Trade Deadline Emergency Kit

Last year, NHL Trade Deadline Day was all about sitting in my pajamas, watching TSN, and maybe drinking rum at hours when only pirates should be drinking rum. But that was before I became full-time, spending my Monday to Fridays at the office.

What's a girl to do to keep track of all the trades and drama (and boring lulls between the trades and drama) when she's at her desk, poring over spreadsheets and email alerts? She puts together a Trade Deadline Emergency Kit.

Cell phone. Like I did on Canada Day, I'll get a text message every time one of TSN's insiders tweets something, so I can see the news as it breaks. And yes, I'll have my charger with me in case it's a busy day and all the news drains my phone battery.

Stress ball. Luckily, I have one at my desk for those "Looks like [player you like] to [team you hate] deal is close to being done" tweets. I want to try and avoid yelling and whatnot at my place of work, if at all possible.

Post-it notes, next to my cell phone on my desk, to remind me of the day's most important projects in case I get too distracted.

Chocolate. To relieve the stress of bad trades, pass the time during the boring hours, and keep me awake in case I've got a case of the Mondays.

That's all I've got for now, but I think it'll be enough to get me through the day.

A guide to the 2012 Super Bowl, in pictures

My Super Bowl plans have yet to be finalized, but here's what I do know about tomorrow's big game:

Do not wear any light colours. (You know, chicken wings and such.)

Every time you cheer for Tom Brady, you're cheering for a grown man who wears Uggs.

Baseball fans love the fact that the Montreal Expos drafted a promising catcher named Tom Brady, who as it turns out was pretty good at football, too. The truth is that all Brady did was leave baseball for a prettier sport. Typical Brady.

This is a dog I know. His name is Eli. He probably wants Eli Manning to win, since they have the same name. Or maybe he doesn't know what football is, and just wants people to play with him. In any case, look at how cute he is.

By supporting Eli Manning, you're supporting all the younger brothers of athletes who've suffered concussions. I bet that Ben Crosby (fictional younger brother of Sidney that I just made up) would cheer for the Giants.

Madonna is going to rock the halftime show, even if her new song is the worst thing I've heard all week - and that includes the final score of Habs games. MIA is supposed to be joining her (and LMFAO!), and I'm hoping that Nicki Minaj does too, since "Give Me All Your Luvin'" features Nicki, in a desperate attempt to be a less-awful song.

The best thing about the Patriots winning the Super Bowl would be a chance at seeing Tom Brady host SNL again, but the Token Sports Personality Host job for this season was already given to the insanely unfunny Charles Barkley, so there is no comedic reason to vote for the Patriots.

If the New York Giants win the Super Bowl, Victor Cruz and some of his teammates will celebrate by dancing. If the New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, the Boston Bruins will be happy.

I have never teared up reading anything on Twitter until I read this tweet from New York Giant, Mark Herzlich. You go win the Super Bowl, Mark Herzlich!

One more playoff rule

Maybe I should have posted that uber-long playoff guide that I teased in an earlier post. Someone I know, who has been watching sports for much longer than I have, clearly knows nothing about how to be a real Montreal Canadiens fan. So I should probably teach him, even though I've only been with this team for as long as the goalie this guy hates. (Oh. I should have mentioned off the bat that he's one of five people in this city still holding out hope that Jaroslav Halak will show up in a Habs jersey and say it was all a joke.)

Attending a Canadiens game in Montreal is a special privilege. The Habs sell out 82 games a season, plus playoffs. Everyone wants to be there. Some people don't understand that. They just see it as a business opportunity, not as a special bond between a hockey team and its crazy-passionate fans. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of scalpers, but just like the fans who only show up during the playoffs, there are the opportunists who only want to make money during the playoffs.

If you get your hands on playoff tickets only to scalp them at a ridiculous markup, you're crazy. You're better off going to the game yourself with a Snuggie and an eyemask, maybe a copy of People magazine.

People love their teams. They really do. But paying a ridiculous price for tickets is a joke. It's rude to whoever buys them, and it just proves that demand is so high that no one in the NHL will think twice about raising the regular prices for game tickets. There are tons of people who would have loved toactually go to the game, not just make money off of someone willing to spend extra (and maybe make some sacrifices in order to do so) because they love their team that much.

There's no excuse. It's disrespectful.

Your Montreal Playoffs Primer

I was originally going to write an exhaustive guide to watching the playoffs for people who don't watch hockey during the regular season. But it was really, really long, and my friend Robyn wrote a nice little concise one over at All Habs. As have a lot of people. So much for being the only person who thought of this!

