The way to a fan's heart

So maybe your favourite hockey team hasn't won a game in two weeks, even though they should theoretically have been able to whup at least one of those teams' asses. And maybe your team's coach is being an idiot, and maybe one of the players has made it public that they don't get along and you can't even pick sides in this feud because you're just so sick of both of them. And maybe like half the team is injured, and maybe the guys who are still on the ice seem nearly incapable of defending their own goalie. And maybe they traded away one of the only Bulldogs you still care about. And maybe one of your favourite players scored a goal, then had it taken away from him. And maybe they play four games in the next week and you don't even know how to feel about that.
And maybe your favourite soccer player is retiring.
And maybe your NFL team failboated until you decided you couldn't watch them lose another game and then they won.

Maybe your usual optimism isn't quite working out for you in light of all this.

Maybe you just need to stop thinking about sports and eat your feelings. About halfway through last night's game, I just happened to read a blog post about great foods for emotional eating. I should probably have read my friend Robyn's guide to being a gracious loser instead, but... food.
So, I'm making my own suggestions to eat these Habs worries away:

Ice cream and wine. I just saw a place on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives that made nearly everything into a flavour of gelato. You could go there and have Merlot sorbet and Parmesan ice cream. That's classy emotional eating. I'm sure Audrey Hepburn would approve. (Sidebar: Do you think Audrey Hepburn ever even tasted ice cream?)

Mashed potatoes. I literally ate all of the mashed potatoes and stuffing and mashed sweet potatoes that were left over from Thanksgiving. (Probably also some turkey.) Why mashed potatoes? You could put gravy on them. You can load them up with butter. Wait... why am I even trying to sell mashed potatoes? They sell themselves!

Shipwreck Dinner. It's a recipe I came across once, and it's the ultimate comfort food. (Even for a lactose intolerant loser like me.) Mac and cheese, beef, tomatoes, and more cheese? What's not to love?

Cool Whip and Oreos. Why not? Just the thought of last night's game makes me wish I had Cool Whip and Oreos.

Peanut butter cups. One of the foods that I think can make any problem seem smaller. For the minute or so that it takes to eat a peanut butter cup, it seems like chocolate and peanut butter are the only important things in life. Remember that Reese's commercial where they reminded you that there are 3 Reese cups in a package and 3 periods in a hockey game? They've lost 5 games. So, fifteen Reese cups it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have fifteen Reese cups to eat before the next game.