love him too. And I will say I told you so.

Team Czechtacular's twelfth pick:
Everyone seems to forget about the existence of Brad Richards. That's sort of how I roll, so I believe I will go with the 6th-best scorer in the league, thank you.

Team Rookie's thirteenth pick:
RICK NASH!!!! I'm sorry, that happens every time I mention him. I'm a big fan and we Montrealers rarely get to see him. I looked up his stats and he's having a great season! How are the Blue Jackets not having a better season with a captain like this?

Team Czechtacular's thirteenth pick:
Nick Lidstrom's got a tough job ahead of him in that he's one of the guys doing the picking tonight, so he can take it easy now. [Rookie: dammit! I wish I had picked him]

Team Rookie's fourteenth pick:
Anze Kopitar. He's really good at hockey.

Team Czechtacular's fourteenth pick:
To be the Lidstrom of the forwards, Mark Recchi. Plus 32 points is none too shabby for the oldest guy in the league.

Team Rookie's fifteenth pick:
Brian Gionta. Gotta show the captain some love.

Team Czechtacular's fifteenth pick:
Dan Boyle, because i now have the added knowledge that he can hit even the tiniest of nets.

Team Rookie's sixteenth pick:
Jonathan Ericsson. It turns out I know very little about defencemen, but Ericsson usually catches my attention during the playoffs. While I don't buy into this whole "represent every team" kindergarten bullcrap, I'd feel weird not having a Detroit Red Wing on my team. (Valtteri came close to making Team Rookie but was ultimately cut.)

Team Czechtacular's sixteenth pick:
Adrian Aucoin, for an all-Ottawa blueline. Also because his +18 remains unaffected for the balance of this game.

Team Rookie's seventeenth pick:
Shea Weber. He was given this spot at the last minute, since we reached this round in our draft exactly as he was being picked on TV. He's a Team Canada superstar and a friend of Josh Gorges. He had to be on this team.

Team Czechtacular's seventeenth pick:
Erik Karlsson. Because he, too, was on TV during this round. I want to see him play with Yandle. I think he can yandle it.

Team Rookie's eighteenth pick:
Matt Duchene. I was ecstatic that he was named an All-Star this year, he deserves it, he's had a great season and he's so adorably awkward. I love it when players I pick at random (like I did with Duchene around the time he was drafted) turn out to be good.

Team Czechtacular's eighteenth pick:
Jakub Voracek. To be a friend to Derick Brassard.

Team Rookie's nineteenth pick:
Niklas Hjalmarsson. Some people think it's because I've learned to pronounce his name instead of being scared of it, but he's coming off a stanley cup win, and I googled his numbers and they're good.

Team Czechtacular's nineteenth pick:
Our newest Twitter darling Ryan Jones. He has the duality of being a hard worker and epic commentator in between proceedings, especially in the skills competition. He also has great hockey flow, which is always appreciated in these things. I think PK was proof of that tonight.

Team Rookie's twentieth pick:
My boy, because I met him once, Joe Pavelski: Dynamite in last year's playoffs, keeping a decent pace this season, and I just couldn't not pick him.

Team Czechtacular's twentieth pick:
Teemu Selanne, because he and Saku should be at an All-Star Game together, even if they're on opposing teams.

Team Rookie's twenty-first pick:
So I was looking at defenceman standings, expecting to realize I'd completely forgotten someone on some sun-belt team who's great at defence and who I love very much, and you know who I see is pretty good compared to the rest of the league? James Wisniewski. Yeah.

Team Czechtacular's twenty-first pick:
Am I Kesselling someone? I pick Vladimir Sobotka because he will hit people in an all star game. He's the David Backes of our version.

Just to make the goalies sweat it out a little, we went with an all-goalie last round.

Team Rookie's twenty-second pick:
For my last goalie, I gotta go with my boy Roberto Luongo. Yes, that's right, Luongo is my boy, even moreso than Pavelski. For some reason the Internet doesn't like him, but his save percentage is good and I like him and it's my team.

Team Czechtacular's twenty-second pick:
Ilya Bryzgalov. I picked him first in all my hockey pools this season and wanted to see how much he liked being picked last. Unfortunately, I don't have a car to give him.


If we had any footage of Matt Duchene making awkward jokes while eagerly waiting to be picked, we'd share it, but there's no way we'd even be able to get these guys in a room together.