A lesson for the next Olympic tournament

I love the Olympics. Always have and always will. I didn't think anything would change that.

During these Winter Games, though, there’s been a lot that has irked me. Maybe the general negative attitude towards the host country helped the bloom fall off the rose. But it didn’t stop at the poor organization or the institutionalized homophobia. It just kept going. Maybe my fuse is short because the World Juniors just happened and I was already completely sick of hearing the word “jingoism” – seriously, I’d be happy if all international competitions were cancelled forever if it meant I’d never have to see my Twitter feed wallpapered with the same damn buzzword over and over again.

Even that is not as utterly infuriating as the awful trend of comparing female athletes to male athletes for no reason at all. I know that the events are all separated by gender, except for pairs figure skating in all its heteronormative simplicity (seriously, everyone, if we’re going to bash Russia for its anti-gay laws, let’s maybe evolve how we talk about sports first.) I have no issue with comparing athletes as far as their ability goes. A male skier wins gold, and that means he’s the best male skier in the world at that moment. A team of female curlers win gold, and that means that in that moment, they are better than every other women’s curling team. We can compare medal results between men and women, too, of course. No harm in that. But so many of the media outlets are so used to reporting on men’s sporting leagues year-round that they sometimes don’t know how to talk about female athletes. So, inevitably, they’ll fall into biased reporting and make it sound like women should strive to be more like men – and because we as viewers get our information from these media, we don’t seem to have a problem with that. The fact is that this is a huge problem. As far as I know, an Olympic athlete doesn’t get more sponsorships or better coaching based on gender alone. (Please correct me if I'm wrong.)

.@BobsledKaillie et @HeatherMoyse imitent @ABilodeau_ski et conservent leur titre olympique. @BobsleighCAN #Sochi2014
— Manon Gilbert (@ManonGilbert) February 19, 2014

I’m proud of Kaillie Humphries and Heather Moyse. I’m equally proud of Alex Bilodeau. But they have literally nothing in common other than the country they play for, so why would a reporter invite a comparison just because Humphries and Moyse repeated their gold medal win? Each athlete has made Canada proud with his or her accomplishments. That’s it. No need to ruin a gold medal win with patriarchal or language-biased reporting. Even the reporter’s gender doesn’t matter in this case; it disgusts me that that’s how far this goes.

Female hockey players are compared to the men’s teams. If only that were the case – then the world would have enough teams of well-coached, well-trained, talented, popular women that we’d never again have to worry about women’s hockey being removed from the Olympics. Women would take a short break from the leagues they get paid handsomely to play in, go to the Olympics, capture the attention of the entire world, and go back home to finish their seasons. If only. Instead, we get tweets like this one:

Show us your support for @usahockey women as they go for Gold for a chance to win a stick signed by @JohnCarlson74! pic.twitter.com/C9OcSfS87C
— Scarlet Caps (@ScarletCaps) February 20, 2014

Because fans need the incentive of a stick signed by a man to cheer for one of the best women’s teams in the world?

I'd hate to be Team USA's Amanda Kessel, because the fact that her brother plays in the NHL is treated as more than just trivia. If it were, I would hope that we'd hear people mentioning that Phil has a sister who's a world-class hockey player. It must be so disheartening to finally get to play in front of an international audience (the only really big stage there is for women's hockey) and constantly be referred to as someone's sister. Especially in a field where gender bias is already so obvious that likely the only reason Phil is more famous is because there's no NHL for women.

It happens here at home, too. Every time the Canadian women’s team has an excellent Olympic tournament (which, to be frank, is all the time, because they’re incredible) people like to joke that maybe the women’s team should replace the men! Or play with them, because they’ve proven that they’re good enough! Why is it impossible for us as Canadians to take pride in having the best women’s hockey team in the world for four consecutive Olympic tournaments without comparing the players we nearly forget when they’re not on our televisions? Why do we have to compare them to the guys we see on Hockey Night In Canada every week? “You might be as good as a man” is the most backhanded compliment a reporter or fan could give a player who was just named the best in the world. Why should we say that scoring two goals in a gold medal game makes Marie-Philip Poulin good enough (or almost) to play on a line with Sidney Crosby? Crosby would be lucky to play with someone who knows how to score a goal in Sochi.

The former players that TSN and CBC have employed to analyze and report on the women’s hockey tournament were fantastic. They combine the experience of a wacky colour commentator with the professionalism of a seasoned anchor. What I wouldn’t give to have a quality panel on my television on a regular basis, instead of the uncomfortable unemployed coaches and boneheaded former players that we see so often on RDS, CBC and NBC.

The Olympics are filled with incredible female athletes, from Canada and the rest of the world. Let’s give them the respect they deserve.

Plus/Minus is as unique as a snowflake

I love the Olympics so damn much that the NHL break couldn't come fast enough. I can watch the Habs any time I want to - but international hockey, ice dance, and snowcross? If only I could be so lucky. Hopefully this Plus/Minus will cover everything effectively enough.

PLUS

+ To football player Michael Sam, for being brave and honest enough to come out before he's even drafted to the NFL. The sports world is evolving, and it gives me hope that someday it will be as inclusive and as incredible as the fans wish it were.

+ Ryan White is back and all is right with the world again!

+ To Patrick Kane for his candid interview (and a nice little goal) after his grandfather passed away.
+ To Max Pacioretty, king of the breakaway. Too bad he isn't king of the penalty shot, otherwise we might've seen a five-goal game from him on Thursday.

+ To Canada's medalists, of course: Mark McMorris, the Dufour-Lapointe sisters, and the figure skating team (including Tessa Virtue's dresses, and her arms.) (If anyone knows how one would get their arms to look like that, please scroll down to the comments section and say so.)

+ Seeing a picture of Alex Bilodeau and Jean-Luc Brassard together. I think a lot of people my age loved watching Brassard back in 1994, and it's just so cool to think that Bilodeau, one of my favourite current Olympians, was watching too and would go on to win a gold medal because of it.

+ The Venezuelan flag bearer acted just like we all would if we got to be our country's flag bearer. Plus, this is his first Olympics: he's 43 years old and has only been skiing for three years.

+ I loved this video by SNL cast member Brooks Whelan, chronicling the last year as he went from LA-based part-time comedian to New York-based full-time SNL star (or, sort of.)

2013 from brooks wheelan on Vimeo.


