Plus/Minus can't even cover the entire first round

Summary of the first round of the 2012 playoffs: There was no shortage of high-scoring games, penalties, suspensions, or overtime. Sidney Crosby lost. The Bruins lost. The Kings played a lot better than expected. I ate a lot of cake. It was a pretty good round.

PLUS

+ Jonathan Toews took no time at all to return to scoring form after missing 22 (twenty-two!) games with a concussion. I was just happy to have him back. To see him score a goal is like icing on the cake. (The very serious, lovable cake.)
+ Congratulations to Jean Béliveau, Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, Cassie Campbell-Pascall and Gord Renwick for being named to the Order of Hockey Canada, even though I'm still not completely clear on what that is.
+ Max Pacioretty's Masterton Trophy nomination is like the cherry on top of this year: He recovered from his injury, worked hard, came back better than ever, and brought Habs fans to their feet. Add to that his off-ice work, and you've got the kind of player that any sports franchise would be lucky to have.
+ Sean Couturier hat trick!
+ Jack Jablonski was discharged from hospital and by all accounts seems to be doing great.
+ The #NHLHungerGames hashtag on Twitter has been so much fun. I know, I know. I seem to like any hashtag that combines hockey and pop culture. As if that's surprising.
+ Major props to the Canadiens website for continuing to provide new videos and content for fans to read.
+ Sure, the 30 Rock live show was just another publicity stunt, but it was also an excellent excuse to have all of the show's friends in the same episode and be a super-meta love fest! (I mean that in the best way possible. I absolutely loved all of the cameo appearances in this episode.)

MINUS

- I love cheering for a hockey team that has produced so many legendary players, but I hate saying goodbye to them when the time comes. Rest in peace, Butch Bouchard.
- The Mike Cammalleri jersey saga: makes me happy that The Hockey Sweater exists, so people have something else to associate with the words "Habs jersey debacle."
- Shea Weber's attack on Henrik Zetterberg's head was absolutely ridiculous. There is no excuse for it. I don't even care about how amazing Weber's beard is when he does things like this. Oh, and a fine? The NHL fined him? That's his punishment? What, they couldn't suspend him because he technically didn't do it during a game?
- 25 I lost count of how many ruthless, unwatchable ways players hurt each other during this round of the playoffs. (Twenty-five for the number of games Raffi Torres was suspended, thanks to the "female viewers" apparently. You're welcome. rest of the NHL.)
- Hey, Don Cherry, I don't know who "Corey" Price is, but CAREY Price is a good Canadian boy who plays for a Canadian team, ya know? And he cares about the soldiers and he's an All-Star and you probably saw his dad play hockey.
- Okay, world, I get it. Some of you hate the Canucks, and the rest of you just hate their fans, but somehow I can't really blame Canucks fans for thinking everyone hates them when everyone really does hate them. I mean, seriously, can some of you maybe give it a rest?

- The saddest sports story I've heard in the last few weeks has got to be that of Italian soccer player Piermario Morosini, who died at the age of 25 of cardiac arrest after collapsing on the field. He had already lost both his parents and his brother, and is survived only by his handicapped sister.

Congratulations to the teams who've made it to the second round of the playoffs. Please make good TV and don't put each other in the hospital.

Preparing for a Habs-less playoff season

I've never seen a Habs-free postseason, but I think I've made my peace with this season and now I'm ready for the playoffs to start.
Proof that I miss the Habs: I can't bring myself to uphold my tradition of making my own playoff bracket.
Proof that I'll be okay: I've already busted out my "unlucky" Josh Gorges shirt, after leaving it in the depths of an untouched dresser drawer since September. I'm so happy to be wearing it again, it's ridiculous.

I don't really know how to deal with the playoffs when the Habs aren't in them, but here's what I've figured out so far:

As usual, I'll attach myself to players on a few different teams (my "playoff boyfriends," for lack of a better term.) This year's playoff boyfriends include Erik Karlsson and returning favourite Jonathan Ericsson. If there's a Karl Jonathansson in the playoffs, I'll probably put him on the list, too.

I'll paint my nails just to avoid biting them down to stubs during most of these playoff series. (Especially YOU, Vancouver-Los Angeles.)

I'll wait for crazy John Tortorella antics with bated breath, and mentally compare them with Dan Bylsma's postgame pressers.

I'm going to use every possible opportunity to say "SMASHVILLE!" out loud because it's just so much damn fun to say. And I'll hope for as much Hal Gill screen time as possible.

I might get whiplash from changing alliances so often, because I'm so excited for most of these matchups.

I'll probably spend a whole lot of weekends napping and a whole lot of weekday mornings eating Nutella and drinking caffeine, because of course the Western Conference has the most exciting matchups and I'll be skipping a couple hours of sleep each night.

I'll give Washington fans as much support as they need in booing the Bruins. And more.

I'll keep an eye on the best playoff beards, and hope that the Heart and Stroke Foundation's Beard-A-Thon raises a lot of money. Which remains to be seen, because Shea Weber isn't participating, and we all know that Shea Weber's beard is where the money is at.

Happy playoffs!

