Our 2012 All-Star Draft

You may remember that last year, the Hab It Her Way girls got together and drafted their own All-Star teams, with all the stress of not knowing who to pick. (Parts One and Two, if you're interested.)

Czechtacular and I are giving it another go. This year, we decided to change things up a little bit. We set some ground rules:

• Starting lineups only: 3 forwards, 2 defencemen, 1 goalie.
• No players that were named to the actual All-Star Game.
• And, since we are Habs fans, there has to be at least one short guy on the team.
• We will be drafting one coach each - but he'll be coaching the other person's team.

And here we go:

Team Czechtacular's first pick...

Radim Vrbata, Phoenix Coyotes. Because he has 23 goals, which is fifth-best in the league, and his real All-Star invitation must've gotten lost in the mail but that's okay because mine is prettier.

Kudos to anyone who got the Count of Monte Cristo reference, which I doubt is anybody. But see? Pretty.

Team Rookie's first pick...

Saku Koivu, Anaheim Ducks. Big surprise there, eh? I was hoping he'd be named an All-Star so that I could go to Ottawa and see him again, and not cry.

Team Czechtacular's second pick...

Ilya Bryzgalov, Philadelphia Flyers. Because he's already used to letting a ton of goals in during regular games for the Flyers and having choice quotes about it after the game. But don't worry, on my team he'll definitely have a mic on for the whole experience just in case he wants to inform us more about blonde-girl huskies and/or solar systems.

Team Rookie's second pick...
Miikka Kiprusoff, Calgary Flames. Because Czechtacular took Bryz away from me, and that is humangas big not cool. Kipper is always great to watch, and I don't get to see him play often enough.

Team Czechtacular's third pick...
Matthew Lombardi, Toronto Maple Leafs. I know, I know. But I waited a whole season to have him back from that concussion and he's mainly here for my version of the Skills' Competition in which he'd zoom away with the Fastest Skater Award anyway, sooooo.

Team Rookie's third pick...

Mason Raymond, Vancouver Canucks. You want fast? Raymond is fast. You're losing that Fastest Skater competition, Team Czechtacular. Sorry. And my picking Raymond now is just a coincidence, because it's a known fact that I put him on my All-Star ballot every year.

Team Czechtacular's fourth pick...

A Magically Healed and Ready for Action Dmitry Kulikov, Florida Panthers. There's nothing in the rules about not being able to stage our version of the All-Star Game in eight weeks, is there? Because like a lot of the Panthers this season, he's been flying under the radar with 24 points, tenth-most in the league among defensemen. Meanwhile, his D partner Brian Campbell gets to be a real All-Star as he spends his break and the next two months or so recovering from knee surgery. I cry foul.

Team Rookie's fourth pick...

Dan Boyle, San Jose Sharks. He's the kind of guy you'd want on your All-Star team, representing your league. He'd probably be good for a point or two, and his stats this season are just as good as actual All-Star Ryan Suter's.

Team Czechtacular's fifth pick...

Ladislav Smid, Edmonton Oilers. In my All-Star Game there are hits and blocked shots. Smid is among the league leaders in both categories. And if you're a regular watcher of Oil Change you'll know why he's the other logical choice to be mic'ed up for the weekend.

Team Rookie's fifth pick...

Wayne Simmonds, Philadelphia Flyers. I never, ever thought I'd pick a Flyer, but I still sort of half-think of Simmonds as an L.A. King. He'd bring some grit and energy to the team, and if you watched 24/7 you'd know that he seems like a nice enough guy. He's maybe not as quotable as, say, Bryzgalov, but he'd get along well with his teammates and have fun with fans.

Team Czechtacular's sixth pick...

David Desharnais, Montreal Canadiens. The little assist-machine (not too shabby at scoring goals against the Wings, either) that could, after getting a rough ride by many of the Habs' faithful for much of this season he's quietly emerging as a top-tier producer, so he's going to be my Tricolore representative this year.

Team Rookie's sixth pick...

Josh Gorges, Montreal Canadiens. Okay, so I coincidentally saved my Hab for last, too. His offensive skill will be an asset in the ASG. He'd have a great time. And, just in case this game goes to overtime and I need someone to score a game-winning goal, he's got it covered.

