Losing A Star

I hope I don't have to write this kind of post ever again. It hurts to lose someone you used to look forward to seeing on TV every week, someone not that much older than you.

I may not have watched Glee very much this season, but my appreciation for the show's first two seasons will always be there. And I was there to see the show's cast experience the kind of insane success that seems almost unfathomable to the rest of us. (I don't want to call it "overnight success," since many cast members worked very very hard before they booked Glee.) The pilot episode is still one of my favourite pilots of the last five years. And that's why it hurt me so much to find out that we lost Cory Monteith yesterday.

This post won't include any pictures of him or clips from the show. I'm still kind of processing the fact that he's gone.

I can't even imagine what his castmates are going through. They worked with him every day. They rose to fame with him. And, as far as I know, they were all good friends. So the question remains: how can the show deal with this? There's no chance to casually write him out or give Finn Hudson a real goodbye. And I'm quite sure that despite all the tumult Finn seems to have gone through in season 4, that the writing staff would want to do his character justice. I can't even imagine how they would go about this.

When NewsRadio tragically lost Phil Hartman, they had no choice but to keep going, and write an episode where the staff find out that his character, Bill McNeil, has passed away. It can't have been easy for his castmates to film that episode, since they were going through exactly the same thing as their characters. In a nice meta tribute to Hartman himself, they ended up finding a replacement in Jon Lovitz, who seemed ready to fill some of the emptiness left by the loss of such a great comic actor.

Probably the closest thing to a blueprint for the Glee writers would be the way that John Ritter's death was handled on 8 Simple Rules. (I don't think Glee could call on James Garner to play a friendly, loving grandpa, but if there's a context for it, then by all means please let it happen.) They already did something similar in season 2, when Kurt's dad suffered a heart attack and survived. It was a real instance of serious drama that shook the teenage characters, and it rang true to life. Teenagers mourn death differently than adults do, so the emotions we saw on NewsRadio might not really translate the same way to Glee. Lots of teenagers have seen much of themselves in the characters - to the point that the show has often served them, and tried to communicate important messages instead of just being good for a laugh. And, ultimately, the show has probably been the better for it - maybe not creatively, but certainly as a media phenomenon.

If it were up to me, I'd take inspiration from an unexpected source. One of the most touching tributes I've ever seen to a fallen cast member came from 90's sitcom Suddenly Susan. (No, I never expected to make a Suddenly Susan reference on this blog.) David Strickland committed suicide before the third season had finished filming. How do you say goodbye to a character when you barely have time to say goodbye to the person? By letting your cast say goodbye to the person. An episode where the characters spend the day looking for Strickland's character, Todd, was peppered with talking-head footage of the cast (out of character, though that's never 100% clear) paying tribute to their friend. I remember seeing that episode in syndication a couple of years after it aired and it still packed a huge emotional punch. I know how much the characters on Glee need to express themselves. Giving them an outlet to do that, especially in their own words, one by one, would be a fitting tribute. Somehow I feel like putting Monteith's friends and girlfriend through rehearsals and multiple takes of a musical number would be difficult, and kind of unfair.

If it were up to me, I'd wait a little while to write the season premiere, and I'd let a few fictional months pass, so that whatever tragedy befell Finn is in the past. Instead of dealing with the shock of his death, I'd have the characters learn what it's like to go through the first few months of "normal" life after the loss of a friend. But I'm not Ryan Murphy. He's a talented and focused showrunner, and he'll probably know exactly what to write and when it should happen.

Until that episode airs, all we can do is wonder.

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "Ariel"

"The next time you stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face."

I'm back from my trip and catching up on the nerd initiative to rewatch the brilliant-but-cancelled Firefly, to mark the show's ten-year anniversary. This week: "Ariel." Original air date: November 15, 2002.

I don't remember having seen "Ariel" before. And now, I don't know what to do with myself. It feels like I just watched two feature-length movies in the last 44 minutes. One was a brilliant adventure movie and the other was some kind of Greek tragedy set in the future. Let me just note that this episode was supposed to air after "Out of Gas," which decimated me emotionally. In this case, I'm kind of glad that Fox decided to ruin the show's intended and logical order of episodes, if only because I wouldn't be able to handle so many emotions right now.

I love the way this episode opens - with the whole crew in the kitchen. There's a real sense of camaraderie, and it follows the end of the last episode, "Safe," quite nicely. It looks like Simon and River really are at home on Serenity - until River slashes Jayne with a knife, possibly in a misguided attempt to defend her brother. Somehow, Mal is able to be the perfect captain following an event like this and settles things with both Jayne and Simon.

Since Serenity has to land on the shiny, rich core planet of Ariel to drop Inara for her annual Companion physical, Simon takes the opportunity to set up some work for his shipmates and try to help his sister at the same time. He hatches a plan - yes, Simon, the straight-laced doctor, maps out an entire criminal scheme - for the crew to sneak himself and River into the hospital. I know, I wouldn't expect it from Simon either, since he talks all pretty and boring, like all the other rich people we see in the core in this episode.

The plan is laid out in the kind of montage you usually see in heist movies. Obviously, not everything goes as planned. Things go wrong in the most engrossing way possible. Mal and Zoe encounter a minor roadblock in their plan to steal meds from storage. Unfortunately, Jayne, Simon, and River are stopped by an even bigger hurdle. Which is Jayne's fault - he calls the Alliance to turn in the two fugitives, hoping for a payday and a more serene Serenity, and ends up being arrested, too. (You know, harboring fugitives, trying to outwit an evil empire, the kind of stuff that'd get anyone in trouble.)

Now Simon has to save his sister from the same people he already worked so hard to save her from, and it must be even harder for him to do so after he found out just how much damage they did to her. This is not a good day to be Simon or River. The bad guys who caught them, that they escape from, aren't even the real bad guys! I was scared enough of the men with the blue gloves just knowing that they had lobotomized River multiple times. Watching them make sure that their search for Simon and River leaves no survivors was terrifying. I know that in television, usually everything gets wrapped up all pretty and the main cast isn't usually in danger of being brutally killed, but somehow in this episode, I wasn't so sure. (And yes, spoiler alert: I know that not everything will be okay after this episode.)

"She feels everything. She can't not."

In this episode, Jayne wasn't the quip-ready, smirking tough guy I've come to know and love. He was unpleasant. I can't say I was surprised that his greed took over and he turned in River and Simon, but I can't believe that he actually went through with it and showed so little regard for them and the crew. The fact that he realizes he's done something wrong at the end of the episode, and shows remorse for it, was stunning. If I had been watching this episode when it first aired, my mind would have been blown.

