Monday, June 14, 2010

First week without hockey.

You know what I hate about the Stanley Cup Finals? The schedule (only one hockey game every two days, and no other hockey at all) is supposed to help transition viewers out of the hockey season and into the summer, but Final games are usually the most exciting, as evidenced by all the high-scoring and coach-whining. Someone (in this case, an Original 6 team, yay) gets a big shiny trophy at the end, and everyone's cheering and hugging and singing "We Go Together," and then it's over. Done. No more hockey, come back next year.

What's a girl supposed to do?

Top 5 Things To Do Now That It's The Offseason/Summer

1. Get "Chelsea Dagger" out of your head. (If you dislike it as much as I do.) The Chicago Blackhawks have given us a pretty big mission over the summer, by scoring so many goals and letting us hear that earworm so many times. I thought I was going to go insane. I had the men in white coats on standby. To finally exorcise "Chelsea Dagger," you'll have to fight fire with fire, and find some song that'll replace it in your head but hopefully not make you go mad. Maybe some Michael Jackson or Beastie Boys or if all else fails, watch a musical. (The manic Moulin Rouge! did it for me.) If you're really desperate, I guess there's Lady Gaga or the Black Eyed Peas, but you don't want to go there unless you have to.

2. Other sports! You may have watched the Grand Prix this weekend, or just enjoyed the downtime between soccer games. We're pretty lucky that there's a World Cup this year to tide us over, since soccer is one of the closest things to hockey you'll get, and international soccer is the best kind. (Hockey - pads + bromance = soccer) If you like baseball and tennis then you're also in luck. Or, roller derby! It's basically hockey - sticks and puck + better nicknames. Montreal events have been selling out quickly this season, so you might want to buy your tickets in advance.

3. The standard. Watch hockey movies, read hockey books, go back a couple years in the Habs Inside/Out archives... I'm sure you thought of all this already. I've got some magazines and things I picked up during the season but didn't read, Larry Robinson's book, Ken Dryden's book, and a brand-spanking-new copy of The Hockey Sweater to read, along with some other books, so I'll probably manage - and learn a thing or two along the way.

4. Um, summer stuff? You can't usually have barbecues during the regular season, especially in Montreal, so get outside and eat some meat. Or run to Ben & Jerry's to try Caramel Hat Trick. Or go to the beach. Or go see a comedy show. Or skip the draft to see a free Brian Setzer concert at Jazz Fest... I'm just never going to watch an NHL draft, am I?

5. Do the Happy Gilmore. Go golfing in a hockey jersey.

(Any excuse to mention Happy Gilmore is a good one, no?)

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