Monday, November 21, 2011

Is IR a lie?

Today is a special day in hockey, because Sidney Crosby is the only player to ever return from an injury in the history of the NHL.
Or so everyone would have me believe, but come on, I'm not THAT clueless about hockey, and you're not all that kid I saw at the Hockey Hall of Fame blazing past the Gordie Howe jersey and through the replica Canadiens' dressing room, in search of a Crosby poster. (No, I'm completely serious. That kid exists. He actually said, "I don't care, I only like Crosby."

Anyway, what's up with all those other guys who have missed games lately? I did some sleuthing to find out what they were really up to:

Hal Gill: He's fine, he just needed a few days off to catch up on Terra Nova and jam to the new Florence + The Machine album.

Scott Gomez: Spent some time swimming through his money like Scrooge McDuck.

Ryan White: Filming a bit part in The Avengers, unfortunately has not convinced Scarlett Johansson to go out with him yet.

Andrei Markov: Disney World!
Marky's new practice helmet.

Mason Raymond: Designed a line of fancy back braces, for guys who just think they look cool.

David Perron: Did some travelling and found himself. Yeah, it took him a while. You can't trek through a desert in a day. He'll be back to the game as soon as he finishes doing all his laundry and checking his voicemail.

Ryan Miller: Will return to the game once his album drops.

But, unfortunately, we won't be hearing about all this because it's not as important or something. (By the way, everyone, guess who else is putting out a new album soon? Bruce Springsteen, the only boss we listen to.) I'm very happy that Crosby's healthy enough to be back and do more than make commercials, but I want to hear about other injured players too, you know? What's Ryan Miller's album going to be called?

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