Plus/Minus goes after the goalie

I guess the Habs are capable of winning games! Sometimes. Which is better than no times. And then they went and made a random trade, so I guess I still don't know how to feel about them.

PLUS

+ A huge Plus for this guy, who pulled off a pretty awesome surprise for his mom:

And she got to see her team win the Super Bowl. It must be so incredible to be there for that kind of moment, after decades of fandom. I'm so happy for this family and I don't even know them.
+ Carey Price and Josh Gorges giving their Super Bowl predictions: They gave some thought to their answers, which makes me think that when we're all grown up and they're retired, they'll make pretty good analysts. And they'll still be on our TVs.
+ Wait, is Daniel Briere a hockey player who scores goals? Whoa.
+ Bruno Mars delivered as a Super Bowl halftime performer. He and the Red Hot Chili Peppers did exactly what I hoped they would onstage, and a combination that I didn't think would work made for a pretty damn great halftime show.

MINUS

@CanadiensMTL Carey Price's {yet again} Gaf yesterday and that wou;d be tied with G-Molson being 100% AWOL and out of tiu h wiht reality!!!
— DonEladioVuente (@DonEladioVuente) February 3, 2014

- The less I remember about this weekend's games, the better. (Except for Brandon Prust fighting a goalie. I want to be reminded of that all the time.)

- A huge Minus to any Habs fan who complains that Carey Price let in one bad goal this weekend. He's been one of the only consistent players on the team all season. He has worked so hard to keep the Habs from completely tanking. Hell, just last week the players in front of him embarrassed him. How quickly can anyone forget that?

Anyway, welcome to the jungle, Dale Weise.

Plus/Minus: Mad City

It wasn't the greatest week that Habs fans have ever seen. It kind of flat-out sucked. But there's still tons to be optimistic about, right? Stuff that isn't about the Habs?

PLUS

+ The biggest Plus of the week, of course, goes to Anthony Calvillo. His career speaks for itself, but his behaviour both on and off the field is what will make him a legend.

+ I know that any display of emotion can cause a player to get in trouble, especially when that player's name is P.K. Subban, but I have no problem with his angry stick-throwing during the Capitals game. He was angry. We're all angry. No use hiding it.

+ Peter Budaj gets as many Pluses as he wants for picking a fight with Marc-André Fleury. Because who wouldn't want to mess with Fleury?

+ Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons' performance at the Grammys was one of my favourites in recent years. I know that the Grammys thrive on putting artists together onstage just for the novelty of it, but this combination worked so well. I could watch it over and over.

+ This picture of Kobe Bryant, 50 Cent, and Meryl Streep:

...Kobe is basically the Meryl Streep of basketball.

+ I'm a sucker for really sweet human interest stories. (Because I'm a huge sap who cries at everything.) Seahawks player Derrick Coleman's exchange with a 9-year-old deaf girl who called him her inspiration is just about the best thing I could read in preparation for the Super Bowl.

MINUS

- This tweet by Dustin Penner:

I know prostitution isn't legal in cali but there's no other way to explain 19yo "model" drivin a G-wagon...is there? http://t.co/YsfeJo4mUJ
— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) January 21, 2014

is just further proof that he is, in fact, an idiot. Assuming that a woman is a prostitute is just about the most offensive thing that anyone could do, and the fact that it's coming from a rich man who probably doesn't judge women based solely on the books they read. (Providing, of course, that he knows what a book is.)

- Oh, and also the fact that the Montreal Canadiens just can't get themselves together, and that their coach is just barely treading water.

- Oh, and the fans who misbehaved during Saturday night's game against the Capitals also get a Minus. Enough with the ironic cheers and the booing your own team. You guys are even worse than the jerks who leave early. (Inside this Minus, though, is a Plus, to whoever it was sitting near the Family section that started a "Never quit!" cheer.)

Dear Habs: Never quit. Please.

Observations from someone who left a Habs game early

I was vastly disappointed by the result of last night's hockey match between the Canadiens of Montreal and the Kings of Los Angeles. First of all, I expected something much more regal and understated, and more in line with the Kings' team name. I have dined with several kings, you see, and I found them to be much calmer in demeanour and smaller in stature than the boorish athletes I saw on the ice wearing synthetic fabrics.

I did not pay very much to sit a few rows behind the glass at the Bell Centre, which is a terrible name for a public place since it bears the name of but a lowly inventor, rather than a great horseman or perhaps a duke. I thought that I would partake in the watching of this sport, despite its popularity with the working classes. I can understand why citizens of lower classes enjoy such events, as the tickets cost a pittance! Beverages were sold at a very low cost as well, though that is to be expected as they were served in plastic cups. I did not care for the easy availability of alcoholic beverages, nor for the noise level that was unnaturally high for a crowd of so many thousands. I was very fortunate to have been warned of this by my footman, and prepared myself by asking my manservant to fetch my mink earplugs before I left my manse.

I noticed that every time the Kings of Los Angeles inserted the rubber disk into the cordoned-off area behind the keeper, the people inhabiting the seats in my row grew discouraged. It was not until the Canadiens' leader - I believe they call him a coach, though I saw no horses - chose to relieve the keeper of his duties, that I understood. This young man had not done his job properly, and as such was soon met with unemployment. The same very nearly happened when I watched one of my good friends fire his stable boy after a particularly loud sneeze. I was shocked at such a public display. Why, my crystal monocle nearly fell out of my eye! Such a fortunate stroke of luck that it did not, as it would likely have landed on the floor, or worse, on someone's denim pantaloons. Can you imagine? What a horrible thought.

It was also quite disappointing that the moving players on the Canadiens' squad were unable to allow their disks to reach the cordoned-off area behind the keeper. I expected them to be able to do this, as the Kings of Los Angeles were capable of this feat more than once. Ultimately, I began to lose patience and thought my time would be better spent elsewhere, as this hockey squad was unable to acknowledge the honour of my presence. They probably assumed that their amphitheatre was filled with people whose income is smaller than theirs, and not noblemen such as I. In order to avoid further disrespect on the part of this hockey squad, I thought it best to return to my manse and enjoy the rest of the evening sipping my finest brandy in the presence of my string quartet. I shan't be returning to the Bell Centre, as the quality of the entertainment was even lesser than the puny cost of admission.