And now, for the coaches. How do you pick a coach for someone else's team, to play against you?

Czechtacular picks Team Rookie's coach...

Joel Quenneville, Chicago Blackhawks. Because moustache.

Rookie picks Team Czechtacular's coach...

Kirk Muller, Carolina Hurricanes. He might not have a moustache, but how could I not pick Kirk?

And that's our draft, ladies and gentlemen. No awkward cuts to the social media room, no confetti, no free cars. (Offers are welcome for car sponsorships for next year's draft.)

Rookie tries fantasy hockey.

So this is what it's like to build a team.
Except Gauthier is a vegetarian and I love chicken wings, so not really.

I recently joined a hockey pool for the first time, and learned that "fantasy hockey" isn't those dreams I have where Josh Gorges makes me waffles and we watch Arrested Development together. (Did I just blog that out loud?)

My draft was yesterday, and it was every bit as stressful as my fantasy football draft a few weeks ago. I'm guessing that all the grumbling and the yelling and the loud noises and rise in blood pressure are normal when drafting a fantasy team?

In any case, here's the lineup for Every Day I'm Byfuglien:

FORWARDS
Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh. He scores lots of goals and gets lots of penalties. I get points for both of those things. Plus, I was confused about whether to take him, Stamkos, Ovechkin, or Henrik Sedin. So I took the guy who tweeted a picture of his cat.

Jonathan Toews, Chicago. Because he's Jonathan Toews.

Tomas Plekanec, Montreal. I don't think I get points for faceoffs, so that's a Plus for Pleks. I have a good feeling about him this season.

Dustin Brown, Los Angeles. He's good all-around, and he's a King. I went for Brown since Doughty and Kopitar were snatched out from under me.

Andrei Kostitsyn, Montreal. Yeah, I took a gamble on Andrei. Most people don't believe in him, but he can do great things during contract seasons. And if he doesn't do a lot of scoring, he'll probably get in trouble, and I'll get points for PIMs.

He was really excited when I picked him

Shane Doan, Phoenix. So, Jarome Iginla was taken. And then two picks before I was going to take Evander Kane (the baby Jarome Iginla), he got drafted. So I took Shane Doan, who, like Iginla, is a great player and a great captain. Also, whenever I'm in doubt, I just think of what players Czechtacular likes. (I'm still her protégée, no matter what she says.)

Joe Pavelski, San Jose. He's good during the regular season, right?

Brian Gionta, Montreal. My captain. Why not?

Devin Setoguchi, Minnesota. Remember how on Friends, Chandler always went back to Janice? I think Setoguchi is my Janice. So many things have happened that should have made me stop liking him: The Sharks have lost in the playoffs when they were supposed to win the Cup. I've seen him wear Ed Hardy. He got married and didn't tell me. He joined Twitter, was boring, then quit because it was "too distracting," only to come back after he'd been traded to Minnesota. Through it all, I still like him. This isn't healthy. Don't let me down again, Devin.

DEFENSE

Brent Burns, on the fantasy hockey campaign trail

Brent Burns, San Jose. The trade to San Jose is supposed to be really good for him, right?

Nicklas Lidstrom, Detroit. He's Nick freaking Lidstrom. He's good at everything.

Jack Johnson, Los Angeles. Okay, so I got another King. He's a badass.

Cam Fowler, Anaheim. I took him because everyone says to take Cam Fowler in fantasy hockey.

UTILITY GUYS
Theo Peckham, Edmonton. He gets penalty minutes. And that mustache.

Brooks Laich, Washington. He didn't become a Hab this summer, so this is the closest I'll get to having him on my team. Should I re-name my team As You Laich It?

BENCH (OR WHATEVER "BN" STANDS FOR)
Mason Raymond, Vancouver. (aka, The Opposite of Name-Dropping) Okay, so he's broken. But when he's fixed, even if he doesn't come back 100%, he'll still be damn fast.

James Wisniewski, Columbus. He's good at hockey. I remember that much from last year. (The rest is all a blur, stained by tears over player injuries and Saku Koivu's return to the Bell Centre.)

