"Joe Thornton is Canada."
I almost immediately understood. It makes perfect sense. I couldn't talk about anything else for the rest of the period (sorry, Habs). The more you think about what makes Joe Thornton great, the more you realize that he possesses all the qualities that make Canada great.
He's won a bunch of stuff (Stanley Cup forthcoming, but not until the Habs win another one, please). Joe Thornton is hockey, and hockey is Canada.
My research tells me he's 6'4" but he looks at least two feet taller than that. Like Canada, Joe Thornton has coasts. I tried to find out whether he spans multiple time zones but didn't find any proof.
...This one made a little more sense when I first came up with it, tired from work and trying to concentrate on the game. It still makes sense, right? Right?
Something about forests. It's like a forest.
Many of the best Canadians do. It's how we know they're really famous: they're paid in green money.
Yes, it is possible to be a pacifist and a badass mo fo. That's what Canada is about. He'll hit hard or defend his teammates if he needs to, but he hasn't engaged in that much unnecessary violence lately.
|pictured: not his actual brother.|
Being Canadian is like being part of a huge family. I guess it's a byproduct of outsiders always telling us things like "You're from Montreal? I have a cousin who's getting her degree at a university near Toronto!" It's the thing that keeps us all connected whether we like it or not, like some sort of national DNA.
I mean, I'm not 100% sure on this, but think about it. Wouldn't Joe Thornton know a lot about beer?
|This picture had a watermark that said "Don't steal me"... I cropped it out.|
He apologizes a lot. And he laughs a lot.
It's what we do best as Canadians. Sorry, it's true.
As I just said, laughter is very Canadian. Joe loves to crack jokes and has made a running gag out of his apparent refusal to wear a shirt in postgame interviews.
Big, badass, funny, laid-back... Honestly, you guys, Joe Thornton IS Canada. He just is.
|Gratuitous reminder that we won a gold medal.|