MINUS
- It broke my heart to see Spencer O'Brien crying on TV because she didn't make the podium. It seemed as though she felt like she had let the country down. This Minus is for anyone who thinks it's okay to be disappointed in athletes who don't bring home a medal. Sure, it's great to see someone from your country on the podium, but that doesn't mean that they are a disappointment. I'm just proud to have Team Canada, and anyone who disagrees can just leave right now.

- Canadiens.com isn't letting me vote for Ryan White as Bell Player of the Week, even though he is Ryan White.

- Now that Fox has cancelled The X Factor, can it concentrate on developing its scripted shows? I'm giving them a Minus because I feel like that won't happen.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch some skiing or skating or whatever happens to be on. Go Canada Go!

Plus/Minus shares a timeslot with Jimmy Fallon

It's midnight. Midnight Plus/Minus is what happens when your holidays are busy (read: lazy) and then there's a World Juniors game on.

“We started something here and we want to finish it here until the last goal.”

PLUS
+ I'm incredibly happy to have Josh Gorges on this team. But you knew that already. I can't even tell you how happy it made me to find out that he's been renewed for another six seasons. (And a movie?) He may deserve to be on a Habs team better than the one we've seen lately, but if every player can turn into the one that Josh Gorges has been since he came to Montreal, this team will be unstoppable.

+ Some people might find it scandalous that I'm giving this a Plus, but former Bulldog (and occasional Hab) J.T. Wyman, who I happen to like very much, scored his first NHL goal for the Tampa Bay Lightning. I'm very proud of him, even though he scored against my team. (Maybe there was money on the board?) I was disappointed to see him leave the Bulldogs this summer (as you know) but I thought he'd be a good fit in Tampa if he ever got called up, and here's proof: a goal in only his third game with the big club.
+ What is it about Florida that makes Emelin extra badass?
+ I don't like the Flyers, I don't like the Flyers, I don't... But congratulations, Brayden Schenn, on your first NHL goal!
+ The second and third periods of the Winter Classic.
+ Tonight's World Junior game was the kind of game that proves exactly why I love Team Canada (and have, even since I before I was a hockey fan) and why I like watching Canada-Russia matchups so much. It was thrilling, high-scoring, and infuriating. I couldn't have asked for anything more from one game, and I'm not even disappointed that Canada lost because they came out for the most incredible third period any fan could imagine.

MINUS
- Peter Laviolette messing with Steve Ott between periods of a Dallas-Philly game, then denying it and playing dumb after the game even though the whole thing was caught on camera. He knows that there's video evidence, right? (Typical Laviolette.)
- Krys Barch allegedly making a racially insensitive comment to P.K. Subban is a "he said, he said" scandal. (Or, a "he said, ref overheard" scandal, if you will.) We may never know exactly what was said and what led up to it, but if it's true, this kind of behaviour needs to stop.
- To anyone who didn't think that The Roots were adequate intermission entertainment for the Winter Classic.
- There's no reason for fans of one country to be hateful toward the players of another.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some sleeping to do before the first Habs game of 2012.

Thank you, Jack

Let me tell you a story from my rookie season. My REAL rookie season; the one I've been coasting off for the last few years (and thank you for reading this blog, by the way.)

You may remember the spring of 2008. It was a great time to be a Habs fan. Our team was first in the conference and fans were high-fiving each other in the streets. It was the first time I watched my team go to the playoffs.

And yet I chose to watch Jack Layton speak at Concordia, rather than settling in at home in my Koivu T-shirt to watch the game from start to finish. (Czechtacular was supposed to come with me, but politely changed her mind as soon as the playoff schedule was announced. We split duties: I would listen to Layton while she watched the first half of the game and kept me updated.)

Why? Because Jack Layton was the leader of a major political party and he was coming to speak at my school for free. Because he wasn't afraid of what a tough Concordia crowd could be like. Because he wanted to speak to students and get them involved in what was happening in their own country, not just wait until they were the heads of those young families everyone wants votes from. Because he made politics cool. Because he had a great mustache.

And that evening, he was exactly what you would expect Jack Layton to be like. Fabulous mustache, tie, no jacket, sleeves rolled up, and about as dynamic and human as any politician could be. He talked to a few people in the crowd before being formally introduced and taking the stage. The formality ended there. He started by thanking us all for showing up instead of watching Game 1 and half-joked that he expected to be talking to an empty room. He then said, "If you're on your cellphone and find out the Habs scored, don't keep it to yourself." He actually gave his crowd permission to interrupt him.

Layton then continued to talk about growing up in Montreal, how his family had opened Layton Audio on Ste. Catherine so many decades ago, going to McGill (boo), and living most of his adult life in Toronto. He also talked politics, obviously, and I look forward to the day when someone tries as hard as he did to inspire people just by expressing himself honestly. His entire speech proved that he was one of a kind.

He ended his speech by inviting us all to a nearby pub to ask him questions face-to-face and engage in real discussion, rather than continuing to talk at us from a stage. That's the kind of thing I'd expect to hear from a real person, not a talking head who made regular appearances on election posters and in the news.

Habs fans, we lost one of our own. And he was a great one, and his work for this country wasn't finished. I can only hope that I'm wrong in thinking that he was one of a kind, because I'd be so happy to see another political figure try to move Canada like Layton did.

Rest in peace, Jack.

July 1st Wish List

I'm a simple girl. I don't ask for much.
Okay, that's a lie. If I could, I'd buy myself boats and unicorns and expensive handbags. But when it comes to tomorrow's free agent market, I don't think I'm asking for too much.

I want James T. Wyman to stay in the Habs' organization.

I want Pierre Gauthier and Josh Gorges to make this official, already.

I want Brad Richards to decide where he'll play next season quickly. Remember how Ilya Kovalchuk ate up the better part of last year? I do not want that.

The LA Kings have already made me reach for the wine and turn up The Trade Playlist. Please, general managers, no more heartbreak.

I do not want Jaromir Jagr to come to Montreal.

I want to see all of my former young Habs find good homes. Ryan O'Byrne just agreed to two more seasons in Colorado. Matt D'Agostini should be sticking around in St. Louis. I hope there's a team with space for Kyle Chipchura, Greg Stewart, or Shawn Belle.

I want good homes for all this season's Habs who'll be moving on. Yes, even Tom Pyatt.

Oh, and I don't want to hear the kind of rumours that are so crazy they could be true. I'm still recovering from that rumoured Jarred Tinordi for Dustin Penner trade, okay?


Happy Canada Day. May you all have many Timbits.

