Plus/Minus reaches for the Pinot

A week has passed since the last Plus/Minus, and the team has lost enough times to change my mind about this "all Plus" business. (See my previous post for foods that can help you deal with all this.)

PLUS

Can we send this in to Cute Overload?

+ I shouldn't condone violence, but Carey Price is the only Hab willing to stand up for Carey Price, so he might as well have given Nazem Kadri that little smack upside the head. (Yeah, I said it. I'm sure Leafs fans are going to start pelting rocks at me for it. Whatever.)
+ Congratulations to Hal Gill on his 1000th career NHL game, and can I again say that his family is so adorable. Also mad props to whoever in the organization decided to have his teammates give flowers to his wife and mother - so cute!
+ Congratulations to Mike Cammalleri on his 500th game, and to former Hab Ryan O'Byrne on his 200th game.
+ Josh Gorges scored a goal!! ...wait, what? They gave it to Travis Moen? Okay, fine, I guess Moen is still a goal-scoring machine.

MINUS

Yeah, so that Bruin is now a Hab

- Hamilton Bulldog Joe Stejskal got hit pretty badly this week.
- Brock Trotter came back from Europe... only to get traded away. Can someone explain to me what is happening?
- Ads on the glass, RDS? Are you freaking serious? I've always hated those, and hoped I wouldn't have to see them on a regular basis, but RDS didn't listen to me. What's next? Is Mario Tremblay going to change his name to Ford F-150?
- Two consecutive losses to the Leafs? It makes my heart hurt.
- People calling for Jacques Martin's head: Firing a coach isn't going to solve all the team's problems. I don't like him either, but pointing fingers isn't going to help us get through this.
- And a Minus to indulge the superstitious side of me: Someone take Carey Price's pink pads (even though the breast cancer awareness angle is incredibly thoughtful) and burn them. Sacrifice them like Carey did to Josh Gorges' stick a couple of years ago. PLEASE.

It's all right. Tomorrow is another day. They might win, they might lose... But the beauty of tomorrow is that we don't know, and that each new game is a chance at a new start. That's a Plus, right?

Plus/Minus wants more turkey

It's Thanksgiving. I've got a belly full of turkey and an excuse to write. That's what I'm thankful for. (I know, I know, nobody asked me what I'm thankful for.)

BETTER THAN EXTRA GRAVY
+ Jacques Martin wore a decent suit to the season premiere! What happened to all of his suits that were the same colour as broth? (Don't answer that.)
+ What a beautiful tribute to Rick Rypien from the Winnipeg Jets. I like that he was cheered one last time during the video montage, since the home opener was too much of a joyous occasion to expect fans to stay quiet for a moment of silence. That being said, yes, Winnipeg fans were just as enthusiastic as we expected them to be.
+ Travis Moen scored a goal? Travis Moen scored a goal!
+ Copy-pasted from the Calgary Flames' Facebook page: [Jarome Iginla] now passes Lanny McDonald in points with 1007, moves to 75th in the NHL's all-time point leaders list, and is now 15 goals away from 500.


+ 2 Congratulations to Anthony Calvillo on breaking the professional football record for passing yards. (More than Brett Favre!) And a standing ovation to the Alouettes for serving Thanksgiving dinner at a soup kitchen.

TV
+ Two of Fox's comedies won me over this week with dance numbers, and neither of them was Glee: First was New Girl, with a slowed-down chicken dance set to Phil Collins, and who doesn't love Phil Collins? (Don't answer that.) Second was Raising Hope, with a cute "slow dance to a fast song" moment between Jimmy and Sabrina.
+ Okay and Glee was pretty good this week too. I loved the focus on Mike Chang - it was the exact plot of every dance movie, ever, and yet didn't feel like a typical dance movie at all.
+ The local media was all abuzz when Pan Am premiered and Quebec girl Karine Vanasse was on TV.  This week's Pan Am proved that she was cast for a reason: she showed her character's emotional scars from World War II. Great performance.

WORSE THAN STORE-BOUGHT STUFFING
- So was there like a conspiracy to break Chris Campoli?
- The season just started, and the Canadiens have already lost Mike Cammalleri to injury for two weeks. Damn you, hockey skates, for being sharp! Get well soon, Cammy!

- When even Jack Todd thinks that Don Cherry is wrong, he's really, really wrong. By calling former players like Chris Nilan hypocrites for feeling sympathy for the enforcers we lost this summer, he's basically calling himself an idiot. First of all, Chris Nilan was a great player and fought a lot of good fights. But some of those fights weren't on the ice. He's been through a lot, and hockey fans are lucky that he's still around to spice up talk radio and sign autographs for us. He does not deserve to be called names. Second, the NHL has changed. Don Cherry is worried that if the game evolves too much, he'll be out of a job. And isn't that more important than the hot-button issue of player safety? It's not? Oh, I guess Mr. Cherry just can't hear us over his suits!

- The New York Jets lost to the New England Patriots. That was not cool.


Oh, and another thing I'm thankful for? The home opener isn't until Thursday, so I'm thankful for being all-clear to watch Fox Tuesday.

Plus/Minus: Maybe not such a well-oiled machine

Earlier this week, I watched my all-time favourite Jeopardy contestant, Ken Jennings, lose a Jeopardy tournament to a supercomputer. (Yes, I love Jeopardy, deal with it.) It was bizarre. The whole thing was won by a computer, with no face, no feelings, and an inhuman thought process. It was just as crushing as watching the Canadiens lose this week. But just a little bit scarier.

PLUS

+ I know his options were limited, but it really says something that Jacques Martin put Tom Pyatt in the shootout against Buffalo. Pyatt hasn't exactly wowed anyone this season, and you'd think a coach like Martin would want him out of the way, but he threw Pyatt a bone. Maybe it'll just take a little more for him to put some points on the board this season.
+ Congrats to the Old Habs on beating the Old Flames at the alumni game!
+ Mike Cammalleri is back!
+ Paul Mara's beard!
+ Hat tricks: Devin Setoguchi helped the Sharks to a win and Neil Young (no joke, it was actually Neil Young, I swear) applauded him. And Taylor Hall had a natural hat trick, which as I learned this week is even fancier than a regular hat trick.

