Thursday, October 13, 2016

Plus/Minus: Doctor, Doctor, give me the news

In case you missed the news, someone identifying himself only as Dr. CK took out a full-page ad in the Montreal Gazette today to publish a letter expressing how sad he was that P.K. Subban isn't a Canadien anymore. (We don't know Dr. CK’s gender, and I hate to make assumptions, but let's be real he's probably a dude. I don't know many women who'd part with that much money just to not be a fan of their favourite team. I do, however, know some male politicians who'd spend stacks of money on "investigative commissions" and gazebos and at least one male NHL GM who thought Scott Gomez was worth nine million American dollars. Sorry, gents, but I'm pinning this one on you.) If you haven't read it, here's a quick summary: "Dear P.K., you are an awesome player and a good dude and I miss you already. You deserved to wear the CH for your entire career like so many legends who came before you. Also, I'm assuming you are still a loyal reader of the Montreal Gazette. Dear people who traded P.K., I'm super mad at you and we're not friends anymore. Like, I'm not even going to open my envelope of season tickets. So I took out this full-page ad because I thought you'd want to know.”

Now, I'm still very upset about the trade. I haven't written here since it happened. I spent the summer contemplating backup NHL teams and/or a sleep schedule that would allow me to watch a full night's worth of NBA games and still wake up in time for work the next day. I did not, however, spend a ton of money to self-publish on the same medium that Lesley Chesterman uses to complain that she had to wait for a table at a popular restaurant.

According to a journalist at CBC, a full-page ad in the Gazette costs around $20 000. Season tickets for 2016-17 start at $1795. The money that Dr. CK is spending to not attend games would fund at least 27 round-trip flights to Nashville for a weekend, or 128 Preds jerseys with #76 on them, or multiples of every item tagged "PK Subban" on Etsy. Or nearly two thousand beers at the Bell Centre. Or 174 tickets to the Montreal Children's Hospital's next fundraiser. Dr. CK spent more money on the Habs this fall than I earned – overall, pre-tax – the year that I started this blog. Was it worth it? Let's break it down.

+ Dr. CK, You're injecting a lot of money into local journalism, and maybe single-handedly saving print media.
+ You inspire hope in young Montrealers who thought they'd have to move to Toronto to make that kind of cash.
+ I mean, at least you already have your tickets to the Habs-Preds game, right?

- You could've just joined Instagram to tell P.K. you miss him.
- By paying for your season tickets and letting them sit in an envelope, you're still giving money to the very team that you no longer want to support, but you aren't getting anything in return.
- You'll just be the latest in an unfortunately long history of potentially embarrassing Habs fans that the rest of us have to answer for. Seriously, Dr. CK, if you've never been on the receiving end of endless insults from some loser Penguins/Leafs/Bruins/Flyers fan who can't let anything go... then maybe you've missed more games than you think.

The Golden State Warriors fanbase is full of people like this, isn’t it? There is truly no escape.