Dreams Do Come True... In Minnesota!

It looks like I already have tons of material for next week's Plus Minus. Maybe I posted this week's too early. I'm riding high after this win against the Minnesota Wild.

This was the game where everything happened. Lots of souvenir pucks are going to be kept by players.

Travis Moen goal? Check.

Tom Pyatt goal? Check.

Shutout? Penalty shot? Check.

Hat trick? Check.

Gordie Howe hat trick? Check.

Chicken wings? Check.

More goals by the Habs than any other game this season? Check.

It's no secret that I love Ryan White. I have for two years now, and it's entirely because of the way he plays this game. Now, without a doubt, every Montreal Canadiens fan on the planet loves the guy. He showed energy even before he scored. Which he did. His first NHL goal. That, already, was overwhelming. Then he fought. The first period ended with the probability of a Gordie Howe hat trick. In case you didn't know, I had never seen one happen. (But I really, really wanted to!) I thought White would be likely to get one at some point in his career, but I didn't expect it to happen tonight.

Ryan White makes dreams come true.

photo credit: Michael Cammalleri

And that in itself may be enough to make fans dance and cheer and shout, but did I mention that White's assist came from a goal by PK Subban, which was one of three? PK Subban got a hat trick. I REPEAT: PK SUBBAN GOT A HAT TRICK. Even though it was an away game, hats flew onto the ice. (Including Carey Price's.) Everyone should be in awe of this guy. It's his first season in the NHL and he already plays like THIS. Incredible. Did I mention it's the first hat trick scored by a Hab since Mike Cammalleri's in the Centennial game, and the first EVER by a Canadiens rookie defenceman? That's a hell of an accomplishment.

Habs win. Game ends 8-1. Three stars are PK, White, and Auld. No, I would never have expected it.

Yes, I would love it if every game could be like this. Do I have to go back to my regularly scheduled life now? Because I really don't want to.

Plus/Minus gets chatty again

All-Stars, superheroes, surgeries, spin-o-ramas, and goalies doing gangsta poses. Did I write a hockey soap opera, or is this real life?

PLUS

+ Benoit Pouliot was good at hockey this week.
+ Carey Price is an All-Star! It made me so happy that at first I didn't even realize that Norris Trophy nominee Drew Doughty is not an All-Star. Quite a few All-Star guys that I'll be very happy to see on the ice together in two weeks. (I keep trying to choose my ideal winger for the Sedin twins, and can't decide!)
+ Alex Auld is pretty great against the Rangers. It's not just luck.
+ Dwayne Roloson's new mask (you know, for his Tampa Bay Lightning job that he unfortunately stole from Cédrick) is one of the nicest goalie masks in the NHL.
+ I think my New York Jets may just have won a playoff game. I might be imagining it, though.
+ Despite the fact that I'm not his biggest fan, I'm giving Aaron Sorkin a Plus for giving me a new catchphrase at the Golden Globes: "Smart girls have more fun."

MINUS

You guys should follow @kuyaz on Twitter just because he makes things like this sometimes.

- No, Marc-Andre Fleury, I didn't think your little pose was playful and fun. I might have thought that if you weren't such a massive douchetard, but them's the breaks.
- Gotta admit, I'm kind of squeamish, so I'm not always in the mood to see injuries and scars and stuff. I tried to avoid seeing pictures of the surgery scar on Andrei Markov's knee, but it was right there on the Habs Inside/Out homepage. Not cool, guys. It hurts me enough to remember that my favourite Hab is injured.
- I'm pretty sure I've made some variation on this rant at least once already this season: who let Mike Cammalleri get sick? You're telling me that one of the NHL's most profitable teams doesn't have money for Purell or to pay people to walk around holding up sneezeguards in front of players?
- Is there anyone left in this universe who still likes PK Subban? Poor rookie has haters all over the place. You'd think Matt Cooke started sending out blank cheques. (PS: This week I found out what a slew foot is... and seriously, THAT'S one of the dirtiest moves in hockey? Whose grandparents decided this? Was PK's slew foot on Dubinsky just a weak example, or was I not watching closely enough? Because I've seen way worse, both from NHL players and from girls at weddings trying to catch the bouquet.)
- Dear every player in the NHL: Maybe you didn't get my last memo, but there's a limit to corporate sponsorships and endorsement deals, ok? I know some of you don't listen to me, but it's one thing to endorse a company whose products you believe in and they send you free stuff, but it's another to have logos and company names splashed across your clothes or to show up in every other commercial I see. And yes, I'll keep telling you this until I get what I want. Okay? Okay. Thanks. Sincerely, Rookie.
- Henrik Lundqvist: You know what you did.

NEITHER A PLUS NOR A MINUS
Spin-o-ramas during shootouts. A skater should be allowed to do whatever he wants as he skates up to the net, because, after all, shootouts are there for our entertainment. (If they weren't, there would still be more than five minutes of overtime.) There's a limit, though, and as much as I love Mason Raymond he showed me what that limit is this week. I'm sorry, MayRay, but you shouldn't commit goalie interference with your butt.

AND STAY TUNED FOR
This is a shameless plug, because I never know what I'll say on the radio but I sometimes know what I'll be writing about, so I might as well promote what I can control. A Plus to this week's SNL Digital Short, which I'll write about soon for BetterWithPopcorn.com, and a Minus to our NHL Guardian, the Canadien, which I'll snark on soon for AllHabs.net.

Not the greatest show on earth

I know exactly what would get us Habs fans through this long, hot, lovely summer. Unfortunately, I don't know where you can find it. But I'm working on it.

