Saturday, February 4, 2012

A guide to the 2012 Super Bowl, in pictures

My Super Bowl plans have yet to be finalized, but here's what I do know about tomorrow's big game:

Do not wear any light colours. (You know, chicken wings and such.)

Every time you cheer for Tom Brady, you're cheering for a grown man who wears Uggs.

Baseball fans love the fact that the Montreal Expos drafted a promising catcher named Tom Brady, who as it turns out was pretty good at football, too. The truth is that all Brady did was leave baseball for a prettier sport. Typical Brady.

This is a dog I know. His name is Eli. He probably wants Eli Manning to win, since they have the same name. Or maybe he doesn't know what football is, and just wants people to play with him. In any case, look at how cute he is.

By supporting Eli Manning, you're supporting all the younger brothers of athletes who've suffered concussions. I bet that Ben Crosby (fictional younger brother of Sidney that I just made up) would cheer for the Giants.

Madonna is going to rock the halftime show, even if her new song is the worst thing I've heard all week - and that includes the final score of Habs games. MIA is supposed to be joining her (and LMFAO!), and I'm hoping that Nicki Minaj does too, since "Give Me All Your Luvin'" features Nicki, in a desperate attempt to be a less-awful song.

The best thing about the Patriots winning the Super Bowl would be a chance at seeing Tom Brady host SNL again, but the Token Sports Personality Host job for this season was already given to the insanely unfunny Charles Barkley, so there is no comedic reason to vote for the Patriots.

If the New York Giants win the Super Bowl, Victor Cruz and some of his teammates will celebrate by dancing. If the New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, the Boston Bruins will be happy.

I have never teared up reading anything on Twitter until I read this tweet from New York Giant, Mark Herzlich. You go win the Super Bowl, Mark Herzlich!

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