Friday, December 3, 2010

A goodbye to the NHL's Movember mustaches

I should probably start this blog post by admitting that mustaches make me laugh. There, I said it. Movember, the initiative for men to grow mustaches and collect pledges for prostate cancer research, obviously gave me a few giggles as I watched my hockey.

Now, unfortunately, December has come and the mustaches are gone, and we're back to looking at everyone's regular clean-shaven faces. In some cases, that's a good thing... isn't it?

Carey Price's mustache was pretty classic in style. Lots of guys who did Movember decided to go a little crazy and grew long Hulk Hogan mustaches instead of going legit with a Tom Selleck or a Burt Reynolds or an Inigo Montoya. There's a reason why they're classics, boys. Carey's expression in the picture above sums up how I feel about it: confused. I can't decide if I like it or not. Some days I think it looks ridiculous. Other times, like when my mom said it made him look like Clark Gable, I kinda dug it. Also, if you're superstitious, the sheer quality of Carey's goaltending during Movember kind of speaks for itself.
Should the mustache make a comeback? I was a little disappointed to see it go, but mostly for entertainment purposes. Carey has said it'll be back next Movember, and I'm okay with that. He can post shutouts whether he's got a mustache or not.

Josh Gorges' mustache made its first appearance two seasons ago, and I think I was one of the only people who liked it back then. I had missed a couple of games and was warned about it. It wasn't as scary as everyone made it sound. My theory for this spontaneous mustache growth was that Josh had seen Watchmen a few weeks earlier, looked at The Comedian's mustache and thought, "I can pull off one of those." I thought it didn't look so bad, and I liked it even more when ran an article on it, wherein star writer Manny Almela used a whole bunch of synonyms for "mustache." (My favourite? "Soup strainer.") This time around, the 'stache looked alright, but Josh's decision to shave his head to a Pierre McGuire kind of smoothness was misguided.
Should it come back? Sure, why not, as long as it's not paired with bowling ball head.

Hal Gill's mustache should be in textbooks. THIS is how you grow a long mustache, gentlemen. Step 1: Be really, really tall. Step 2: Grow the 'stache. At the beginning of the month my friend Cathie saw the beginnings of a horseshoe mustache (I looked that up, we thought it was a Fu Manchu) and said it would suit him, and I disagreed with her completely. But I should've trusted Cathie, as she's right more often than I am. Gill is pulling off this 'stache. I'm almost sad to see it go.
Should it come back? I wouldn't mind if it did. The unfortunate departure of Paul Mara left the Habs with a hole to fill in the "awesome facial hair" department.

Dustin Boyd's mustache might be the worst thing I've seen all year. (Including those five minutes I saw of $#!^ My Dad Says.) Maybe Boyd did it just to prove he can grow one, since it looks like it took a while to grow in. I wouldn't know for sure, since I've barely seen Boyd all month. But I can barely look at it.
Should it come back? NO. Kill it! Kill it! Oh, the humanity! ...Is it safe to look now?
(This picture, by the way, came courtesy of our friend Amanda, who met Boyd and his mustache at the Habs' blood drive on Monday but didn't run away screaming.)

David Arsenault's mustache, which gave him the temporary privilege of not looking like one of Santa's elves for once. It almost made him look like an old-school hockey sportscaster... if they had NHL hockey in Mexico. It might have been the furriest 'stache I saw during all of Movember. It looked like he stole the eyebrow from that unibrowed baby on The Simpsons and stuck it to his upper lip. Laughter is good for the soul, and David Arsenault made me laugh everytime I watched Hockey 360 before a Habs game. See? Movember is good for women's health too!
Should it come back? ...My common sense tells me no. My sense of humour tells me yes.

To take things out of Montreal for a second... I saw this hilarious photo of some Anaheim Ducks players and their mustaches, and thought I'd spotlight a couple of former Habs. I'm only linking to the photo because Ryan Getzlaf's mustache sends me into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Kyle Chipchura's mustache is just funny. No other way to describe it. Slightly unflattering, but it doesn't hurt your eyes as much as the Boyd-stache. However, unlike every other mustache in this post, it doesn't make him look older. I'm not sure why, and I find this quite confusing, because you wouldn't think that a Magnum PI mustache would be the thing to make Chipchura actually look like he's in his 20's.
Should it come back? No. It may be the only thing I've seen that doesn't make Chippy look like he should be referred to as "sir", but he shouldn't have a mustache.

Saku Koivu's mustache is great, actually. I can't remember seeing Saku with a mustache like this (he usually had a bit of a beard going on) and I'm actually quite surprised by how good it looks on him. Look at that! It's the kind of mustache you'd see in old pictures of your relatives and NOT burst out laughing at. You'd see that mustache on that handsome face and know why your aunt married your uncle. The only weird thing about all this is that I still can't believe Saku reached the age where he can pull off a mustache like this. What are the odds that he'll want to play forever like Mark Recchi, and sport this mustache for a while?
Should it come back? Yes. You know what else should come back? Saku. To Montreal. No offense, current Montreal Canadiens roster, it's just that Saku's like a really old friend and I haven't seen him in a while.

Until I saw the Koivu mustache I was just about ready to name this my favourite NHL 'stache of Movember:

Theo Peckham's mustache entertained me to no end. I don't even know how I watched enough Oilers games to help me come to this decision, but the young D-man can grow a mustache. It suits him, he trimmed it or whatever it is that men do to maintain mustaches, and he didn't go too crazy (which would have been a bad idea for someone who's on TV often). Dustin Boyd is probably jealous that a guy younger than him can grow a better mustache.
Should it come back? If the Oilers keep up this recent hot streak and make the playoffs, Peckham should grow this instead of a beard.

Movember was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the laughs, gentlemen, and congratulations on all the money you raised. Final figures aren't available yet but with 120,000 Movember participants in Canada alone, I'm guessing that it was a pretty good month. My cousin Joe raised over $500 with his mustache!
It's really a shame that my idea - a winter fundraiser for women's cancers called Leguary - probably wouldn't be as much fun to look at.


  1. "It almost made him look like an old-school hockey sportscaster... if they had NHL hockey in Mexico."

    I can't stop laughing at that line!!!!

  2. Koivu back in the line up would make me very very very very happy.


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