Friday, December 17, 2010

Canadiens Road Trip Travel Guide

I'm happy that the Canadiens beat the Bruins and didn't lose 4 games in a row. Okay, "happy" doesn't quite cut it. Time to bust out the thesaurus. I'd say I'm either "delighted" or "jumping for joy." Now the Canadiens are preparing to leave town for two weeks and we'll all miss the comforts of the Bell Centre. I've come to expect a few things for this road trip, but I'm going to be a little naive and hope I don't see them.
No! Wait! Take me with you!
CG advertisements: Those stupid ads on the glass behind a goalie? They're ridiculous. I try not to look at them but they're right there, assaulting my eyes, trying to sell me something I generally have no use for. Isn't there another way for teams to make money? There are enough ads in the arena already. Leave the glass alone.

Consecutive losses: The Habs kind of spoiled us, waiting until December to lose 3 in a row. I had forgot what it feels like to be disappointed in your team. I didn't want to be reminded. So, no losing streaks. And while I'm on the subject...

Embarrassing losses: They're going to play, among others, the Islanders and the Panthers. The Canadiens are allowed to have heartbreaking losses against certain teams, but I don't know what I'll do if they lose to a team that's already stitching Sean Couturier's draft jersey.

Curse day doom and gloom: The Canadiens won on December 23rd of last year. They can very well do it again. They will not lose and if they do, they're not going to implode. Anyone who believes this probably shouldn't have put Carey Price on their All-Star ballot. Also, they're going to avenge Andrei Markov because they haven't seen the Hurricanes since a certain incident which I am not yet ready to discuss.

RDS shenanigans: I'll be happy when RDS posts holiday greetings from the Habs. I won't like it when they spend an irrational amount of time talking about a player on some other team just because he was born in Quebec. Yes, this means YOU, Philippe Dupuis, Bruno Gervais, and Mathieu Perreault. (There's probably no stopping a lovefest for Robidas, Lecavalier, or St. Louis, so no use in even trying, and I wouldn't mind some face time with poor Steve Bernier, who deserves better than being a Florida Panther.)

Fun in the sun: A second rule for RDS shouldn't need to remind us when they're in Florida. We see you, Pierre Houde, with a healthy bit of colour on your face and a light suit with no tie. We see you sweating a little, Benoit Brunet. We know that you're in Florida. You don't need to tell us about the weather or the beach, or laugh at us poor souls who are working - in icy Montreal - through the holidays. And please, someone keep Alain Crete away from the sun and the fake tanner. He was orange last year.

And, finally, it comes as no surprise that I should say:

Ice girls: Seriously, get out.

I know, I know, sometimes I ask for too much.


  1. Ice girls get out? How dare you...

  2. Ice girls are an abomination of the classiness that is hockey. And if Steve Bernier deserves better than the Panthers, Sean Couturier totally deserves better than the crap he'lown l get drafted by (also, shouldn't he stich his own jersey? bad pun).
    And the Markov thing was an accident. Forgive the Canes and move on. It will give you more energy to come up with Sunny-D Alain Crete jokes


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