Hab It Her Way Awards 2013

The best things about summer have come and gone, so I guess it's time for me to enjoy my favourite weather and look forward to the next hockey season. Or, actually, look back on the last season. (That'll take all of three seconds.) Sounds like the perfect time to bring back one of my favourite features: the Hab It Her Way Awards! This year, instead of posting nominees, I've chosen the winners on my own. (Sorry!)

So, without further ado, here are our more traditional categories:

The Youppi! Trophy for Best Hab of the Season

Here, Brendan Gallagher, this is for you. You know, on top of the 28 points, 2 playoff goals, NHL All-Rookie team, Calder nomination, and unconditional love of an entire city.

The Leslie Knope Trophy for Acts of Kindness

Hal Gill saved an owl's life! We've always known that he was a nice guy who seems to treat his teammates really well, but not everyone would go out of their way to save an animal, so this deserves an award.

The Coach Taylor Trophy for Favourite TV Person (Sports)

As usual, this award goes to James Duthie. From his roles in TSN's sketch comedy efforts to his relaxed professionalism in-studio, I don't think I've ever seen a segment where Duthie seemed out of sorts. If there was a clip reel to accompany this award presentation, it would just be of James Duthie, between periods of Team Canada's first game at the World Juniors, around 4 AM EST, saying "If you're watching one of our later rebroadcasts or if you recorded this game to watch later, suck it up next time." It was the most hysterical thing I have ever heard at 4 AM.

The Benedict Cumberbatch Trophy for Best Name of the Draft

Last year's draft was rife with excellent names. This year, not so much. But still, there's no denying the awesomeness of a name like Ben Storm. They waited until the sixth round to draft a guy named Ben Storm? Dude sounds like a superhero! And he was drafted by the Avalanche. That's synergy if I've ever seen it.
Honourable mentions: Stephon Williams (NYI's hottest club) and Rasmus Ristolainen (BUF.)

The Pierre McGuire Trophy for Best Playoff Moment

Thank you, Dave Bolland, for scoring a last-minute Stanley Cup winner and saving us all from the clutches of the evil Bruins!

Our 2012 All-Star Draft

You may remember that last year, the Hab It Her Way girls got together and drafted their own All-Star teams, with all the stress of not knowing who to pick. (Parts One and Two, if you're interested.)

Czechtacular and I are giving it another go. This year, we decided to change things up a little bit. We set some ground rules:

• Starting lineups only: 3 forwards, 2 defencemen, 1 goalie.
• No players that were named to the actual All-Star Game.
• And, since we are Habs fans, there has to be at least one short guy on the team.
• We will be drafting one coach each - but he'll be coaching the other person's team.

And here we go:

Team Czechtacular's first pick...

Radim Vrbata, Phoenix Coyotes. Because he has 23 goals, which is fifth-best in the league, and his real All-Star invitation must've gotten lost in the mail but that's okay because mine is prettier.

Kudos to anyone who got the Count of Monte Cristo reference, which I doubt is anybody. But see? Pretty.

Team Rookie's first pick...

Saku Koivu, Anaheim Ducks. Big surprise there, eh? I was hoping he'd be named an All-Star so that I could go to Ottawa and see him again, and not cry.

Team Czechtacular's second pick...

Ilya Bryzgalov, Philadelphia Flyers. Because he's already used to letting a ton of goals in during regular games for the Flyers and having choice quotes about it after the game. But don't worry, on my team he'll definitely have a mic on for the whole experience just in case he wants to inform us more about blonde-girl huskies and/or solar systems.

Team Rookie's second pick...
Miikka Kiprusoff, Calgary Flames. Because Czechtacular took Bryz away from me, and that is humangas big not cool. Kipper is always great to watch, and I don't get to see him play often enough.

Team Czechtacular's third pick...
Matthew Lombardi, Toronto Maple Leafs. I know, I know. But I waited a whole season to have him back from that concussion and he's mainly here for my version of the Skills' Competition in which he'd zoom away with the Fastest Skater Award anyway, sooooo.

Team Rookie's third pick...

Mason Raymond, Vancouver Canucks. You want fast? Raymond is fast. You're losing that Fastest Skater competition, Team Czechtacular. Sorry. And my picking Raymond now is just a coincidence, because it's a known fact that I put him on my All-Star ballot every year.