Congratulations, Jarome

I'm not sure if I've ever made this clear enough, but Jarome Iginla is probably my absolute favourite NHL player. (I hope I didn't hurt Markov's feelings by saying so. Or Josh's. Or Carey's. Sorry boys.)

I've been a Jarome Iginla fan longer than I've been a hockey fan. I don't know why I picked Jarome out of all the players on Team Canada at the Olympics in 2002 or 2006 (I forget which year). I just loved him. Then I started watching hockey. The first non-Habs game I remember watching on TV was a Calgary Flames game. He's the reason why I love seeing the Flames play at the Bell Centre. Heck, I don't even care about all of Jarome's corporate sponsorships because I just love him that much.

Tonight, my absolute favourite hockey player scored his 1000th NHL point.
I've been waiting for this for a couple of weeks now, and I think he's been eager to get to 1000 because he's been playing something fierce lately. And tonight, I turned on the NHL Network right on time. One thousand points.

Congratulations, Jarome.

Plus/Minus is not going to make a "Boxing Day" pun

Hope you all had a great Christmas, even if you don't celebrate it. Plus/Minus is a little short this week because sometimes I talk too much, so I'm giving my dear readers the gift of brevity.

PLUS

+ It's always nice when Team Canada wins their first game. This applies to both the World Juniors and the Spengler Cup, where former Hab Glen Metropolit is playing for Canada. (Bonus plus: I now kind of know what the Spengler Cup is!)
+ David Desharnais named AHL's First Star of the Week!
+ Andrei Kostitsyn scored a goal, to shut up all the haters. And Alexandre Picard has been making himself useful as well, which I guess should shut me up.

MINUS

- Lost to the New York Islanders. You know what hurts? Watching your Habs lose to the Islanders, then seeing the highlights three times on Sportscentre.
- Okay, I take it back. That probably didn't hurt as much as whatever mystery ailment is plaguing Josh Gorges. I've known for a while that things aren't going well for Josh, but now he isn't playing well, and Dave Stubbs reported that he left practice limping. I do not like any of this. At all.
- I almost forgot about that game against the Dallas Stars, but then I remembered. I wish I hadn't. (Aside: Conan was really funny that night, as I found out the next day.)
- I wasn't going to complain about anything I saw on 24/7, because I didn't want the show to hold back. But Matt Hendricks' bloody eye was a little tough to look at for extended periods of time. And Crosby's cup was the kind of thing that would have made me nauseous, if I hadn't known about it in advance and shielded my eyes.

What awesome Christmas gifts did you all get? Or give?
I went for a walk early last week in the cold (I just needed to move a bit and clear my mind), spent some time wandering around Centennial Plaza, and got the sniffles a few days later. The Montreal Canadiens are no good at Christmas presents.

Why I love the World Juniors

I liked international hockey before I liked the NHL. Sort of. The whole Canada beating USA for the gold medal at Salt Lake thing kind of helped. But it didn't convince me to start watching hockey all the time. I would have to take a few more steps to get there. One of those steps was the World Juniors.

Five years ago today I watched the IIHF World Junior Hockey Championship for the first time ever. Or, at least, the first time I remember. There were a few earlier instances in which I wondered why anyone would want to play so much hockey right after Christmas and waste away their whole winter vacation. It's Christmas, people. (I still sort of feel that way, because as much as I love watching the World Juniors, I feel a little bad for the players. You know these guys have at least twenty more holiday seasons where they might not get to relax for a few days and spend time with a family they almost never see.)

Anyway. Cut to late December 2005. Everyone but me has a fever and the only prescription is more Crosby. My older siblings kept ribbing me because he was my age and very good at hockey and on pace to be very, very rich someday. I didn't care. I saw no point in fawning over some horse-faced, overrated jock when there had been so many Rory Gilmore boyfriends who were so much more perfect? Plus, I had already claimed Carey Price as an alternative (sight unseen, and that worked out pretty well for me).

It turns out that watching guys my age playing hockey would be what got me just a little bit interested in the sport. No, not to find a hockey boyfriend. Okay, maybe just a little, but mostly I liked being able to relate to the players I was watching. I still do.

I don't remember much of what actually happened during the tournament, but I remember watching the games and I remember Canada winning. And really, when you think about it, what else matters? The tournament ended and I was richer: I remembered a handful of players from that team when I started watching NHL hockey. I'm happy every time Justin Pogge plays an NHL game. Every time I realize I'm watching a player who played for the 2006 squad, I smile a little. It was pretty cool to have three of the team's players briefly reunited on the Habs' roster this season. I even found my first hockey boyfriend (then-unseen Carey Price notwithstanding) on that team. Sasha Pokulok didn't skyrocket to NHL fame like a couple of his teammates, but he belonged to the Washington Capitals for a while and that's pretty cool. I look him up from time to time to see his stats. He's currently playing in Germany, after bouncing around a few teams I'd never heard of last season. He might be far away right now, but he's originally from Vaudreuil so maybe at some point, if I'm ever in the West Island during the offseason I might see him somewhere and tell him that five years ago, before I even liked hockey, I watched him play.

I'd like to say that I was immediately hooked on hockey after that, but it didn't happen that fast. Still, I can't believe it's already been five years since that WJHC, and how many of these players keep coming back to me. (There have been lots of random exclamations during my research for this post, most of them beginning or ending with "OF COURSE", as if I should have known that there was a subliminal reason why I like a certain city, player, or team.)

I liked cheering for Canada's world junior team in 2006. That hasn't changed, and I don't think it ever will.

Joe Thornton Is Canada

Sometimes, you'll learn something so obvious that you had no idea why it took you so long to realize it. I had one of those revelations during the Habs-Sharks game. Considering how tired I was from an early work day, I'm surprised I could even fathom it. But Czechtacular's old friend Bhavna only had to say one thing:
"Joe Thornton is Canada."
I almost immediately understood. It makes perfect sense. I couldn't talk about anything else for the rest of the period (sorry, Habs). The more you think about what makes Joe Thornton great, the more you realize that he possesses all the qualities that make Canada great.

Obviously, the whole hockey thing.
He's won a bunch of stuff (Stanley Cup forthcoming, but not until the Habs win another one, please). Joe Thornton is hockey, and hockey is Canada.

Jumbo Joe is huge.
My research tells me he's 6'4" but he looks at least two feet taller than that. Like Canada, Joe Thornton has coasts. I tried to find out whether he spans multiple time zones but didn't find any proof.

He has a beard.
...This one made a little more sense when I first came up with it, tired from work and trying to concentrate on the game. It still makes sense, right? Right?
Something about forests. It's like a forest.