If I had watched it back then, there are so many things I would have missed: the sharp editing, the stunning use of dialogue, and the way that colours are used. The scary steel grey of the Alliance, the crisp, sterile hospital whites, the bright colours of the 3D scan technology... Visually, this was such an impressive episode. I have no idea if the set designers and special effects people were just that good at making a lot out of a little, or if the show was so expensive that it just had to be cancelled. Then again, the latter would be ridiculous, since I'm sure that at least some money had to be spent on Temptation Island, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, that dating show hosted by Monica Lewinsky, and any lawsuits that may have followed the production of such shows.
But what do I know, right? It's not like I work for the TV network that cancelled this show. I'm just one of many fans with access to the episodes that were produced, and an appreciation for the people who made them.

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "Out Of Gas"

I'm back from my trip and catching up on the nerd initiative to rewatch the brilliant-but-cancelled Firefly, to mark the show's ten-year anniversary. This week: "Out of Gas." Original air date: October 25, 2002.

There are quite a few lessons I learned in film school that have stuck with me. One of them is a quote attributed to Jean-Luc Godard: "A story must have a clear beginning, middle, and end... but not necessarily in that order." That's what "Out of Gas" is all about - using nonlinear storytelling to pack an emotional punch.

I wasn't ready to watch this episode again. I remembered that it was brilliant episode, and that I loved the way it used flashbacks, but I also remembered that it was a lot to handle. Unfortunately, due to my (oft-delayed) Firefly rewatch mission, I had no choice.

The very first thing you see and hear in this episode is nothing. The ship is still, empty, quiet. I've said before that this show is so clever, so dialogue-heavy that the silent moments always come as a shock. The first sign of life? Mal, barely alive, hitting the ground. In the ten years that have passed, Nathan Fillion has aged a little bit, and somehow he looks especially young in this particular shot. Too young to die, and yet I know that that's a serious possibility.

Over the course of these 40-some-odd minutes, we see how the show's characters joined the crew, and almost get an idea of what made them bond together. We see how they came on the ship, how they leave it, and how they almost could have died without an escape plan. We see that Mal is a real captain, through and through, and how his responsibility to his ship outweighs everything else that's important to him. There's some vintage Firefly levity in there, but it's mostly just Tim Minear making us feel our feelings.

This episode was intended to air much later in the series' run - when we're even more attached to the characters and the ship, but in a way, Fox made a really ambitious decision by messing with the intended air date of this particular episode. Putting your characters in mortal danger and exposing their backstories when viewers are only five episodes in? That's big. And it happened two whole years before ABC aired Lost, whose third episode ("Walkabout") threw its viewers right into the kind of intense storytelling that would make the show famous. And, like "Walkabout," it's the kind of episode that never loses its impact. (Sidebar: Jack Shephard vs. Mal Reynolds. Discuss.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think there's something in my eye.

How to be a decent person while also shopping during the holidays

I used to have nightmares about this

Christmas is just over a month away, and Festivus is exactly a month away, which means that the holiday season is upon us and no matter what you're celebrating, you're probably going to have to do some shopping between now and then. Personally, I cringe at the thought of holiday shopping. The lines are long, the stores are crowded, everyone's stressed, and it's exhausting. I didn't hate it until I was in school and worked at a video store, where basically everyone on Earth would stop in and buy holiday gifts. I saw the worst in people who are probably much smarter than they appeared to be. Here's some advice on how not to be an idiot when you're out shopping.

1. It might be too late to tell you this now, but: Start shopping early. Store employees will have more time to answer to you, the stores are less crowded than they are right before Christmas, and you might find what you're looking for more easily.

2. Shop when the stores are quieter, if you're able to. If you don't have a Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 work schedule, you can probably manage this. Weekend afternoons are usually busy, so shop in the mornings. Some malls and stores are overloaded with high school students on Friday afternoons. New books, movies, music, and videogames are released on Tuesdays, so avoid stores that sell them unless you're going to buy that day's new release.

3. Try not to walk into a store right before it closes. If you do, be as polite and efficient as you can. People have this terrible habit of walking into stores ten minutes before closing time on December 23rd or 24th and wandering around aimlessly as if they've got nothing but time.

4. Waiting in line to pay for something can be annoying, I know. But remember that the other customers are going through exactly the same thing as you are. Don't waste time once you get to the cash. Have your purchases ready to hand off to the cashier for scanning, have your wallet securely in your hand, and keep your shopping bags within reach. And don't complain.

5. Watch your kids. If you can't, then leave them at home.

6. Watch your stuff. Make sure your purse doesn't knock anything over. Throw out your empty coffee cups and gum wrappers (and gum) instead of leaving them just anywhere. Try not to spill whatever drink you're holding. Some people used to be embarrassed to ask me to throw out their empty drink cups; I would thank them for being polite enough to ask instead of just leaving them all over the place.

7. If you pick something up then decide that you're not going to buy it, leave it someplace sensible, like a service counter or the dressing rooms, or give it back to a salesperson. They'll be able to put it away in its right place, so that if someone is looking for it, they'll be able to find it.

8. Don't be afraid to politely ask for help. That's why stores have salespeople - they're here to help, as long as they know that you need help. But they're not superheroes. If you're trying to get someone's attention but they're busy on the phone or with another customer, just wait your turn.

9. Be nice to salespeople. They work long hours, and then they have to go out and do their own holiday shopping. (And if they're students, they have to study for finals during their breaks and after they leave work.) Don't complain to them about how stressed you are and don't make a scene, because that'll just make things worse. If you're overwhelmed by all the shopping, take a break, sit down, maybe buy a cup of coffee, and remember that someone who works in a store doesn't have the luxury of stopping whenever they want. Remember to say hi, excuse me, please, and thank you. Most importantly, don't yell at them.

10. Be as specific as you can about the gift you're looking for. "I'm looking for something for my mom" is helpful, but still pretty vague. "I'm looking for something for my mom. She's 85 and she loves Chuck Norris" will get you exactly the gift you're looking for. (And it did! True story.) Tell the salesperson everything you already have in mind: your budget, how old the person is that you're shopping for, what they like, what they don't like, what size they wear, etc.

11. Ask about the store's return and exchange policy. If you forget, it's probably printed on your receipt. Which you have to keep, but you knew that, right? Keep your receipts. For the love of Sandy Claws, KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS.

12. Don't return anything on Boxing Day.

13. Do not make any comments about Christmas music or whatever music is playing in the store.

14. Some stores wrap your gifts for you. Some don't. Get over it.

15. Smile. You're buying gifts for people you love, to show them how much you love them. Don't forget that.

16. If you're upset that what you're looking for is sold out, or if you think it's too expensive, you have two options: You can politely speak to a manager to see if there's anything that can be done (usually, there isn't, but you never know.) Or you can shop elsewhere. Not an option: making a scene.

17. If you're not sure of exactly what to buy someone, there's nothing wrong with giving them cash or a gift card.

18. Don't be offended or intimidated by security guards or theft prevention measures unless you're trying to steal something. If you happen to see something suspicious, please tell a security guard or a store employee. Shoplifting attempts happen often, maybe more often during the holidays than the rest of the year.

