Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the ice...

I signed into Facebook and saw a (Facebook) friend's status update: "when it rains it pours." At first I brushed it off as some random outburst of suburban frustration, until I heard the news. The terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad news.

photo yoinked from canadiens.com between two fits of rage

We'll be without my favourite Hab for a while. Andrei Markov has undergone surgery for the ACL that Matt Cooke ruined in Game 1 of the Pittsburgh series, and he'll be out for an estimated six months. (Yes, that bites into next season.) We can all assume that it'll have a detrimental effect on the rest of the season for the Canadiens, and to make things worse, if the 6-month recovery period is accurate, we'll have to deal with his absence through the offseason and into next season (the last on his current contract, I believe).

I totally just jinxed everything, didn't I.

What to expect

Two games in two days on this Easter weekend. And they're not going to be easy games (not that we can predict "easy" games at this point in the season... right, Mr. Staal?).

We've reached a point in the season that we saw last year as well, and I didn't like it then. No, I don't like it now either. The playoffs are approaching faster than your unwanted Easter guests, and we're not sure the Habs are ready. Winning is crucial at this point in the season, but the team is weary and there are more than enough fans who've reached the point of um, let's be tactful and say irrational armchair coaching.

So, to those people, here's what's going to happen this weekend, and I can't believe you need someone like me to spell it out for you:

Yes we can

Tonight, Montreal plays Philadelphia. Now, if you don't already know that the Flyers like to punch people, and that the Habs are on their favourites list, then you don't have much time to catch up. Both teams need these two points, badly, and the Flyers will probably fight very hard to get what they want, which is excellent news since this is the time of year where everyone's injured and no one's telling. It's very possible that the Canadiens will crank out an awesome win, but keep in mind what usually happens when a team plays dirty.

Tomorrow, the Habs come home to the Bell Centre, where fans will likely be enjoying their Saturday night up in the cheap seats, and where yes, Carey Price may or may not be our starting goalie. You'll probably complain about this, but if you haven't considered the fact that Jaro might be a little tired from a busy season and the Olympics and oh, right, having played the night before, then you need to spend a little more time thinking about it. Especially you, Adam.
(Yes, I just called out a hater by name. He's probably not reading this but if he is, maybe he's learning something.)
Oh yeah, and the Habs will be playing the Sabres, boosted by Ryan Miller, who's been pretty tough to get around this season. It's not going to be easy. The team wants to win just as much as we want them to win, but two games in two nights with all the pain and pressure won't necessarily mean four points.

Just warning you. You know, in case you decide to be one of those Twitter monsters that ~czechtacular mentioned earlier this week, or one of the drunken Bell Centre superstars that Dave Stubbs called out, or one of the people who complains about a certain goalie all the time but wants PK Subban to wear the CH right now at any cost.

Okay, I feel better now that I've let all this out.

So... what did I miss?

Lucky for me, there was no game yesterday, because I'm currently enduring a blogger's worst nightmare.

The wrath of angry Ryan Miller fans? No. (I played nice while I was in the States.)
Stuck in an elevator with Réjean Tremblay? Oh dear god no. Let's hope that's avoidable.
Someone stealing my content? Um... maybe a little.

If it's none of the above, then it's clearly a lack of internet.

So until my wireless fixes itself, I'll be updating from my desk at lunch (as long as I'm still here) and trekking to my basement to use my slow, virus-ridden, battle-scarred desktop.

Things I missed this week:

• A chance to watch my first full episode of Grey's Anatomy in over a year (what? I promised a friend I'd watch it with her, I swear), bumped by the two-hour midseason return of FlashForward. I haven't yet finished the first half of the season, so my apologies go out to whichever Fiennes brother is on that show. (I'm going to guess it's Joseph.)
• Some Paul Mara news! Seriously, the last time I saw his name anywhere was in LA, outside the offices of this Paul Marra. He needs shoulder surgery, which will happen on Tuesday, so at least now we know for sure that he'll be out until next season. If the rest of the team don't compensate for his absence with awesome playoff beards, I'll be very disappointed.
• Guy Carbonneau turned 50, and all the people who love the Habs this season and were bashing everything about last season recently changed their tune and now appreciate the good that came out of it.
• In case you also missed it, in the same vein is a great article by Brian Wilde about Bob Gainey's contribution as GM.
• On the "who's dis guy" front, the Habs signed free agent Hunter Bishop, who, apparently, exists. I didn't know teams were allowed to straight-up buy players after the trade deadline, but you learn something new every day. Maybe tomorrow I'll try to find out who this Hunter Bishop is, and whether he has a first name. Two-year contract, and he's is currently with the Bulldogs.
• I just realized that "Hunter Bishop" and "Hamilton Bulldogs" have the same initials. Someone, quick, turn #HBFTW into a Twitter trending topic!
• Conflicting reports about Mike Cammalleri's return, which will be soon but not immediately. Probably next week. Everyone seems to agree that he's close to form.

