Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Meet Sean Avery's New BFF

The New York Rangers go into the playoffs as the top team in the Eastern Conference. They also go into the playoffs without Sean Avery, who may or may not have retired out of spite. (Spite: the best reason to do anything!) Also, he and his supermodel girlfriend aren't seeing each other anymore. Also, it's his birthday and he has no girlfriend and no hockey to help him get a new girl, so basically all he has is fancy shoes or pocket squares or whatever.

Sounds like Sean Avery could use a hug.

I won't be the one to give him that hug, because Sean Avery is kind of gross, but lucky for him, I'm starting a new feature here at Hab It Her Way:
I've found a best friend for Avery, since he probably could use one. He may not be a real person, but that's just a minor detail.
Sean, meet Schmidt from FOX's New Girl. He's just like you: he loves the ladies, he's well-dressed, and he's so ridiculously metrosexual that you wonder if he spends any time not staring at himself in the mirror, primping or tweezing something. (Just listen to the way he says "hair chutney." Or, just pay attention to the fact that he uses "hair chutney.") You two would have the time of your lives: practicing your best pickup techniques, shopping at Kiehl's, sipping vodka martinis or whatever makes you look like the classiest man at the bar... You'd have the ultimate wingman. You could spend more time with Schmidt's roommates: two vaguely loser-y guys that make you feel better about yourself, and one cute girl that you already have your eye on, even though you think she's a little crazy. Just don't tell Schmidt you think she's crazy - anyone who feels anything other than fuzzy, platonic love towards Jess Day is immediately treated like a monster. You should probably know that.

Happy shopping! I'll be watching the playoffs.

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