19. If you can't stand the thought of a crowded mall, you have alternatives, like online shopping, small local stores, and craft fairs.

20. When it's all done, celebrate. High-five a stranger, buy yourself something, have a cocktail or break out into a song-and-dance routine... Whatever suits your fancy.

That's it. Twenty simple lessons, and if 20 is still too big a number for you, just remember this: You're smart. Don't act stupid.

The clutches of evil?

I don't know why, but somehow, it's a big deal to people that Mike Fisher held his wife's purse at some pseudo-awards ceremony yesterday.

Am I too idealistic, or perhaps too grounded, to understand why this is a big deal? He has no hockey to play, so he actually has time to spend with the woman he married, who happens to be just as successful as he is (if not more.) Maybe the fact that he was her arm candy was the first strike? Is it hard for sports fans to see athletes treated like Rita Wilson? A woman didn't want her purse to fall on the floor, so she handed it to her husband. This is not weird, people. 

I don't understand why men think purses are so weird and girly and foreign, when they see them EVERY DAY. They're not portals to Narnia. They're just bags.

There have been a few times when men in my life (not even guys that I was dating! Just friends or relatives or guys from work! You know who you are) scored the Purse Hat Trick: 

• commenting on how big my purse was, 
• needing to put something in my purse because they couldn't put it in their pockets, 
• asking for gum/a pen/hand cream, which obviously is the kind of stuff that I keep in my purse.

Hypocritical, much?

Anyway, the whole incident is quite reminiscent of this weak-sauce commercial:

The makers of this stuff would probably be shocked to know that guys like the ones in this commercial aren't the only people who drink whisky. Heck, I drink whisky. So does Carrie Underwood. I don't think either of us drinks this specific brand, but that's okay, since their target audience seems to be middle-class, lily-livered white guys who don't have any friends. 

Let's break down everything that's wrong with this commercial: 

1- It promotes the "women be shoppin'" stereotype. Even though, you know, the couple is an a shopping mall, where people go to shop, unless this dude thinks that a food court A&W is a really romantic place to have lunch. 

2- The woman says "There's that dress I love," which implies that she knows what she's going to look at and isn't about to start an impulse shopping rampage and walk out of there with a pile of bags like she's a character from Clueless. 

3- She lets her boyfriend wait outside the store so that he doesn't have to follow her around like a lost puppy, bored and confused by all of this clothing made for bodies that aren't shaped like his. If he wants to, he can go to another store. Or he can pull out his phone and play a game or call a friend or look at pictures of steaks, or whatever it is that manly men do. (As a girl and an owner of purses, I obviously have no idea what this is. Maybe an app that plays Wisers commercials whenever a man feels emasculated? Pocket-sized strippers? Help me out here, guys.) 

4- Despite the fact that women be shoppin', she asks him to hold her purse while she is in the store. Guys, do you know what girls keep in their purses? Their wallets. We do not have deep back pockets on our jeans, so we keep our money in our purses. If this girl leaves her purse with her boyfriend, she's not bringing any money into the store. Thus, she cannot spend any money while she's in there. She probably isn't going to spend much time in there anyway.

5- By now, most people in modern society know that a man holding a purse is probably holding it for a woman. And they do not care.

6- Yes, the girlfriend's purse is pink and has a flower on it (because it had to be a really girly purse, to drive the point home) but it is not on fire. It is not made out of live poisonous snakes. Boyfriend will not die if he holds it for ten seconds.

7- He came prepared with a bag to hold the purse in? And the commercial refers to him as an "uncompromising gentleman." Uh, no, narrator, the expression you're looking for is "man-child." This dude is a rejected supporting character from a Tim Allen sitcom. An uncompromising gentleman would politely tell his girlfriend that he is uncomfortable holding her purse and he feels emasculated when he does. But something tells me that the dude in this commercial thinks that "emasculated" is an awful big word.

I might not be the kind of girl who needs her boyfriend to hold her purse all the time, and I have a very good reason for it: I keep lots of stuff in there, and he probably wouldn't want to carry around that much extra weight. Mike Fisher probably wouldn't care if this hadn't happened on TV, where all his manly friends and fans can see him (holding a purse that he can hide against his suit or INSIDE HIS HAND because it was a damn tiny clutch.) so let's all just move on and not be scared of bags, okay?

Stick-tap to fellow Habs bloggers Mike Obrand and Andrew Berkshire for inspiring this post, and for not being the kind of guys who are terrified of purses.

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "Jaynestown"

"We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!"

I'm back from my trip and catching up on the nerd initiative to rewatch the brilliant-but-cancelled Firefly, to mark the show's ten-year anniversary. This episode: "Jaynestown." Original air date: October 18, 2002.

So, this episode was written by Ben Edlund, who went on to write and produce for Supernatural. He wrote an episode called "Hollywood Babylon," which was so deliciously Whedonesque that I should have known it was written by someone who's worked with the man himself.

There are so many things I love about "Jaynestown." Edlund involves every character in this episode in one way or another. Except for maybe Zoe. I could have used more Zoe. (And maybe more Wash.)

This may be a Jayne-centric episode but I want to write about River and Shepherd Book first. Their subplot may not have seemed that it important, but it was fun, well-written, and moving. I absolutely love the scene where River is fixing the Shepherd's Bible because it's "broken." In just one sentence, Edlund exhibits both the mania and the incredible brainpower that makes River so interesting, and then leads it into this exchange:

• Book: River, you don't fix the Bible.
• River: It's broken. It doesn't make sense.
• Book: It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.

And that, kids, (WARNING: possible church-y sounding stuff ahead, deal with it) is one of the most honest statements about faith I have ever seen in the media. I don't really see a lot of mainstream shows and movies that take the time for a scene like this one, that speaks so loudly about the role that faith can have in a person's life, or the way that it can be viewed by others, without rolling its eyes and dismissing everyone as an extremist or a freak of some kind. But the way that Shepherd Book feels about faith? That's how I feel, in the exact words that I would have used to say it, if I had just known to find them. It doesn't happen often that you find a phrase that expresses your exact feelings, and I kind of can't believe that I did. (Interesting bit of knowledge for you: this year is the Year of Faith in the Catholic Church.)

Oh, this post is starting to run long, isn't it? Okay. I'll skip right to the Jayne stuff. After all, this was one of the episodes I chose to watch shortly before my Adam Baldwin encounter at Montreal Comic-con.