11 games left, busy stretch coming up for the Habs, and hopefully I'll have Internet sometime before the end of the season.

pretend there's a relevant photo of the Canadiens in this space, since I'm working with limited resources here.

Meatballs and meatheads: Game Preview 2-2-10

Third in the west, first in the Northwest, in addition to their usual pain-in-the-butt nature the Vancouver Canucks add their illustrious timing to come to prey on a Cammy-less Canadiens' squad tonight at the Bell Centre. Judging by the way my dog reacted when I finished typing that sentence (though it could just be the mailman), things once again look ominous for the bleu-blanc-rouge. But apparently the more ominous I make my game preview, the more they come out to surprise everyone.

Tomas Plekanec once again faces the prospect of new linemates. D'Agostini, Spacek and Mara made the pre-game skate this morning, but no word on their return dates. Cammalleri is out for six weeks. Insert other depressing fact here.

Neutral fact: Jaroslav Halak gets the nod between the pipes tonight. And now, bullet points:

• Remember when no one knew who Alex Burrows was? Man, those were the days.
• Reminding everyone what Swedish meatball leads the league in scoring is too redundant, but word is his twin brother's not too shabby, either.
• Mason Raymond, a Rookie favourite, risks prompting a Rookie hiatus similar to the one I just started with the Calgary Flames, which is ironic because Raymond grew up a fan of theirs. NHL.com reports he has five points in his last three games.
• If it was possible for Mikael Samuelsson to be more annoying, he has been since the famous Snub.
• Last but not least, Rookie called it St-Leonard's national holiday for a reason. Roberto Luongo looks to backstop his team for their second win in the Canucks' current roadtrip.

A Plus/Minus in a week that almost wasn't

This was almost a week without minuses. No, really, somehow I was so optimistic that this week I found myself minus any minuses. But thanks to you guys, I waited until the most depressing day of the year to post this.
This was also the week where Montreal took advantage of a few days off to take care of business: long-awaited hospital visits, well-deserved rest for both the players and the player haters (thanks again, Burrows-Auger scandal), and the grand opening of our very own Hall of Fame.

PLUS

+ 3: one to the NHL for its donation of $100,000 to Haitian relief efforts, one for the Canadiens' charity initiative this week, and one to the other NHL teams who are reaching out to Haitian quake victims.

+ the Habs made a bunch of little kids and their familiies happy this week by opening a new rink in Mtl-North and by visiting the childrens' hospitals.

+ 2 Georges Laraque. Scored. A goal. And the rest of the team also played very, very well against the Stars.

+ Dave Stubbs for asking fans for help in identifying a song (and getting help from another favourite of mine, the hilarious Manny Almela), for another great human-interest piece (this one about Glen Met and Trevor Daley growing up in the projects), and because last week I forgot to give him a plus for his sweet, sweet bowtie.

+ The Canadiens Hall of Fame, which I haven't visited yet but will soon. If anyone's been already, send pictures!!

+ Say what you will about his recent performance (lots of people have, but I'm nice), Max Pacioretty could teach a master class in drawing penalties for the opposite team. Thanks for the power plays, little Max!

MINUS

- I'm not starting another Ryan Miller-type feud or anything, but what is it about Mike Brodeur that makes him invincible at the Bell Centre?

- I'm giving myself a minus for jinxing last night's game, when the only thing I've ever wanted to give Sean Avery is a black eye.
- The only thing worse than losing two games in two days is hearing everyone bitch and moan about it. I'm really sick of hearing others complain these days, so you'll probably hear some whining on my part as well.

- And this hockey blog's biggest minus of the week goes to a guy who doesn't play hockey.

I would like to thank Jay Leno for proving that his nightly ten o'clock show isn't, as I had previously believed, the thing that killed television. No, instead he decided to kill TV by getting his old timeslot back and taking away our Conan O'Brien in the process. It's basically the TV equivalent of all this Carey vs. Jaro quibbling, only neither of them will come out on top. They've been replaced by some old, fat starter who could apparently stop a puck back in the nineties, but never takes a risk or plays with passion. But the GM likes him and the sponsors like him. Even though he SUCKS.
Yes, Hab It Her Way is with CoCo.