I have learned my lesson.

Plus/Minus comes back angry

It's been HOW long since I wrote a Plus/Minus? And I let a basketball game get in the way? Geez. Sorry. I'll try to work on that.

PLUS
+Thank you, Mikael Bournival, for being the new Brendan Gallagher. (Sorry, Louis Leblanc, but another kid with a French last name stole your thunder.)

+ George Parros is back! And his mustache will be, too!

+ Thank you to the clueless group of people who sat behind me at the Bell Centre during Tuesday's game. You entertained my followers more than I could have on my own. (I know I used to be much more of a rookie than I am now. But there's a limit to my patience.)

+ I know I'm not supposed to like goalies who do everything right and beat the Habs, but Josh Harding was great in his start against Montreal and has had an awesome season so far.

+ Here are my thoughts on recent episodes of Scandal:


MINUS

- Dear NBC: I want my Parks and Rec. Give me my Parks and Rec.

- Some jerk on sports talk radio apparently thinks that all of the world's evils have come from women trying to break into the sports world. I'm not even going to bother mentioning his name or anything, because who cares. Didn't I already deal with this moron when he called in to The Franchise the last two times I was on?

- So, Semyon Varlamov gets arrested for alleged domestic abuse, and continues to play. Gee, why does the whole "Avalanche goalie hurts wife/girlfriend" narrative sound so familiar? Could it be because Varly's coach did the exact same thing, but most people in the hockey world choose to pay attention to his accomplishments, and sweep his personal crimes under the rug. Roy's anger issues are looked at as yet another of his quirks. It was only problematic when he was basically responsible for that huge on-ice brawl as Remparts coach, because it affected hockey (and was symptomatic of a pretty big problem, one that he might indirectly be to blame for.) The Denver Post claims that Roy is "sticking his neck out" for Varlamov. That's bullshit. Roy isn't taking any risks. He's doing exactly what he thinks is right, which is to ignore the fact that the goalie he's taking such good care of might be a criminal. Roy thinks that this is far, when really it's reprehensible. For some unfortunate reason, people don't care about off-ice violence. Letting Varlamov start games when he should be under investigation, or getting help for whatever issues he may have, just proves that there's a growing culture of indifference towards players' behaviour off the ice. Players aren't seeing any consequences to their actions, even when they need to. If this doesn't stop soon, the NHL will be no better than the NFL.

Stick tap to Wrap Around Curl, who is also angry and disappointed that this league isn't doing anything.

Keeping up appearances

I've realized lately that the more things change, the more they stay the same. And that because I'm female, no matter what I write on this blog or say in real life, there will always be someone who'll be more concerned with the way I look than anything else.

We've seen it happen often in the last year or so, since the premiere of the HBO series Girls: star and creator Lena Dunham takes her clothes off onscreen and people are suddenly up in arms that a woman who is not model-pretty would dare to do so. The debate got even noisier after a recent second-season episode in which her character, Hannah, spends a lot of time naked, mostly in the presence of Patrick Wilson, who just happens to be really really ridiculously good-looking. And sexually interested in her. And somehow it was implausible that someone like him would be attracted to someone like her. We get it. She's not very tall, and she's a little chubby and a little pear-shaped, and you probably would never see her in a Victoria's Secret catalogue. But people are acting as if she shouldn't be on TV or something. This is a woman who, in her mid-20s, made a film that caught the attention of HBO to the point that they basically asked her to write a show for them. Young writers are often respected in writers' rooms because they often have fresh and different ideas - that's something I won't deny. But very few series creators and showrunners are both female and in their twenties. That trend is changing, but will continue to change only very slowly. The fact that a woman (or anyone, really) has garnered so much attention for her writing and directing in her mid-twenties is impressive. Now, I know that there are a lot of people out there who can easily point out some problems in Girls' writing, and I won't get into those here. Anyone who criticizes a writer for their writing probably has a reason to make their argument. Anyone who criticizes someone on TV for not looking like George Clooney's arm candy needs to be put in check. It's basically akin to saying that someone should not be playing a sport because they're the wrong nationality. It just doesn't make any sense. The idea that people would publicly express their disdain for someone else's body, and try to find excuses to justify it, disgusts me. Dunham probably grew up surrounded by the same movies and magazines and whatnot that we all did; the ones that informed our opinions of what is beautiful and what isn't. All she's doing is proving that some people took all of that far too seriously and can't stand the thought of seeing something or someone different. So she's expressly pushing their buttons, and somehow they don't realize that. People have a problem with her body? She responds fearlessly, by continuing to do nude scenes, and writing dialogue (for Hannah, as well as other characters) that expresses the fact that people are often unhappy and uncomfortable, and that this is informed by what other people think is "normal."

But people continue to think that a woman's looks are the most important thing about her.

Take this dumbass beer commercial, for example. Molson was smart enough to start airing right around early January, when everyone resolves to lose some weight this year or something, but the advent of a new NHL season means that most people will go back to drinking beer a little more regularly than others. The ad also tried to be a little interesting by not jumping right into the common cliché of throwing as many Barbie-doll girls onscreen as possible (see: cheerleaders screeching their way into a sports bar, because a man told them to.) Instead, it lauds some guy for jogging from his parking space to the pub, where he orders a low-calorie beer and a manly burger. (It's manly because it's red meat, and bacon, and crispy onions, and you eat it with your hands, like a man. Oh and also because an American restaurant literally called it the "Manly Burger.") This, apparently, is called a "guyet." With a G. It, as the voice-over dismissively explains to us, is not some diet. Because diets are for girls, I guess. Because only girls are supposed to obsess over their bodies and make sure they look good enough. Thanks, "guyet," for not only being ridiculously stupid, but also offensive!

Part of the intro to the NBA All-Star Game was a video sequence of a woman talking about what it means to be a baller. But it didn't really feel like she herself was one. It kind of felt like, rather than being dressed up as various types of successful women, she'd been dressed up as the kind of woman attracted by various types of successful men. (That, and the excess of pre-game ceremonies made me feel as though it could have been cut out and no one would have been the wiser, and we all could have started watching a basketball game that much sooner.) Despite the fact that the All-Star skills competition always includes WNBA players, this intro basically perpetuated the idea that a woman's role in professional sports is basically to be pretty.

