Plus/Minus can't even cover the entire first round

Summary of the first round of the 2012 playoffs: There was no shortage of high-scoring games, penalties, suspensions, or overtime. Sidney Crosby lost. The Bruins lost. The Kings played a lot better than expected. I ate a lot of cake. It was a pretty good round.

PLUS

+ Jonathan Toews took no time at all to return to scoring form after missing 22 (twenty-two!) games with a concussion. I was just happy to have him back. To see him score a goal is like icing on the cake. (The very serious, lovable cake.)
+ Congratulations to Jean Béliveau, Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, Cassie Campbell-Pascall and Gord Renwick for being named to the Order of Hockey Canada, even though I'm still not completely clear on what that is.
+ Max Pacioretty's Masterton Trophy nomination is like the cherry on top of this year: He recovered from his injury, worked hard, came back better than ever, and brought Habs fans to their feet. Add to that his off-ice work, and you've got the kind of player that any sports franchise would be lucky to have.
+ Sean Couturier hat trick!
+ Jack Jablonski was discharged from hospital and by all accounts seems to be doing great.
+ The #NHLHungerGames hashtag on Twitter has been so much fun. I know, I know. I seem to like any hashtag that combines hockey and pop culture. As if that's surprising.
+ Major props to the Canadiens website for continuing to provide new videos and content for fans to read.
+ Sure, the 30 Rock live show was just another publicity stunt, but it was also an excellent excuse to have all of the show's friends in the same episode and be a super-meta love fest! (I mean that in the best way possible. I absolutely loved all of the cameo appearances in this episode.)

MINUS

- I love cheering for a hockey team that has produced so many legendary players, but I hate saying goodbye to them when the time comes. Rest in peace, Butch Bouchard.
- The Mike Cammalleri jersey saga: makes me happy that The Hockey Sweater exists, so people have something else to associate with the words "Habs jersey debacle."
- Shea Weber's attack on Henrik Zetterberg's head was absolutely ridiculous. There is no excuse for it. I don't even care about how amazing Weber's beard is when he does things like this. Oh, and a fine? The NHL fined him? That's his punishment? What, they couldn't suspend him because he technically didn't do it during a game?
- 25 I lost count of how many ruthless, unwatchable ways players hurt each other during this round of the playoffs. (Twenty-five for the number of games Raffi Torres was suspended, thanks to the "female viewers" apparently. You're welcome. rest of the NHL.)
- Hey, Don Cherry, I don't know who "Corey" Price is, but CAREY Price is a good Canadian boy who plays for a Canadian team, ya know? And he cares about the soldiers and he's an All-Star and you probably saw his dad play hockey.
- Okay, world, I get it. Some of you hate the Canucks, and the rest of you just hate their fans, but somehow I can't really blame Canucks fans for thinking everyone hates them when everyone really does hate them. I mean, seriously, can some of you maybe give it a rest?

- The saddest sports story I've heard in the last few weeks has got to be that of Italian soccer player Piermario Morosini, who died at the age of 25 of cardiac arrest after collapsing on the field. He had already lost both his parents and his brother, and is survived only by his handicapped sister.

Congratulations to the teams who've made it to the second round of the playoffs. Please make good TV and don't put each other in the hospital.

Plus/Minus wraps up for the season

This was supposed to be my Stanley Cup Final Plus/Minus. But then everything happened.

PLUS

+ All the great citizens of Vancouver who got together and cleaned up their city after the riots.
+ Ryan Kesler for trying to play his ass off in the Stanley Cup Final, even though he was obviously injured.
+ Dear Jon Hamm: Thank you for showing up at the NHL Awards, and then calling Tim Thomas' mustache a "modifed Ron Swanson."
+ Andrei Kostitsyn, Mathieu Darche, Max Pacioretty, David Desharnais, and Andrei Markov (!) are all re-upped for next year. AK and Darche for one year, Pac and Desharnais for two, and Marky for three - does this mean Josh Gorges will sign for at least 4 years? Someone please say yes.

MINUS

- All the idiots in Vancouver who thought it was a good idea to destroy the city. I know not everyone who was there is at fault, but take it from a Montrealer: Riots are never a good idea.
- I've seen worse hits than the one on Nathan Horton, but what was Aaron Rome even thinking? Hitting someone like that in the Stanley Cup Final is never a good idea.
- You all know how I feel about all these Philadelphia trades. Drafting Sean Couturier didn't help.
- Devin Setoguchi JUST signed a new contract with the Sharks. And got traded just over 24 hours later. Why? And can they un-trade him?
- Dear Mark Messier: ZDENO CHARA IS YOUR CAPTAIN OF THE YEAR? Really? REALLY?
- (Last minute addition) Oh, and my last warning to people STILL saying "Sedin sisters" wasn't enough? Seriously. You're just being an idiot. Stop. Or please watch some other sport.