A bit of extra plus for the most depressing day of the year
To end things on a more positive note, today is a special day:
#21 turns 31 today, and wretched network NBC gave him a shoutout by putting former Superman Brandon Routh on tonight's Chuck. Have a Giontastic birthday!

On this day in 1958, before Martin Luther King Jr. day was declared a holiday, Willie O'Ree broke the colour barrier and became the first black man to play in an NHL game when he suited up for the Bruins right here in Montreal.
(Yes, I'm still sharing all the little bits of history that I come across.)

Plus/Minus: Andrei Markov's birthday edition

We didn't exactly write very much this week, but finals and 50-hour workweeks will do that to a blogger. I'll do my best to cover the week that was. Geez, I'm posting this later than usual too. I suck.

Plus

+ Apparently it's better to give than to receive, and our #79 gave us a present for his birthday, which is today. (Don't they do that in Lord of the Rings? Thank you, Viggo!) Not only did he come back, but like a movie hero, he went all "Yippee-ki-yay" on the Islanders. I know I'm getting too excited too quickly, but I missed him so much that I very nearly did cartwheels when I found out he'd be playing against the Islanders... except I can't do cartwheels. Sorry, Marky.

+ I'll give an additional plus to our win over the Islanders. They deserve it. Marky might have been John McClane, but not even McClane can do everything on his own.

+ Andrei Kostitsyn had a great week.


Anything but peace on earth and goodwill toward men

- So we lost quite a few games this week. Yes, it sucks, and yes, it doesn't make sense when our team is composed of such outstanding players. But I hate it when journalists try to look for someone to pin the blame on if there isn't anyone, and suddenly change their tune if anyone in particular doesn't save the team's ass (because that's not always going to happen). And guess what, people? Losing is just as hard on the players as it is on the fans, and constantly asking them what went wrong just makes it suck more. For me.

- Wow... so the same people who very nearly cried when Guillaume Latendresse was traded, decided to boo him upon his return to the Bell Centre? I know booing is fun, but it didn't really make sense.

- So, is this like a revolving door of defencemen, that we get Markov back in the same week that Roman Hamrlik is injured?

- I always thought it might be entertaining, or at least somehow funny, to have a gossip mill for hockey like TMZ or Just Jared cover Hollywood, but let's be honest. It's filthy when gossip rags talk about movie stars (or reality TV personalities), and it's at least that bad when people try to cover hockey the same way. If we ever try to start a rumor, or get all TMZ up in here, someone please slap us.

The Game That Wasted A Perfectly Good Sign

Picture quality nonwithstanding.

Tonight's game, much like the last five, have given me no reason to wish for anything but starting the entire team from scratch and/or hiring hitmen to discreetly take out as many opposing players as possible to make a team forfeit because they're wondering "how did we suddenly lose so many players?" Actually, one hint may be this weather, but according to all reports (at least 21, 271 of them--yes, the two seats next to me were actually empty) no members of the Minnesota Wild perished from frostbite. Shame.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have at last erupted from my academic coma. It is not to announce great things, however. The Habs have lost their last five in a row and tonight was just one of those examples where everything went wrong, and no one was good enough no matter how desperately they pushed at the net (or from it). The recluse of the penalty box was not as prominent an option to avoid the pinball-puck waiting for every man wearing a CH this time around, but boy was it noticeable that Hamrlik wasn't there. So few powerplays leave the frightening reality that goes by the name of Marc-Andre Bergeron. Not that I can pin the blame entirely on him (as much as I'd enjoy that). The Habs never typically do well around this time of year, and as much as this year would love to be different, it hasn't. (And all I can hope for in my temporary long distance from my mini-calendar is that we don't have the fateful December 23rd game this year. Please tell me we don't. Please. I can see the RDS montages now.)

The only thing that warranted any laughs were the Annie Villeneuve-chants. He's no Sidney Crosby or Mike Komisarek to the Bell Centre crowd, but there's definitely no shortage of ways to pick on LaTender.


Either the best or worst thing happens now. A ridiculously long roadtrip. The maybe not-so-good thing is the "inferior" (for now) teams the Habs will face along the way. They tend to save their best for Ovechkin, or centennial games that I miss because I'm at a game of my own, or something. But here's hoping the CHristmas cheer will extend far enough to break out of this slump. Spike the eggnog, ring the bells, tear the wrapping paper, find some W's, and climb those standings, boys! It's my new CHristmas wish. One I'd like to share with all Habs' fans.