+ My favourite non-hockey sporting event of the year, the NBA All-Star Skills Competition, did not disappoint. It was flashy and over-the-top and famous people were there and Cee-Lo performed. Also, the slam dunk competition was so good that I am literally unable to choose my favourite dunk. I can't even give advantage to everyone's favourite basketball player Blake Griffin. (A Minus within this Plus goes to Michael Jordan... c'mon man, I know you're the greatest that ever lived, but don't text during the dunk competition!)
+ Just when I started getting jealous of the NBA All-Star Weekend for its multitude of relevant musical acts, the Heritage Classic busts out Metric as the live entertainment between the 2nd and 3rd periods. Thank you, universe. And this, just one week after the other best band in Canada won Album of the Year at the Grammys.

MINUS

- I looked forward to the Heritage Classic because two teams that I like very much were going to play outdoors. It turns out only one of those teams played. What happened, Habs?
- 2 I might be sad that the Canadiens didn't do enough in Calgary, but I would never disrespect them like some people did. First, there was François Gagnon on Twitter, complaining about the American anthem being performed at an all-Canadian game. I'm not saying his whining was unfounded, just a little excessive, especially for a professional journalist who should probably have known that they were going to sing it. It's as if there wasn't a hockey game after the anthems were performed. And then, I saw people who had spent time and money to get to McMahon Stadium, to see what I'd consider a once-in-a-lifetime hockey game, and they LEAVE EARLY. Unless all those people were in danger of frostbite, they should be ashamed. A real fan will watch their team, win or lose.
- I loved everything on CBC leading up to the Heritage Classic, except for the complete lack of imagination on the part of whoever set a montage to the Requiem for a Dream music. Really? REALLY? You think you're the first person to think of that?
- The Canadiens lost to the Buffalo Sabres and I can't even blame Ryan Miller for it? That just makes me sad.
- File James Wisniewski's puck-to-face incident under "Things That Should Have Happened To Sean Avery."
- Patrick Kane parties like nobody's watching and dresses poorly while doing so. Never change, Patrick Kane, never change.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be bracing myself for the Canucks game on Tuesday.

Dear injury fairy: you're a bitch

The injury fairy is angry. She's very angry. She's been messing with us big-time in the last couple of days. Maybe she just wanted to see how far she could go with the Canadiens. She's got a lot of bravado now that she managed to fell Sidney Crosby with a concussion. That was a pretty big get. Usually when she goes after the league's most important player, she makes him pull a muscle when he folds his own laundry, or something.

In case you're not up to speed, here's what happened during last night's game against the Buffalo Sabres at HSBC Arena: most of the Habs got injured and Patrick Kaleta is evil. Here, let a few of my Twitter friends fill in the blanks (I'm a little worried that Laura might sic the injury fairy on me, as she's the boss when it comes to Twitter screencaps):

I, of course, had a case of the maybes and tried to figure out why the injury fairy would do this to us, and what karma the Habs could have brought upon themselves. Karma's been especially mean to poor Max Pacioretty, who was sick, then got whaled on by Psycho Henrik Lundqvist, and now has suffered some damage to his ribs. Someone please keep an eye on him, to make sure he doesn't slip on the sidewalk or get a paper cut. Time to confess, Montreal Canadiens: What did you do?
Double-park somewhere?
Claim that Toronto or New York has better bagels than Montreal?
Tell Jacques Martin that his hair looked okay?
Watch Jay Leno at some point in the last year?
Go out into the Montreal cold without hats, scarves, or boots? Oh, wait...

...was it the "excessive" postgoal celebrations?

Well, whatever it was, the injury fairy decided to give the Habs an extra helping of hurt. And in doing so, she hurt my feelings. And the Kings lost, too. And I didn't win an Anze Kopitar autographed puck on Facebook. And then Jarome Iginla pulled out of the All-Star Game and was replaced by Daniel Briere.

Getting a little personal there, injury fairy. Maybe I'm the one who caused this. Are we cool now?

Plus/Minus gets chatty again

All-Stars, superheroes, surgeries, spin-o-ramas, and goalies doing gangsta poses. Did I write a hockey soap opera, or is this real life?

PLUS

+ Benoit Pouliot was good at hockey this week.
+ Carey Price is an All-Star! It made me so happy that at first I didn't even realize that Norris Trophy nominee Drew Doughty is not an All-Star. Quite a few All-Star guys that I'll be very happy to see on the ice together in two weeks. (I keep trying to choose my ideal winger for the Sedin twins, and can't decide!)
+ Alex Auld is pretty great against the Rangers. It's not just luck.
+ Dwayne Roloson's new mask (you know, for his Tampa Bay Lightning job that he unfortunately stole from Cédrick) is one of the nicest goalie masks in the NHL.
+ I think my New York Jets may just have won a playoff game. I might be imagining it, though.
+ Despite the fact that I'm not his biggest fan, I'm giving Aaron Sorkin a Plus for giving me a new catchphrase at the Golden Globes: "Smart girls have more fun."

MINUS

You guys should follow @kuyaz on Twitter just because he makes things like this sometimes.

