Friday, February 18, 2011

Serious New NHL Trade Rumours! For Real!

Friday was one of the busiest trade days in recent memory. Somehow, though, I know that we haven't seen the last trade of the season. With a little over a week left until trade deadline, we're probably all on the edge of our seats. But what would happen if the league's GMs ran out of cap space for players they want to buy, or simply decided they were done?

Would they start trading other stuff? Because I have some rumours to start.

LOS ANGELES has been making aggressive offers to COLORADO concerning Matt Duchene. They've offered The Real Michael Cera, as well as an assortment of hoodies, in exchange for Duchene. (But it's a bit of a longshot, because Colorado knows that Hollywood has no more use for Cera with the recent emergence of Jesse Eisenberg.)

DALLAS may send a Texan Cowboy to CALGARY in exchange for an Albertan Cowboy.

ANAHEIM and LOS ANGELES are both fielding calls left and right re: Churro Stands. Teams interested include NEW YORK RANGERS (Hot Dog Cart), NEW JERSEY (One Cake Boss Cast Member), and MONTREAL (one Lafleur's franchise).

More MONTREAL updates: Pierre Gauthier has been fielding offers for Ryan White's Hair. He refused EDMONTON (Ryan Jones' Hair) after yesterday's loss, but might still be in talks with VANCOUVER about Ryan Kesler's Hair. Any speculation about a trade with ANAHEIM (Ryan Getzlaf's Hair) is completely unfounded.

PITTSBURGH has asked Hilary Duff to waive her no-movement clause in hopes of sparking the interest of NASHVILLE (Carrie Underwood). David Poile has refused the offer, but TORONTO has offered Elisha Cuthbert and two draft picks.

The NEW YORK RANGERS have contacted CHICAGO in an attempt to get Patrick Kane's Awful Sweater in exchange for Sean Avery's Hipster Glasses.

The rumoured OTTAWA-WASHINGTON deal (Stephen Harper for Barack Obama) is not going to happen.

Hottest rumour of the day: It appears that PHOENIX may send Paul Bissonnette's Twitter Skills to CALGARY for Craig Conroy's TV skills.

Confirmed: MINNESOTA has agreed on terms to take Sand from FLORIDA in exchange for Snow.


  1. I heard the St. Louis Blues will be looking to trade their blues for reds because everyone knows red is the colour of a champion and they don't want to pay back their season ticket holders.

  2. New York has offered Montreal the Statue of Liberty for their superior bagels. Monteral has refused - "we have enough French things already. Unless we can put her on the Habs blue line".

    Quebec City has reportedly offered Bonhomme Carnaval, a vat of poutine, and 12 cases of Celine Dion records to any city willing to trade their team, or will split the offer up into various parts for any reject players up for grabs to Frankenstein their own team. (No actual Frankenstien though, there is an law against torch-wielding mobs)

  3. Ahahaha I just saw it now, but that was a great post!
    Gauthier better not trade Ryan White's hair though, unless we get some very promising prospect's hair in return! I don't think he should sell though, it's not time for a capillary rebuilding.


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