This is reflected in much of the coverage surrounding Reeva Steenkamp's death. It felt as though her modeling career added a lurid twist to the whole story, which was explained by some outlets as "SUCCESSFUL AND INSPIRATIONAL ATHLETE (shoots and kills) PRETTY BLONDE WOMAN!" Literally, a man whose body can break world records in track killed a woman whose body could sell products. No mention of this man's psyche. Very little mention of this woman's life.

This was also seen by some as some kind of misfortune for Oscar Pistorius that could end up causing a huge blow to his career. Not enough people were shocked that an athlete who had brought so much joy to his spectators was capable of something so awful. I'm not accusing Pistorius of murdering his girlfriend, but I am saying that there was allegedly a history of "domestic disputes," which means that Pistorius may very well have exhibited violent behaviour in the past. I'm also saying that pictures of a woman in a bikini shouldn't be all over the newspapers the day after she's been shot and killed. The fact that she was beautiful is more important than the fact that she is dead. Certain media outlets had the good sense to go beyond this, and actually mentioned the fact that she tried to use her fame for good, and to inspire others to do the same. She spoke out about violence against women, and ended up being a victim of it. Not enough people have taken notice of this, even though it should be a wake-up call. What makes this worse is the fact that both Pistorius and Steenkamp were more successful than Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins, whose story might be similar in a few ways but who received less media coverage. Did this crime actually receive more global attention because the killer was more famous, and because the victim was a white swimsuit model? And yet even after her death, people are publishing shots of her in a bikini? This all makes me question our standards: as men and women, as consumers, as passive.

It's time that our bodies stop being the only thing that measure our worth.

Plus/Minus: Out of the rabbit hole

Easter is one of the most joyful days on the Christian calendar. The day after a team's last game is one of the saddest days for a sports fan. I'm not quite sure how to feel, since this insane season ended on a high note. I feel like Alice out of Wonderland: I have no idea where I was or what was happening around me. All I know for sure is that now it's over.

PLUS

+ Tomas Plekanec's beautiful-gorgeous 3-on-5 breakaway goal.
+ Finally, Blake Geoffrion got to shake some rust off and actually play a few games.
+ The Cole-Pacioretty-Desharnais line. I don't think I've given them enough Pluses this season.
+ If you're going to wait all season to score a goal, you might as well score it from the other side of the ice with mere minutes left in the season. Nice work, Brad Staubitz!

+ Carey Price's cowboy hat.
+ I love seeing the players close out their season finale by "saluting" the fans with their hockey sticks, but I never would have expected them to toss around so many pucks and give the jerseys off their backs to fans.
+ Jay Baruchel.
+ Last year, I wrote an end-of-season post thanking the Habs players for their season. This year, I saw that another fan wrote one on Tumblr, and it's excellent.

+ Patrick Kane's game-winning shootout goal against the Red Wings was the perfect way to end an exciting game between two teams that I wish I could watch all the time, but instead I'm stuck with, like, Buffalo and stuff.
+ 60 goals for Steven Stamkos. 50 goals for Evgeni Malkin. Holy crap, this league.
+ An unfortunate omission from last week's Plus: Pucks and Pixels Hockey Design, spearheaded by a Chicago Blackhawks fan, has done some excellent work inspired by the You Can Play Project.
+ "Bein' Quirky With Zooey Deschanel" might be my new favourite recurring sketch on SNL.
+ Speaking of Zooey Deschanel on TV, Winston's angry rant on New Girl ended with what might be the best bit of dialogue I've heard all season: "Now go away, because I'm having cereal." ("Because I"m having cereal" is the new "Because it's the Cup.")

MINUS

- Mario Tremblay seems to think that Randy Cunneyworth's lack of québécois heritage is what cost the Habs their season. Really?! REALLY?! There are so many things wrong with that statement, that Tremblay probably wouldn't be able to count them all.
- I loved the end-of-season "Thank You" video that the Canadiens put together, but it hurts a little to see our most talented and dedicated players try to make up for fans and thank them when they know that there are so many idiot "fans" out there who shouldn't be allowed near the Bell Centre next season.

- Federal government cuts to the NFB are not only costing dozens of people their jobs, but they're closing their downtown facilities to the public. I've been to screenings there. I went to a 50-person Q-and-A session with Denys Arcand there. The government can't just take it away.

I'm still thinking about how to adjust to this new, playoff-less reality. I think the traditional Plus/Minus playoff format (one at the end of each round, instead of weekly) is going to come back.

Plus/Minus faces the music

The hockey season is winding down. We’re about a month away from May sweeps. If there is no Habs hockey on my television, and less television on my television, what am I supposed to do with myself? (Watch my all-but-ignored DVD’s and finally catch up on literally an entire season of guilty pleasures on the DVR, I guess?)

PLUS

+ This "Sh*t Habs Fans Say" video is brought to you by our friend Robyn, and it's great and we're so proud of her.
+ Congratulations, Josh Gorges, on winning the Jacques Beauchamp trophy. But you're more than an unsung hero! I'll keep singing you until you're sung.
+ to Geoff Molson, for doing his best to make himself available to the media after firing his general manager. So much has happened this season that left both journalists and fans confused, and it’s about time we have someone who at least tries to share as much information as he can.
+ I’m sorry, but Tomas Plekanec’s celebration after his goal against the Caps was hilarious. Louis Leblanc tried to go along for the ride and Pleks was just not having it. I know I should be disappointed because poor sportsmanship and all, but I laughed instead.
+ Any week where Stevie Nicks makes an appearance on two different shows is a good week for TV. (Even if one of those shows is damn American Idol.)

MINUS

- People who want Patrick Roy as coach = People who still buy Chris Brown albums.

- Carey Price suffering a concussion is exactly the kind of misfortune that was missing from this season. Thanks, terrible season! You're so full of surprises.

- It took Ryan White coming down with the flu for Blake Geoffrion to hit the ice again. What's the use in benching a young player for like a million consecutive games, when some ice time would do him good in either the NHL or the AHL?

- Who told Christina Aguilera it would be a good idea for a pop star to arrange a cover of “Satisfaction” for a country duo and a rapper? She acts like she reinvented the wheel. All she did was take the audience wildly off course and end up nowhere. (I am, however, very proud of her for putting some clothes on for this week’s episode of The Voice.)