Instead, I'm just going to focus on one thing that will inevitably be mentioned now that the Habs are in the playoffs. If you learn only two things about how to behave during the postseason:

1. Do not make jokes about riots. Don't laugh at them unless they're actually funny.

2. More importantly, do not riot. If you're downtown after a major Habs win, feel free to party and/or hug as many strangers as you want. Just don't set anything on fire, or hit anyone, or break anything. Hockey doesn't somehow change laws. You're just going to make us all look bad and explain to our non-hockey-fan bosses that it's only the psychos or the opportunists who get violent. Plus, usually these things happen after the Habs win a series, and then they lose the next series, so basically you're destroying both public property and the Habs' chance at a Stanley Cup.

So don't do it. Just enjoy springtime in Montreal, and all of the happy that comes with having a hockey team in the playoffs.

Your anger is delicious!

I shouldn't have changed the channel when primetime started. NBC Thursdays are fantastic but last night's Leafs game delivered the best laughs of the night.
Somebody at the Air Canada Center threw waffles on the ice.

Waffles.
On the ice.
It's so hilariously absurd that I'm not reading any further about it, just to keep it a funny little mystery: Who threw the waffles? What was their motive? Why waffles, of all things? Why wouldn't they just eat the waffles? Do they have an intolerance to gluten? Where did the waffles come from? And can we refer to these people as the LuftWaffle?

Then I started thinking of what other tasty snacks would make great projectiles around the NHL.

Montreal: It has to be Jos Louis and May Wests. No province eats more processed snack cakes than Quebec. Plus they kind of look like pucks.
Detroit: OK, we give you permission to throw Jos Louis on the ice too, since you went so far as to name your arena after them. Otherwise, live up to your team's delicious name and throw chicken wings. Just please, no calamari.
Los Angeles: Churros.
Anaheim: Overpriced churros from Disneyland. (Also acceptable: overpriced churros from Disney's California Adventure.)
Boston: Teddy Grahams. Or Boston cream donuts, since I'm pretty sure Tim Thomas runs on Dunkin.
Vancouver: Do they still make Doublemint gum?

Atlanta: Fuzzy Peaches. (Also acceptable: peach cobbler, but that's not very throwable and all the old Georgia grannies would cry if you didn't eat their peach cobbler.)

Long Island: In keeping with my fancy Great Gatsbyized view of Long Island, I've decided that Islanders fans should throw chocolate Easter eggs and shout "East Egg!" or "West Egg!" depending on which arm is used to throw.
Philadelphia: Cheesecake.
Washington: This cost $3 when I bought it in the States, so if Caps fans want to throw a whole bunch of them they need to be prepared to drop some coin. But there probably isn't anything better than this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Obama chocolate bar

Toronto: If ever you tire of waffles, you should just throw whatever it is that Habs fans threw on the Bell Centre ice last season.

Or we could get a little more specific.
What to do if a particularly hated player comes to town and you want to give him special treatment? Depends on who it is...
Chris Pronger: Elbow macaroni.
Eric Staal: Jordan almonds.
Guillaume Latendresse: Pogos and Chicken McNuggets.
Mike Richards: Whatever PK Subban's favourite food is.
Sean Avery: Last week's leftovers.
Mike Komisarek: Graham crackers, ice cream cones, or anything that breaks every time it hits the ice.
Matt Cooke: Whatever the hell you want. Go crazy.

In all seriousness, though, food is for eating. Hockey fans, food does not belong on the ice. It goes in your belly.

Ticket sales and a trip back in time

What you're about to read is vintage Hab It Her Way, written before HIHW was even a thing. I posted it as a note on Facebook one year ago, before individual game tickets went on sale. This year, I'm preparing those of you who'll try for ticket packages. A few of the references are now a little outdated, but I've decided to keep the original note as is. You probably won't be surprised by how strange it is. Enjoy.


So, tickets for all this season's Canadiens games go on sale this Saturday. Lunatics everywhere (myself included) will be stuck at their computers trying to buy tickets, spending their hard-earned money to be a part of history, or to boo the Leafs, or to see superstars in action (although chances of another Alexander Ovechkin ass goal might be a tad slim.)

