Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Why Pierre Gauthier hasn't signed Carey Price yet

So recently, two blogs that we read a lot, The Active Stick and The H Does Not Stand For Habs, have made lists of reasons why Carey Price hasn't signed a new contract. Now, they're both quite funny, but it takes two to contract tango, right? Where's Gauthier in all this? And are there any jokes about Carey Price that haven't already been made? (And do I really want to knock the only goalie I have left?)

So over the last few days I've been pondering why Pierre Gauthier hasn't been able to make it work. Here's what I've come up with:

He didn't think anyone would notice.

When confronted, Gauthier answered "That's not my job. Wait... what do you mean, 'yes it is'?"

He's been really busy making picks for his So You Think You Can Dance pool.

Packing his bags for Tampa Bay. He may not get to be GM, because nobody is cooler than Steve Yzerman, but that's where all the cool kids are going.

I mean, look at that sweater!

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I have a theory that Pierre Gauthier might be a vampire. (You know, the evil kind. Not one of those sparkly imitation-vampires.) It's summer. Work and extended sunlight don't mix, especially when work involves thinking about delicious goalie blood.

Bob Gainey's on vacation, and Gauthier's too scared to make a decision by himself. He hasn't even been to Starbucks since the last time he saw Bob, because he can never decide between a grande and a venti.
...and he REALLY needs the caffeine.

He keeps trying to insert a salary bonus into Price's contract, dependent on Carey growing out his hair again. This clause keeps getting rejected by Price, his agent, and everyone with two properly functioning eyes.

If Gauthier doesn't knock Popsicles out of the hands of children, who will?
A future victim.

He's still riding high on talking about the Halak trade. Why? Because it gives him a great punchline whenever he likes something. If his wife takes him shopping, it's "I like this tie so much, I want to trade it to St. Louis." If he's watching the sunset, he's got Doug Armstrong on the phone, trying to trade it for a cloud or something. He can't sign Price until he comes up with a new catchphrase to go along with it.
(Which, Pierre, would be "this is taking longer than signing a goalie!" I plan on using it in long lines at Tim Hortons and when the metro breaks down.)

He's having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich!
One for now, Pierre, and the other for when I HAVE A GOALIE.


  1. Another theory: his lucky pen ran out of ink and he's confused about what to do now.

  2. I can relate to the caffeine thing. It's why I go to Tim's instead of Starbucks. Starbucks has too many choices. If PG goes to Tim's this week instead, expect a new contract before Friday.


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