Plus/Minus reaches for the Pinot

A week has passed since the last Plus/Minus, and the team has lost enough times to change my mind about this "all Plus" business. (See my previous post for foods that can help you deal with all this.)

PLUS

Can we send this in to Cute Overload?

+ I shouldn't condone violence, but Carey Price is the only Hab willing to stand up for Carey Price, so he might as well have given Nazem Kadri that little smack upside the head. (Yeah, I said it. I'm sure Leafs fans are going to start pelting rocks at me for it. Whatever.)
+ Congratulations to Hal Gill on his 1000th career NHL game, and can I again say that his family is so adorable. Also mad props to whoever in the organization decided to have his teammates give flowers to his wife and mother - so cute!
+ Congratulations to Mike Cammalleri on his 500th game, and to former Hab Ryan O'Byrne on his 200th game.
+ Josh Gorges scored a goal!! ...wait, what? They gave it to Travis Moen? Okay, fine, I guess Moen is still a goal-scoring machine.

MINUS

Yeah, so that Bruin is now a Hab

- Hamilton Bulldog Joe Stejskal got hit pretty badly this week.
- Brock Trotter came back from Europe... only to get traded away. Can someone explain to me what is happening?
- Ads on the glass, RDS? Are you freaking serious? I've always hated those, and hoped I wouldn't have to see them on a regular basis, but RDS didn't listen to me. What's next? Is Mario Tremblay going to change his name to Ford F-150?
- Two consecutive losses to the Leafs? It makes my heart hurt.
- People calling for Jacques Martin's head: Firing a coach isn't going to solve all the team's problems. I don't like him either, but pointing fingers isn't going to help us get through this.
- And a Minus to indulge the superstitious side of me: Someone take Carey Price's pink pads (even though the breast cancer awareness angle is incredibly thoughtful) and burn them. Sacrifice them like Carey did to Josh Gorges' stick a couple of years ago. PLEASE.

It's all right. Tomorrow is another day. They might win, they might lose... But the beauty of tomorrow is that we don't know, and that each new game is a chance at a new start. That's a Plus, right?

Not the greatest show on earth

I know exactly what would get us Habs fans through this long, hot, lovely summer. Unfortunately, I don't know where you can find it. But I'm working on it.

Reality shows have become a summer TV staple thanks to the people who watch them. And you know what would make the absolute best hockey offseason reality show? Some reruns of La maison de Maxim Lapierre, last spring's home-reno reality sensation.

Yeah, I said it.

I came across a rerun a couple of months ago on some French channel, and right now I sincerely regret not setting my DVR for the remaining episodes. There was something oddly compelling about watching Max's house get redecorated by Mathieu Dandenault's wife and her bizarro voice. A show chronicling the minutiae of women richer than me shopping for expensive furniture, combined with the side of a hockey player's life we don't often see, is almost frivolous. I wish we could all watch season 1 again right now, but I guess I'll just have to imagine what season 2 would be like. (My sister claims there's a season 2 currently in production, but I'll believe it when I see it.)

La maison II: Marky's Revenge

Unbelievably appropriate photo, from topshelfhabs.com

Andrei Markov has been to Maxim Lapierre's awesome house. And he's jealous. The house has everything! No wonder at any given moment, at least one-third of current Canadiens are over at Maison de Max. But since everyone is at Max's house, Markov doesn't get to have the guys over for jam sessions or Russian movie nights or what have you. Which, in his mind, is ridiculous, because he lives even closer to the Brossard practice facility than Max does. What's a guy to do? Concoct a plan to turn Maison de Markov into the coolest house ever. Whatever it takes. I'm a little scared to see my Habs hero play the role of conniving supervillain, but I can't wait to see what will be in his house. 

La maison II: This Auld House

They can be buddies now! (photo from CBC)

This July, Alex Auld got snatched up by the Canadiens faster than you can say "Oh snap, we need an affordable backup goalie". Watch as he moves to Montreal from whatever other city he used to play in (Ottawa, still?), adjusts to a new city and a new house, and attempts to make his new home so cool that his teammates will immediately all become his best friends, and as a result, the francophones in local media will treat him as one of their own. Potential setback: Alex will need to find a house whose window and light-fixture setup won't bounce too much glare off his bald head. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then it's been too long since you've seen Pierre McGuire.

La maison II: PK Moves In

If PK Subban doesn't make the Habs' roster this fall, he's a sure shot to make it very soon. He might as well start looking for his own place (unless he plans to move in with a teammate, but that would be more sitcom than reality show. Future blog post? We'll see.). If PK gets his own reality show, I'll watch it. It would make for good TV. PK loves to goof around on camera and isn't shy at all, so he wouldn't mind being filmed and would probably have fun with it. It might also be interesting to see what it's like to be a young player in the NHL. PK has a lot more money and responsibility than other guys his age, and adjusting to all of it would certainly be interesting to watch. He's buying his first home and playing his first NHL season in North America's craziest hockey city all at once. The show has the potential to be about more than bedframes and home theatre systems, and it might just make us love PK more than we already did.