Nature's beard!

Or it makes him look even more like a lumberjack than he already does. Which just brings me back to forests.

He makes his living in the States.
Many of the best Canadians do. It's how we know they're really famous: they're paid in green money.

He's a pacifist badass.
Yes, it is possible to be a pacifist and a badass mo fo. That's what Canada is about. He'll hit hard or defend his teammates if he needs to, but he hasn't engaged in that much unnecessary violence lately.

pictured: not his actual brother.

He has lots of brothers.
Being Canadian is like being part of a huge family. I guess it's a byproduct of outsiders always telling us things like "You're from Montreal? I have a cousin who's getting her degree at a university near Toronto!" It's the thing that keeps us all connected whether we like it or not, like some sort of national DNA.

He knows a lot about beer.
I mean, I'm not 100% sure on this, but think about it. Wouldn't Joe Thornton know a lot about beer?

This picture had a watermark that said "Don't steal me"... I cropped it out.

He apologizes a lot. And he laughs a lot.

It's what we do best as Canadians. Sorry, it's true.

He can make us laugh.
As I just said, laughter is very Canadian. Joe loves to crack jokes and has made a running gag out of his apparent refusal to wear a shirt in postgame interviews.

Big, badass, funny, laid-back... Honestly, you guys, Joe Thornton IS Canada. He just is.

Gratuitous reminder that we won a gold medal.

We stand on guard for thee

You've got to love Canada Day. It's become more than just a celebration of the country we call home. It's the day when renters move into their new homes, and when hockey players find out where they'll be buying their next house. And it's the day I slip on Team Canada gold medal T-shirt, turn on the TV, and make sure the WiFi is working. Oh, and celebrate Canada.

So, what's this goalie business? Remember how we traded Jaroslav Halak and assumed a contract was in the works for Carey Price? I'm still waiting for it. If our dear GM can maybe get something done, or at least speak up and tell us what's causing the delay, I'd appreciate it. We lost one great young goalie, and I don't know why the other one hasn't been locked down yet.
As for Dan Ellis, he seemed like a great guy and had considered playing for Montreal since the Habs own the rights to him, but ultimately it just wasn't meant to be. It probably came down to salary, what with our lack of cap space. Like many things that were at some point Montreal's, he's now in Tampa Bay.
Other possible candidates for backup, Martin Biron and Chris Mason, have also gone to other teams. Biron went from being a Flyer to being a Ranger, so as you can guess, we feel exactly the same about him.
Last year's senior Hamilton goalie, Curtis Sanford, got a nice raise and will presumably be mentoring Cedrick Desjardins.
As for the big club, it looks like the Canadiens will be Alex Auld's ninth NHL team. One year, one million dollars. (I dare you not to say that in your Dr. Evil voice.) It's already been established that he is quite bald, so I don't have to mention that, do I?

I will, however, mention that mustache man behind him

Show us what you've got, bAuldy. But first, if you talk to management again, GET ME CAREY PRICE.

And as for the skaters: We've kept Dustin Boyd on board, meaning that the Sergei trade has worked out okay so far. As for our other free agents... remember when I mentioned Pierre Gauthier was MIA? He was also MIA for a few other guys: Glen Metropolit, Paul Mara, Dominic Moore, Maxim Lapierre, and Bulldogs stars David Desharnais, Cedrick Desjardins, Brock Trotter, Mathieu Carle, Ryan Russell, and my James Wyman. And if you still care, Marc-Andre Bergeron is on that list.


I'd cover the rest of the Canada Day action, and I'd express my utter frustration at Scott Gomez and his ego trip, but I'm a little wiped out from all the Twitter, TSN, and Timbits. I hope it was a good Canada Day for all.

It's Awards time!

The pop-culture junkie side of me loves awards shows. In part it's for the "who's wearing what" factor, but obviously that's a little less exciting here. It is, however, 90 minutes of hockey players in suits, and that's something we can all enjoy.

It would appear that the awards aren't airing live, and news sources are already spoiling us on winners, but I'm going to pretend I didn't find out about any winners. Can I still call this a "liveblog" if the awards aren't airing live?

Well, I think I might anyway.

Before the show: I missed the red-carpet stuff online, because it wouldn't load, but I'm sure there'll be pictures and stuff. Plus what fashion is there to comment on, really? Like, "Oh, Shane Doan's wife shouldn't have worn those shoes?"

Snoop Dogg: And Travis Barker? They're definitely trying to up the ante with this year's Awards, after Chaka Khan didn't kick enough ass last year. "Snoop Gretzky the Great" should be his new name. You know Diddy wishes he came up with it first.
My sister: "Is this what happens when you let Americans be in charge of things?" Well, yes, but there was also the MMVA's.

Opening credits: Are hurting my eyes.

Okay, Jay Mohr, let's get this show on the road.
Four minutes in and the first player we see is Sidney Crosby. Surprise surprise. Jay Mohr's monologue is pretty good for a guy who doesn't watch much hockey. And he just made an "icing is delicious" joke, which I always approve of. It's pretty much what I would have expected, Jay Mohr is just mean enough, but there's still just a little bit of CBS sitcom left on him.

Rookies: Mark Wahlberg is going to bust someone's head open, I'm sure. Ugh, these nominee videos don't look too special. Whatever.
Tyler Myers wins, of course, and oh dear GG, he's so tall. His speech is quite decent, and less awkward than rookies usually are. It would have been better if he'd said to Mark Wahlberg, "Say hi to your mother for me, all right?" A girl can dream.

Selke: So this is the Ryan Kesler award, right? Presenter Natasha Henstridge does not age.
Oh, my bad. This is the Pavel Datsyuk award. I forgot he's like Meryl Streep with this sort of thing. You'd think he would expect a win at some point, and not make all his speeches off-the-cuff. His English is better than he thinks it is, though.

Henrik Sedin: I think. I can't tell the twins apart, but he won the Art Ross trophy and is now being interviewed by some Maria Menounos clone. He doesn't seem to like it very much.

Strombo!: Oh, and much to my surprise Patrick Kane is glued to some showgirl or other woman that's probably friends with a Tiger Woods mistress. He said some random platitudes about winning the Cup. This segment is just there to introduce a Cirque du Soleil performance, which is effectively spiced up by some breakdancing.