Wow, this entire Plus/Minus could have turned into a Weekend Update-style "Really?!?" I'm not sure how I restrained myself.
Looks like this offseason won't be as boring as most people expected it to be.

What I did immediately after the Bruins won yesterday

So, yeah, the Bruins won Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and it was obvious for most of the game that they were going to win it. But I was still upset when it happened.
This is how I reacted: (Nothing is time-stamped, as I was too angry to notice what time it was.)

Realized that this is the end of the hockey season. And THAT was how it ended.

Tried not to look at the TV, but I couldn't help myself.

Contemplated telling the bartender to "just bring me the whole bottle."

Briefly looked at the TV, thinking that the sight gag of Chara standing (on skates) next to Bettman would make me laugh. I did not laugh.

Tried to avoid seeing Roberto Luongo, knowing that in that moment our faces looked exactly the same.

Made awful attempts to distract Czechtacular as the camera turned to Mark Recchi.

Had a "glove malfunction" when Andrew Ference touched the Cup.

Realized that this whole "Not looking at the TV" thing wasn't working. Just kept shouting.

Made plans to meet up with a friend (the lovely Laura from The Active Stick, which I know you read) for lunch to eat junk food and/or throw things.

Took out my camera and looked at pictures of things that should cheer me up: My cat. My favourite hockey players. My boyfriend. Paul Mara's Beard. My tiny cousin in his Habs pyjamas. My visit to the Hockey Hall of Fame, back when the Chicago Blackhawks were still the Stanley Cup champions.

Remembered how happy I was for the Blackhawks a year ago. How proud I was of Toews. How many wacky, emotional tweets I wrote that night. How little I cared about the Stanley Cup victory that was unfolding in my own country.

Luckily, even my angry tweets made people laugh:

I genuinely meant it.

Left the downtown pub I was at and passed Centennial Plaza, where a gaggle of Bruins fans were doing whatever it is that Bruins fans do.

Tried to fall asleep as soon as I got home. Couldn't.

Wiped away a few tears. Vowed to start removing my mascara before bed.

Checked my Twitter feed and saw that things had gone from bad to worse in Vancouver.

Thought about the riots and another bit of bad news I'd received that morning. Reminded myself that there are worse things in life than watching my rival hockey team win the Stanley Cup.

Woke up this morning with a headache.

How many days until training camp?

Plus/Minus: It's almost over, already?

I think I might hate the playoffs.

At first I was in denial about all this, just happy to watch such great hockey and take my bad-luck Josh Gorges T-shirt out of mothballs. But now there's only two teams and one playoff series left, and that's it. No more hockey. I don't like this one bit. But I digress...

PLUS

+ I saw a profile of Roberto Luongo on RAI last week. (RAI, by the way, is probably the biggest TV channel in Italy.) I know, it's basically just Italians patting themselves on the back for the success of their emigrants, but the interviews were pretty good. It felt like more than just a fluff piece, and it was cool to see something hockey-related on Italian TV. Trust me, that doesn't happen every day.
+ Guy Boucher. I don't know how often we can give this man a Plus, but we look forward to finding out next season. He knows exactly how to run his team, and he isn't scared of anything.
+ Patrick Marleau has been on fire this round. I guess Jeremy Roenick should criticize players more often, if it means they start producing like Marleau did this round.
+ The Under Armour commercial featuring, of all people, Tyler Seguin. He's one of the few Bruins that I don't completely hate and wish dull skates upon, but I never would have pegged him for a total badass.

+ Speaking of badass, Steven Stamkos didn't even seem to care that his face got cut open during Game 7.

+ Ryan Kesler was injured in Game 5, and still scored a last-minute (literally) game-tying goal, which led to a series-winning OT. Can they please start mass-producing this man?
+ Uh, Teddy Purcell? You're awesome.
+ Okay, okay, I begrudgingly congratulate Nathan Horton on his series-winning goal skills. But I still don't like his face.

MINUS

- I miss the Hamilton Bulldogs already. (But I'm proud that they forced a Game 7 after being down 3-0 in the series.)