Michael Ryder, Dallas. At first this was Teddy Purcell in Tampa Bay, but Ryder apparently had an incredible preseason and will be getting lots of ice time. Or so I'm told by someone who actually pays attention to the Dallas Stars.

GOALIES

Jonathan Quick, Los Angeles. By the time I got to this pick (second round, 16th overall, I think?) all of last year's top 5 goalies had been taken. Except maybe Tim Thomas, but I guess I forgot about him and I'm better off with no Bruins as long as fantasy hockey isn't cursed like football is, in which case I'd have drafted Brad Marchand twice just to ensure some kind of dumbass injury. But I digress. Quick would have been my backup goalie, so I took him first, thinking of that insane shutout he posted against the Red Wings last year.

Corey Crawford, Chicago. Considering how he played last season, I'm lucky to have him on my team. I feel like we should be referring to Crawford as "the next ________" but I don't know who to compare him to.

Ondrej Pavelec, Winnipeg. The ThrashJets are going to be better than they were last year, simply because they'll have fan support, and Pavelec was already really good. Also, he's Czech.

So, there you have it. A team with a punny name, filled with players who are good at hockey (right?) and who I like (except for Cam Fowler, because who's dis guy?).

Now comes the next step: figuring out how this fantasy sports thing works.

My 12: Rookie breaks her own rules

Usually I hate playing armchair GM. (Notable exceptions: my vocal desire to bring Jarome Iginla, Evgeni Malkin, Drew Doughty, and a few other players to Montreal. Ask Czechtacular how many times I've asked her if we could have a bake sale to help pay for a big-money contract.) However, at the request of some of my blogger friends, I'm attempting to make my picks for 12 forwards that I'd like to see at the season opener.

Disclaimer: This isn't who I think will make the team, just who I like. And yes, I know that I'm not the most qualified person to judge chemistry between linemates, but I'll do my best.

Let's get the obvious out of the way: The top two lines.

Michael Cammalleri & Tomas Plekanec - can't have a team without them. And they've shown how well they can play together (see? Me, talking about chemistry!)

Brian Gionta & Scott Gomez - as if I wouldn't put my captain and his sidekick on the same line.

Benoit Pouliot & Andrei Kostitsyn - I haven't decided which of these players would play on which line, but they'd both add a little size to either of the top two lines and help complete plays. Their potential motivation problems will hopefully be appeased a little bit by playing with guys who have experience and leadership skills.

The tricky stuff: Lines 3 and 4.

Jeff Halpern & Travis Moen - We bought Jeff Halpern for a reason. And there's no way Travis Moen isn't making this team, if he has the man-parts to take on NHL baby Erik Gudbranson. I'm naming them together because they're both sure bets, but they'd probably be on separate lines.

Tom Pyatt - He's great for our supporting cast, and Coach J-Mart loves him, so he's in. Maybe on Moen's line.

Ryan White - After everything I've said about him, how can I cut The Great White? He makes the team for sure, maybe on Halpern's line since Moen is capable of fighting five guys all by himself.

Maxim Lapierre - Only if he can be as good as he was at the end of the season. We have Ryan White now so he'd had better shape up, unless he wants to be replaced by the other Max.

Dustin Boyd - he's my affirmative action, "choose a player we traded for" pick. But, again, Pacioretty's waiting in the wings and he's just a bit bigger, so the Boyd had better bring it.

Players tend to get angry when you cut them

Pressbox boys: These two have pretty good chances of seeing lots of ice time, in case Pouliot needs a night in the pressbox or Lapierre underperforms. I choose Max Pacioretty, who I have a lot of faith in for this season, and Lars Eller, who I think would make more of an impact than the guys I'd send to Hamilton.

To Hamilton: Mathieu Darche isn't an absolute necessity for the Canadiens (PR purposes notwithstanding) but he might prove useful for a callup. Otherwise, the Bulldogs will need a guy with Darche's patience and experience. Ben Maxwell has been overshadowed by a lot of his peers, so I don't think I'd give him much time in Montreal. You never know, though, because he's been getting better, so I'd keep my eye on him just in case.