Wednesday, March 6, 2013

My PaleyFest 2013: The Newsroom

I'm not in Los Angeles for PaleyFest - an annual television festival with nightly panel discussions featuring the cast and creators of popular shows - this year. So I'm just imagining what I'd do if I was there.

Night 3 (Part 2): The Newsroom

Oh man, have I been waiting for this. I hate this show so much. I like watching television because it's an inanimate object that can't be condescending towards me, and yet Aaron Sorkin manages to ruin that. He claims that smart girls have more fun, but I have a feeling that if my IQ were lower, I might not notice the speechifying and the relentless misogyny that he's so incredibly fond of.

And to top it off, it was moderated by Piers Morgan, a man whose purpose I have yet to understand.

I may hate this show, but I made sure to get front-row seats to this panel. Why? Because it was scripted that Sorkin would call on me to ask a question and exactly recreate the opening scene of the pilot, because that's his idea of meta humour? No. (But that happened, by the way.) It was so that I could create a character out of his now-infamous interview with a Globe and Mail reporter: Internet Girl!

Internet Girl isn't a superhero, but she can be. She wears a dress, because she's a girl. Maybe her dress looks like this:
Maybe she had her Twitter handle screen-printed onto the hem of it. Maybe she wears Tina Fey glasses and pearl earrings and a necklace with an @ sign on it.* Maybe there's a newspaper and a Criterion blu-ray in her purse, because she reads newspapers (when the journalists aren't being insufferable) and she watches films. Oh, and maybe she's covering up her tattoo of Nyan Cat.

*I actually have pendants with @ signs on them, somewhere, I think. So if anyone wants a necklace, I might be able to oblige.

However, Internet Girl isn't at the panel to find out more about how the main character, a white man, is "on a mission to civilize." She learned that already in history books, and it didn't end very well. And she's not there to get spoilers for season 2, because Michael Ausiello or Kristin Dos Santos will provide those anyway. (That's what the Internet is for.) No, she's just there to sarcastically live-tweet the whole thing on her iPad, which happens to have this picture printed onto its case:
She ignores most of the cast's ramblings anyway, because who needs a bunch of fake news media personalities patting themselves on the back for discussing The Big Issues that plagued America two years ago? She mostly went to see if Chris Messina would show up, because he's the closest thing she had to a reason to watch the show. (She doesn't care about Olivia Munn's legs.)

She does her best to rile Sorkin up, and while all of the yes-men rush the stage to laud the cast and whatnot, she attempts to high-five him, since he famously hates girls who can't high-five. (No word on boys, though.)

Oh, and she ignored Alison Pill, who looks awfully happy for someone who allegedly just broke off her engagement to Jay Baruchel.

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