I have no idea how to feel yet about the Gabriel Dumont callup other than excited. So I guess that's a Plus?

Plus/Minus returns from a monthlong hiatus

Sorry, readers. Somehow a month has passed since the last Plus/Minus. Blame Jeremy Lin, or the Hal Gill trade, or my inexplicably exhausting professional life. (I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I'm an international superspy. You're welcome.) How to even Plus or Minus a month's worth of things?

PLUS

+ It feels good to say that Max Pacioretty has a 30-goal season. He's playing to the potential we always knew he had, and he's showing an incredible amount of class. We couldn't be prouder of him.

+ to Blake Geoffrion, so bashful and yet so proud to be playing for the storied Montreal Canadiens. And scoring his first goal as a Hab!
+ Glad to have Markov back.

+ 3 High school hockey player Jack Jablonski is making incredible progress after a life-threatening injury. And another Plus to the hockey community for supporting him. And an extra big Plus to his team for winning the Minnesota state championship.

+ The Columbus Blue Jackets might just treat their fans better than any other team in the NHL. They have fun with social media and their "Get a Johnson nameplate for your Carter jersey" promotion was hysterical.

+ I'll never understand why, in 2012, we live in a world that needs to be reminded of things like gay rights, but I'll support any campaign that I need to in order to make this world a better place. The You Can Play project is basically perfect. It's honest, inspiring, perfectly executed, and not even a little bit fake or saccharine. It's everything that "Hockey Is For Everyone" should be. Take note, NHL.

+ Proof that things do get better: I loved the series over at Puck Buddys about a high school hockey player who made the brave decision to come out not only to his friends and teammates, but to his entire school. He - and his teammates - could just set the precedent for other gay teens to have the strength to do the same.

+ I guess "Linsanity" has died down a little, either because all of the puns have been made, or because people are expecting him to be even more superhuman than he's already been. That being said: JEREMY LIN! So good at basketball! Such a sweet guy! So nerdy!

+ I'm not cheating on hockey with basketball, I swear, it's just that NBA All Star weekend is one of my favourite sporting events of the entire year, and this year, jumping over people was the big trend at the slam dunk competition. One of those people was Diddy. So, yeah, it was pretty cool.
+ I don't know why I found it so funny that Lindsay Lohan played herself in a "Scared Straight" sketch on SNL, and used "Sidney Crosby" as an insult. But I laughed.

MINUS

- Someone needs to fix Jonathan Toews' concussion right now.

- Habs fans are never happy. They complain that so many players on this team are so terrible, and then are disappointed that almost nothing happened at the trade deadline. We can't be sellers if no one's buying.

- The "Canucks fans" who defaced the outside of Milan Lucic's church need to be found and punished. Or, if no one finds them, whatever, I'll just get on my high horse right now and tell them they're going to Hell.

- ugh, Los Angeles, why would you reunite Carter and Richards in a city with more excess than Philadelphia? Stop trying to be the Flyers. Just be yourself. It's all that you can do.

- When Sports Illustrated comes in the mail every week, I usually have to cross my fingers and hope that its pages will hold more than three sentences' worth of hockey coverage. It should come as no surprise that they foolishly think "puck bunnies" is a term used to describe all female hockey fans. What would they call male fans of women's tennis? Just wondering.

Other bloggers have written great pieces on the Sports Illustrated "puck bunny" mess. There might not be anything else left to say about it. But reading their pieces has made me want to write more often than just once a month.

Also, if you haven't heard the news, Czechtacular has started a side project called Seven Thousand Volts. Go to it!

Plus/Minus accurately describes the Habs this week

They're up and they're down, they're boring sometimes and thrilling at other times. If there's one thing I know for sure about this year's Montreal Canadiens, it's that they'll always do something unexpected.

PLUS

+ Madonna's halftime show had everything: gladiators, a She-Ra headdress, Nicki Minaj, millions of backup dancers, LMFAO, gospel choirs, marching bands, Cee-Lo Green, and her classic Like A Prayer dance moves. Oh, and a shoutout to Ron Artest ("World Peace"). What more could I have asked for? A Patriots loss? I got that too!

+ Kelly Clarkson's fantastic American national anthem proves that all you have to do to be great, is be great. No vocal runs, no fancy earrings. Just talent.
+ A Plus to Lewis Alderman, the kid who helped Michel Lacroix with player introductions at the Bell Centre this weekend. Usually kids just sound like kids, but he was great!
+ On Sunday morning, I said that the Canadiens need to support Carey Price with some goals. And they obliged.
+ Ryan White scored two goals in the first ten minutes of today's Hamilton Bulldogs game. This would have just been a Plus celebrating his return to the ice, but two goals in ten minutes proves just how happy I am to have him back.
+ Some people wouldn't call this a slam dunk. I'm too busy staring in awe to care about what it's called:


MINUS

- Paul Gaustad is not only insensitive, but he's kind of an idiot too.
- I don't know who this Minus is directed to, exactly, but after the Gaustad incident, Aaron Ward said on the TSN panel that the only things you can't insult another player about on the ice are kids and pets. "Wives, girlfriends, sisters are all fair game." Seriously? Dogs are untouchable but women aren't? Is this a sports league or a cult?
- I'm sorry, Habs, I like you, I really do, but if you feel the same way about me, you can't blow a two-goal lead against the frigging New Jersey Devils.
- Saturday's game against the Capitals was a dismal effort by both teams. Better off forgotten.
- I'm still not a baseball fan, but I'd like to express my anger towards everyone who's tried to turn me into one, because they never told me about this crazy A-Rod centaur rumour.

This week is going to be a busy one, with midseason TV schedules swelling and another edition of Hockey Day In Canada. I'll have to try and keep up.

Plus/Minus is smiling

This week, I learned that there are actual chains in football. I never knew those things were chains.
I also learned (for damn sure) that I believe in the Canadiens more than I believe in their fans. Did no one understand the "Rise Together" slogan?
In any case, it's been a great week for hockey. Unless you count that protest.