- I think I might have seen a couple of people on Twitter making "Sedin sisters" jokes. Still? Really? Morons.
- Nathan Horton gets a Minus to go with his Plus: I probably wouldn't nitpick about this if he weren't a Bruin and there were more teams left in the race, but he should leave the fans alone. What's with the water-squirting and stuff?


One round left. I know not everyone is happy to see the Bruins and Canucks in the Finals, but let's enjoy the hockey while there are still games to watch.

An oddly timed second-round Plus Minus

I'm apparently terrible at writing my post-playoff Plus/Minuses on time. What should I even write about? These teams aren't the Habs.

PLUS

+ Repeating myself already, and I haven't written anything yet. I already congratulated the Tampa Bay Lightning on sweeping the Capitals. I'm saying it again.  As much as I like Washington, it was a relief to see them lose to a HIHW-approved team and coach.

+ What a great round for goalies, including but not limited to Niemi and Roloson, who did everything their teams needed them to do. (I remember wondering why Steve Yzerman decided to buy Roloson back in January. I don't wonder that anymore.)

+ Hell of a series between San Jose and Detroit. Just when it seemed like nothing could top the first round of the playoffs, the second-round matchups proved to be a perfect fit.

+ Devin Setoguchi was something else this round.

MINUS

- The Canadiens weren't in this round.

- It's really a shame that we've seen the last of Shea Weber's beard. I'm sure Paul Mara shed a tear for it when Nashville lost Game 6.

- Dear Philadelphia Flyers: Wow, you must really hate Montreal if you couldn't even win one game to avenge us.

- Dear Daniel Carcillo: I know that guys say really gross things when they're talking in private, but when you say something on a public forum, you have to watch yourself.

- Because I can't write this post without saying this: We're sending prayers and condolences to the family, friends, and fans of Derek Boogaard. What a shocking, unjust death. No one should die that young. 

Hopefully the next Plus/Minus will end on a more positive note.

Best of luck to the four teams still in the race for the Stanley Cup.

It's Playoff Bracket time!

Playoffs start soon, so it's time for us to introduce the third annual Hab It Her Way NHL Playoff Bracket. Yay!

I try to find a theme for the random pictures I use for every matchup. This year, I tried to find common ground between the teams playing each other in the first round. We're not that different, after all.

In the West:

The Canucks and Blackhawks meet early in the playoffs this year. I always love this series, but it'll be particularly tough to root for one team since both Roberto Luongo and Corey Crawford are local-boy goalies.

The Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Sharks are both from California. That's all I got.

Detroit and Phoenix are lucky enough to have wonderful, gentlemanly captains with quite a few seasons' worth of wisdom. That's MISTER Nick Lidstrom and Shane Doan to you!

Anaheim-Nashville might just be the battle of Young Guys That Nobody Wanted As Habs Except Me. Sorry, Kyle Chipchura and Sergei Kostitsyn. (Is there a way to sneak Matt D'Agostini or Greg Stewart into this too?)

In the East:

The Washington Capitals and New York Rangers introduced some spiffy new throwback jerseys this year. That's something I know a little bit about.

Why not choose at least one series and focus on the players I don't like? Congratulations, Philly captain Mike Richards and Buffalo goalie Ryan Miller (if you're not still injured). You know what you did.

What do the Canadiens and Bruins have in common? Well, in case you didn't know, they hate each other.

Two teams. Two bloggers. Two beloved coaches. It's my Dan Bylsma against Czechtacular's Guy Boucher.

Click on the picture above to see the bracket full-size and you should be able to print it out quite easily! I keep track of the scores of each game, higher-seeded team on top, lower-seeded on the bottom. (I cleared that up in the MTL-BOS and LA-SJ series.)

Just what the doctor ordered...

... for everyone but Cammy. (Poor Mike Cammalleri. First that disgusting injury, then random, out-of-nowhere slander in La Presse. That's an FML moment if there's ever been one.)

Let's face it: the Habs don't have the best record, and they've got guys who are injured, guys who are sick, and guys who aren't playing as well as they always do. I was really hoping for a great game against the Canucks, win or lose. (Don't get me wrong - I wanted a win, but Halak and Luongo are my fantasy hockey goalies, so in this particular instance I'd get points either way.) Whoever spent $125 on scalped seats in the blues got their money's worth, for once. No, seriously, this morning I asked a scalper how much tickets were going for, and that's what he told me.