- No, Marc-Andre Fleury, I didn't think your little pose was playful and fun. I might have thought that if you weren't such a massive douchetard, but them's the breaks.
- Gotta admit, I'm kind of squeamish, so I'm not always in the mood to see injuries and scars and stuff. I tried to avoid seeing pictures of the surgery scar on Andrei Markov's knee, but it was right there on the Habs Inside/Out homepage. Not cool, guys. It hurts me enough to remember that my favourite Hab is injured.
- I'm pretty sure I've made some variation on this rant at least once already this season: who let Mike Cammalleri get sick? You're telling me that one of the NHL's most profitable teams doesn't have money for Purell or to pay people to walk around holding up sneezeguards in front of players?
- Is there anyone left in this universe who still likes PK Subban? Poor rookie has haters all over the place. You'd think Matt Cooke started sending out blank cheques. (PS: This week I found out what a slew foot is... and seriously, THAT'S one of the dirtiest moves in hockey? Whose grandparents decided this? Was PK's slew foot on Dubinsky just a weak example, or was I not watching closely enough? Because I've seen way worse, both from NHL players and from girls at weddings trying to catch the bouquet.)
- Dear every player in the NHL: Maybe you didn't get my last memo, but there's a limit to corporate sponsorships and endorsement deals, ok? I know some of you don't listen to me, but it's one thing to endorse a company whose products you believe in and they send you free stuff, but it's another to have logos and company names splashed across your clothes or to show up in every other commercial I see. And yes, I'll keep telling you this until I get what I want. Okay? Okay. Thanks. Sincerely, Rookie.
- Henrik Lundqvist: You know what you did.

NEITHER A PLUS NOR A MINUS
Spin-o-ramas during shootouts. A skater should be allowed to do whatever he wants as he skates up to the net, because, after all, shootouts are there for our entertainment. (If they weren't, there would still be more than five minutes of overtime.) There's a limit, though, and as much as I love Mason Raymond he showed me what that limit is this week. I'm sorry, MayRay, but you shouldn't commit goalie interference with your butt.

AND STAY TUNED FOR
This is a shameless plug, because I never know what I'll say on the radio but I sometimes know what I'll be writing about, so I might as well promote what I can control. A Plus to this week's SNL Digital Short, which I'll write about soon for BetterWithPopcorn.com, and a Minus to our NHL Guardian, the Canadien, which I'll snark on soon for AllHabs.net.

What a game. (Plus/Minus in disguise.)

It's a Plus/Minus, a "happy new year," and a "what I did on vacation" all rolled into one. That's just how I do.
I'd like to thank Czechtacular again for writing Plus/Minus last week. You all didn't even have a chance to miss me!

PLUS

+ The Outback Bowl was my first live football game ever. Ever. What a game. I've never seen so much team merchandise in my life. There were literally three people in all of Raymond James Stadium who were not dressed for the occasion. Everyone else was decked out in team colours, a sea of navy-and-white and blue-and-orange split right down the middle. I've never seen such intense fan loyalty to a coach. I've never seen marching bands like that. I want every sport to have marching bands.

+ I had to play catch-up and watch the Winter Classic on DVR. What a game. Playing in primetime, under the lights, was amazing. It looked so dramatic. It proved that sports aren't about individual players, but rather teams. I can see a Penguins-Capitals rivalry stemming from this, rather than the team's captains having fought it out for a Rookie of the Year title five years ago. And Dan Bylsma's old-school fedora and stadium jacket will probably stand as my favourite coach outfit of the year... or maybe the decade. Go ahead, Jacques Martin, try to outdress him.

+ Cédrick Desjardins almost had a shutout in his second NHL game, and I got to witness it. He was great. What a game. My favourite part of it was booing the New York Rangers. (My second-favourite part was seeing how Guy Boucher coaches his team. Czechtacular can attest to what he did in the Q. We've all seen the results of his one season in the AHL. He's still got that fire as an NHL coach. The Bolts have incredible work ethic and discipline.)

+ I also went to my first-ever basketball game, and a great team effort buoyed the Orlando Magic to a win over the Golden State Warriors (yeah, I didn't know they existed either). What a game. I know Montreal will never be an NBA city, but I kind of wish it were. I like live sporting events in general, but I enjoyed live basketball so much more than I thought I would!

I made the same face at the exact same time

+ How about that eleventh-hour comeback against the Bruins on Saturday? I say it again: What a game. I can't remember the last time I screamed so loud. (Then the Jets won their playoff game, literally at the last second. It took so much out of me that I didn't even make it to the end of the LA Kings game or Saturday Night Live.)

+ Um, so it turns out that we really like James Wisniewski. I left for five days, and he was a superstar by the time my plane landed in Montreal. My confusion didn't last long: the guy's a great addition to the team, and he seems to love being a Canadien.
+ Jack Johnson is going to be a Los Angeles King forever! I don't usually play armchair GM but locking him down mid-season was a good idea.

MINUS

- Have I already mentioned that I'm too sad to talk about Josh Gorges?
- Steven Stamkos didn't score a goal for me on New Year's Day. And he hasn't scored since. He's goalless in 2011, which might actually be worse news than the fact that the entire city of Tampa is sold out of Stamkos T-shirts.
- Carrie Underwood says she'll never come back to Montreal after her car was broken into when she came here. So many things wrong with that: Cars get broken into everywhere. Her husband comes here sometimes for work, and it's the closest awesome metropolis that Ottawa has. Everyone was all whiny and said they didn't want her in Montreal anyway if she said something like that. Meanwhile, I can't help but wonder when was she in town and why didn't I know about this? Carrie Underwood kicks ass, you guys. I mean, uh, whatever, who cares, Taylor Swift is so much better.
- Mike Cammalleri might be sick. That's not cool, you guys. Here's hoping he comes back rarin' to go.

- Tom Kostopoulos, shouldn't you know better by now than to hit a dude out of nowhere? No? Okay, that's what I thought. We still love you, though. Don't ever change. (Except, like, try not to break a dude's jaw next time.)
- Thoughts and prayers to the family of NHL and AHL player Tom Cavanagh, whose death was tragic and unexpected.

Did I miss something? I probably did. The first ten days of 2011 have been pretty eventful.

Plus/Minus is not on a road trip

...but it did move to Monday this week due to an 8 p.m. Sunday game. I could be in a better mood so let's get right to it, because there are tons of Pluses to cheer me up.