PLUS

+ LARS ELLER HAT TRICK! LARS ELLER PENALTY SHOT GOAL AFTER A HAT TRICK! LARS ELLER BEING HAPPIER THAN A PURRING KITTEN AFTER FOUR GOALS!! Okay, I'll stop yelling at you. I'm just really happy about this.
+ Alexei Emelin proves that he won't give up on this team as easily as some of the fans did (or almost did), by playing the day after he takes a puck to the face.
+ 2 Shane Doan scored his first hat trick (first. I know.) and Jarome Iginla got his 500th career goal. Their smiles say everything about their accomplishments. And about how much we all love them.


MINUS

(via All Habs) This is where our province's priorities are.

- I'm really happy that the Habs have done so well, if only to silence those "loyal" fans who have been extremely vocal about jumping ship. You know, the ones who are usually vocal about which player's jersey they bought this month or how many stats they can rattle off? Some of them have been so venomous toward their team that I mistake them for Leafs fans. So, lucky for them, their team has won two games and all is right with the world and they won't lose all the money they bet in August on the Habs winning the Cup.
- The fact that people would have a protest because they're unhappy about seeing an anglophone with a job is just atrocious. I don't even want to talk about it.
- Prayers for Jack Jablonski, who was seriously injured during a high school hockey game this week but is thankfully already making great strides toward recovery. I love this sport but I hate how dangerous it can be.

- What, they couldn't put Kelly Clarkson in any sketches during SNL this week? Maybe people didn't notice, but Charles Barkley is not a comedian.

This week, I'm hoping to avoid any resurrection of the Price-Halak debate because enough already and nice to see you again, Jaro.

Plus/Minus: Happy days

I wanted to sleep in past 10 on a Saturday morning, but then my phone exploded with Habs news. It looks like Pierre Gauthier and I are on different work schedules, which is okay because at least this time he didn't trade for a former Bruin.

PLUS

+ Congratulations on your first NHL goal, Louis Leblanc! Please do not rest on this laurel. We need goals.
+ Hal Gill scored a goal! Confession: I cheered louder for his empty-net safety goal than I did for anything else during that game.

+ I may not like the Flyers or the Rangers, but I'd watch a full 22-episode season of 24/7 if they made one. The production value is astounding. I'm convinced the editors don't sleep. The show is compelling, and somehow both honest and cinematic at the same time. I love a good hockey game and a good documentary, and often people who watch one won't see the value in the other. But the consistent greatness of 24/7 changes that.
+ Jimmy Fallon's episode of SNL was the best of the season so far. Even the unfunny sketches were funny!

MINUS

just because.

- What happened to Erik Cole during yesterday's game against the Devils? He spent more time in the penalty box than anywhere else.
- The Los Angeles Kings hired Darryl Sutter as their coach. The Sutters are part of the reason why my interest in the Calgary Flames waned. The other reason was the Kings. Now I don't know what to do with myself.
- What on Earth did T-Pain do to one of Lily Allen's prettiest, most honest songs?

SPECIAL COACH-RELATED PLUS AND MINUS
+ I'm not one to celebrate a man losing his job, but the Jacques Martin system has run its course. The team wasn't winning any more, and Jacques didn't seem to care. At all. So he was replaced by someone who's got some experience working with the team's younger players, and who has just a little bit of crazy in his eyes, and I think that this is going to be for the best. Even though I should probably stop calling him Richie Cunningham.
- Oh, and within two hours of Cunneyworth getting hired, the language issue was brought up. I understand that translating takes time, and that it makes things inconvenient when you're a journalist trying to break a story, but it's not the end of the world. So please, certain media outlets, save your passive-aggressive negativity for another time.


There is no way that the upcoming week can be as busy as the last few weeks were. Right? The coach got fired, so what could possibly be left? Playing the Bruins, Blackhawks, and Jets? More gum-flapping about Randy Cunneyworth not speaking French? Christmas? The fact that I haven't wrapped any gifts and will probably spend a whole lot of time at work this week?
Everything's cool as long as this team keeps winning.

Plus/Minus: It's a mad mad mad mad mad world

Just when you think things can't get any crazier, they do. I'm pretty sure that there's some kind of universal law about that, no? If there isn't, can we name it after me? 

PLUS

+ No matter, what, the Habs' yearly children's hospital visits always get a Plus. The players have so many roles to play, and sure, sometimes they don't have their best game, and sometimes they spit a few clichés at beat reporters and call it a night, but playing the part of a sick little kid's hero? That's not the kind of thing you can do easily, and you can't just coast through it or fake it. These guys step up every year, and the kids love them for it.

+ Congratulations to Frédéric St. Denis on his first NHL goal!
+ Angry Josh Gorges.
+ It hurts to congratulate a goalie you play against, but both Curtis Sanford and Roberto Luongo were great in their shootout wins over Montreal this week.
+ That being said, no one can deny just how important Carey Price is to this team. I don't even want to think about where the Canadiens would be without him. He's every bit as talented and composed as he needs to be - any more would just be gravy.
+ Last Monday, in a game against Phoenix, Jonathan Toews did everything that you could possibly want a star forward to do.
+ As a TV fan, I believe that a good Christmas episode should have you in stitches and/or tears, preferably both at the same time. My TV comedies were great at that last week: especially How I Met Your Mother and Parks and Recreation with the tears.
+ Taran Killam's recreation of Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend" video: pure hilarity, and proof that the people on SNL are funnier than you think they are.

MINUS

A week ago I'd have thought this was Photoshopped

- I’m kind of glad that Madonna being announced as the Super Bowl halftime performer wasn’t the biggest sports story of the week. Way too much whining about this as if it were a problem. It’s not a problem. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who like Madonna and people who lie.
- Sure, Spacek was an inconsistent, goofy, injury-prone big lug, but he was OUR inconsistent, goofy, injury-prone big lug. I wanted to keep him.
- Pierre Gauthier and Jacques Martin tried awfully hard to spin the Kaberle trade to appease Habs fans. I would have preferred honesty over blank praise. I know it's never going to happen, but I still kind of wish it would.
- Is it terrible of me to think that maybe Sidney Crosby wouldn't be out of a roster spot again if he hadn't started playing again when he did? People thought that his recovery was some kind of a miracle, and the greatest thing in sports or something. And I hate to Grinch all over it but maybe he was rushed back too soon, by doctors who may not have known that it was too soon, and maybe this just proves that we don't know enough about brain injuries.

