Reality shows have become a summer TV staple thanks to the people who watch them. And you know what would make the absolute best hockey offseason reality show? Some reruns of La maison de Maxim Lapierre, last spring's home-reno reality sensation.
Yeah, I said it.
I came across a rerun a couple of months ago on some French channel, and right now I sincerely regret not setting my DVR for the remaining episodes. There was something oddly compelling about watching Max's house get redecorated by Mathieu Dandenault's wife and her bizarro voice. A show chronicling the minutiae of women richer than me shopping for expensive furniture, combined with the side of a hockey player's life we don't often see, is almost frivolous. I wish we could all watch season 1 again right now, but I guess I'll just have to imagine what season 2 would be like. (My sister claims there's a season 2 currently in production, but I'll believe it when I see it.)
La maison II: Marky's Revenge
Unbelievably appropriate photo, from topshelfhabs.com
Andrei Markov has been to Maxim Lapierre's awesome house. And he's jealous. The house has everything! No wonder at any given moment, at least one-third of current Canadiens are over at Maison de Max. But since everyone is at Max's house, Markov doesn't get to have the guys over for jam sessions or Russian movie nights or what have you. Which, in his mind, is ridiculous, because he lives even closer to the Brossard practice facility than Max does. What's a guy to do? Concoct a plan to turn Maison de Markov into the coolest house ever. Whatever it takes. I'm a little scared to see my Habs hero play the role of conniving supervillain, but I can't wait to see what will be in his house.
La maison II: This Auld House
They can be buddies now! (photo from CBC)
This July, Alex Auld got snatched up by the Canadiens faster than you can say "Oh snap, we need an affordable backup goalie". Watch as he moves to Montreal from whatever other city he used to play in (Ottawa, still?), adjusts to a new city and a new house, and attempts to make his new home so cool that his teammates will immediately all become his best friends, and as a result, the francophones in local media will treat him as one of their own. Potential setback: Alex will need to find a house whose window and light-fixture setup won't bounce too much glare off his bald head. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then it's been too long since you've seen Pierre McGuire.
La maison II: PK Moves In
If PK Subban doesn't make the Habs' roster this fall, he's a sure shot to make it very soon. He might as well start looking for his own place (unless he plans to move in with a teammate, but that would be more sitcom than reality show. Future blog post? We'll see.). If PK gets his own reality show, I'll watch it. It would make for good TV. PK loves to goof around on camera and isn't shy at all, so he wouldn't mind being filmed and would probably have fun with it. It might also be interesting to see what it's like to be a young player in the NHL. PK has a lot more money and responsibility than other guys his age, and adjusting to all of it would certainly be interesting to watch. He's buying his first home and playing his first NHL season in North America's craziest hockey city all at once. The show has the potential to be about more than bedframes and home theatre systems, and it might just make us love PK more than we already did.
There's only one problem with this whole idea: the original "Maison de Max" series happened because of the intrepid decorating efforts of one Marie-Christine (or as I call her, Mrs. Dandy) and her posse of hockey consorts. There isn't a single one of them left, and any superstitious hockey player might not even let his wife take part in any redecorating activities for fear of being dropped by the Habs, just like Mathieu Dandenault, Saku Koivu, Guillaume Latendresse, and Steve Begin. In fact, the only Hab who appeared on the show and is still a Hab is Maxim Lapierre.
Maybe my season 2 wishes are a silly pipe dream after all.