PLUS

+ Chris Pronger is hurt! Huzzah!
+ This is almost a plus for both PK Subban and Mike Cammalleri, who on Wednesday and Thursday respectively had two-thirds of a Gordie Howe hat trick. I have two things to say about that. The first is that the first-ever recorded Gordie Howe hat trick (before it had a name) took place on December 26th, 1917, so you can tell people that on Sunday, and you'll sound so smart because you know the anniversary of something that happened in the NHL's first year. The second is that I have yet to see a complete Gordie Howe hat trick. That needs to change.
+ Max Pacioretty made me smile. He got called up at just the right time, but a lot of people were asking a lot of questions, and most of them still haven't forgiven him for (apparently) demanding top-six minutes (if that's what you think he did). I think a lot of the talking has stopped.
+ Dustin Boyd is going through some kind of AHL renaissance. Four goals in what, three games?
+ The commercial where a little boy gets an Ovechkin jersey for Christmas gets me every time. It's so damn cute. And I don't usually get all googly over commercials. Here's a slightly longer version of the same video:

+ LA Kings goalie Jonathan Quick posted an incredible 51-save shutout against the Detroit Red Wings. And yes, Detroit was playing well. He just didn't let any pucks in.

+ Vancouver's Green Men were at it again, in full force against the Maple Leafs on Saturday. First they hurled a giant box's worth of Eggos at the penalty box, and then they showed Mike Komisarek that he was on Santa's naughty list along with the rest of his teammates.

MINUS

In bad taste, apparently

- Everyone's new enemy seems to be late-period goals. Maybe the Habs should hire someone to stand at the end of the bench and whisper "Don't let them score a goal!" to the players hitting the ice for the last two minutes of a period.
- Can someone explain to me why the Montreal Canadiens aren't able to put a puck in an open net? It's an open net! They're the Montreal Canadiens!
- Those of you who are worried about PK Subban's performance seem to be blowing the situation a little out of proportion. We're talking "Kanye West stole Taylor Swift's microphone" kind of horrified. (Yes, I made a year-old pop culture reference that didn't even make any sense. Deal with it.)
- So let me get this straight: the Avalanche beat the Habs yesterday, and RDS didn't even bother showing Matt Duchene do the bangity-bang dance? That's like losing twice.


I can't think of a better way to end this post than to wish my favourite Canadien a happy birthday: Blow out those candles, Andrei Markov. I'd say "get well soon" but I want him to take as much time to recover as he needs to, and then some.

Plus/Minus: Start Me Up

If you spent your summer hating on Carey Price, you might be a little dizzy after doing a complete 180 on him recently. It's okay, just take some aspirin, sit down, and read this week's Plus Minus. You'll feel better.

PLUS

PK's moment of glory yoinked from Habsinsideout.com

+ Carey Price. That is all.
+ Speaking of Price, anyone who's anyone has had their say about his new mask. So here's my two cents: I like it. I don't generally dislike his masks, with the exception of his Ed Hardy Masque of the Red Death, but I like this one a lot.
+ Rumours that Andrei Markov and Roman Hamrlik are thisclose to coming back? That's the kind of plus that can eradicate basically any minus.
+ I'm still angry at Mike Cammalleri for the behaviour that led to his suspension, but, as usual, he handled it like a pro.
+ Ryan O'Byrne and Hal Gill volunteered at the Old Brewery Mission on Thanksgiving. It takes a big man to spend a holiday away from your loved ones.
+ Before the season started, I lamented the fact that 2010 wasn't the Summer of Toews, even though he won a gold medal and a Stanley Cup. Thank you, new Canadian Tire commercial, for fixing that. It's so nice to see a commercial on TV that doesn't have Sidney Crosby in it.
+ Holy first NHL goal by Jordan Eberle, Batman!

MINUS

from Kansascity.com

- Why, oh why, did we ever let Mike Ribeiro go? Getting arrested for public drunkenness in a restaurant after your wife picks a fight with someone is classier than anything any Canadien has done lately.
- It's going to take me a long time to forgive Dion Phaneuf for becoming captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
- Jack Todd tried to comment on how well Carey Price played against Pittsburgh. But he failed. Saying that Price almost looked like Halak is the kind of backhanded compliment that leaves a mark. I stopped reading his column after that sentence. To be honest, I don't even know why I bother looking at it.
- It's the first week of the season. How can we already be seeing serious injuries? John Tavares has a concussion, the Flames are down by two players already, and Ondrej Pavelec just straight-up passed out. This is not cool, people.

There's other stuff to cover; this plus/minus is only part of this crazy week. And to think that I was worried about a lack of content for Plus/Minus this week!

Just one more day

(Apologies, this is going to be a very brief post.)

Just think. 24 hours from now we will have watched the first game of the Canadiens' season. FINALLY.

I, for one, would be very okay with Josh Gorges making a tradition out of season-opener GWG's. Pretty please, Josh?

Today's cuts and Monday's suspension leave us without (among others) Alex Henry, Ryan White, and Mike Cammalleri. You know what that means: get ready, Moen and Lapierre. The Habs will need their fighters to be in top form.

If Carey Price really is missing tomorrow's game because of the flu, I'd like to put a plague upon the house of whoever let him catch that flu. (Yes, I'm aware that the house doesn't need a plague, as its inhabitants are probably already sick.) I have faith in Alex Auld, but this is clearly a different goaltending situation than the one our team was in last season. We can't afford to have a top goalie who's sick. Can the Canadiens hire someone to chase after players with warm blankets and Purell? I think it would be a good investment.

See you at puck drop!! ...Maybe not you, Carey.

Plus/Minus is back!!

After giving the NHL a vacation from Plus/Minus this summer, I'm back at it. Has it really been four months since I've written one of these?

With the Habs' preseason over, and the team at sleepaway camp in Charlevoix this week (last chance to wear sweatpants in public!) there's finally some material to plus and minus. Yay!

