Canadiens Road Trip Travel Guide

I'm happy that the Canadiens beat the Bruins and didn't lose 4 games in a row. Okay, "happy" doesn't quite cut it. Time to bust out the thesaurus. I'd say I'm either "delighted" or "jumping for joy." Now the Canadiens are preparing to leave town for two weeks and we'll all miss the comforts of the Bell Centre. I've come to expect a few things for this road trip, but I'm going to be a little naive and hope I don't see them.

No! Wait! Take me with you!

CG advertisements: Those stupid ads on the glass behind a goalie? They're ridiculous. I try not to look at them but they're right there, assaulting my eyes, trying to sell me something I generally have no use for. Isn't there another way for teams to make money? There are enough ads in the arena already. Leave the glass alone.

Consecutive losses: The Habs kind of spoiled us, waiting until December to lose 3 in a row. I had forgot what it feels like to be disappointed in your team. I didn't want to be reminded. So, no losing streaks. And while I'm on the subject...

Embarrassing losses: They're going to play, among others, the Islanders and the Panthers. The Canadiens are allowed to have heartbreaking losses against certain teams, but I don't know what I'll do if they lose to a team that's already stitching Sean Couturier's draft jersey.

Curse day doom and gloom: The Canadiens won on December 23rd of last year. They can very well do it again. They will not lose and if they do, they're not going to implode. Anyone who believes this probably shouldn't have put Carey Price on their All-Star ballot. Also, they're going to avenge Andrei Markov because they haven't seen the Hurricanes since a certain incident which I am not yet ready to discuss.

RDS shenanigans: I'll be happy when RDS posts holiday greetings from the Habs. I won't like it when they spend an irrational amount of time talking about a player on some other team just because he was born in Quebec. Yes, this means YOU, Philippe Dupuis, Bruno Gervais, and Mathieu Perreault. (There's probably no stopping a lovefest for Robidas, Lecavalier, or St. Louis, so no use in even trying, and I wouldn't mind some face time with poor Steve Bernier, who deserves better than being a Florida Panther.)

Fun in the sun: A second rule for RDS shouldn't need to remind us when they're in Florida. We see you, Pierre Houde, with a healthy bit of colour on your face and a light suit with no tie. We see you sweating a little, Benoit Brunet. We know that you're in Florida. You don't need to tell us about the weather or the beach, or laugh at us poor souls who are working - in icy Montreal - through the holidays. And please, someone keep Alain Crete away from the sun and the fake tanner. He was orange last year.

And, finally, it comes as no surprise that I should say:

Ice girls: Seriously, get out.

I know, I know, sometimes I ask for too much.

Plus/Minus: Cool as ice

Somehow this Plus/Minus is longer than the two games the Canadiens played this week. And considering how long that Devils game felt, that's saying something. I took a break from it to watch The Office and I doubt I missed a single thing.

PLUS

+ Andrei Kostitsyn: holy crap. I wish Statistics Canada could give us stats on how many people got rid of their #46 shirts before this season and now regret it.
+ I almost want to give Carey Price two pluses: One for playing so well, even though one of this week's shutouts didn't belong to him, and the other for giving me the kind of happiness that only comes from giving Carey Price a plus every week.
+ Steve Bégin has a job!! Proud of him.
+ Did you guys see Marc Denis on TSN? He was much more focused and articulate than I've ever seen him on French TV. He gets a plus for keeping it together in a language that isn't his first, on a network that has slightly higher standards than RDS.
+ Building another rink for kids to skate on. Canadiens > municipal government.
+ Elsewhere in the league: hat tricks! Daniel Alfredsson (scoring his 1000th NHL point), Brad Richardson led the LA Kings to a win (matching the #GoKings' win in the Twitter hashtag battle for charity) and John Tavares and Lee Stempniak scored their first NHL hat tricks. (It's OK, Stemps isn't a Leaf anymore.)

GONE

+ If you're a Flyers fan, savour this moment for all it's worth. I may never give a Plus to a Flyer ever again. But Scott Hartnell has truly earned this Plus for donating his hair to Locks of Love. There's a sick little kid somewhere who's going to love his or her new wig, no matter whose hair it contains. And anyone who's cut their long hair really short knows that you notice when it's gone.

MINUS

- We had to wait 5 (FIVE!) days between Canadiens games.
- And then not a single goal against the Devils.
- Did I mention that I didn't see last Saturday's game, so I actually went six days between games?
- Now that Dave Morissette, giant teddy bear and BFF of PJ Stock, has left RDS, all the network has going for it is, um, Pierre Houde. And ok, Guy Carbonneau too. What are the odds that they'll hire someone else I like, or fire pretty much anyone not mentioned here?

Is there anyone left in this picture worth watching?

- Speaking of RDS: Alain Crete. The jacket. Again.- Does Mike Boone think that the Four Habs Fans are holding auditions for a #5? In the last week alone, he ripped off their "capitalize the CH wherever possible" thing, imitated the style of their Morning Skate posts, and talked about hoochies ice girls. It's not funny when Boone does it. Do what you're paid to do, guy.
- You know what? It's not even worth writing about all this "Rick Rypien attacks a fan" business. If you didn't already know that you should accept the consequences of your actions, now you do. The "fan" got a little shaken up (literally) after getting out of his seat to shout at an already angry hockey player. Rick Rypien let out his frustrations on someone other than an opponent. Whatever. And, by the way, it seems a little strange to me that the "victim" gave his statement to the NHL, then went crying to the press, and THEN went looking for legal representation after that. Then again, I am neither a lawyer nor a lawsuit-happy opportunist, so what do I know?
- Edmonton: good job getting cheerleaders. You know, because having three of the most talked-about rookies in the league isn't going to help you sell tickets. Taylor who? People go to hockey games for the skanks, right?

Not sure if this is a plus or minus
Did anyone else notice, in his pre-Senators game interview, Tom Pyatt's hair made him look a little bit like Vanilla Ice?