Thursday, September 16, 2010

So, about that training camp roster...

Now that the rookies have hit the ice, and the regular Canadiens have joined them (was THAT ever a surprise at Brossard yesterday), we can finally say it's almost hockey time.

You may have seen the roster announcement for training camp, and now I'm going to use my Canadiens expertise to analyze this roster. Who's going to be cut? Who'll stay on board?

Michael Cammalleri, Scott Gomez, Travis Moen, Tomas Plekanec, Benoit Pouliot, Tom Pyatt, Andrei Kostitsyn, Jaroslav Spacek, Andrei Markov: Don't need them. They'll get cut right away. That Spacek's got like zero NHL experience.

Carey Price: Who's dis guy?

Brian Gionta: Yeah, we don't really need a leader right now, but thanks anyway, GG.

P.K. Subban: Bad at hockey. And he has a terrible attitude.

Ryan O'Byrne, Hal Gill: No tall dudes.

Maxim Lapierre, Louis Leblanc, Philippe Lefebvre, Dany Massé, Mathieu Darche, Sébastien Bisaillon, Mathieu Carle, Marc-Antoine Desnoyers, Alexandre Picard, Frédéric St-Denis, Olivier Fortier, Gabriel Dumont: No French dudes.

David Desharnais: Didn't we say no French dudes? AND no tall dudes?

Yannick Weber: Breaking the "No French dudes" rule because technically he's Swiss. Chocolate and watches for everyone!

Ben Maxwell, Max Pacioretty: We've got these two and Lapierre. How many Max's does one team need? We traded away a perfectly good goalie just to stop having so many Jaroslavs. And don't even ask about the Andreis.

Ryan White, Ryan Russell: Again with this? OK, Ryan Russell, we're changing your name to "Russell Crowe." No, it's good, you'll restore some honor to that name.

Jimmy Bonneau: We've been kicking this guy around our system for a while. Maybe we should cut him loose, and he'll be really good at golf, and it'll be just like Happy Gilmore.

Alex Henry: Will only make the team if he takes jersey number 8. Because "Henry the 8" is a good nickname and people can repurpose those Komisarek jerseys.

Alexander Avtsin: Well, we didn't hear about this guy at all during the summer.

Lars Eller: Perfect. We've been looking to diversify the team, and an albino Hab fits the bill.

Jeff Halpern: See? This is what we need! Guys whose names sound like characters on The Office.

Dustin Boyd: Is he as mean as Dan Ellis?
Morgan Ellis: Is he as mean as Dan Ellis?
Brendan Gallagher: Is this the watermelon smasher guy?
Ian Schultz: Is this the Charlie Brown guy?

Brendon Nash: If we cut Ben Maxwell, we can give #61 to this guy!

Hunter Bishop, Andreas Engqvist, Kyle Klubertanz, Nicholas Champion, Andrew Conboy, David Urquhart, Aaron Palushaj, Joe Stejskalt: It's names like these that sell jerseys! Welcome to Montreal, boys.

Alex Auld, Curtis Sanford: It's a one-two punch of bald goalies! Tough luck, Peter Delmas and Robert Mayer.

James T. Wyman: Captain.

Jarred Tinordi: He only makes the team so we can spite the Canucks. (But in all seriousness, I can't believe he just got drafted. He's talented and tenacious and he plays like a guy with at least a couple more seasons under his belt than he actually has.)

So... we might have a full roster come October. Maybe.

1 comment:

  1. Can never have too many Max's on the team IMO, but you could sacrifice an Andrei, especially since it's working out as a great solution with the Jaroslav problem.

    I like Tinordi and I like Hal Gill, but I hate stepladders so yeah, they gotta go. Also, Big Sexy. We have to keep Gio tho, and Pleks, cause we are without Paul Mara's beard this year and I'm only willing to sacrifice so much for this team.


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