PLUS

Does anyone else have a sudden urge to go dancing with these guys?

+ We actually have a captain. I almost forgot what it felt like.
+ White, Engqvist, and all the other young players who took advantage of their preseason ice time and showed us what they're made of.
+ Mathieu Darche gave arguably the best interviews out of any Hab this preseason. Players' relationship with the media was pretty relaxed in most cases, but Darche gave honest answers and was supportive of his teammates. Being perfectly bilingual also helped a little.
+ Slightly unnecessary goalie equipment plus: Nice helmet, bAuldy. Nice pads, Carey.
+ The Bulldogs just won in a shootout!
+ This isn't so much a "plus" as it is a "WTF": Alex Kovalev (isn't he supposed be Alexei again?) getting into a fight with Francois Beauchemin. Seriously. Kovalev fought. What.

MINUS

Bad news, you guys. I checked, and that's not how you score a goal.

- This Mike Cammalleri/Nino Neiderreiter business. Nino, if you try to hit our Cammy again, we as a city will make you regret it. Cammy, you have to be the bigger man in cases like this. Just give him one solid poke and leave it at that. Don't run after a rookie like a kid chasing a kitten.
- Everyone who's still whining about Carey Price - both fans and journalists.
- Enough with the Nordiques whining! Some people need a new hobby.


Enjoy your sweatpants, everybody!

My 12: Rookie breaks her own rules

Usually I hate playing armchair GM. (Notable exceptions: my vocal desire to bring Jarome Iginla, Evgeni Malkin, Drew Doughty, and a few other players to Montreal. Ask Czechtacular how many times I've asked her if we could have a bake sale to help pay for a big-money contract.) However, at the request of some of my blogger friends, I'm attempting to make my picks for 12 forwards that I'd like to see at the season opener.

Disclaimer: This isn't who I think will make the team, just who I like. And yes, I know that I'm not the most qualified person to judge chemistry between linemates, but I'll do my best.

Let's get the obvious out of the way: The top two lines.

Michael Cammalleri & Tomas Plekanec - can't have a team without them. And they've shown how well they can play together (see? Me, talking about chemistry!)

Brian Gionta & Scott Gomez - as if I wouldn't put my captain and his sidekick on the same line.

Benoit Pouliot & Andrei Kostitsyn - I haven't decided which of these players would play on which line, but they'd both add a little size to either of the top two lines and help complete plays. Their potential motivation problems will hopefully be appeased a little bit by playing with guys who have experience and leadership skills.

The tricky stuff: Lines 3 and 4.

Jeff Halpern & Travis Moen - We bought Jeff Halpern for a reason. And there's no way Travis Moen isn't making this team, if he has the man-parts to take on NHL baby Erik Gudbranson. I'm naming them together because they're both sure bets, but they'd probably be on separate lines.

Tom Pyatt - He's great for our supporting cast, and Coach J-Mart loves him, so he's in. Maybe on Moen's line.

Ryan White - After everything I've said about him, how can I cut The Great White? He makes the team for sure, maybe on Halpern's line since Moen is capable of fighting five guys all by himself.

Maxim Lapierre - Only if he can be as good as he was at the end of the season. We have Ryan White now so he'd had better shape up, unless he wants to be replaced by the other Max.

Dustin Boyd - he's my affirmative action, "choose a player we traded for" pick. But, again, Pacioretty's waiting in the wings and he's just a bit bigger, so the Boyd had better bring it.

Players tend to get angry when you cut them

Pressbox boys: These two have pretty good chances of seeing lots of ice time, in case Pouliot needs a night in the pressbox or Lapierre underperforms. I choose Max Pacioretty, who I have a lot of faith in for this season, and Lars Eller, who I think would make more of an impact than the guys I'd send to Hamilton.

To Hamilton: Mathieu Darche isn't an absolute necessity for the Canadiens (PR purposes notwithstanding) but he might prove useful for a callup. Otherwise, the Bulldogs will need a guy with Darche's patience and experience. Ben Maxwell has been overshadowed by a lot of his peers, so I don't think I'd give him much time in Montreal. You never know, though, because he's been getting better, so I'd keep my eye on him just in case.

Plus/Minus: perfect cure for the playoff hangover

It's been a hell of a season, and I'm sad it's over. At the same time, I'm kind of enjoying the rest and free time, as I'm sure our Habs are. I'm also quite sure that combining "time with friends" and "get out of the house to avoid American Idol" is something that only I, not an NHL player, would be happy about. They're probably enjoying the extra sleep and not needing to be on a plane every other day and whatnot. Meanwhile, fans everywhere are thisclose to pulling their hair out because of the lack of hockey and the Habs Inside/Out server crash.

BETTER THAN MAKING IT TO THE CONFERENCE FINALS

Little-known fact: Scott Gomez uses these moments to unleash the meanest "yo momma" jokes in history.

(photo from canadiens.com)

+ I'm sad that the season's over without some rings on our Habs' hands, but if you read my last post, you know how proud I am of my team.
+ An outdoor game between the Habs and Flames next season? Excuse us while we break out into song.
+ To our second-favourite country, the Czech Republic, winning the world championship.

Good job, guys!

+ A recent Gazette article said that stores selling Canadiens merch got a lot of requests from women who wanted lady Hab shirts in "the real colours" - this is a huge step in our crusade against pink hockey merch!
+ Here's to you, Jaroslav Halak. Habs fans love you more than you will know. (wo wo wo)
+ In addition to his arsenal of on-ice tricks, Mike Cammalleri unleashed a new weapon during the Flyers series: making crazy faces. We love it.
+ Maxim Lapierre for being an effective shit-disturber.
+ All the supporting players who've come out of the woodwork and helped the Habs get as far as they've come.
+ I've come under some heat for saying this, but I'd like to thank those morons in Philadelphia for restoring the good name of Habs fans.