Thanks to ticket sales, the Canadiens get big money!
(oh, boo yourself)

Why am I writing a note about this, do you ask? Because it's an insane ordeal. It used to be complicated and then it became a nightmare. You have to access an "online waiting room" before tickets go on sale to even get a chance at buying them, then hope that you randomly get selected to buy tickets early so that you don't have to wait forever, and even at that, hope that the game you want isn't sold out, that you get the seats you want, and you have to choose quickly before the powers that be get angry, and of course, you can only get up to four tickets for one game on one credit card. It's barbaric. And on top of that, your aforementioned wish for a short wait probably won't be granted, and you're stuck at that computer for hours at a time, staring at a screen that doesn't ever change, watching as the most anticipated games sell out to those more fortunate than you, hoping it'll be your turn soon, begging the universe for reprieve, and generally hating your life.
(But they promise it'll be better this year. Fingers crossed.)

Even cute puppies get angry when they wait too long for hockey tickets

After trying for a ten-game package last year, then getting stuck in last year's "technical difficulties" fiasco, I've learned to be ready in case the process takes all day. (Because it might)

So if you're gearing up for an epic day of um, sitting, here are some ideas to get you through the day.

SNACKS.

You're going to get hungry, especially since you have to be in the waiting room by noon (thanks for basically ruining lunch, HOCKEY. You really don't seem like a sport that would support brunch but whatevs, I won't whine).
Get your favourite snacks. And stuff that's easy to assemble and/or eat. I'm going to try and regulate my Nutella consumption.

Have something to drink handy, so that your throat doesn't get too dry while you stare at your computer screen and say "COME ON! WHY IS IT NOT MY TURN!" A bottle of water. Some caffeine to keep you going. A can of Molson, if you want to go meta and tip your hat to the Molson brothers. It's also a good choice if you're in the habit of drinking alone at home, in front of your computer, in the middle of the day. (... ?)

Maybe a sandwich or a bagel if you don't mind assembling it while THE BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE hang in the balance!
Don't eat anything too hot or messy (that's what she said).

PASSING THE TIME

I hope you have DVD-Rom (do people still not have DVD-Rom? I don't know) because obviously watching something will pass the time. Or Youtube. But what, you ask?
If you're going for a DVD, first of all, maybe don't watch it fullscreen so you can see your waiting room status whenever you want to. Also, you might want to make it something you've seen before. (Then again, I don't know what moron would be like "Hey, let's bust open this Mulholland Drive DVD just to help pass the time! I hope the movie's good")
I watched some Arrested Development on Saturday trying to get a ten-game package (I've been rewatching the whole series just because), and I definitely recommend it. Something you've seen before, that makes you happy, half an hour at a time? Nothing wrong with that, at all.

There'll be two episodes of Glee on the Global TV website by Saturday. Glee is delightful. Watch it. (Unless for some reason, you watch hockey but can't stand to hear "Don't Stop Believing," which would be messed up.)

Youtube is awesome for times like this: you only commit a few minutes to each video, and you can pause it, and ... Okay, I know you're familiar with the concept of Youtube so I'll shut up.
If stand-up comedy's your thing, stick to shorter clips in case the comedian's really funny. Half an hour of Carlin will zoom by, but if your punishment in the waiting room ends and you get through to buy tickets but somehow miss your shot, you've got no one to blame but yourself. (No, you cannot blame George Carlin. Doing so makes you a humongous douche.)
There's Jeff Dunham, comedian/puppetmaster (yes, that is his shtick, he makes funny and then brings out the Muppets on crack, and he's who everyone's husband got for Christmas if my days as a video store employee told me anything) who's funny enough to keep you entertained but he also won't Carlin you out of a Centennial jersey game.

If you want to keep it really short, probably the best 15 second clip I've found on Youtube is this. As if you haven't seen a Walken impression before, but still, funny.

Or, if you're going to spend an afternoon memorizing any song, make it "We Like Sportz." Because la ville est hockey. 

Get some music, obviously. Last year I tried out like a dozen radio stations on iTunes and busted out a Beastie Boys cassette. Yes, a cassette. 

If you're going to waste half a day for three minutes of ticket-buying, you need something to sing along to.

Greatest hits of mullet rock, anyone?

Make some playlists. How about those Canadiens.com "my playlist"s? You can choose one and just go with it (I won't tell you which player had the most songs on his playlist that were already on my iPod), or you can make some sort of huge massive combination of all of them. So do it.  Henri Richard's is the most recent one so you should find links to all the others. Beware of the Milli Vanilli on Laraque's playlist, which is proof that truth is stranger than fiction.

No, seriously.

Think of a new life for those player name and number T-shirts that you might not wear anymore this season because they're chillin' with Selanne, or you don't want to waste your patches and glitter paint covering up that "Higgins" with "Gionta."
Don't bother with anything but the first page of this article.
Make a headscarf, and then if you know any Rangers fans offer to make one out of their old Scott Gomez shirt and then you can have gang wars.
Or frame your shirt (I've already suggested this to some people, *cough*MY SISTER*cough*): 
There are also instructions online to turn your shirt into undiepants but that seems a bit odd. Or maybe not. I don't know.

