Thursday, July 14, 2011

An NHL Sorting Hat

I've been in major Harry Potter mode since visiting The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in January. That overlapped with the hockey season. Now, the last movie is coming out, I'm re-reading Deathly Hallows, and I'm in minor hockey withdrawal.
Instead of suspensions, maybe the NHL should just remove points from each team.
So, of course, I joined nerd-forces with my friend Laura from The Active Stick and wodered which Hogwarts houses some NHL players would be Sorted into. (No rhyming Sorting Hat song, though, sorry.)

MAX PACIORETTY: You've been through many injuries and many trials this year... Lots of grace under fire, and more than enough bravery. GRYFFINDOR!

ZDENO CHARA: Quite a bit of skill, I see... And you just won the Stanley Cup, so we know you're capable of great things. I see a lot of selfish anger inside you. (Plus I know what you did to Max Pacioretty.) SLYTHERIN! And take your team with you!

SAKU KOIVU: Boundless patience, good character, and a nice amount of talent... You've survived so much adversity, so clearly there's a lot of courage there. The choice is obvious... GRYFFINDOR!
Habs red + Ducks yellow/gold/beige/browncolour = Gryffindor?
MARTIN ST. LOUIS: You've won many trophies, and you've helped a young teammate achieve great success. You appear to be humble enough, and you love your team... HUFFLEPUFF!

RICK NASH: Neville Longbottom, is that you? Trying to get Sorted again, I see. There's no need to doubt the Sorting Hat. GRYFFINDOR!

JAMES WISNIEWSKI: Smart, very smart... You're able to adapt to new surroundings very easily, I see. You look out for your teammates but you never forget to do what's best for yourself. Hmm... RAVENCLAW!

BROOKS LAICH: A good heart. Lots of talent as well. I seem to recall a story where you helped your fans, rather than thinking about yourself... You're very brave. And smart. Very smart, in fact. No, not Slytherin. Never Slytherin. There's too much goodness and loyalty in you. HUFFLEPUFF!

SHANE DOAN: HUFFLEPUFF! (I imagine this would happen just as quickly as when Draco Malfoy was Sorted into Slytherin.)

DANY HEATLEY: It appears that you cannot stay loyal to any one team. SLYTHERIN!

JONATHAN TOEWS: Very talented, I see. You're a great leader... Excellent reasoning, a sharp mind, and wit to match... RAVENCLAW!

ALEXANDER OVECHKIN: So much talent... and so much pride as well. You're smart on the ice, I see. But where to put you? You love your teammates, but not quite as much as you love yourself. SLYTHERIN!

BRAD RICHARDS: I'm just going through the motions. You've already decided what house you're in, so I don't need to say anything, do I?

Thoughts on whether there are any Bruins who don't belong in Slytherin, whether or not P.K. Subban is Gilderoy Lockhart with actual talent, and the awesomeness of a real-life National Quidditch League are welcome in the comments section.


  1. Hmmm, if you combine the 2011 Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins with Alex Ovechkin and Dany Heatley...well let's just say I think Slytherin's gonna take the crown.

  2. Well, that's the first time a Death Eater leaves me blog comment.

  3. OVIE IN SLYTHERIN?!! No like.
    And I still think Hufflepuffs are mildly loserish and some of those dudes are waaay too cool. Everyone should be Gryffindor.
    And there's a Quidditch league at McGill apparently (another point removed from Concordia :P)

  4. Oh man, Rookie, your response made me laugh so hard.


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