- I have no idea what would motivate Pat Hickey to write such terrible things about Theo Fleury. But to think that he actually thought, and wrote, and then actually submitted these things for print is just awful. I can't even put it into words.

- If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen yesterday that I got mad at someone who made a rude comment towards me. I'd like to elaborate a little on that. I maybe got a little too angry, and tried to stoop to his level. In the words of Bob Gainey: "When you're being bullied, if you don't stand up for yourself... who's going to?" I'm sorry if the way that I expressed myself seemed immature, but I was upset, and I will never not be upset when someone tells me I can't or shouldn't do something just because I'm female.

Plus/Minus: Do the wave

I'm not quite sure what to say about a week in which Carey Price posts two shutouts but the Habs also lose to the Islanders. Life is full of surprises, I guess.

They see me trollin'...

PLUS
+ Erik Cole's trolling is hysterical.
+ Two shutouts, Carey. Unbelievable. I love my goalie so damn much.
+ Travis Moen. Goal. Again.
+ For the even rarer goals: A Plus to Paul Bissonnette for scoring his fifth career goal! And his mom was there! Probably the only time I won't be grossed out by a headline like "BizNasty scores with mom at game."
+ Drew Doughty's mustache.

+ Ironic that Glee's best episode of the season came after its worst. "Hot For Teacher" is easily one of my favourite musical numbers this season. And I don't usually do this, but I immediately downloaded the  Adele mashup.
+ I usually like my funny shows to be funny, but damn it if How I Met Your Mother isn't so damn good at the dramatic stuff.
+ The first two episodes of Once Upon A Time hadn't quite convinced me to love the show. But the third and fourth episodes most definitely have.

MINUS

He's a natural!

- For some reason, I'm not able to put Mason Raymond as a write-in vote for the All Star Game. Can someone please fix this? Voting for MayRay is an annual tradition for me.
- Jonathan Toews and Carey Price didn't make the Sexiest Man Alive shortlist? WHY I NEVER. ...Oh, wait, this isn't that kind of blog. Still, I am offended.
- I'm kind of upset that the Hamilton Bulldogs didn't win at the Bell Centre on Friday, but I'm more upset that their next game in Montreal isn't against the Marlies. It's on my hockey wishlist!
- I talked about what a mess this whole Penn State situation was last week. And now we find out that former coach (and octogenarian) Joe Paterno has been diagnosed with cancer, and without even thinking about it, popular opinion dictates that he deserves it. I don't care who the patient is, a cancer diagnosis is NEVER good news. Finding joy in someone else's misfortune because he had it coming shouldn't be popular opinion. I'm not taking anyone's side here. I'm just stating what I think is right, and you're all welcome to disagree with me if you'd like to.

- Eddy Palchak retired before I started watching hockey, and now he won't be around to tell stories about all the amazing things that the Canadiens have done. His passing is an unfortunate reminder that eventually, the Habs' golden history will be so far behind us that all we'll be left with are memories. Let's keep those memories alive, and do everything to support our team and have incredible stories of our own. Rest in peace, Eddy.


Oh, and this week Sidney Crosby is back or something, I guess.

Plus/Minus: More treats than tricks?

So I saw a little kid dressed up as Wolverine for Halloween, and for the first time in two weeks I didn't think to myself that if superheroes were real, the Habs could really use one, maybe on the third line or something.
Because holy crap, the losing streak is over. Maybe our appetites can go back to normal.

PLUS

Feels so good to see a triple low five again!

+ 3 They won! Three games!
1/2 of a + The new sets that RDS built for l'Antichambre and for panelists during away games are great. It looks like RDS actually spent money on them, and we know RDS has money. (But I took away half of this Plus because that money probably came from putting ads on the glass.)
+ Raphael Diaz jumping in front of the net and blocking a shot? Brilliant.
+ To whoever decided to end the disastrous run of Carey's pink pads. I don't think I can take credit for this, but if you think the Canadiens listened to me, I won't stop you. Carey himself told Dave Stubbs that the choice to put the pink away "came from higher up." No one seems to know exactly who he means... but you can leave your theories in the comments!

MINUS
- The Bruins fan in Boston on Thursday who repurposed this sign:

and changed the Canucks logo to a Habs one, obviously. Do these people not know that there's an H inside that C, and that sCHared isn't a word?
- They fired Perry Pearn? I know you can't start a fire without a spark, but no one in this city actually believes that Pearn was the problem.
- So, Raffi Torres dressed up as Jay-Z for Halloween and there was a picture of it on the Internet and things hit the fan. It was ugly. Some people didn't think it mattered, or immediately came to his defense, some journalists got on their high horse as if they were the only person who knows blackface is wrong, and some people jumped to the immediate conclusion that Torres is an atrocious human being. And somehow, no one came to the conclusion that he's a person who did an offensive (and probably misguided, considering he should have thought about pictures of him maybe being on the Internet) thing. One Halloween costume might not actually mean that he's a racist, just like how a person who says one smart thing is not, by default, an intelligent person. Can we please look at this as an isolated incident in his personal life, learn from it, and move on?

On another note, today being October 31st means that tomorrow is November 1st, officially marking the start of Movember, when men will grow mustaches and raise money for prostate cancer research. And yes, just like last year, there will be hockey players taking part. (You may remember last year's NHL Movember post, which was so much fun to write. You may also remember Carey Price posting hourly shutouts every day last Movember, even when he was off the ice, because his mustache was that magic.) My All Habs teammate Bailey and I are collaborating on this Tumblr page about hockey mustaches. Check back throughout the month, and if you can, you should donate to the cause.

Not really a game preview: Habs v Penguins

So as you probably already know, Arron Asham of the Pittsburgh Penguins did this:



And as you may or may not know, I'll be contributing to the Habs 360 podcast about twice a month this season. This week, instead of just having my own segment(!), I stepped in as a guest co-host. In what was supposed to be an interview with a Penguins blogger discussing the team as a whole and not just this event, I may have gone a little too far. I'll let you decide:

Listen to internet radio with Chris G on Blog Talk Radio

The interview is about halfway through the podcast. I'm still terrified of the sound of my own voice, so I haven't listened to it again in its entirety.