Do you have a laptop? Do you have a treadmill or a stationary bike? Stick the laptop on a table in front of your treadmill and walk while you watch the Centennial anniversary game sell out.

Clean your keyboard.

Paint your toenails.

Look at pictures of Chris Pine. (What? Who said that?)

Dance!

Call up a friend, maybe someone you haven't talked to in a while, or maybe someone else feeling the sting of waiting more time to buy tickets than you'll probably spend watching a game (post-game stuff and CH Express notwithstanding), and sing them a really bad song. Like, just terrible. Try to get it stuck in their head. It's a terrible thing for one human being to do to another, but maybe it'll help pass the time.

In case you're not sure what I meant by "really bad"

Magazines. You can get out some Canadiens magazines and re-read them, or - even better - go buy a couple of ridiculous celebrity gossip rags and have yourself a laugh. Or just pick up a Saturday newspaper, I guess, but there'll be less crosswords with clues about Speidi and Dancing With The Stars, so that's your call to make.



HOCKEY GAMES

Sure, you can just make witty Photoshops with pictures of players, but if that's not your kind of thing there are tons of other ways to pass the time while remembering why you're spending a lovely afternoon indoors.

Mike Cammalleri. That is all.

You can do the hockey Youtube thing: watch Jeremy Roenick cry at his retirement press conference, watch highlight reels, rate stuff on Hockeyfights.com, watch fan videos (Mike Boone can tell you what all the good ones are... they pay him for that, because obviously the universe SUCKS), watch players get pied in the face... whatever you like, T.I.

Make lists. Who grows a good mustache? Who can breakaway like nobody's business? Who would you draft to be your ultimate NHL Rock Band musicians? Who'd be on your All-Star teams?

Make a card for Tom Kostopoulos to say how much you're going to miss him.

Look up anagrams to Habs players' names. There might be something funny, like how David Letterman rearranged spells Nerd Amid Late TV. Or Justin Timberlake makes I'm A Jerk But Listen. (Yes, this idea sucks, but they can't all be winners, can they?)

Go to shop.nhl.com and do not stop until you find the absolute ugliest, most ridiculous, most unbuyable item on the entire site. If this were football it'd be easy. Dog shirt with Michael Vick's name and number on it? Done. But maybe it'll take a little longer in the NHL shop.

Maybe it looks something like Chara's FACE.
(I apologize for making you look at it)

Whatever you do, I'm hoping you don't have to wait too long and you get awesome tickets to games that turn out to be really great. I hope we win like crazy and kick some ass and make the highlights every night, and all that other stuff that hockey fans say.

(and I hope I get to see Jarome Iginla again but I hope the Habs win)

Licensed to Ilya

So Ilya Kovalchuk is on his way to becoming a small-scale LeBron James type of guy. He's taking an awful long time to decide what team he's playing for next season, and he's not getting any more popular, and he's certainly not getting any richer by shopping himself around all this time and playing hard to get. Come on, Ilya, if there's anything to be learned from the LeBacle it's that you can't be the top free agent forever. And if you're even thinking about booking a primetime TV special to announce where you're going next season... please, PLEASE let me produce it.

I'm serious. It'll be my contribution to society. I'm even preparing pitches!

The makeover show! Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Only a girl would come up with an idea like a makeover show." First, you're an idiot and I hate you (but thanks for reading my blog; there's hope for you yet). Second, it's completely warranted. Kovalchuk's got terrible hair, and if he wants to be the most talked-about player in the NHL, he should at least try to look like he doesn't get his hair cut by his mommy. If he goes to LA, he'll need to know what looks good on him before he goes to all those fantastic shops. If he stays in New Jersey, a new look will be one less thing for Sean Avery to use as cannon fodder.
We could start by getting rid of or framing all the jerseys and equipment that he won't need anymore (anybody want a game-worn Thrashers jersey? Don't all say yes at once). Then Ilya could take us through his wardrobe, talking about what he likes to wear. Then we could bring in some teammates to make fun of him. Then he gets some advice from Stacy and Clinton types, and goes shopping.
The big news: The new team reveal could happen in some creative way, like his new coach and GM jump out from behind a mirror, or he shows off a new suit then opens the shirt up to reveal a logo, Superman-style.