Team Czechtacular's fourth pick...

A Magically Healed and Ready for Action Dmitry Kulikov, Florida Panthers. There's nothing in the rules about not being able to stage our version of the All-Star Game in eight weeks, is there? Because like a lot of the Panthers this season, he's been flying under the radar with 24 points, tenth-most in the league among defensemen. Meanwhile, his D partner Brian Campbell gets to be a real All-Star as he spends his break and the next two months or so recovering from knee surgery. I cry foul.

Team Rookie's fourth pick...

Dan Boyle, San Jose Sharks. He's the kind of guy you'd want on your All-Star team, representing your league. He'd probably be good for a point or two, and his stats this season are just as good as actual All-Star Ryan Suter's.

Team Czechtacular's fifth pick...

Ladislav Smid, Edmonton Oilers. In my All-Star Game there are hits and blocked shots. Smid is among the league leaders in both categories. And if you're a regular watcher of Oil Change you'll know why he's the other logical choice to be mic'ed up for the weekend.

Team Rookie's fifth pick...

Wayne Simmonds, Philadelphia Flyers. I never, ever thought I'd pick a Flyer, but I still sort of half-think of Simmonds as an L.A. King. He'd bring some grit and energy to the team, and if you watched 24/7 you'd know that he seems like a nice enough guy. He's maybe not as quotable as, say, Bryzgalov, but he'd get along well with his teammates and have fun with fans.

Team Czechtacular's sixth pick...

David Desharnais, Montreal Canadiens. The little assist-machine (not too shabby at scoring goals against the Wings, either) that could, after getting a rough ride by many of the Habs' faithful for much of this season he's quietly emerging as a top-tier producer, so he's going to be my Tricolore representative this year.

Team Rookie's sixth pick...

Josh Gorges, Montreal Canadiens. Okay, so I coincidentally saved my Hab for last, too. His offensive skill will be an asset in the ASG. He'd have a great time. And, just in case this game goes to overtime and I need someone to score a game-winning goal, he's got it covered.

And now, for the coaches. How do you pick a coach for someone else's team, to play against you?

Czechtacular picks Team Rookie's coach...

Joel Quenneville, Chicago Blackhawks. Because moustache.

Rookie picks Team Czechtacular's coach...

Kirk Muller, Carolina Hurricanes. He might not have a moustache, but how could I not pick Kirk?

And that's our draft, ladies and gentlemen. No awkward cuts to the social media room, no confetti, no free cars. (Offers are welcome for car sponsorships for next year's draft.)

The week that was

NHL Awards are over. (As quickly as they began, and that's a good thing because you all know by now how I feel about this Shinedown band.)
The draft is over. (Or maybe it's still going on... do drafts ever end?)

Maybe you're thinking that after our fairy tale of a playoff run, we Habs fans would get all sorts of applause from the rest of the NHL this week when everyone got together to shake hands. But alas, no Habs came home from Vegas with hardware and Montreal showed up around the middle of the first draft round. All eyes were on Edmonton as it morphed into Hall-ywood. Still, we should be optimistic.

The majority of the NHL Awards went to guys who play either in the Western Conference or for teams that the Canadiens beat in the playoffs. I take it as further proof that our team's postseason proved that the Canadiens are 100 years old and still got it goin' on.

Trading up in the draft saved me from watching more kids get drafted by other teams that are not my favourite, and it was worth it. Good move, Pierre. I approve.

From 0 to badass in the time it takes a scout to announce your name

Twenty-four hours ago I had no idea who Jarred Tinordi was. Within minutes of his selection I became a fan. He's so very tall. If it were possible to make Trevor Timmins look as tall as Gary Bettman, Tinordi's the guy who can do it. He has leadership experience. He seems to have a really calm demeanor, which I can hope will translate well to the ice. Vancouver wanted him. And the best news is probably that, as with most defensive prospects, Tinordi will need a little while to develop before we see him on NHL ice, so with any luck he'll show up just when we need him: when our more experienced D's will have either aged or moved on and our younger guys will be the ones with experience. Oh, the circle of life. It moves us all.

We might not have the excitement of Edmonton right now, or the immense pride of Detroit or Chicago, but I think Montreal has just what it needs. Especially when the riots are on in Toronto.