Plus/Minus: Ready to start

Pre-season and TV premiere week seems like the perfect time to start up Plus/Minus again... as evidenced by the fact that I wrote too much.

PLUS

+ Jane Lynch was a fantastic Emmys host: dry, funny, talented, comfortable with improv, and never took herself too seriously. And you just know that Christopher Guest is sitting somewhere all like, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

+ How I Met Your Mother picked up where it left off – and I mean that in good way.

+ Boardwalk Empire is every bit as vast and as watchable as it's ever been. I'd be disappointed that Steve Buscemi didn't win the Emmy, but I can't bring myself to say it because I love Coach Taylor too damn much and I told everyone to watch Friday Night Lights back in its first season (albeit after Kathie from Give Me My Remote did.)

+ I'm still watching pilots since there was so much on TV this week, but I can already see myself watching 2 Broke Girls and New Girl every week. The pilots weren't perfect (I can't think of a better word than "pilot-y", sorry) but both shows have appealing characters with lots of story potential. Can we talk about how Kat Dennings completely owned the opening scene of 2 Broke Girls?

+ The season hasn’t even started yet, and Alexei Yemelin is already turning heads.

+ Good first show of the season from Brendan Gallagher and Nathan Beaulieu. Looks like the Habs have depth after all! Sorry, haters.

+ Love, love, LOVE that Brendan Shanahan took the initiative to break down video of an illegal headshot and explain why the league suspended offender Brad Boyes for it. The NHL needed more transparency when it comes to discipline. I'm not a fan of the video's faux-slick production value, but that's not important.

MINUS

- I love every single member of the EmmyTones - OK, except maybe Wilmer Valderrama, because I more or less forgot that he even existed. But what could have been a cheesy, fun, tongue-in-cheek faux-gimmick fell flat and was just a cheesy, real gimmick. Something about the costumes, or the background they stood in front of, just didn't work. Not to mention that there was a glint of embarrassment in poor Cobie Smulders' eyes - she knew that something about this bit wasn't working, but could only stand back, sing her songs, and watch as former badass LL Cool J made a mockery of himself.

- If I could take the hilarious Maya Rudolph character from Up All Night, and give Will Arnett some funny like he’s had in basically everything else he’s been in, and inject some of the quirk from Christina Applegate’s last series, Samantha Who?, I’d be able to make a watchable TV show. But right now all Up All Night has going for it is Maya Rudolph.

- Can people just stop watching Two and a Half Men already?

- Jeff Woywitka may have scored a goal in his first outing as a member of the Canadiens organization, but other than that, his start was underwhelming. He was a mess, lacked focus, and seemed to be near the puck every time the Stars scored. Here's hoping Clement Jodoin can do something about that. 

- Well, that was the absolute stupidest way for Wayne Simmonds to start his season. I wish there was a way to revoke somebody's fan card after they do something unforgivable. (I also wish that there was a similar system in place for movie theatres. I know these wishes will probably never come true.)

- Keep in mind that I'm Plus-ing and Minus-ing with the understanding that this is pre-season and that Carey Price already told us to chill out and relax. So anyone who takes this all too seriously gets a Minus. Pre-season exists to make the regular season better.

So, now that both seasons have started up again, I may have to take up drinking coffee. Any chance Starbucks wants to give me an endorsement deal so I can drink their delicious soy pumpkin lattes for free?

A long overdue Plus/Minus

You know your first-round Plus/Minus is really late when two of the second-round series are already over. Uh, blame it on the grief?
I'm guessing that a simple "I'm sorry" won't suffice, so I'll try to make up for it by posting really cool links when I find them. Like, say, pictures of goalies drinking water.

PLUS

It's mine, all mine!

+ Very few players were more exciting in Round 1 of the playoffs than PK Subban. And that's saying something.
+ Carey Price. What else is there to say?
+ Really nice to see so many hockey players joining Twitter in an attempt to connect with fans before and during the playoffs: Yannick Weber, Mathieu Darche, Brian Gionta, and Ryan O'Byrne (I still sort of miss him, okay?).
+ Ryan White is great in the playoffs, both as a Hab and a Bulldog.
+ Paul Mara's beard. And Shea Weber's beard.

We didn't make this, but we wish we did

+ Congratulations to Guy Boucher and his Tampa Bay Lightning for sweeping the Capitals. I loved watching that series. I think it was also the first time in all these (few) seasons of watching hockey that I wasn't a little disappointed to see Washington eliminated from the playoffs.
+ A Plus for Jonathan Toews, Alex Burrows and all the players who made Game 7 between the Blackhawks and Canucks so damn exciting.
+ I guess Carey Price gets an extra Plus for his cowboy hat and his Rolling Stones shirt.

MINUS

If people could be arrested for stupidity, I would.

- Uh, Glenn Healy? What was with that "A Danish is something you get at a coffee shop" comment? It was ignorant and unfunny, and I can't believe I saw you in person two days after you made it and didn't find the closest overpriced Bell Centre beer to pour over your head.
- Nathan Horton's face.
- I was proud of Milan Lucic for most of the first round, I really was, until like a typical Bruin he ruined things. I was all ready to congratulate him on not killing any Habs defencemen, and then he went and hurt Spacek.
- It's 2011 and yet there are boorish Bruins fans out there who had the most disgusting things to say against both PK Subban and the city of Montreal. I'm not going to repeat them, or even link to them, because I can't bear to read them again.
- On a more serious note, as much as I dislike the Bruins, I can't help but wish Patrice Bergeron a full recovery from this concussion.

One more playoff rule

Maybe I should have posted that uber-long playoff guide that I teased in an earlier post. Someone I know, who has been watching sports for much longer than I have, clearly knows nothing about how to be a real Montreal Canadiens fan. So I should probably teach him, even though I've only been with this team for as long as the goalie this guy hates. (Oh. I should have mentioned off the bat that he's one of five people in this city still holding out hope that Jaroslav Halak will show up in a Habs jersey and say it was all a joke.)

Attending a Canadiens game in Montreal is a special privilege. The Habs sell out 82 games a season, plus playoffs. Everyone wants to be there. Some people don't understand that. They just see it as a business opportunity, not as a special bond between a hockey team and its crazy-passionate fans. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of scalpers, but just like the fans who only show up during the playoffs, there are the opportunists who only want to make money during the playoffs.