Ted Lindsay Award: Presented by Ted Lindsay (well I certainly hope so) and Ron McLean. So this award is like a popularity contest, right? I think Ovechkin will take this one.
OK, I don't deserve a parade for guessing that. By the way, I have no idea why the nominees are waiting backstage
"First of all, what's up everybody?" A hung-over (or slightly buzzed) Ovie starts his speech awesomely, then ends it sentimentally. But doesn't want it to end, and Kanye's the next presenter.

Ooh, a race joke! In the middle of an Olympic tribute. Which turned into a pretaped sketch about Ryan Getzlaf being a jerkstore. Athletes don't make great actors, but this is quite all right. It's not the actors, it's the material.

Red carpet again: Aw, Steven Stamkos! If I were him I'd totally try to one-up Crosby on camera.

Coaches: I'm not sure who will win this... Dave Tippett! Yay! Because the Coyotes surpassed all expectations this season. Can someone just buy this team and treat it right already?
czechtacular is very pleased with this win, as expected.

Toe pick!: I'm a little excited to see DB Sweeney, because I love The Cutting Edge (but hate Battle of the Blades). Jamie Kennedy should have just stopped working after his hidden-camera show was cancelled. Oh, but then he and Jay Mohr couldn't have ribbed each other about being on CBS.
Upset of the night: Ryan Miller wins the Vezina. Wow, huge surprise there. I was not expecting this after a season of the Ryan Miller Hype Machine and him carrying his team so much he makes Halak look like a slacker. (Jaro come back.) He thanks his teammates, of whom I can name maybe two.

Brodeur: Won the Jennings trophy! Congrats! What does that mean?

Best thing ever: Did Jay Mohr just do a Tracy Morgan voice?

Shinedown: Yeah, ok, not my favourite band so you can just youtube them. Or try to imagine a rap-metal Nickelback, and there's their whole performance right there.

Another best thing ever: Mike Green's hair looks more human. And a Geico caveman still has beef with him.

Lex Luthor has hair: And is presenting the Masterton trophy, and doing a pretty good job.
I'm a sucker for inspiring stories, and it's no surprise that Jose Theodore won it, since losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare. (His accent is starting to sound a little Chuck Hughes there. Okay, not important.) Very tasteful speech. Good job, Theo.

Jerry Bruckheimer: Does not acknowledge the world's most useless DJ. He's presenting the King Clancy Memorial Trophy, which I just heard of today. And the video shows us some baby Shane Doan - did you see that! Aw, Shane Doan, what a guy. I'm trying to pay attention to his speech, because he's so sweet (he puts Iginla to shame, and that's saying something) but for some reason he's reminding me of Keanu Reeves. Only less sad.

Jonathan Toews in a suit: Oh, and also the Stanley Cup. To introduce a crazy montage of hockey insanity. Someone needs to show this montage to people who watch other sports: they'll very quickly realize that hockey is king.

Lady Byng Trophy: Wow, these guys are impressive. Did they make a miniature Trophy for Martin St. Louis, or is he just lucky that it's small? He's hilarious, making jokes about sending Christmas cards to refs and reading his speech off his phone.

The Messier Trophy: With no buildup at all, just gets placed next to Crosby. Um, there were other dudes nominated, too. Ugh, this was better last year when the trophy was won by someone I love, and not presented by Fake Maria Menounos. This telecast isn't so special.

If there's hockey somewhere, then Jeremy Roenick is there to talk. That, dear readers, is a fact of life.

This is who they named the trophy after, right?

Norris: I hope it's Drew Doughty, come on, it HAS to be. I hope. And (in the words of Roenick)the winner goes to...
Duncan Keith. The guy I knew the least about. Still, it must be cool to win a Trophy and a Stanley Cup within days of each other. Maybe next week he can get a damn haircut. This guy's never watched the Oscars, has he? The music means GTFO from the stage. Still, he uses his speech overtime to tell Ovechkin to stay away from his girlfriend. Nice.

The Foundation Award: Or something, goes to Ryan Miller because he does charity work. Oh, actually, I think I have heard of this award before. Gary Bettman is still short. If anyone knows his exact height, please tell me in the comments. I tried Googling it and found nothing.

Jay Mohr does his Christopher Walken voice: And the world is a better place for a few seconds. On to the Goo Goo Dolls, and I'm sure that John Rzeznik is younger than Jon Bon Jovi, but he doesn't look it. Is this what happened during the last few years when he wasn't making music? He just sat around and aged? Um, make more albums, please.

A "Thank You Fans" commercial: Makes me feel special! You're welcome, NHL.

Guy Lafleur!: If the Awards were held in Vegas back in his day, he'd have gone missing. His pre-award banter is pretty cute. The Hart Trophy, technically, should go to the guy who screamed out "Go Habs Go!" But I don't think it will.
Instead, it does to Henrik Settin'. Wait, that's NOT how you pronounce it? Whatever. He's Guy Lafleur. Henrik makes a great speech, very appreciative, but not at all treacly.

[By the way, there seemed to be a lot of people wearing the same tie... Stylist fail.] No, that's because John Varvatos appears to have dressed pretty much everyone, and while the man certainly knows suits, I can't get behind this much product placement, what with the matching suits and the Geico and everything. I can't stand it on regular TV, and I don't like it creeping into hockey like this.

And just like that, it's over. That's the end?
Oh well, congratulations to the winners, and we'll see you next year. Now please let the hockey players go have some fun, as I'm sure Patrick Kane has already exited the theatre and pounded a Jagerbomb or two. See you next year!

A huge between-rounds edition of Plus Minus

(I'm aware that the second round has now begun, and this has been a work-in-progress for a while... I had no idea when to post this. Go Sharks! Or Red Wings!)


A hell of a week round, this was. What DIDN'T happen? TV is gearing up for sweeps, I spotted a man who looked like he might have been Larry Robinson (maybe), I spotted a man who looked like he might have been Paul Mara (but with short beard and longer hair... I almost spoke to him but his beard wasn't "super epic and unmistakeable" as ~czechtacular would say), I went to the amazing Olympic parade and touched a women's hockey gold medal and spoke ever so briefly to a Stanley Cup winner, I had a great birthday during which the Canadiens were not knocked out of the playoffs, and my #1 team eliminated the Eastern Conference's #1 team. Thus, this week's Plus Minus is equally huge.