WORSE THAN LOSING TO THE FLYERS
(although, seriously, is there anything worse than losing to the Flyers?)

photo from Facebook via Bulldogs fan Scott Gardner, who I've never met but he seems to have had awesome Game 7 seats

- The Bulldogs lost too? Aw.
- Am I to honestly believe that in the months since the Habs took Dominic Moore, there hasn't been time to stand him against some white wall and take a picture? Why does he still have his Flo Panthers roster shot?
- "Start the season with injury and finish the season with injury." We miss you already, Marky! November seems so far away.
- If I may express personal opinion for a second (and I will, because this is my blog and you'll listen to every damn word I say), I hate Dustin Byfuglien. If that's how you spell it. I usually just call him "Fugli" and leave it at that.
- Alain Crete's new glasses make him look like some kind of hipster Mr. Magoo. I guess I'm glad the season's over.
- RIS gets a major minus for promising to air season postmortem interviews live on Tuesday. They did not.
- Twice now, the Moron Rioters have unleashed destruction upon downtown Montreal mere days before the Habs get eliminated from the playoffs. I'm just a bit too superstitious to let this slide one more time, so tell everyone you know that rioting makes the Habs lose.


The Winter Classic and Kyle Klubertanz purchase news are obvious attempts from the NHL to keep me writing, but I need to take a couple of days of "me" time, if only to get used to the sight of Jonathan Toews' mutton chops. I'll probably be back before you know it, but before I (briefly) go, I'd like to thank you readers for a great season! It's been a fun first season for me, and knowing that so many of you are reading and coming back to Hab It Her Way so often makes me try to be a better writer. Okay, sappy part over, sunbathey part begins!
See you at the end-of-season sale, maybe? If I don't see you here first?

Plus/Minus gets ready for the Conference Final

Yes, ladies and gents, the dude who scored the OT goal that won a gold medal gets a little extra time off to polish it. Or, maybe, to pack up some boxes and learn to make his own sandwiches.
And yes, the team everyone questioned (even me a little bit, last summer, when prompted by Global's sports news for my expert analysis) is going to the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1993. (So I guess I haven't missed much, because I vaguely remember the Habs winning the Cup while I decided between magenta and fuschia crayons. How times, and crayons, have changed.)

PLUS

Note: Tomas Plekanec is not celebrating National Hug A Giant Day

+ WE WON ROUND 2. Conference finals? Is this for real?
+ San Jose has seen one of their talented young forwards go from "Little Joe" to "The Big Pavelski." At one point, he was leading the league in playoff goals.
+ Until he got ourscored by our very own Mike Cammalleri.
+ Jaro.
+ Everyone who has made a T-shirt with the Halak stop sign on it. They're pretty awesome. I saw one in the window of Rock & Rebel in Cours Mont-Royal, so you can get it custom-printed on a T-shirt. So far it doesn't seem to be available on their website.
+ File this under "postseason praise for Kirk Muller."
+ Proof that the playoffs are more important than the regular season: Hal Gill, Maxim Lapierre, and Jacques Martin deserving more praise recently than fans gave them all season.
+ Scott Gomez continues to crack me up, the most recent example being this photobomb:

+ I'm going to sound so mean here, but I'm actually quite glad that this playoff series has caused some more Crosby-haters to come out of the woodwork. And I'm kind of happy that my team made him cry. (What? I promised full disclosure!)
+ That being said, Josh Gorges did a great job of staving off Crosby.

MINUS

Man discovers fire. City covers its face in shame.

- Matt Cooke. His jackassery needs no further explaining.
- Sami Salo might have busted a ball. I'm a girl and even I'm wincing at the thought of that.
- Our Habs getting injured. It sucks. I'm glad that things are starting to pick up.
- My friend Corina, who is probably not reading this because she got offended at my Crosby comments in Plus, is very glad that the Blackhawks beat the Canucks. But it sucks for Vancouver's players, who have been great so far, and it sucks for the Green Men.
- To the NHL Live host who still can't pronounce "Cammalleri".
- I hate scalpers in general, but the fact that there are already almost 200 postings on Craigslist for overpriced Round 3 tickets is ridiculous. (Even worse is that some of them are being sold by people who think this series is being played by the "Canadian" and the "Phillies")
- Finally, if you broke a window or stole something after Game 7, can you please reply in the comments telling me exactly what kind of idiot you are? I'm all for partying and stuff, but come on. Is this wartime or something? These morons have got to stop breaking windows for no reason. Thanks to them, Games 1 and 2 of the Philly series won't be broadcast at the Bell - which was something I've thought for ages would be a great idea, and I missed my chance because tickets sold out before I was sure I could make it there, and now you've maybe ruined my chances of seeing what it's like to fill a stadium without a single athlete in it.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
The new Georges Laraque commercial. Filmed between dog walks and plugging his raw vegan restaurant on Off The Record.



No, I don't have an explanation for it. I've been trying to explain it since Wednesday and no dice.


We're going to have a stellar Round 3. I'm sure of it, even if I'm not sure that the people scalping their tickets have ever read a newspaper or watched a hockey game before.

Round Two: One to one

Final score, 3-1 for Montreal.
Take THAT, Penguins! Pittsburgh can keep trying to kill our defencemen one by one, but we'll just have to get out revenge by winning games. And just because the Habs are gentlemen, there will probably be no murder of Penguins. That's animal cruelty.

K, but if you run into this guy, do whatever you want

So as it turns out, even the evil NBC and their programming ways can't get the best of our Habs. (I almost want to think that this Sunday game happened to tire the Habs out a little, because NBC is apparently terrified of even the remotest possibility of two Canadian teams making it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Because two Canadian hockey teams playing each other would make for bad television? Dear major American networks: you can't judge that anymore. Love, Rookie. PS: If you need extra help around the office, I'm willing to relocate.) 

