Thanks a lot, NHL lockout. There are so many things I could have dressed up as this year, probably, if there had been NHL hockey right now:
A scalper - worn an ugly jacket and just stood outside my friend's party the whole night murmuring "Tickets... tickets... Need tickets?"
A California-based celebrity, pretending that I know what hockey is because the Kings won the Stanley Cup (or so my agent told me.)
Whatever a hockey player complained about on Twitter, other than the lockout. What would have been this season's Dan Ellis vs. money? Or this season's "This game is longer than Brad Marchand's nose"?
This season's new Big Bad! You know, if this whole thing about Matt Cooke being a good guy kept up, I'm sure someone would have stepped up to take his place.
I could have attempted to replicate, stitch for stitch, a recent P.K. Subban outfit.
But I didn't get to do any of those things. Like the Great Pumpkin, the NHL season just won't show up, no matter how long we wait for it or how much we believe. (Which probably isn't very much anymore.)
Instead, I might just dress up as Gary Bettman as The Wizard of Oz: You know, a guy who pretends to be scary and powerful, but is mostly just smoke and mirrors, spending his time hiding so that he can continue to intimidate people who would otherwise see right through him.