Thursday, November 8, 2012

The NHL lockout, as explained by that girl on the bus who talks really loud on her phone

Okay, so right now hockey is acting like a really crappy boyfriend, you know? Like, he's still your boyfriend but like, you cook him dinner and he spends half the time texting other girls. Like, what even is that, right? Or like he takes you out to eat and offers to pay, but then he complains it was expensive. Like, you offered to buy me a sandwich at Subway. If you can't afford Subway, then why are you buying pitchers for your friends every weekend? 
And he thinks you guys should cool things down just for a couple of weeks, because he can't afford to treat you right, but he's going to his friend's bachelor party in Vegas. I know, Vegas, right? And like you know you should dump him, but you don't? And like the NBA is right there, and it would totally be a better boyfriend, but it's just not the same. 
...No, trust me, if you actually watched basketball you would love it. No, I'm totally serious! Shut up. And whatever, it wouldn't be as annoying as the NHL, who has a lockout like every two minutes. 

So, like, these CBA talks keep happening, and nothing is getting done. Because they only talk for like five minutes at a time, probably. It's like when you call your boyfriend and he doesn't pick up, so you text him to ask what time we're leaving for Tim's party tonight, and what does he want from the SAQ. And then it takes him fifteen minutes to answer and all he writes back is "k." ...I know! It really is! I mean, seriously, "k"? That's it? I know!

So like eventually you get fed up. I mean, I'm done putting up with him. I'm better than this. Like, I deserve to have a guy or a sport treat me like I'm Kate Hudson in some shitty movie that has like a hundred stupid love stories in it. ...Oh my God, really? It was good? When did you go see it? ...I know, but then I hated it because Bradley Cooper was such a jerk in it, remember?

Right. Hockey. Yeah, so now apparently talks are actually picking up, which is like when you're thinking about giving up on this useless boyfriend and then he realizes he still wants you around to buy him stuff, so he's all like "Baby, how come you didn't call me today? You know you're my world" and you're like, okay whatever, buddy... But then you think that maybe you should take him back, like, I don't know anymore...


  1. Is that a picture of the girl?

  2. Not necessarily. Depending on where you live, this girl could be basically any ethnicity.


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