Reality shows have become a summer TV staple thanks to the people who watch them. And you know what would make the absolute best hockey offseason reality show? Some reruns of La maison de Maxim Lapierre, last spring's home-reno reality sensation.

Yeah, I said it.

I came across a rerun a couple of months ago on some French channel, and right now I sincerely regret not setting my DVR for the remaining episodes. There was something oddly compelling about watching Max's house get redecorated by Mathieu Dandenault's wife and her bizarro voice. A show chronicling the minutiae of women richer than me shopping for expensive furniture, combined with the side of a hockey player's life we don't often see, is almost frivolous. I wish we could all watch season 1 again right now, but I guess I'll just have to imagine what season 2 would be like. (My sister claims there's a season 2 currently in production, but I'll believe it when I see it.)

La maison II: Marky's Revenge

Unbelievably appropriate photo, from topshelfhabs.com

Andrei Markov has been to Maxim Lapierre's awesome house. And he's jealous. The house has everything! No wonder at any given moment, at least one-third of current Canadiens are over at Maison de Max. But since everyone is at Max's house, Markov doesn't get to have the guys over for jam sessions or Russian movie nights or what have you. Which, in his mind, is ridiculous, because he lives even closer to the Brossard practice facility than Max does. What's a guy to do? Concoct a plan to turn Maison de Markov into the coolest house ever. Whatever it takes. I'm a little scared to see my Habs hero play the role of conniving supervillain, but I can't wait to see what will be in his house. 

La maison II: This Auld House

They can be buddies now! (photo from CBC)

This July, Alex Auld got snatched up by the Canadiens faster than you can say "Oh snap, we need an affordable backup goalie". Watch as he moves to Montreal from whatever other city he used to play in (Ottawa, still?), adjusts to a new city and a new house, and attempts to make his new home so cool that his teammates will immediately all become his best friends, and as a result, the francophones in local media will treat him as one of their own. Potential setback: Alex will need to find a house whose window and light-fixture setup won't bounce too much glare off his bald head. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then it's been too long since you've seen Pierre McGuire.

La maison II: PK Moves In

If PK Subban doesn't make the Habs' roster this fall, he's a sure shot to make it very soon. He might as well start looking for his own place (unless he plans to move in with a teammate, but that would be more sitcom than reality show. Future blog post? We'll see.). If PK gets his own reality show, I'll watch it. It would make for good TV. PK loves to goof around on camera and isn't shy at all, so he wouldn't mind being filmed and would probably have fun with it. It might also be interesting to see what it's like to be a young player in the NHL. PK has a lot more money and responsibility than other guys his age, and adjusting to all of it would certainly be interesting to watch. He's buying his first home and playing his first NHL season in North America's craziest hockey city all at once. The show has the potential to be about more than bedframes and home theatre systems, and it might just make us love PK more than we already did.

There's only one problem with this whole idea: the original "Maison de Max" series happened because of the intrepid decorating efforts of one Marie-Christine (or as I call her, Mrs. Dandy) and her posse of hockey consorts. There isn't a single one of them left, and any superstitious hockey player might not even let his wife take part in any redecorating activities for fear of being dropped by the Habs, just like Mathieu Dandenault, Saku Koivu, Guillaume Latendresse, and Steve Begin. In fact, the only Hab who appeared on the show and is still a Hab is Maxim Lapierre.

Maybe my season 2 wishes are a silly pipe dream after all.

We stand on guard for thee

You've got to love Canada Day. It's become more than just a celebration of the country we call home. It's the day when renters move into their new homes, and when hockey players find out where they'll be buying their next house. And it's the day I slip on Team Canada gold medal T-shirt, turn on the TV, and make sure the WiFi is working. Oh, and celebrate Canada.

So, what's this goalie business? Remember how we traded Jaroslav Halak and assumed a contract was in the works for Carey Price? I'm still waiting for it. If our dear GM can maybe get something done, or at least speak up and tell us what's causing the delay, I'd appreciate it. We lost one great young goalie, and I don't know why the other one hasn't been locked down yet.
As for Dan Ellis, he seemed like a great guy and had considered playing for Montreal since the Habs own the rights to him, but ultimately it just wasn't meant to be. It probably came down to salary, what with our lack of cap space. Like many things that were at some point Montreal's, he's now in Tampa Bay.
Other possible candidates for backup, Martin Biron and Chris Mason, have also gone to other teams. Biron went from being a Flyer to being a Ranger, so as you can guess, we feel exactly the same about him.
Last year's senior Hamilton goalie, Curtis Sanford, got a nice raise and will presumably be mentoring Cedrick Desjardins.
As for the big club, it looks like the Canadiens will be Alex Auld's ninth NHL team. One year, one million dollars. (I dare you not to say that in your Dr. Evil voice.) It's already been established that he is quite bald, so I don't have to mention that, do I?

I will, however, mention that mustache man behind him

Show us what you've got, bAuldy. But first, if you talk to management again, GET ME CAREY PRICE.

And as for the skaters: We've kept Dustin Boyd on board, meaning that the Sergei trade has worked out okay so far. As for our other free agents... remember when I mentioned Pierre Gauthier was MIA? He was also MIA for a few other guys: Glen Metropolit, Paul Mara, Dominic Moore, Maxim Lapierre, and Bulldogs stars David Desharnais, Cedrick Desjardins, Brock Trotter, Mathieu Carle, Ryan Russell, and my James Wyman. And if you still care, Marc-Andre Bergeron is on that list.


I'd cover the rest of the Canada Day action, and I'd express my utter frustration at Scott Gomez and his ego trip, but I'm a little wiped out from all the Twitter, TSN, and Timbits. I hope it was a good Canada Day for all.