The A-plot of this episode was brilliant. Smart, poignant, endlessly quotable. It starts out a little rough, when we see just how difficult things are in Canton, a mud-farming community that's rich in mud but otherwise dirt poor. But as soon as we find out that there's a statue in Canton of folk hero, Jayne Cobb, things get awfully interesting. And they only get better as Jayne receives (quite literally) a hero's welcome. And then when they sing a song about him. Here's the song, performed by Adam Baldwin himself even though he told us at Montreal Comic-con that he'd promised Joss Whedon he wouldn't wear the Jayne hat OR sing the song:

My research hasn't yielded a definite answer about who wrote the song. It may have been Ben Edlund, but like a lot of nerds I suspect it was written by Joss himself. (By the way, according to Whedonverse legend, Joss Whedon had never written music before he sat down to write the musical episode of Buffy. That's talent.)
This episode was a great showcase for everything I love about Jayne: the hard-drinking, the egotism, the womanizing... But then again, basically every episode is a great showcase for Jayne. His reaction upon finding out that he's a local hero is priceless. First he's embarrassed (a sign of the remorse that we don't yet know about), then he soaks up all his fame and the alcohol that comes with it, then he realizes that he might be in trouble when the people of Canton expect him to continue being heroic, and then the whole mess that happens when the illusion is shattered and everyone finds out he isn't a hero after all. And somehow, even Jayne is disappointed in himself.

“You think there’s someone just gonna drop money on ya? Money they could use? Well, there ain’t people like that. There’s just people like me.”

Another episode, another brilliant plot twist. I love you, Firefly.

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "Our Mrs. Reynolds"

I'm back from my trip and catching up on the nerd initiative (post-vacation) to rewatch the brilliant-but-cancelled Firefly, to mark the show's ten-year anniversary. This week: "Our Mrs. Reynolds." Original air date: October 4, 2002.

One thing I've been doing as I rewatch Firefly is observing how much has changed in the ten years since these episodes aired. One change that you can't help but notice in "Our Mrs. Reynolds" is, well, Mrs. Reynolds. In 2002, almost no one knew who this pretty red-haired girl was:

In 2012, well, come on. Christina Hendricks, am I right, everyone?

Even before Mad Men was a twinkle in Matt Weiner's eye, Christina Hendricks proved she knew how to hold it down. She owns this episode as a young woman who is offered as a wife to Captain Mal - except he was so drunk during the ceremony that he doesn't remember marrying her, and this poor naive girl is terrified that she has displeased him somehow. She's the anti-Zoe: she relinquishes all control to her husband and wants only to make him happy. Then she starts seducing everyone and drugging them, and it turns out that our Mrs. Reynolds isn't what she seems to be. And I just sit there and watch as Firefly throws me another plot twist. 

I think my favourite part of this episode was the moment when "Saffron" (using quotes since that's not her real name and we don't know what to call her) meekly reveals to Mal that she's his wife, and Mal (for the first time in the series so far) can't think of anything, witty or otherwise, to say. He is rendered completely speechless from the shock. It's just a brilliantly scripted bit in a show that I normally love for its dialogue.

What is it about this show that just gets to me? You know, other than the dialogue, the characters, the plotting, and the fact that there will probably never be another show like it? I still can't put my finger on it, but I'll keep catching up until I find out.

Polishing up the lockout

I should probably just admit right now that I love nail polish. Somehow, people don't always expect this from me, but I'm perfectly okay with spending as much on a mani-pedi as I would on a ticket to a hockey game. (Even though my manicurist is really affordable.) I've been buying nail polish like a fiend these last few months. I try to stop, but everywhere I turn there's a new collection with pretty colours and pun-tastic themed names.

Originally, this post was going to be an imaginary collection of NHL-themed colours, but there is no real NHL of which to speak right now, so that post will have to wait. I'm not happy about it, either. Instead, here's another imaginary collection of colours:

The Locked Out Collection 2012
Four shades that will get everyone talking.

Salary Capped Out
(Real name: Agro, from the Hunger Games collection by China Glaze)
CBA negotiations are all about the benjamins. Why not recognize that by wearing this money-green shade, flecked with hints of gold?

In The Red
(Real name: Red My Fortune Cookie, from the Hong Kong collection by OPI)
While the players and the owners argue over money, pubs and other small businesses wonder how they'll cope with the loss of revenue they'd normally make during the hockey season. Businesses in the red? So are your nails!

Lights Out

(Real name: Nein! Nein! OK Fine! from the Germany collection by OPI)
Saturday night at the arena used to mean bright lights and white ice. That's not so true right now. If you were to look into your arena on a game night, all you'd see is a giant empty space with the lights off, and it would probably look like this.

Trading Places
(Real name: Tangerine Tango Dream, by Sephora + Pantone)
Bright tangerine orange is the colour of the year. Guess what else there is this year? Basketball. This time last season, hockey fans laughed at basketball fans and tipped extra at arena concession stands in an attempt to make up for the shortened NBA season. Who's laughing now that the arenas have nothing but net? Embrace the now by wearing the hottest colour of the year and matching it to a basketball.

If you're wondering whether these polishes have good wear, don't worry: the Locked Out Collection will last longer than you expect it to.

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "Bushwhacked"

I'm taking part in the nerd initiative to rewatch the brilliant-but-cancelled Firefly, one episode a week, in the order that they aired, to mark the show's ten-year anniversary. This week: "Bushwhacked." Original air date: September 27, 2002.

I've got to be perfectly honest and admit that I have zero memory of this episode. Which isn't so bad when you think about it, because there is so little of this show that eventually, enough rewatches will make you feel like you've seen it a million times. I'll enjoy watching things while they still seem new, because sometimes you get to the point where you wish you could see a certain episode for the first time all over again.

Here's an episode summary from DenOfGeek, which is about as concise as it can get: "The episode centres on the crew's discovery of a seemingly abandoned ship, after literally colliding with one of its occupants. What they discover (apart from the goods they're looking to 'salvage') is a massacre, presumably by the brutal and deadly Reavers. Before being brought in by the Alliance, they rescue the ship's only survivor, and the true extent of his psychological damage puts everyone in danger."

oh also, one of the husbands from Desperate Housewives is in it.

A bit of quick research didn't yield any information about what kind of budget this episode had, but it has pretty great production value. (Except for maybe the scenes in the Alliance ship, because somehow the Alliance always kind of looks like generic sci-fi. The Alliance ought to see to their girl.) I loved the camera work in this episode. The fact that a TV show that's ten years old can still look so impressive after ten years, after a deluge of cable networks put out expensive-looking shows and major networks tried to hard to imitate them, is pretty amazing.

This episode shows us two of the biggest evils in the 'Verse: First, there's the Alliance. In this episode, they seem an awful lot like the governments we know and hate: bureaucratic and intelligent, but also kind of a major annoyance. They're more of a thorn in your side than a knife in your back. Then, there are the Reavers. We don't even see the Reavers in this episode - we just see the results of their actions, and it's enough to scare us. Basically they leave hanging heaps of dead bodies in their trail, and only one survivor who is so mentally scarred by what he witnessed that all he can do is start to become like the monsters that killed everyone on his ship. He's not even actually a Reaver (at least, not yet?) and he's nowhere near human anymore. The violence in this episode is still pretty scary.

