Thursday, February 2, 2012

Top 5: Reasons why I should be GM of the Canadiens

Since people have been talking about firing Gauthier for a while...

I would sign Carey Price to a long-term contract right now. Or a short-term contract. Whatever he wants, really, as long as he comes back. I'd buy him a horse if he wanted one.

I would be honest. I wouldn't try to cover up my decisions or spin the truth to stroke a new player's ego. I would just tell things like they are. If a player is brought in to help fill up a roster that's been depleted by injuries, I would say so. I would disclose terms of the agreement, because "club policy" means nothing when player salaries are readily available on TSN or Capgeek. A little honesty would be a refreshing change from the spin doctors and clich├ęs.

I would be honest even when the fans don't want to hear it. Uproar over an English coach or a ridiculous trade? Fans booing their own players? I'd pull a Bob Gainey and tell my fans when they're being idiots.

I would see the big picture. None of this last-minute trade deadline desperation. How well has last year's Dustin Penner deal worked out for the Kings? Not as well as it's worked out for the Denny's a few blocks from the Staples Center. I'd keep my eye on the big picture, and not give away all my team's assets for a bag of magic beans.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I know that managing a sports team can be cutthroat. You've got to keep your own team afloat and avoid getting screwed over by other GM's or greedy agents. I'll mess with them if I have to. Guilt? Crying on cue? Swearing at them over the phone, in multiple languages? All in a day's work if it gets me what I want.

Obviously, I'm kidding. I've already said that I would never want to be a GM, but I'm sure there's a reason why so many people think they want to be one.


  1. Well, just with the first point, you're an upgrade on Gauthier!

  2. Thanks, Stefano! I've already started drafting his new contract, which is basically a handwritten note that says "Do you want to stay in Montreal and be a Hab next season? Yes / No (circle one)"


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