If you get your hands on playoff tickets only to scalp them at a ridiculous markup, you're crazy. You're better off going to the game yourself with a Snuggie and an eyemask, maybe a copy of People magazine.

People love their teams. They really do. But paying a ridiculous price for tickets is a joke. It's rude to whoever buys them, and it just proves that demand is so high that no one in the NHL will think twice about raising the regular prices for game tickets. There are tons of people who would have loved toactually go to the game, not just make money off of someone willing to spend extra (and maybe make some sacrifices in order to do so) because they love their team that much.

There's no excuse. It's disrespectful.

Plus/Minus: I'm happy I'm typing this so I can rest my voice

It is Monday, six days after I cheered like a madwoman, and I still sound like an idiot. (See: Subban, Pernell Karl, and my previous post.)
Great week, right? Habs beat the Blackhawks in a fantastic goalie battle and Original Six matchup, and I got to watch a Montreal-Toronto game at a Habs Tweetup in Toronto.

PLUS

+ PK Subban's slap shot. So amazing that it gets a Plus, because it also got me a sore throat and a little bit dizzy for 15 minutes because of all the jumping and screaming.
+ Carey Price, winner of this season's Molson Cup, has been awesome and played a huge role in getting his team to the playoffs.
+ Congratulations to Roman Hamrlik on being voted this season's "unsung hero." Also, thank you, Roman!
+ Ryan White *almost* got another Gordie Howe hat trick. Had he accomplished the feat in Toronto I would have been dancing in public, and even more hoarse than I already am, so maybe things worked out for the best.
+ Hot on the heels of Jarome Iginla reaching the same plateau, Joe Thornton has 1000 career points.
+ 2 Not to be outdone, Jarome had a hat trick this week. (And so did Aaron Palushaj with the Bulldogs!)
+ 2 for two of the Chicago Blackhawks: holy crap, Corey Crawford is really, really good. And Jonathan Toews played a role in the Habs' win on Tuesday (getting my team into the playoffs) and played a huge role in the Hawks' win on Wednesday (getting his own team one step closer to the playoffs).


MINUS
- Some of the other Canadian teams did something pre-game to recognize that April is autism awareness month. It would have been nice for the Habs to do something.
- Benoit Pouliot: You know I love you and all. Now are you done with all your trips to the penalty box? You're better than that, man!

- The idiot who posted this comment on a story about Jennifer Botterill's retirement. Either he doesn't know what "funny" is, or he really just is that stupid, or he's never met a girl in his life. I'm not sure. Theories welcome.
(And by the way, ringette sucks and being good at it is quite an accomplishment, as that stupid ring thing is much harder to handle than a puck.)

I haven't fixed a schedule yet for playoff Plus/Minuses. Depending on how things go, I may take more time between them and only post a Plus/Minus at the end of each playoff round like I did last year. But more importantly: the playoffs are coming! The playoffs are coming!

Plus/Minus: Maybe not such a well-oiled machine

Earlier this week, I watched my all-time favourite Jeopardy contestant, Ken Jennings, lose a Jeopardy tournament to a supercomputer. (Yes, I love Jeopardy, deal with it.) It was bizarre. The whole thing was won by a computer, with no face, no feelings, and an inhuman thought process. It was just as crushing as watching the Canadiens lose this week. But just a little bit scarier.

PLUS

+ I know his options were limited, but it really says something that Jacques Martin put Tom Pyatt in the shootout against Buffalo. Pyatt hasn't exactly wowed anyone this season, and you'd think a coach like Martin would want him out of the way, but he threw Pyatt a bone. Maybe it'll just take a little more for him to put some points on the board this season.
+ Congrats to the Old Habs on beating the Old Flames at the alumni game!
+ Mike Cammalleri is back!
+ Paul Mara's beard!
+ Hat tricks: Devin Setoguchi helped the Sharks to a win and Neil Young (no joke, it was actually Neil Young, I swear) applauded him. And Taylor Hall had a natural hat trick, which as I learned this week is even fancier than a regular hat trick.

+ My favourite non-hockey sporting event of the year, the NBA All-Star Skills Competition, did not disappoint. It was flashy and over-the-top and famous people were there and Cee-Lo performed. Also, the slam dunk competition was so good that I am literally unable to choose my favourite dunk. I can't even give advantage to everyone's favourite basketball player Blake Griffin. (A Minus within this Plus goes to Michael Jordan... c'mon man, I know you're the greatest that ever lived, but don't text during the dunk competition!)
+ Just when I started getting jealous of the NBA All-Star Weekend for its multitude of relevant musical acts, the Heritage Classic busts out Metric as the live entertainment between the 2nd and 3rd periods. Thank you, universe. And this, just one week after the other best band in Canada won Album of the Year at the Grammys.

MINUS

- I looked forward to the Heritage Classic because two teams that I like very much were going to play outdoors. It turns out only one of those teams played. What happened, Habs?
- 2 I might be sad that the Canadiens didn't do enough in Calgary, but I would never disrespect them like some people did. First, there was François Gagnon on Twitter, complaining about the American anthem being performed at an all-Canadian game. I'm not saying his whining was unfounded, just a little excessive, especially for a professional journalist who should probably have known that they were going to sing it. It's as if there wasn't a hockey game after the anthems were performed. And then, I saw people who had spent time and money to get to McMahon Stadium, to see what I'd consider a once-in-a-lifetime hockey game, and they LEAVE EARLY. Unless all those people were in danger of frostbite, they should be ashamed. A real fan will watch their team, win or lose.
- I loved everything on CBC leading up to the Heritage Classic, except for the complete lack of imagination on the part of whoever set a montage to the Requiem for a Dream music. Really? REALLY? You think you're the first person to think of that?
- The Canadiens lost to the Buffalo Sabres and I can't even blame Ryan Miller for it? That just makes me sad.
- File James Wisniewski's puck-to-face incident under "Things That Should Have Happened To Sean Avery."
- Patrick Kane parties like nobody's watching and dresses poorly while doing so. Never change, Patrick Kane, never change.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be bracing myself for the Canucks game on Tuesday.