There aren't quite as many one-liners in this episode, but the writing is good enough that even though it's only the second episode, we get a good sense of who all these characters are. I guess having a character interview the ship's entire crew kind of makes this easy.

...or the writers can say an awful lot by not even writing any dialogue.

I liked that all of the characters seemed like they had a role in this episode, no matter how big or small. This episode is also really great for River, who in "The Train Job" (and, if memory serves, in the pilot as well) was more of a plot device than a person. Yes, she did cool martial arts stuff, and she said a lot of creepy things, but in "Bushwhacked" she actually seems a lot more human, and I found myself feeling more sympathy for her than I usually do. It's not that I don't like River, I just feel like her mental state can at times make it more difficult for the audience to understand her. (I do actually like River a lot, because there aren't a lot of other characters out there quite like her, except for maybe every other character that's been specifically written for Summer Glau in the last ten years.)

All in all, "Bushwhacked" isn't the episode that the series is best remembered for, but every good first season has an early episode that helps to expose what the show is all about, and that's what we have here. And no, I still do not have a favourite character. And yes, I still wish that in another life I could be brilliant enough to think up a show like this.

Look for Firefly Rewatch every weekend from now until I run out of episodes. If I'm on this continent, I will be watching Firefly. (I say this because I might be out of the continent for two weeks.)

Firefly Rewatch 2012: "The Train Job"

As mentioned in my last post, Joss Whedon's short-lived series Firefly premiered ten years ago this week. After seeing pictures from the cast reunion at San Diego Comic-Con, and reacquainting myself with my inner Joss Whedon fangirl at Montreal Comic-Con, I've decided to rewatch it. The same way it aired - one episode a week, in the (completely illogical) order that they aired.

Okay, who are we kidding. My inner Joss Whedon fangirl was not hiding anywhere. Whedon's writing changed both television and its viewers, including me. I didn't actually watch Firefly when it first aired - somehow, a print journalist saying that a new series is a space western didn't convince me to watch it. Buffy was still on the air at the time, so I had my fix of Whedonesque writing, and there was so much on TV that I didn't even give it a try. Maybe, if I'd had a nerdy enough friend at the time to explain to me what exactly made it a space western and just how damn cool that is, I would have been convinced.

So, let me be that friend and tell you in just a few words what makes Firefly great, if you've never watched it: All of the adventure and the planet-hopping of Star Wars. (Space!) An ensemble cast of good-guy rebels played by actors that I immediately became attached to. (Western!) Lovable characters and the kind of writing that you could only get when a choice screenwriter brings his A-game and assembles a crack team of writers. There are no other shows quite like it, and you just need to watch it to understand why.

If you're watching the series for the first time, I highly recommend that you watch it in the order that Joss Whedon (and God) intended. Since the fans are rewatching them in the order that they aired (and so I could see what all of the anger is about) I'm doing that, too.

First up: "The Train Job," which was the first episode to air but was intended as a second episode after the two-part pilot. In this episode, the crew of Serenity are hired by a creepy-looking man with a ridiculous accent (and a propensity for threats) to steal cargo from a train, only to realize that some paydays just aren't worth the money.

The first two minutes or so of the episode (or rather, of the series as it aired on Fox) look like basically any sci-fi series ever, in terms of production value. Luckily, as soon as three of our main characters are onscreen, the actors and the dialogue demonstrate that isn't isn't just any sci-fi series ever. We get a pretty good sense of who these characters are: Mal is charming, witty, and stubborn, Jayne is bristlier and more badass than most action heroes, and Zoe is tough as nails. If I was watching this show for the first time, I probably wouldn't have had such a good grasp on any of the other characters. The viewer gets a base for who these characters are in the big picture of things - but they don't get a really clear view of that picture. Most of the pilot's audience probably scratched their heads, trying to figure out who some of these characters were and how they came together. In particular, all we see of River is that she's unstable but we don't really know why, or who she is, and that's pretty unfair considering that she gets a hell of an introduction in the original pilot.

This episode, like most of the series, gives us a really interesting picture of good and bad in the universe that Whedon has created here. Thieves for hire are supposed to be the bad guys, but once they realize that they are (because that the medical supplies they've been hired to steal are desperately needed by the people they stole it from), they immediately change their minds about what they've done. Except for Jayne, who thinks that a job is a job, and might be a little bit intimidated by a scary crime lord and his face-tattooed minion. Inara has more social power and respect than Shepherd Book, and Book knows it. These characters are in a really interesting place on the moral spectrum, and I think that will continue to figure as the series goes on.

Overall, "The Train Job" tempers what could have been a really heavy episode with so much humour and excitement that it hardly feels serious at all. Now, almost every bit of dialogue is delicious, but this episode has one of everyone's favourite lines:

It also has one of my favourite lines:

(Okay, actually, that entire scene is brilliant. I think this may be Adam Baldwin's best role, even though I've stated before that I love all his work.)

This is an extremely watchable episode, but it's an extremely watchable second episode. It doesn't necessarily function well as a pilot, no matter how hard it tries, because it wasn't written as one.

But who ever trusts the networks to make good decisions, anyway?

Look for Firefly Rewatch every weekend from now until I run out of episodes. If I'm on this continent, I will be watching Firefly. (I say this because I might be out of the continent for two weeks.)

Awesome, much?

(Written on the ten-year anniversary of the premiere of Firefly, which I did not expect to love, but do.)
As a pop-culture junkie turned hockey fan, I always find it interesting when my worlds collide.

I'm a nerd (yes) and spent half of last weekend at Montreal's Comic Con.
Among the things I did: Spend an inordinate amount of money on original art, T-shirts, and pins. Sneak pictures of celebrities I didn't want to spend money on or wait in line for. Take pride in telling Warehouse 13 star, Eddie McClintock, that I thought he was great on Friends, which is basically the opposite of what nerds usually do. Get a hug from Xander Harris himself, Nicholas Brendon. Stand by as my friend's friend get an autograph from Wil Wheaton that turned into more than just an autograph:

So, what's a girl to do after she meets Nicholas Brendon, and gets a hug from him? She walks over to Eddie McClintock, who is available for autographs but somehow no one is waiting in line for them. (He was also texting and chewing on something, possibly a cookie. Someday I will approach a famous person when they're not eating. Someday.) Because, come on, he was Phoebe's love interest for a whole two episodes while we watched Rachel have a baby.

