Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Instead of 300 Sandwiches...

The Internet was abuzz today, discussing a blog in which a woman became a message board cliché. In order to get engaged, a girl's boyfriend challenged her to make him 300 sandwiches - and she agreed. So, now, she's basically a sandwich machine, where sandwiches come out in exchange for approval. In one pull-quote from the blog (which I won't link to), the boyfriend literally asks her why she's been awake for fifteen minutes and still hasn't made him a sandwich.

When I heard about this, I immediately had two questions: How much money could I make writing a screenplay about this? And is this how relationships work now?

Because if it is, I've got to start thinking of challenges for my future fiancé. Here's a rough draft:

Give me 150 sports-themed manicures

Answer the phone 300 times when telemarketers call during Habs games or Parks and Rec
Go the Bell Centre and buy me the new issue of Canadiens magazine the day it comes out every month for two years

Keep me up-to-date on all the blogger gossip so I know who's subtweeting who (which you will continue to do during our marriage)

Punch nine Bruins fans on nine separate occasions and don't get arrested
Execute 5 blockbuster trades so the Habs have the kind of starting lineup you'd usually only see at the All-Star Game when Crosby is injured

Make 82 game-day meals that I will request, regardless of whether you even know how to make pasta sauce properly
Make me 60 hand-drawn posters to bring to hockey games that are so hilarious that I might become an Internet celebrity for like a week

Type out 800 tweets for me when I'm tired

Stop changing the channel, we are not watching Coach's Corner at intermission.

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