Off Topic: Rookie goes to the NFL (Part 1)

No sport could ever replace hockey for me, ever. (Except maybe roller derby.) But my new role as the female voice of reason on The Team 990's Game Points has made me increase my passing interest in football. It used to be that I watched the Super Bowl every year, occasionally watched a few minutes of a game, and thought Brett Favre was awesome. That was the extent of my football fandom. It may sound pitiful, but keep in mind that even five minutes of sports used to count for me as "Look! I'm watching sports! I'm well-rounded! Now what's on the other channels?"

So I've started sitting down and trying to figure things out for entire football Sundays. Yes. About 90% of this sport's games are played on the same day. I figure the best way to have a chance at knowing football even half as well as a real football fan is to have a team to cheer for.

I've had a few people encourage me to start following their favourite teams but I should probably put a little more thought into it than that. I already have my (ridiculous) criteria, I just need to find a team that fits it.

So who were my candidates for Football Team Worth Following?

New Orleans Saints: I might as well name the defending NFL champions first, right? Even though I thought the Colts would win the Super Bowl? Drew Brees seems like a cool guy. But he should have told his buddy Reggie Bush that I don't care about Kim Kardashian. Otherwise, there are a few choice names on the team, starting with Will Smith. Yeah, it's pretty awesome that they have a guy named Will Smith. Other names include Jon Stinchcomb and Jo-Lonn Dunbar.
VERDICT: I could get jiggy with Will Smith's team, but the Kardashian connection might be a dealbreaker. They're probably not #1 team material.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Who doesn't love pirates? These guys have a pirate ship in their stadium and fire the cannons after every touchdown (proof here around 0:10). That's their major selling point. Plus, if ever I went to one of their home games, I could scour Tampa for any potential Guy Boucher merchandise or news, and Czechtacular would be very proud of me. Ronde Barber plays for them, and I wasn't even sure if he was still playing. Great names on the team include Stylez G. White, Niko Koutouvides, LeGarrette Blount, and E.J. Biggers.
VERDICT: Cannons.

Buffalo Bills: A contender because they're one of the only teams that I have merchandise for.

I never said it was still relevant merchandise

Their touchdown song is "Shout" by the Isley Brothers, which is a great choice, so they get points for that. However, they haven't won a game yet this season and I can't name a single player on the team anymore. A roster check for awesome names was quite fruitful: Jairus Byrd, Mansfield Wrotto, Ed Wang (hee!) and "sounds like he'd be a hockey player" Paul Posluszny. Yeah, except I hadn't previously heard of any of those guys.
VERDICT: Uh, maybe not. I tried to take an interest last year when Terrell Owens was on the team and I asked my brother for a T.O. shirt every time he went to Buffalo, but I never got that shirt, so I don't really owe the Bills anything.

Jacksonville Jaguars, Cincinnati Bengals, Detroit Lions, Carolina Panthers: Going for a cat-themed team would seem like a great choice for a girl like me, whose cellphone wallpaper is a picture of her cat. But none of these teams really jumps out at me, save for maybe the Bengals. The tiger-striped uniforms are probably the flashiest and coolest in the NFL. I'd get to continue watching the larger-than-life Terrell Owens and get the bonus of his "Batman and Robin" bromance with Chad Ochocinco (who, unfortunately, was cooler pre-Dancing with the Stars). But I encountered a roadblock when I found out that someone I know, who isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, is a Bengals fan. Do I really want to be associated with fans like that guy? I'm not so sure.
VERDICT: My reputation as a crazy cat lady will probably stay out of the NFL.

Stay tuned for Part Two, in which I ramble a lot more but find a few good teams.