So, I told an actor who's now on a cable sci-fi series that I loved his guest spot on one of the biggest shows of the last two decades. I told him I had heard that his role was supposed to be expanded in the following season of Friends, but those plans changed when a pilot he was cast in made it to series. To which he said, "Actually, I was bumped in favour of Paul Rudd." Now, in all honesty, Paul Rudd's character on Friends was awesome and any fictional character would be lucky to marry him, but you can't tell that to the actor whose role was reduced to two episodes. So, instead, Eddie McClintock and I shared a moment where we both shook our fists and said, "Damn you, Paul Rudd!"*

But the real excitement happened before and after this: Adam Baldwin was also in attendance. If you don't know who Adam Baldwin is, it's more than likely that you're wrong, you do know who he is, and you love him:

He had a Q&A panel, where he answered questions and told stories about all the roles he's been so great in. He talked about going to Nathan Fillion's house and keeping in touch with Zachary Levi. He name-dropped Joss Whedon and Stanley Kubrick. He recalled how the cast of Independence Day went a little crazy filming in desert heat, and how Judd Hirsch and Jeff Goldblum improvised "Jewish Death of a Salesman" between takes.

He also mentioned that he's a hockey fan. Shiny. I actually had no idea that he was, so my ears kind of perked up. (I know my friend Erin's did, too.) He said he was a Kings fan, and talked about how great it was to watch them win the Stanley Cup, and that he grew up in Chicago, and watching his old hometown team turn around and take home the Cup a few years ago made him happy, too. He also, obviously, mentioned that Los Angeles' last run at the Cup was, um, stopped by the Habs. He was really funny about it, and handled all of his questions really well. Yes, even laughing with the guy who thought that he was related to Alec and Stephen Baldwin (and the other two.)

It was so weird to think that I had no idea that this actor I've watched and loved in so many roles was a hockey fan, just like me.
So, the next day, I rushed to his autograph table right as he was getting up to leave. I had thought of what I would say, but obviously everything was a blur. (I have no photographic evidence of this, unfortunately, because no pictures were allowed, but I swear on my P.K. Subban jersey that every word of this is true.) I welcomed him to Montreal, told him I was a hockey fan too, and that the Kings are my favourite team in the West. Then, as sort of a peace offering for 1993, and because he's in Montreal, I gave him a Habs keychain - the only gift I could conjure up on such short notice. He probably won't use it or anything, because it's completely random, but the actor who has played so many tough guys just smiled, asked me my name, shook my hand, and thanked me.

It was pretty gorram cool.



*Hey, Paul Rudd, if you're reading this: No hard feelings?

Plus/Minus: Out of the rabbit hole

Easter is one of the most joyful days on the Christian calendar. The day after a team's last game is one of the saddest days for a sports fan. I'm not quite sure how to feel, since this insane season ended on a high note. I feel like Alice out of Wonderland: I have no idea where I was or what was happening around me. All I know for sure is that now it's over.

PLUS

+ Tomas Plekanec's beautiful-gorgeous 3-on-5 breakaway goal.
+ Finally, Blake Geoffrion got to shake some rust off and actually play a few games.
+ The Cole-Pacioretty-Desharnais line. I don't think I've given them enough Pluses this season.
+ If you're going to wait all season to score a goal, you might as well score it from the other side of the ice with mere minutes left in the season. Nice work, Brad Staubitz!

+ Carey Price's cowboy hat.
+ I love seeing the players close out their season finale by "saluting" the fans with their hockey sticks, but I never would have expected them to toss around so many pucks and give the jerseys off their backs to fans.
+ Jay Baruchel.
+ Last year, I wrote an end-of-season post thanking the Habs players for their season. This year, I saw that another fan wrote one on Tumblr, and it's excellent.

+ Patrick Kane's game-winning shootout goal against the Red Wings was the perfect way to end an exciting game between two teams that I wish I could watch all the time, but instead I'm stuck with, like, Buffalo and stuff.
+ 60 goals for Steven Stamkos. 50 goals for Evgeni Malkin. Holy crap, this league.
+ An unfortunate omission from last week's Plus: Pucks and Pixels Hockey Design, spearheaded by a Chicago Blackhawks fan, has done some excellent work inspired by the You Can Play Project.
+ "Bein' Quirky With Zooey Deschanel" might be my new favourite recurring sketch on SNL.
+ Speaking of Zooey Deschanel on TV, Winston's angry rant on New Girl ended with what might be the best bit of dialogue I've heard all season: "Now go away, because I'm having cereal." ("Because I"m having cereal" is the new "Because it's the Cup.")

MINUS

- Mario Tremblay seems to think that Randy Cunneyworth's lack of québécois heritage is what cost the Habs their season. Really?! REALLY?! There are so many things wrong with that statement, that Tremblay probably wouldn't be able to count them all.
- I loved the end-of-season "Thank You" video that the Canadiens put together, but it hurts a little to see our most talented and dedicated players try to make up for fans and thank them when they know that there are so many idiot "fans" out there who shouldn't be allowed near the Bell Centre next season.

- Federal government cuts to the NFB are not only costing dozens of people their jobs, but they're closing their downtown facilities to the public. I've been to screenings there. I went to a 50-person Q-and-A session with Denys Arcand there. The government can't just take it away.

I'm still thinking about how to adjust to this new, playoff-less reality. I think the traditional Plus/Minus playoff format (one at the end of each round, instead of weekly) is going to come back.

Plus/Minus busts a 5-day blogless slump

Writing the last Plus/Minus on a Tuesday appears to have thrown me off my game a little. In any case, let's give this a go:

PLUS

+ Scott Gomez scored a goal! Congratulations, Scotty! Shut up, everyone else!
+ Congratulations to Max Pacioretty on his first NHL hat trick. Anyone going to a home game this week: Please bring a hat to throw onto the ice in his honour.
+ Lars Eller's goal against the Leafs... okay, all five of the goals against the Leafs.
+ A pre-emptive Plus to the Ryan White callup.
+ Ryan McDonagh's goal against the Capitals today makes me hate the Rangers a little less. It's backwards logic, I know, but I guess the Rangers are worth watching? Who knew?
+ Another Galentine's Day on Parks & Recreation! I kind of love the idea of it. I hope Leslie Knope doesn't mind if I steal it.
+ It makes me beyond happy that a year of incredible, well-deserved success for Adele has come to a head on Grammy night, where the entire music industry and everyone watching at home can show her just how much they appreciate her for being both genuine and genuinely talented. If you've never been moved to tears by her voice, you MIGHT be doing it wrong.

MINUS
- Condolences to NBA star Amar’e Stoudemire for the loss of his big brother. It's heartbreaking.
- I almost feel like being that obnoxious hockey fan who says that the Canadiens could have shut out the Islanders on Thursday... but didn't. Oh well.
- ¡Cosas malas! Now that "The Spanish Teacher" has aired, I think we've all seen the worst episode of Glee. Not even a great overall performance by Naya Rivera could save it.

