Tuesday, September 6, 2011

NHL TV Characters for the 2011-12 Season

(Bleacher Report kinda-sorta-maybe beat me to this already. And obviously their version will get more hits than mine due to the fact that most of their other stories are about hot ladies or something. Maybe I should try posting sexy man pictures in an attempt to be all cheeky and turn the tables on them.)

The hockey season is starting. The TV season is starting.
It's a great time to compare a few hockey players to TV characters. I wish I would have done this every year, because "Jonathan Toews is totally Doogie Howser!" doesn't seem as fresh as it would have a couple of seasons ago.

Mike Richards is Will from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

If I were really and truly dedicated to my craft, I would have re-written all the words to the full version of this song, flown to Philly and LA, and filmed a video. But I decided to spend my summer making money instead of blowing it on a music video about Mike Richards because I probably still hate Mike Richards.
But if you think about it, the premise is the same. Guy gets booted out of Philly because "a couple of guys were up to no good" and gets a second chance in California, which could not be a more different environment for him. The only difference here: those couple of guys, up to no good? Yeah, Richards was one of them.
To be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing the tables turned with a sitcom based on Wayne Simmonds' trade from sunny Cali to angry Philly, with a supporting cast of teammates who aren't Drew Doughty. Be honest - you'd totally watch that show too.

Brad Richards is Liz Lemon from 30 Rock
He lives in Manhattan. He's arguably the linchpin of what would otherwise be a mediocre organization. (Keep in mind that TGS With Tracy Jordan's greatest accomplishment is an Emmy... Magazine cover story and that the Rangers have missed the playoffs in 4 out of the last 10 seasons.) He's surrounded by some pretty interesting characters. I'd say Sean Avery's craziness is equal parts Jack, Jenna, and Tracy. Erik Christensen is The Head and Brandon Prust is The Hair. I could go on. With one exception...

Sidney Crosby is Rachel Dratch's Characters From 30 Rock
We used to see him every week, but now, not so much.

Roberto Luongo is Jerry from Parks and Recreation
In the words of his co-worker Ron Swanson: "A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office." Everyone makes jokes at Jerry's expense. Poor Bobby Lu just can't go a week without somebody ragging on him.

P.K. Subban and Hal Gill are basically any hourlong cable dramedy about buddies
They're hilarious on their own, yes, but somehow, for all their differences, they complete each other. Like Franklin and Bash. Or the Lawson brothers from Royal Pains. Or Gus and Shawn from Psych. They're both funny, they work well together, and they have the perfect love-hate relationship. They're the ultimate buddy pairing - why watch them on their own when you can watch them together?

Jacques Martin is Nucky Thompson from Boardwalk Empire
You look at him and think, "That guy in the weird-coloured suit is the most powerful man in town?" You have trouble believing it, but if you only knew...


  1. Jacques Martin is Toby from The Office!

  2. Actually, Phil Kessel is Toby from The Office. He might also be Gil from The Simpsons.


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