|Instead of suspensions, maybe the NHL should just remove points from each team.|
MAX PACIORETTY: You've been through many injuries and many trials this year... Lots of grace under fire, and more than enough bravery. GRYFFINDOR!
ZDENO CHARA: Quite a bit of skill, I see... And you just won the Stanley Cup, so we know you're capable of great things. I see a lot of selfish anger inside you. (Plus I know what you did to Max Pacioretty.) SLYTHERIN! And take your team with you!
SAKU KOIVU: Boundless patience, good character, and a nice amount of talent... You've survived so much adversity, so clearly there's a lot of courage there. The choice is obvious... GRYFFINDOR!
|Habs red + Ducks yellow/gold/beige/browncolour = Gryffindor?|
WE MISS YOU, SAKU!
RICK NASH: Neville Longbottom, is that you? Trying to get Sorted again, I see. There's no need to doubt the Sorting Hat. GRYFFINDOR!
JAMES WISNIEWSKI: Smart, very smart... You're able to adapt to new surroundings very easily, I see. You look out for your teammates but you never forget to do what's best for yourself. Hmm... RAVENCLAW!
BROOKS LAICH: A good heart. Lots of talent as well. I seem to recall a story where you helped your fans, rather than thinking about yourself... You're very brave. And smart. Very smart, in fact. No, not Slytherin. Never Slytherin. There's too much goodness and loyalty in you. HUFFLEPUFF!
SHANE DOAN: HUFFLEPUFF! (I imagine this would happen just as quickly as when Draco Malfoy was Sorted into Slytherin.)
DANY HEATLEY: It appears that you cannot stay loyal to any one team. SLYTHERIN!
JONATHAN TOEWS: Very talented, I see. You're a great leader... Excellent reasoning, a sharp mind, and wit to match... RAVENCLAW!
ALEXANDER OVECHKIN: So much talent... and so much pride as well. You're smart on the ice, I see. But where to put you? You love your teammates, but not quite as much as you love yourself. SLYTHERIN!
BRAD RICHARDS: I'm just going through the motions. You've already decided what house you're in, so I don't need to say anything, do I?
Thoughts on whether there are any Bruins who don't belong in Slytherin, whether or not P.K. Subban is Gilderoy Lockhart with actual talent, and the awesomeness of a real-life National Quidditch League are welcome in the comments section.