Oh, and by the way, there's a reason why Pittsburgh is trying to kill every defenceman Montreal has. First, I thought that by going after my absolute favourite current Canadien, Matt Cooke was just campaigning for Douchebag of the Year. But no. It's because the defence is doing exactly what it needs to do. There are still a lot of shots on goal, yes, but with dudes like Evgeni Malkin and That Tim Hortons Mascot on the opposing team, I'm not surprised. When's the last time you heard someone complain about Hal Gill? Certainly not this week, unless the person complaining is a moron. The defence is there, the team is still in it, and all the guys that Bob Gainey bought over the summer are looking like excellent purchases.

By the way, I'm starting a baseball team and Mike Cammalleri is the first guy I'm calling.

Washington. Wednesday. See you there.

(Note: I will not be at that game, but the Habs will.)

The Stanley Cupcakes worked. Game 6 was brilliant and I'm bouncing off the walls. Too much sugar will do that to you. Years from now, we'll look back at this year as The Postseason Where Czechtacular And Rookie Got Fat. I'm so hyper right now that I'm picturing myself eating cupcakes for weeks to come, letting the pounds and calories accumulate as our team gets closer and closer to Cup #25.

I definitely need to ingest less sugar during games.

Nonetheless, a fantastic win. Jaroslav Halak has etched his name into the record books with 53 saves, being alternately solid and mind-blowingly good tonight. Mike Cammalleri scored two fantastic goals, and proved just how good he is overall. Josh Gorges left it all on the ice tonight - I'd be surprised if he had any energy left to drive out of the Bell Centre. Hal Gill stepped it up and proved he could be as much of an asset to his team on the ice as he is off it. Maxim Lapierre played a tremendous game, diving penalties and all. (Seriously? "Diving" is a penalty? What is this, soccer?) "Suddenly Subban" did extremely well in his first NHL playoff game. I'm quite sure the Bulldogs will be able to manage without him.

I was hoping the Canadiens would play well in this series, but I never expected this. They've been amazing. Anything beyond this would be icing on the cake.

Yes, I chose a cake analogy on purpose.

So... what did I miss?

Lucky for me, there was no game yesterday, because I'm currently enduring a blogger's worst nightmare.

The wrath of angry Ryan Miller fans? No. (I played nice while I was in the States.)
Stuck in an elevator with Réjean Tremblay? Oh dear god no. Let's hope that's avoidable.
Someone stealing my content? Um... maybe a little.

If it's none of the above, then it's clearly a lack of internet.

So until my wireless fixes itself, I'll be updating from my desk at lunch (as long as I'm still here) and trekking to my basement to use my slow, virus-ridden, battle-scarred desktop.

Things I missed this week:

• A chance to watch my first full episode of Grey's Anatomy in over a year (what? I promised a friend I'd watch it with her, I swear), bumped by the two-hour midseason return of FlashForward. I haven't yet finished the first half of the season, so my apologies go out to whichever Fiennes brother is on that show. (I'm going to guess it's Joseph.)
• Some Paul Mara news! Seriously, the last time I saw his name anywhere was in LA, outside the offices of this Paul Marra. He needs shoulder surgery, which will happen on Tuesday, so at least now we know for sure that he'll be out until next season. If the rest of the team don't compensate for his absence with awesome playoff beards, I'll be very disappointed.
• Guy Carbonneau turned 50, and all the people who love the Habs this season and were bashing everything about last season recently changed their tune and now appreciate the good that came out of it.
• In case you also missed it, in the same vein is a great article by Brian Wilde about Bob Gainey's contribution as GM.
• On the "who's dis guy" front, the Habs signed free agent Hunter Bishop, who, apparently, exists. I didn't know teams were allowed to straight-up buy players after the trade deadline, but you learn something new every day. Maybe tomorrow I'll try to find out who this Hunter Bishop is, and whether he has a first name. Two-year contract, and he's is currently with the Bulldogs.
• I just realized that "Hunter Bishop" and "Hamilton Bulldogs" have the same initials. Someone, quick, turn #HBFTW into a Twitter trending topic!
• Conflicting reports about Mike Cammalleri's return, which will be soon but not immediately. Probably next week. Everyone seems to agree that he's close to form.

11 games left, busy stretch coming up for the Habs, and hopefully I'll have Internet sometime before the end of the season.

pretend there's a relevant photo of the Canadiens in this space, since I'm working with limited resources here.

The Jaroslav Tea Party: Game Preview 2-4-10

Tonight's game spells the return of Halak to the net (third start in a row, for whoever's counting), and Spacek to the blueline. Clinging to 7th place in the East, the Habs take on an old foe in Boston who, it has to be said, hasn't been awesome lately, but are hot on the Habs' trail for a playoff spot (much like everyone and their mother). Both games between the two teams this season have been won by the Canadiens, however lots of factors have changed since then, begging the question "what to expect tonight?"

The last 5-1 score had Mike Cammalleri score a hat trick. Today, he stands on crutches. To that effect, neither team has a 20-goal scorer. Plekanec and Gionta are tied for second on the board in that category with 14 each, while on the other side, Marco Sturm leads with 16. Given the history of these division/all-time rivals it's only natural to expect that one can look for a physical affair, with more skirmishes and trips to the box than bouts of offensive flashiness.

However:

• The aformentioned Marco Sturm would love to show his goal face to the Bruins' faithful.
• Patrice Bergeron and Marc Savard are a double-team of annoying when it comes to these matchups. They've combined for 54 points in 73 games against the Habs, which doesn't quite seem staggering enough of a statistic so maybe it's just me that finds them annoying.
• Zdeno. 'Nuff said.
• David Krejci has been one bright spot in Boston's recent woes, and no doubt he also has a little bit of revenge planned for his compatriot Tomas Plekanec (if you have no idea what I'm referring to, YouTube-search the two names).
• Michael Ryder may find himself in trade rumours, but he's no less dangerous against his old team.

Just what the doctor ordered...