There's only one problem with this whole idea: the original "Maison de Max" series happened because of the intrepid decorating efforts of one Marie-Christine (or as I call her, Mrs. Dandy) and her posse of hockey consorts. There isn't a single one of them left, and any superstitious hockey player might not even let his wife take part in any redecorating activities for fear of being dropped by the Habs, just like Mathieu Dandenault, Saku Koivu, Guillaume Latendresse, and Steve Begin. In fact, the only Hab who appeared on the show and is still a Hab is Maxim Lapierre.

Maybe my season 2 wishes are a silly pipe dream after all.

A victory for the rest of us: Thoughts on Habs v Canes

Tell any Habs fan that there's a game on December 23rd and they'll groan. The curse of the 23rd is something I knew about even before I could name the entire Habs' roster. (Or half of it, for that matter.) A lot of people probably thought the team was doomed.

Get it? Bad day, and a goalie mask? ...I've got better jokes, I swear

About the first: 
So, we've scored four goals and kicked Cam Ward out of his own house. Jaroslav Halak is in fine form and a lot of our forwards are playing spectacularly. I'm feeling a little less nervous.
Benoit Pouliot apparently thought his roster photo was some kind of a mug shot, judging by his terrorist-like stare and unflattering beard. (I'm not the girl to ask for actual information on him, unfortunately.)
Scott Gomez picked up a couple of assists to go along with the penalty he got on his birthday. (I got a laptop case for my last birthday. I didn't have to sit in a box to get it.)

Post-first:
The Team Canada roster doesn't come out for another week? That's a long wait! I don't want to wait that long. At least Cam Ward has a bit more time to make up for this first period.
Jacques Demers is pleased because Tomas Plekanec is poised to crack 100 points this season if he keeps up his wicked season. Or something, I was too busy shielding my eyes because I hate the wood-laminate background that the analysts sit in front of for away games.
Oh! Another RDS graphics bobo... they wrote in the wrong team when summarizing some stats before the beginning of the second. I know it's mean of me to point these things out, but if Benoit Brunet notices a mistake it's got to be somewhat noticeable, right?

About the second: 
Pouliot had an almost-goal, and then fell all over a bunch of dudes. Still, it was a pretty solid almost-goal.
Okay, yes, people have been saying that Matt D'Agostini hasn't been playing well enough, but how many guys come back from a concussion with guns blazing?
Carolina tried to make the best of their power play, but our PK and our goalie just won't let it happen.
Andrei Markov got a penalty for delaying the game, but as long as no one gets a puck to the head, he should get a hug from whoever catches the puck instead.
Aaron Ward got a penalty... Carolina has TWO Wards? Now, that's just confusing. They have one of the Staals, one of the Jokinens, one of the Ruutus (or they used to), and the other Conboy in their system. So... usually they're the team of other white meats, but this whole "two Wards" thing is throwing everything off.
GLEN METROPOLIT SCORED! The game is now 5-1. Gomez picked up an assist on that goal, making it a three-point night. You've got until Boxing Day to get your free chicken wings.

Post-second:
I don't think I'll ever like Joel Bouchard's bit with the replays and the John Madden pen. His candy-cane tie would look adorable on my dad, who is the master of funny ties, but my dad is not a sportscaster. (Also I think he already has a tie with Santa Claus on it, and two Christmas ties is just overkill.)
So, apparently, if you've got a game in the bag you can give anyone a chance and increase their ice time, or at least that's what the analysts said during Temps d'arret. Hopefully some guys won't run away screaming.
PJ Stock was in a commercial wishing me de joyeuses fetes. Now THERE'S someone I would have invited to my gag gift exchange this year.
Renaus Lavoie interviews Benoit Pouliot, who admitted to being nervous about the game but feels good now, even though he doesn't know the score. He's still got a bandaged-up hand, which makes me nervous, but he seems comfortable enough being interviewed, which is good since he'll be getting a lot of attention from the French media.

About the third:
It always freaks me out to see Glen Metropolit when he uses smelling salts.
Tom Kostopoulos and Georges Laraque shared some words. At the risk of sounding like a traitor, I'm Team TK on this one. He's indestructible.
I thought I was imagining it, but seriously, this game official has the most annoying voice I've ever heard come out of a man. Sorry.
Someone made Hal Gill angry, apparently, and a minor tussle erupts. Benoit Brunet calls someone a jerk as Gill heads for the box (cross-checking).
Carolina has some serious beef with Gill! What's up with that?
Carolina almost scores, but hits the post.
Just over 5 minutes to go, and it would appear that the stands are already starting to empty. Good to know that that happens in other arenas too.
A puck flies through the air and Halak catches it like this is a baseball game or something. It's brilliant.
Seeing a number 36 apparently causes our commentators to believe that D'Agostini is Jokinen... they've been on his back all night but that's one burn that might leave a scar.
But the game ends 5-1, so our team can shake off the curse, and skate off the ice smiling like it's Christmas. Oh, wait...


Butch Bouchard, he of the overdue jersey retirement, played in the Habs' last December 23rd victory (in 1945!) and expressed his faith in this year's Habs to crank out a win tonight, and they did. Butch Bouchard is now one of my favourite cheerleaders. The ice girls in Carolina can keep their belly shirts and Santa hats to themselves.

And there you have it. No painful loss, no "coulda been watching Glee repeats" from me, and no Festivus Airing of Grievances. And Scott Gomez gets to blow out his candles cheering.