An oddly timed second-round Plus Minus

I'm apparently terrible at writing my post-playoff Plus/Minuses on time. What should I even write about? These teams aren't the Habs.

PLUS

+ Repeating myself already, and I haven't written anything yet. I already congratulated the Tampa Bay Lightning on sweeping the Capitals. I'm saying it again.  As much as I like Washington, it was a relief to see them lose to a HIHW-approved team and coach.

+ What a great round for goalies, including but not limited to Niemi and Roloson, who did everything their teams needed them to do. (I remember wondering why Steve Yzerman decided to buy Roloson back in January. I don't wonder that anymore.)

+ Hell of a series between San Jose and Detroit. Just when it seemed like nothing could top the first round of the playoffs, the second-round matchups proved to be a perfect fit.

+ Devin Setoguchi was something else this round.

MINUS

- The Canadiens weren't in this round.

- It's really a shame that we've seen the last of Shea Weber's beard. I'm sure Paul Mara shed a tear for it when Nashville lost Game 6.

- Dear Philadelphia Flyers: Wow, you must really hate Montreal if you couldn't even win one game to avenge us.

- Dear Daniel Carcillo: I know that guys say really gross things when they're talking in private, but when you say something on a public forum, you have to watch yourself.

- Because I can't write this post without saying this: We're sending prayers and condolences to the family, friends, and fans of Derek Boogaard. What a shocking, unjust death. No one should die that young. 

Hopefully the next Plus/Minus will end on a more positive note.

Best of luck to the four teams still in the race for the Stanley Cup.

While I was out

(Posted because I've had a couple things to say and hadn't blogged them, and also because poor Czechtacular is still recovering from the Habs and Oilers playing against each other in the same game.)

The return of Paul Mara's Beard! You may or may not know that this is very exciting news for me, because why should the NHL's best beard live in California? Plus, Mara probably made Ryan Getzlaf feel really inadequate about his own ability to grow hair. The Mara trade story broke literally fifteen minutes after I went to bed the other day, proving that the news just hates me. Things always happen to the Habs right after I turn off the TV or computer, or the only day of the week that I work overtime, and now apparently also in my sleep. Thanks, Pierre Gauthier, I appear to be the only person happy about Paul Mara's beard and you wait until the middle of the night to buy him back.

The curse of the "western swing." Unfortunately for me, I live in a house with people who aren't horrified by the concept of watching dance-based reality shows, so I'm pretty sure "western swing" is some type of music. But there's usually no reason to dance when the Habs show up in the Western provinces at this time of year. Last night, the Habs gave up two goals in fifteen seconds then didn't reciprocate. Oh, and James Wisniewski's face got broken. Everyone was disappointed in the team, even though they JUST LANDED in a different time zone. Does no one remember two years ago? The Canadiens surrendered like seven goals to the Oilers (minus this year's magic rookie crop) when we all could have been watching this unfold live:

It was arguably the best celebrity crazy moment of the last couple years, and I chose to watch the Habs crumble instead. (Save your arguments about Lady Gaga in an egg, because if it turns out that his Young Pheezy rapper alter ego was just a cover and Joaquin Phoenix is Lady Gaga, I'll hate to say I told you so.)

Luckily this time around I taped my NBC comedies and the Habs only gave up three goals to the Oilers, so all I missed was Justin Bieber getting shot on CSI. I can live with that, because "watching Justin Bieber get shot" involves "watching Justin Bieber."

We've got to count our blessings, Habs fans. We can't be all doom and gloom, mere days before the Heritage Classic! Come on.

HIHW gets hairy

You knew it was coming. Everyone loves looking at awesome beards. My Paul Mara fandom and hours spent researching this category are proof of that. Obviously, like basically everyone else on the Internet, we had to honour the best playoff beards and hand out the Paul Mara Memorial Trophy for Best Playoff Beard (since Paul Mara's Beard didn't get to enjoy any playoff glory this year.)
Now, I decided to make this category all about beards, so Jonathan Toews' mutton chops, the Pouliot-stache, and PK Subban's helmet strap didn't quite qualify. Much love, though.

So, who did make the cut?
Todd Bertuzzi has a playoff beard that the Internet seems to love as much as bacon.
Kris Draper's beard most reminds me of Paul Mara's, as it is both ginger and quite awesome.
Patrick Marleau's beard is great. You can't even see any face behind it. I didn't know he had it in him.
Joe Pavelski is half-cute, half-awesome with this beard. Mostly awesome. He looks completely different in playoff mode than he does in his roster shot.
Glen Metropolit trimmed his beard, but it still looked great.
Roman Hamrlik... I wish I had a better picture of his beard in all its glory.
Tom Pyatt grew the best rookie beard this season, and I'd be saying that even if it wasn't the exact same beard that Ryan Gosling had in The Notebook. #94 gets extra points in the "I wrote you every day for a year!" category.
Mark Stuart has such a great beard that honestly, I have no idea who he is other than the Bruins' #45, but I saw this picture and nominated him.

Eight nominees is a lot but for all I know, I omitted someone so if I did, that's what the comments section is for!