BETTER THAN HAVING A PARADE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY
+ It goes without saying that the Habs in general have made me prouder than a valedictorian's mommy at graduation: a solid PK, a stronger, more defensive outing in Game 5, a mind-blowing game 6, and an awesome Game 7.
+ Is it scandalous if I say that I approve of putting Carey Price in net for two games against the Caps? Think about it: those games gave Halak the rest he needed to be superhuman again, and proved that Price has still got it.
+ Dan Boyle made the most embarrassing mistake a hockey player could make, and then compensated beautifully with a fantastic goal the following game.
+ The Canadiens organization has a great initiative in letsretirethesejerseys.com. Instead of just sounding like poor little rich boys moaning that everyone's buying cheap jerseys, the website is informative, telling you how to spot a counterfeit jersey and explaining why you shouldn't buy one - shady labour practices and potential ties to organized crime, and the incentives of coupons and trade-ins certainly don't hurt (warning: they expire April 30th). The rest of the league has taken note.
+ Thanks to Friday's Olympic athlete parade, I'd like to reiterate how great it is to see awesome, talented, gracious athletes like Canada's 2010 Olympians. Aside from the men's hockey team, Olympic athletes don't get much exposure outside of the Games, but their hard work warrants it. They had a great crowd cheering for them, and I was happy to be in that crowd. (Except when that old man hit me in the chest. Gross.)
+ Our buddies over at TheCheckingLine ran a great liveblog on Friday... more of a chat than a liveblog, but when fans are having this much fun, who cares about semantics?
+ After Game 7, Brooks Laich saw a fan and her daughter waiting for roadside assistance (by the highway, in the dark), got out of his car, and changed a tire for them.

WORSE THAN PATRICK KANE'S MULLET

- Poor Eric Belanger. I don't think I like the guy very much, but he lost seven teeth in one game. And he pulled at least one of those out by himself. Hockey players are tough, but there's a limit. He gets a plus, though, for sheer badassery.
- The recent demonizing of Alexander Ovechkin, especially by Habs fans. Sure, he sprayed some snow on a kid and didn't even pat him on the head as he skated by. Sure, he didn't give some other kid an autograph. Sure, it's kind of a bad thing that these two things happened in the same week, but it doesn't necessarily make him a bad guy. It's completely unnecessary backlash. (Heck, my request for a picture with Scott Niedermayer was refused on my birthday, and I don't mind. I'm sure I'm not the first person who's asked him for something, and I won't be the last.)
- Spacek is still sick? Where did he catch this thing? Is it biological warfare?

- Ron McLean's response to a spandex-clad Green Girl in his studio is... ew. That's all I have to say, is "ew.'
- Is there anyone in sports journalism more petulant than Jack Todd? The Habs forced a Game 6 on home ice against the league's best team. And all Jack Todd discussed on Monday was Scott Gomez's face and Carey Price's fans. Really, that's all the material he had? You'd think Canwest would start cutting unnecessary costs in these crappy economic times, and Negative Jones' column/bitchfest would be one of them. But no, he's still getting paid to write, if you can call it that.

It starts tomorrow. There will be cupcakes.

Joy.

Congratulations, Team Canada.

GOOOOOOOOOLD!

Congratulations to Canada's women's hockey team on their third consecutive gold medal.

I can't even express how happy this makes me, but having been unable to watch the game, turning on my cellphone and finding out that they won gold elicited a huge "YES!" and a squeal from me. In public.

Canada makes up for lost game

(written as I hear fans chanting Olé Olé at the women's bobsleigh event)

Final score of 8-2.

I thought Germany was a formidable opponent, as everyone in my house who heard me say "I forgot Christian Ehrhoff was on this team, we're so f**ked" at puck drop can attest to. Ultimately, our Canadian men got themselves together and knew exactly what they had to do to rebound from Sunday's USA game.

See? All your worries, Internet people, were for naught. Which is a good thing, because if our goaltending needed an extra push I definitely didn't want it to come in the form of a tacky Ryan Miller-style goalie helmet makeover.

Our defencemen made themselves very visible tonight, and our star forwards did not disappoint, unless you count Sidney Crosby's fail on that penalty shot. (I'm going to get all kinds of hate mail for using the words "Crosby" and "fail" together, aren't I?) Personally, I would have liked to see Rick Nash take the shot since he'd have been ready for it, but Mike Babcock knows what he's doing.

After being the victim of some whining after Sunday's game, Jarome Iginla again proved why he's the reason I started watching hockey in the first place. His powerful shot, off a great play by Staal and (I think) Boyle, was my favourite goal of the night. And with eight goals to choose from, that's saying something. For the men's team I mean. Don't get all offended, female Team Canada. You know you own this town.

Tomorrow, our men's team plays Russia.
The day after, our women's team meets the Americans in the gold-medal game.

It's on. It is so on.

A higher, faster, stronger Plus/Minus

Last week I actually wondered how I'd review a week with no Canadiens. Turns out it was much easier than expected, especially since last night the team I cheered for got beat by Ryan Miller and his ugly helmet, and I woke up to find out that other fans were whining about goalies. ("Luongo" was a Twitter trending topic the day after Brodeur started. My days of no goalie conflicts were good while they lasted.)

PLUS

+ for the superfans: the Vancouver Green Men who've been having their fun at the Olympics, and to the "He Shoots He Scores" gentleman who never misses a chance to cheer on Canadian hockey at an international level. (King blogger Dennis Kane mentioned him earlier this week, before I got the chance to, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only fan.) Does anyone know anything about this man? Should we give him a nickname? I'm thinking Mr. Canada, unless you think Hayley Wickenheiser wouldn't mind sharing the title of Captain Canada.
+ Our Hamilton Bulldogs for their 5-0 win on home ice at the Bell Centre. Yes, I said home ice.
+ for our medallists, for their hard work and their sheer glee at making it to the podium, and to the athletes who didn't win medals but gave it their all and just happened to be outdone by stronger/luckier contenders.
+ to the silver and bronze medallists in women's snowboard cross, who instead of being disappointed that they couldn't catch up to Maelle Ricker, acted like they were too happy to share the podium with her and share a happy moment with Canadians. It was a fantastic display of sportsmanship.
+ James Duthie has won me over during these Games. He's been relaxed and affable and he holds nothing back, from his burns on Michael Landsberg to his WTF face at the atrocity that is MuchMusic's ski cabin.
+ An enemy plus goes to Shaun White, who's ridiculously good and so fun to watch on the halfpipe. He makes me want to try snowboarding, even though I know it's not as easy as he makes it look.