On another note, I'm not a fan of all this Cupids-and-hearts stuff that Valentine's Day is about, but I do love my readers, so I want you to take care of your own hearts. Visit the Heart and Stroke Foundation's website to assess your risk for heart disease and what you can do to improve your health.

2011: All these things that I've done

Lately there's been a lot of pessimism among Habs fans, myself included. I'm usually as optimistic as I possibly can be about sports, so this is kind of strange and new to me. But 2011 wasn't the easiest year I've seen in my brief time so far as a sports fan. It started out well enough - I worked on my 2010 year-in-review post in sunny Florida. Unfortunately, vacations (like all things) come to an end, players get injured, games are lost, and sometimes the worst happens.

I'm trying not to think of 2011 as the year where [insert bad thing that happened]. So many other great things happened this year that I'll be happy to remember:

I went to my first-ever football game...
And my first-ever basketball game...
Where I got to be on the Jumbotron - which is every sports fan's dream, right?

Despite my lack of athletic prowess, this was the year that I tried to play a sport. (I was bad at it, but that's okay because I'm proud of myself for trying, and golf isn't really that great of a sport anyway.)

At one point this year, I owned T-shirts for teams in all 4 major North American sports teams. (And I probably still do, but one of them has gone missing.)
Maybe I should up that number to 5, now that soccer is increasing in popularity and the Impact are joining the MLS and have snazzy new uniforms.

This was the year I met Ken Dryden, Yvon Lambert, and Chris Nilan.
And Michel Lacroix.
And Hal Gill, sort of.
This was the year that Jonathan Toews looked at me.

This was the year that I went to my first playoff game - and while I sniffled and coughed through the whole thing, I booed the Bruins as much as my sore throat would allow.
This was also the year that I screamed so much at a hockey game that it gave me a sore throat.
This was the year I got to see Bell Centre celebrity Logan win "fan of the game."

This was the year that I got to be a bet commissioner on live radio. (But not a slap bet commissioner - the stakes were too high. I would have been responsible for Moe Khan getting slapped by a CFL player, and there's no way I'm mean enough to do that.)

This was the year that I started a Twitter hashtag that started trending, and became so popular that even famous people got in on the fun and newspapers wrote about it.

This was the year that I saw the Stanley Cup. And yeah, maybe I kissed it. But that was in April, when it belonged to the Blackhawks, so it's okay.
This was the year that I found out what it's like to be a Habs fan in Toronto. But that was in April, before the Leafs started getting their act together.

This was the year that the good guys won the Super Bowl and the NBA Championship.
This was the year that the Florida Panthers stopped being where NHL players go when they've been bad.
This was the year that Saku Koivu returned to Montreal as a hero.


Even though Mick Jagger had already told me, this was the year I learned that you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
Happy 2012, everyone.

11 Things I Liked This Year

This is a really lazy year-in-review (a better one is forthcoming), what with all the "real" blogs and journalists making very specific Best Of lists and actually ranking things. Still, all that matters is that there were things worth liking this year, regardless of what some pessimists would have you believe. In no particular order:


MTL Stand Up by Annakin Slayd - We couldn't ask for a better song about being Canadiens fans.

P.K. Subban's hat trick - We knew he had it in him. No matter what anyone says or how many shutouts followed, that game against Minnesota was brilliant.

Bruins athletic trainer Don Del Negro helping the Habs staff while Max Pacioretty lay on the ice and everyone at home wrung their hands - so much classier than any of us would have expected.


HBO 24/7 - both seasons of it, since there's some New Year's overlap. Everything about the show is beautiful.

Cameo by Brent Musburger. Sports!

Happy Endings - I probably rave about this show a little too much, but think about it... None of the actors or the creator had really anchored a show before, and the biggest star in the cast when it premiered was Elisha Cuthbert. (No way did I ever expect to love, or even watch, a show with Elisha Cuthbert on it.) But the show grew quickly into a quirky, hip, hysterical comedy that eclipses its lead-in Modern Family.

Nicki Minaj - This really was a 2011 thing, because I paid NO attention to her at the end of 2010. Then as soon as 2011 started, as if by magic, Nicki was everywhere I turned: her songs were on the radio, she was great on SNL, I heard her songs during sports games... Heck, she's got her own line of nail polish. Everything about Nicki is genuinely crazy, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Vancouver citizens cleaning up their city after the riots.

Hal Gill - what's not to love? He adds some much-needed size to the team, has blocked approximately four thousand shots this year, made us laugh on Twitter, and was a fantastic Movember team captain.

Arcade Fire - winning a much-deserved Album of the Year Grammy (haters be damned) and performing for free at Place des Festivals. Can they have a free show at Place des Festivals every year?

Scandals of Classic Hollywood - a semi-regular feature on The Hairpin, which I could read over and over and over again. I'm linking to the Elizabeth Taylor story, but they're all great. So gossipy and so educational!

The NHL Mean Girls hashtag on Twitter - hysterical. It combined two things that I thoroughly enjoy, and there was an entire part of Twitter's hockey population that didn't get it. Poor them.

The year was full of surprises, most of which I'll probably elaborate on in my next post. What did YOU like this year?

Everything slightly outdated is new again

News recently broke that MTV is reviving Punk'd, and that Ashton Kutcher will be back to produce.
No, I'm completely serious. No, I have no idea why.

Anyway, it's true that in Hollywood, everything old is new again. And in the case of the Muppets, it's a good thing. (Sidenote: I am so happy to have the Muppets back, and that "Which Muppet are you?" quiz I took a few years ago on Facebook was accurate.) 

But now, it seems that everything slightly outdated is also new again: what with the X-Men prequel that I have yet to see, the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man movie coming out this summer, and the now-cancelled Charlie's Angels series that was probably atrocious, and whatever they're going to do to Buffy, and this Punk'd reboot, which had better get Justin Bieber good.

So what else was popular less than 15 years ago but more than 2 years ago, and thus probably needs to make a comeback?

Boy bands: The world needs more boy bands. How are we supposed to find tomorrow's movie stars if they're not cheesy boy band singers first?

Ocean's Eleven: Not the Rat Pack classic with the awesome voices and questionable representation of women. The remake of it is what needs a remake. I mean, seriously, the cast is great but Bradley Cooper isn't even in it.

All of those crappy Kate Hudson movies: Are just begging to be remade as crappy Katherine Heigl movies.

But McConaughey is irreplaceable

Britney Spears: is played out, right? Oh, wait, that's why the world has Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. (<3 u, Ke$ha!)

Xena, Warrior Princess: is going to get re-made into a movie, possibly starring Zoe Saldana. If this actually happens, all (three) of my readers owe me an iced coffee beverage.

The Matrix: Maybe with sequels that make sense this time.

Firefly: Six seasons and a movie, most likely starring Liam Hemsworth as Mal.