... for everyone but Cammy. (Poor Mike Cammalleri. First that disgusting injury, then random, out-of-nowhere slander in La Presse. That's an FML moment if there's ever been one.)

Let's face it: the Habs don't have the best record, and they've got guys who are injured, guys who are sick, and guys who aren't playing as well as they always do. I was really hoping for a great game against the Canucks, win or lose. (Don't get me wrong - I wanted a win, but Halak and Luongo are my fantasy hockey goalies, so in this particular instance I'd get points either way.) Whoever spent $125 on scalped seats in the blues got their money's worth, for once. No, seriously, this morning I asked a scalper how much tickets were going for, and that's what he told me.

This is the kind of hockey that I'd love to watch every day... Two teams fighting for the puck, literally and figuratively, penalties going back and forth, and just enough goals to keep things going.

If I hadn't decided it already, I have to say that Joel Bouchard is completely useless. I appreciate his intentions in interviewing Kirk Muller, but he might just have the worst grammar of any English speaker on RDS. He was also wearing a shirt the colour of a Dora the Explorer lunchbox, and when asked what happened when Sergei Kostitsyn left the ice late in the 3rd and walked RIGHT PAST HIM, had little more to contribute than a Kanye shrug.
I know I do an inordinate amount of complaining about RDS, but this next thing isn't really their fault: Sami Salo's name doesn't translate to French very nicely.

If I had to guess which Habs were going to nab two penalties in this game, Roman Hamrlik might have been on the list. Yannick Weber would definitely not have been on the list. Then again, you can never predict when someone's going to get Ryan Kesler where it hurts.
I also wouldn't have guessed that a mini-rivalry is blooming between Ryan O'Byrne and Mason Raymond, but they took advantage of their shared ice time to get in a few hits. They're both my homies, so it was quite entertaining. In case you missed it, I was outed as a Raymond fan today, but it's really not Habs-threatening at all.

Me, I'm sorry, bro

When you're facing a goalie like Roberto Luongo (who's been 19-5-2 in the last two months, holy crap), you've got to step up your game. And our forwards did - those were some wicked goals. Luongo looked mighty angry after Plekanec's game-winning goal... but he knows better for the Olympics, right?

This wasn't necessarily the easiest win this team has had, but if our Habs can manage to play like this every game, it'll be a very good thing.

*Pictures cropped from Canadiens.com

Meatballs and meatheads: Game Preview 2-2-10

Third in the west, first in the Northwest, in addition to their usual pain-in-the-butt nature the Vancouver Canucks add their illustrious timing to come to prey on a Cammy-less Canadiens' squad tonight at the Bell Centre. Judging by the way my dog reacted when I finished typing that sentence (though it could just be the mailman), things once again look ominous for the bleu-blanc-rouge. But apparently the more ominous I make my game preview, the more they come out to surprise everyone.

Tomas Plekanec once again faces the prospect of new linemates. D'Agostini, Spacek and Mara made the pre-game skate this morning, but no word on their return dates. Cammalleri is out for six weeks. Insert other depressing fact here.

Neutral fact: Jaroslav Halak gets the nod between the pipes tonight. And now, bullet points:

• Remember when no one knew who Alex Burrows was? Man, those were the days.
• Reminding everyone what Swedish meatball leads the league in scoring is too redundant, but word is his twin brother's not too shabby, either.
• Mason Raymond, a Rookie favourite, risks prompting a Rookie hiatus similar to the one I just started with the Calgary Flames, which is ironic because Raymond grew up a fan of theirs. NHL.com reports he has five points in his last three games.
• If it was possible for Mikael Samuelsson to be more annoying, he has been since the famous Snub.
• Last but not least, Rookie called it St-Leonard's national holiday for a reason. Roberto Luongo looks to backstop his team for their second win in the Canucks' current roadtrip.

Plus/Minus: Ain't no sunshine when they're gone

This wasn't exactly the best week we've seen for the Habs this season. The team on the road was a bit like the weather at home: it started out beautiful on Monday and everyone was in a great mood, but temperatures dropped. A lot. And now it's really damn cold.


Plus

Hallmark was right! A hug makes everything better.

+ 2: one to Pouliot and one to Gionta, for scoring the Habs' two goals this week.
+ This awesome work of Photoshop:

Proof that Four Habs Fans can be genius even without an army of hoochies.
+ The Washington Capitals finished the job for us and beat the Florida Panthers.
+ A few extra months with Guy Boucher has probably made Yannick Weber much, much better, and the team needs another good defenceman right now and also I think he's awesome.

Minus

- 2 to the damn injury fairy again. (I should probably come up with a sketch of her, but my Photoshop access right now is even more limited than my skills. She probably looks like what a Lady Gaga/Rick Tocchet lovechild would look like, if Lady Gaga had a uterus. So yeah, she's not so pretty and I hate her.) First off, my cat (not the one with the Facebook page) motivated me to give Paul Mara's continuing injury a minus. She's walking around the house saying "Mara, Mara" as I type this. I'm guessing she really misses him.
And now we've lost Cammy to a painful collision. I hate Hockey Day In Canada.
- Another Lightning game, another round of "How much does it suck that Lecavalier didn't make Team Canada?" Yes. It sucks. But if you're complaining about this now you're either a month too late or two weeks too early.
- I'm not sure what makes me sadder: two of my favourite players getting into a huge argument in the locker room, or said argument becoming the biggest story of the week. If there are problems at the heart of the team, journalists and fans aren't going to solve them.

In last week's Plus Minus, I hoped that this week would be calmer than last week, and then NOTHING happened. Seriously, the best thing that happened to me this week was my forgiving actor Jon Hamm for being a St-Louis Blues fan. (He willingly made a fool of himself on Saturday Night Live.) Careful what you wish for, Rookie. I'm currently eating my words like they're covered in chocolate, so no uncalculated optimism for me today. There will be hockey games in the next seven days and then we'll see what the Canadiens will do in them, and then I'll blog. That's what's going to happen this week.