MINUS

- Can anyone else believe the horrible taste that the Globe and Mail and Chartered Accountants displayed by running this ad mere days after the death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili?
- to all the people who can't make up their mind about these Olympic Games. They say that our women's hockey team is too arrogant by finishing games with such high scores, and that the Own the Podium program is un-Canadian, and yet the very same media outlets will bitch and moan when a medal hopeful doesn't pick up any hardware. You can't complain about having one of the best teams in the world in one sport, and then picking on other Canadian athletes and calling them "disappointing"or saying they "choked" when they place fifth. How can anyone possibly be disappointed that their country raised and trained one of the best athletes in the world, even if they're not the number-one best? The shame shouldn't lie on the drooping shoulders of an exhausted, medal-less athlete, but on every un-patriotic countryman stupid enough to criticize them from the comfort of a couch or an office chair.
- to the genius who wrote to the Gazette this week and said that un-firing Georges Laraque would solve all of the Canadiens' problems (which he listed, by the way). Sure, having a little extra muscle might help during a time when all pucks seem to be directed at Habs' heads, but it's quite clear that Laraque was let go because things just weren't working out with him. I don't see how his return would change everything for this team, especially since the same end could be met by different means: finding another fighter before the trade deadline, begging Tom Kostopoulos to come back, reversing Greg Stewart's waiver situation, calling up Eric Neilson, or giving Travis Moen and Maxim Lapierre a slap in the face and a whole lot of Red Bull to get them good and angry. But I doubt that a fight here or there is what's keeping this team from the Cup finals. (I know I just played armchair GM after criticizing someone else for doing just that, and I'm sorry.)
- on a more serious note, our condolences go out to figure skater Joannie Rochette, who as of this writing has chosen to compete on Tuesday despite her mother's passing. It's not the kind of emotional situation that anyone should have to go through.

Well, it's been another week of ups and downs (mostly downs if you're anyone but me) but there's hope for our Olympians yet. And once the Olympics are over, there will be hockey.

Why I love the Olympics

I might not love the Olympics because figure skating came on after yesterday's hockey game. I used to love watching figure skating, but I also used to love the majority of YTV's programming. People move on. I can't be expected to hang on every jump that Patrick Chan makes if I have Jarome Iginla in my life.

I do love the Olympics because our women's hockey team is almost a little bit too good right now. Sweden played a good first game on Saturday, but they kind of got steamrolled today. I'm almost inclined to say they're better than the men (who were fantastic yesterday), but I'll save those statements until the Olympics are over.

I would have gone to the Olympics (and really almost did) not just for the sports events, and the free Our Lady Peace concerts, and the history aspect of it, but also to trade all kinds of nifty stuff with other tourists. I hadn't even thought of it until Dennis Kane shared a picture of a fantastic Habs pin he got from a friend in Russia.
(The rest of the world loves the Habs too. Really!)

If you're still not too convinced about this whole Olympics thing (you know, like if you run the NHL or something) have a look at this top ten list of reasons for Habs fans to love the Olympics.

Unrelated, but if you need a giggle, here's an event that we apparently missed at Concordia:

Today!! Vegan Iron Chef

Based on the cult Food Network TV Show, a team of student chefs will challenge a celebrity Iron Chef to prepare the most delectable dishes in an hour to be judged by a celebrity panel composed of Concordia President Judith Woodsworth, and professional athlete Georges Laraque.

The Olympic puck drops: a live-blogging attempt

(for the men's team, I mean. Our women's team has been kicking ass, and I'm kind of starting to get used to it. Hopefully the men can keep up.)

First off, a huge congratulations to Maelle Ricker, gold medallist in snowboard cross, which is my favourite thing so far this year.

Roberto Luongo gets the start tonight, continuing my trend of watching him on Mardi Gras, except this time I'm cheering for his team. Oh, and as for the other half of Mardi Gras?

Yes, I'm most definitely stuffing my face. I bought the Canada donuts specifically for Luongo-cheering purposes. No, I won't be eating all six donuts, because that would be disgusting.

I'll try to alternate between French and English feeds, since I live in a house that's become accustomed to watching RDS feeds, but there's only so much salivating over Patrice Bergeron I can do.

The game hasn't started yet, and there's been a Vincent Lecavalier shoutout. Ca commence bien. Luckily, most of the gentlemen seem to have finally moved on and mention that Bouwmeester, Green, and (ew)Phaneuf would have been more useful to this team than Vinny.
Jeff Carter, who's up in a loge somewhere (not home, which is where he was told to go) should walk everywhere sideways. His face looks alright in profile. Not straight-on, though.

OK, let's get to game time and final predictions. Who thinks Canada will win gold?

First period

• Pierre Houde just made a Thor Nelson joke. This is why I love Pierre Houde. (That, and he said hi to me one time.)
• I think the entire San Jose Sharks team was just on the ice. Like, all of them.
• Corey Perry just had an almost-goal, and I keep on reminding myself that I'm now cheering for this whole team, even the guys I don't know or like.
• Jarome Iginla!!!! More on him some other time, but he's on the fourth line, if you can call it that.
• I think I'm going to like this San Jose Sharks trio a lot in the next two weeks. It's always incredible when players who are skilled to begin with, know exactly how to work with each other.
• Sidney Crosby just missed an open net, then later in the same shift gets the puck knocked away from him. Seriously?
• The first penalty of the game comes up about halfway through the first, right after my dad commented on how smoothly everything has been going without "cattiveria" (how do I translate that? Bad behaviour?) Shea Weber is sent to the box, to the strains of "Cotton Eye Joe." Canada, as expected, kills the penalty.
• Pierre Houde just made a Brodeur/Luongo slipup... not quite as funny as Brian Williams thinking he was still on CBC, but I'll take it.
• Great save by the Norwegian goalie, on a pretty good play by Jonathan Toews.
• The crowd totally just lost its mind over Wayne Gretzky. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Nobody? Thought so.
• Canada's about to go into a power play, thanks to Norwegian captain Jacobsen.
• OK, the last thing I want to see on a power play is Rick Nash falling. I might laugh a little if, like, Crosby falls, but Nash? No. Norway's goalie has been solid so far. Wow.
• Perry very carefully calculated his shot on goal, but seriously, Norway's goalie isn't having any of it. Glove save.
• Sweet fakeout play where Shea Weber waited for Getzlaf to meet him behind the neck, but kept the puck.
• Okay, this Norwegian goalie just made Rick Nash and Sidney Crosby look like amateurs in the same thirty seconds. I don't think this is going to be a 18-0 win.
• Our power play is solid, and will get better as the tournament continues, so long as Ryan freaking Getzlaf doesn't let pucks bounce off his stick like that.