Good luck, Liam Hemsworth

CSI: Are those still on?

Armageddon: Now that the US doesn't really have a Space Program anymore, I guess this one will never see the light of day.

Ashton Kutcher's desperate attempt to be P. Diddy's best friend: The only thing that changes is that he now goes by "Diddy."

Have fun, Ashton.

Plus/Minus: Ready to start

Pre-season and TV premiere week seems like the perfect time to start up Plus/Minus again... as evidenced by the fact that I wrote too much.

PLUS

+ Jane Lynch was a fantastic Emmys host: dry, funny, talented, comfortable with improv, and never took herself too seriously. And you just know that Christopher Guest is sitting somewhere all like, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

+ How I Met Your Mother picked up where it left off – and I mean that in good way.

+ Boardwalk Empire is every bit as vast and as watchable as it's ever been. I'd be disappointed that Steve Buscemi didn't win the Emmy, but I can't bring myself to say it because I love Coach Taylor too damn much and I told everyone to watch Friday Night Lights back in its first season (albeit after Kathie from Give Me My Remote did.)

+ I'm still watching pilots since there was so much on TV this week, but I can already see myself watching 2 Broke Girls and New Girl every week. The pilots weren't perfect (I can't think of a better word than "pilot-y", sorry) but both shows have appealing characters with lots of story potential. Can we talk about how Kat Dennings completely owned the opening scene of 2 Broke Girls?

+ The season hasn’t even started yet, and Alexei Yemelin is already turning heads.

+ Good first show of the season from Brendan Gallagher and Nathan Beaulieu. Looks like the Habs have depth after all! Sorry, haters.

+ Love, love, LOVE that Brendan Shanahan took the initiative to break down video of an illegal headshot and explain why the league suspended offender Brad Boyes for it. The NHL needed more transparency when it comes to discipline. I'm not a fan of the video's faux-slick production value, but that's not important.

MINUS

- I love every single member of the EmmyTones - OK, except maybe Wilmer Valderrama, because I more or less forgot that he even existed. But what could have been a cheesy, fun, tongue-in-cheek faux-gimmick fell flat and was just a cheesy, real gimmick. Something about the costumes, or the background they stood in front of, just didn't work. Not to mention that there was a glint of embarrassment in poor Cobie Smulders' eyes - she knew that something about this bit wasn't working, but could only stand back, sing her songs, and watch as former badass LL Cool J made a mockery of himself.

- If I could take the hilarious Maya Rudolph character from Up All Night, and give Will Arnett some funny like he’s had in basically everything else he’s been in, and inject some of the quirk from Christina Applegate’s last series, Samantha Who?, I’d be able to make a watchable TV show. But right now all Up All Night has going for it is Maya Rudolph.

- Can people just stop watching Two and a Half Men already?

- Jeff Woywitka may have scored a goal in his first outing as a member of the Canadiens organization, but other than that, his start was underwhelming. He was a mess, lacked focus, and seemed to be near the puck every time the Stars scored. Here's hoping Clement Jodoin can do something about that. 

- Well, that was the absolute stupidest way for Wayne Simmonds to start his season. I wish there was a way to revoke somebody's fan card after they do something unforgivable. (I also wish that there was a similar system in place for movie theatres. I know these wishes will probably never come true.)

- Keep in mind that I'm Plus-ing and Minus-ing with the understanding that this is pre-season and that Carey Price already told us to chill out and relax. So anyone who takes this all too seriously gets a Minus. Pre-season exists to make the regular season better.

So, now that both seasons have started up again, I may have to take up drinking coffee. Any chance Starbucks wants to give me an endorsement deal so I can drink their delicious soy pumpkin lattes for free?

Top 5: TV Characters I'd Take To A Hockey Game

I don't know why it took me this long to think of compiling such a list. Heck, I don't know why this hasn't been a monthly feature for as long as HIHW has existed (and even before then.)

So here it is:

The Top 5 TV Characters I'd Want To Go To A Hockey Game With
(Opinions subject to change. This list only includes current, scripted television programs.)

Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation. I love Parks and Recreation so very, very much these days, but the truth is that the show doesn't have many characters I could take to a hockey game with me.

Can't bring Tom, because you can't really bring Tom anywhere. (Although I'm slightly interested in hearing his entrepreneurial ideas for the hockey world. I bet "alcoholic Gatorade" would be one of them.)
Can't bring Chris Traeger, because as much fun as it would be for us both to call the players by their full names, he'd be all weird about everything, and would disapprove of all the food options. "A hot dog could literally put me in the hospital."
Can't bring my girl April because she doesn't care about anything.
Can't bring Jean-Ralphio because he'd probably get lost somewhere.
Can't bring Jerry, because... well, why would I bring Jerry?

Ron Swanson would appreciate the discipline that players have and how much fans hate management. He may, however, disapprove of the flowing hair on players like Ryan Jones and Ryan White. (Need I remind you of the acceptable haircuts, according to the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.) Oh, and by the way, it's a crime that Nick Offerman didn't get an Emmy nomination for his fantastic work this season.

Kurt Hummel, Glee. He's not the biggest sports guy, but he's the biggest fashionista on television. He and I could rag on all the girls in sparkly pink jerseys and laugh at that one loser who's wearing a Leafs jersey for no good reason.

Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother. As some of our longtime readers may remember, she's one of our kind. A bit of a badass, knows the game, loves the players, isn't afraid to get a little loud, and knows that real girls wear real jerseys - no pink, no sparkles, no wearing of leggings in lieu of real pants. She knows how we roll. It wouldn't be long before we'd start high-fiving strangers and making up new insults to yell at the Bruins.

Stefon, Saturday Night Live. Okay, this is mostly a joke, because Stefon explains the weirdest things as if they're completely banal. (Example: human suitcases.) Can you imagine his face when I have to start explaining hockey to him? "It's that thing, where really jacked Czechs..."

Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock. Not because of his appreciation for sports. (Somehow, I don't see a wealthy Republican ever showing enthusiasm for a group of men whose careers involve sweating.)
Because he's a higher-up at NBC (property of Kabletown!) so he can probably get me good seats for any hockey game I want, provided it's a game NBC is interested in. Can't you just hear Alec Baldwin's voice saying "I hope you like Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago"?

I think it's time to watch some reruns or open up a DVD or two. I need TV.

Mark Cuban or Michael Scott?

I realized something when the Emmy nominations came out this week.

Steve Carell's last episode of The Office probably gave him a really good shot at winning the Emmy.

No, wait, that's not it. It's that if Michael Scott were a real person, he'd probably be an awful lot like Dallas Mavericks owner/ crazy-rich dude Mark Cuban.

Just look at these pictures of Mark Cuban, and tell me you can't imagine Michael Scott doing any of these things:

Don't tell me you don't see it too!