This is the kind of hockey that I'd love to watch every day... Two teams fighting for the puck, literally and figuratively, penalties going back and forth, and just enough goals to keep things going.

If I hadn't decided it already, I have to say that Joel Bouchard is completely useless. I appreciate his intentions in interviewing Kirk Muller, but he might just have the worst grammar of any English speaker on RDS. He was also wearing a shirt the colour of a Dora the Explorer lunchbox, and when asked what happened when Sergei Kostitsyn left the ice late in the 3rd and walked RIGHT PAST HIM, had little more to contribute than a Kanye shrug.
I know I do an inordinate amount of complaining about RDS, but this next thing isn't really their fault: Sami Salo's name doesn't translate to French very nicely.

If I had to guess which Habs were going to nab two penalties in this game, Roman Hamrlik might have been on the list. Yannick Weber would definitely not have been on the list. Then again, you can never predict when someone's going to get Ryan Kesler where it hurts.
I also wouldn't have guessed that a mini-rivalry is blooming between Ryan O'Byrne and Mason Raymond, but they took advantage of their shared ice time to get in a few hits. They're both my homies, so it was quite entertaining. In case you missed it, I was outed as a Raymond fan today, but it's really not Habs-threatening at all.

Me, I'm sorry, bro

When you're facing a goalie like Roberto Luongo (who's been 19-5-2 in the last two months, holy crap), you've got to step up your game. And our forwards did - those were some wicked goals. Luongo looked mighty angry after Plekanec's game-winning goal... but he knows better for the Olympics, right?

This wasn't necessarily the easiest win this team has had, but if our Habs can manage to play like this every game, it'll be a very good thing.

*Pictures cropped from Canadiens.com

Hockey Day In Canada: like Canada Day but colder

It's Hockey Day In Canada time again... all the Canadianness of Roll Up The Rim, plus all of the hockey you could hope for, stuffed into ten hours of Ron McLean. (It all sounds wonderful to me except maybe that last part.) It's much more kickass, and much briefer, than a Hockey Day In America would be.

So in honour of this great day, I'm going to try and make this post as Canadian as possible. What's in store for this, the national holiday that isn't Canada Day or Victoria Day or those other ones?

(Randomly selected Canadian-born player) Travis Moen and our Montreal Canadiens will start the day off playing against Mike Fisher and the Ottawa Senators. The Habs will win because because I'll be at work for half the game and I want them to come home and watch them win.

The primetime slot this year goes to Nolan Baumgartner* and the Vancouver Canucks, who unfortunately have to hang out with the Leafs and Luke Schenn. But hey, they'll get as much attention from CBC as they could ever possibly want!!

Late-night honours go to the Battle of Alberta, which I'm guessing will be the game with the most punching. If any is allowed during Hockey Day In Canada. Brandon Prust** and the Flames are going to engage in some punching with Taylor Chorney's Oilers.
Yes, if Stephen Harper shows up in a Flames jersey (or at all), you are allowed a tantrum.

But what to eat?

It's a long day, and you're going to get hungry, and maybe you'll get bored of all the little kids' teams they interview during the day, or maybe I'll need to leave the room if anyone brings up Crosby, who does not play in Canada (again, no Hockey Day In America). So here are some snack suggestions if you're not out someplace:

Only Canadian beer. You can have a Stella or a Heineken another day.

Maple baked beans, or other cabane a sucre treats. If you feel like curing a ham in beer and brown sugar, be my guest. No, literally. Some homemade ham sounds pretty delicious right now.

Actually, anything maple. Especially those extra-sweet gooey candies or anything you can put maple syrup on.

Tim Hortons. But that kind of goes without saying.

Poutine. Oh, the cheese... (Be warned, if you're ordering in, make sure it's not one of those places that gives you barbecue sauce instead of gravy.)

Snack cakes. You know you want the bad fats. I know Kate Moss thinks that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but all my pants are too big for me and I know what a Jos Louis tastes like.

Alberta beef, anyone? Raised by the best cowboys on earth!

Happy Hockey Day, everyone! (Especially those cowboys. I'm trying to get in good with them in the hopes of getting a free hat.)



* Seriously you guys, for all I know I took the metro with Nolan Baumgartner today and I'd have been completely oblivious. He's my randomly selected player because a few of the other guys seemed too obvious.


** You know I came thisclose to writing "Jarome Iginla" in giant letters right there. Instead I gave a Brandon Prust to ~czechtacular as a reward for blogging this week.