There's always the chance that the "Let's make sure everyone knows whose game they're playing" commercial might get old, but it still gets me all riled up.
OK, in keeping with liking this whole team, do I watch an interview with Patrice Bergeron or Sidney Crosby?

Second period

• I will attempt to start typing "Pal Grotnes" instead of "goalie from Norway," but I'm kind of hoping Canada has more goals and less almost-goals.
• Power play. Grotnes (nope, still talking about him) stops Canada's first shot on goal, and like a million after that.
• It took some effort, but Canada scores one hell of a goal. Crosby passes to Iginla, who shoots while Nash screens Grotnes. The puck hits the back of the net so hard that Josh Gorges probably winced while he watched it.
• I think Chris Pronger (and maybe Dany Heatley) is the only person who saw that goal coming. He shot from almost halfway down the ice and it was in the net before anyone knew what was going on.
• Did I just hear the olé olé chant?
• 5-on-3 for Norway. I'm a little worried.
• Pierre Houde remarks that Luongo's mommy is in town, not just to see her son, but because she works for Air Canada. If she works directly with the public and someone finds out she's Luongo's mom, it's going to be the best flight ever.
• Mike Richards shoves the puck into the net on a sort of reverse wraparound - he went behind the net to get the puck, then backed up, and scored. 3-0, Team Canada.
• Nice hit by Doughty, especially rewatching it in slow-mo. Does that mean it's time for another donut?
• Again, on a PP, Dan Boyle has a pretty nice shot on goal, but Grotnes is up to his old tricks.
• I know I'm blogging about hockey here, but the organ player just delved into a bit of John Williams, and I had a nerd moment.
• Dany Heatley gets a penalty, but so far has not asked for a trade, so I guess it's not all bad news.
• On their PP, Norway's Bastiansen (sp?) tries the proposal goal beloved by our Habs and drops to one knee to shoot, but Luongo stops it.
• The second period ends, and everyone in the stands is in great spirits.

JAROME!!! CTV interviews Iginla, and it's awfully refreshing to see both an interviewer and an interviewee who are both actually providing their viewers with information. Iginla, as usual, is all smiles.

Third period

• Are you kidding me? Sidney Crosby, apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread, in the penalty box? This is why Nutella, and not Crosby, is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
• Norway has a pretty good PP, but doesn't score.
• After his first attempt at goal was disallowed, Ryan Getzlaf turns his back on Grotnes. And gets the puck into the net without looking,
• Did they just pull Grotnes? Maybe they're hoping Andre Lysenstoen is a bit fresher.
• Eric Staal (that's the one, right? They all look the same) didn't get the puck in the net, but tried to score a goal with himself. Sorry, Staal, that doesn't count. Even I know that.
• Dany Heatley scores a beauty. I'm so glad he hasn't asked for a trade yet.
• Iginla, Nash, and Crosby - they all play a very mental game, and all that thinking paid off in a great play and, of course, a goal.
• Mike Babcock gave silver medalist Jennifer Heil a pair of tickets to tonight's game. He's the best. What can I say? He's a great coach and he gives hockey tickets to our Canadian athletes. Love.
• Staal and Perry get around a great effort by Norwegian goalie and D and score again. 7-0.
• Marleau hits the outside of the net. Pretty close, I guess.
• Captain Jacobsen played in his first Olympic tournament in 1992, back when the closest thing I did to blogging was drawing with crayons.
• Rick Nash shoots the puck into Jarome Iginla's stick and it inches into the net. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's three goals credited to Iginla. Per CTV: "Those hats aren't cheap." And I think my four favourite words are now "Jarome Iginla hat trick."

Final score of 8-0. Norway was a great opponent. Does anyone miss NHL hockey? Follow-up question: if you do, are you crazy?

Hockey Day In Canada: like Canada Day but colder

It's Hockey Day In Canada time again... all the Canadianness of Roll Up The Rim, plus all of the hockey you could hope for, stuffed into ten hours of Ron McLean. (It all sounds wonderful to me except maybe that last part.) It's much more kickass, and much briefer, than a Hockey Day In America would be.

So in honour of this great day, I'm going to try and make this post as Canadian as possible. What's in store for this, the national holiday that isn't Canada Day or Victoria Day or those other ones?

(Randomly selected Canadian-born player) Travis Moen and our Montreal Canadiens will start the day off playing against Mike Fisher and the Ottawa Senators. The Habs will win because because I'll be at work for half the game and I want them to come home and watch them win.

The primetime slot this year goes to Nolan Baumgartner* and the Vancouver Canucks, who unfortunately have to hang out with the Leafs and Luke Schenn. But hey, they'll get as much attention from CBC as they could ever possibly want!!

Late-night honours go to the Battle of Alberta, which I'm guessing will be the game with the most punching. If any is allowed during Hockey Day In Canada. Brandon Prust** and the Flames are going to engage in some punching with Taylor Chorney's Oilers.
Yes, if Stephen Harper shows up in a Flames jersey (or at all), you are allowed a tantrum.

But what to eat?

It's a long day, and you're going to get hungry, and maybe you'll get bored of all the little kids' teams they interview during the day, or maybe I'll need to leave the room if anyone brings up Crosby, who does not play in Canada (again, no Hockey Day In America). So here are some snack suggestions if you're not out someplace:

Only Canadian beer. You can have a Stella or a Heineken another day.

Maple baked beans, or other cabane a sucre treats. If you feel like curing a ham in beer and brown sugar, be my guest. No, literally. Some homemade ham sounds pretty delicious right now.

Actually, anything maple. Especially those extra-sweet gooey candies or anything you can put maple syrup on.

Tim Hortons. But that kind of goes without saying.

Poutine. Oh, the cheese... (Be warned, if you're ordering in, make sure it's not one of those places that gives you barbecue sauce instead of gravy.)

Snack cakes. You know you want the bad fats. I know Kate Moss thinks that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but all my pants are too big for me and I know what a Jos Louis tastes like.

Alberta beef, anyone? Raised by the best cowboys on earth!

Happy Hockey Day, everyone! (Especially those cowboys. I'm trying to get in good with them in the hopes of getting a free hat.)



* Seriously you guys, for all I know I took the metro with Nolan Baumgartner today and I'd have been completely oblivious. He's my randomly selected player because a few of the other guys seemed too obvious.


** You know I came thisclose to writing "Jarome Iginla" in giant letters right there. Instead I gave a Brandon Prust to ~czechtacular as a reward for blogging this week.