The variety hour! I'm sorry, LeBron, but getting an old white guy to ask you questions is not how to fill an hour of television when you're the most exciting athlete in your league. You have to DO something. Anything. Sing us a song, juggle some fire, put on a show, I don't care how. You hosted SNL, LeBron! You should have known better! Ilya's Decision One Hour Variety Spectacular will be so much better. Any non-hockey skills that Ilya may have will be put to good use here. Let's call up all his friends and make some unintentional comedy. Or intentional comedy, if we've got a few more Ryan Getzlafs in the league. (Now that he's proven he can be a bit funny, you have to admit he's quite aptly named.) Or call up Ilya's favourite singers and get them to perform on the show.
The big news: I'm not sure exactly how Ilya's choice of team will be announced, but I'm pretty sure I want it to somehow involve Laugh-In style doors.

The great debate! LeBron James called his TV hour "The Decision." Many elections in the US are referred to as "Decision (Insert Year Here)." Thus, the link between televised athletic ego-trips and political campaigns is undeniable. Let's have a debate! Just not a boring one. And since sports fans love watching people argue (see: 50% of what's on sports TV) it's a match made in heaven. The debate will have two moderators: Ilya Kovalchuk and Mike Milbury, just to keep things loud, interesting, and slightly boorish, just like all sports programming televised debates should be.
Round 1: The GMs still in the race debate and answer moderators' questions.
Round 2: Fans from each hopeful team make their cases, then beg Ilya to play for their team, then trash-talk the other teams.
Round 3: Free-for-all. No weapons, please.
The big news: For the sake of making it all TV-interesting, the great debate will take a page out of reality TV's handbook and make the GM and fans of each team huddle together all nervously, fingers crossed, under spotlights, as one by one they are eliminated from the race. It can be split into two segments by a commercial break if the network wants. Oh, who am I kidding, there'll definitely be tons of commercials.

The alternate universe! Lost has done it. Fringe has done it. Hell, even It's AWonderful Life has done it. Let's answer all our Ilya-related "what if"s by taking us into each potential city next season and finding out what might happen if Kovalchuk signs there. Each act will show us an alternate reality wherein Kovalchuk (played by Keanu Reeves, of course) is playing in what we're speculating will be the city of his choice. We'll also get to see a segment chronicling what might have happened if he'd never been traded to New Jersey. Oh, and the very last alternate universe we see before The Decision will be one in which we see what our lives could have been like if he weren't forced to wait all this time just for news about one hockey player.*
The big news: Should be revealed in the most Lost-y way possible because... oh, you know what? I don't really care. As producer I should know that Ilya and hockey aren't the star of this show anymore. As long as the big announcement (which will happen in our real universe, don't you worry) elicits a "whoa" from Keanu, the hour will be worth your time.

My guess, however, is that this TV special will either suck, or won't happen at all. But I wouldn't be surprised if we're stuck waiting for a decision for so long that I would have had time to plan, cast, build sets, and sell ad time for any of these shows.

Oh, and rest of the NHL? You can't call Kovalchuk "Kovy." That's Alex Kovalev's nickname. You can't double up on nicknames! Yes, I know there were two boxers called "Sugar" Ray but this is different.



* I have suddenly been reminded that we need to lock Carey Price down.

Lost a player you love?

Hearing that one of your favourite hockey players was traded, or that he just moved away, is never easy to stomach. The 2009 offseason proved that. There isn't much you can do about it, outside of complaining to every news outlet you know or maybe writing your GM a strongly worded letter (send us a copy if you do!), and it can be a lot to handle emotionally. You might need to have some worthless breakable objects around in case you get really angry. Or you might need a tub of ice cream and some sad songs to help you feel better.
That's where we come in.

Introducing the I Can't Believe He's On Another Team playlist. It might help a little.

No Doubt - Don't Speak. I know from experience that it helps!


Matchbox Twenty - If You're Gone. It's a little cheesy and sad, but I kind of secretly love Matchbox Twenty. Don't you judge me. You're the one stuffing your face full of chocolates and weeping.


The Fray - Never Say Never. Because basically every song by the Fray is sad enough for an occasion such as this.

oh, and if you're really mad at management then their cover of Heartless might do it for you.



Metric - Combat Baby. I went with a live acoustic version here for you, because I love the original version (it's just as melancholy but the electronic sound makes it a bit more bouncy) but it sounds amazing when it's stripped down.


Heart - Alone. Because if you're really down, an 80's hair power ballad might be the only thing that can pick you up.


Or maybe you don't want to be emo anymore and want to try and cheer up and convince yourself that everything will be okay.

Hockey Day In Canada: like Canada Day but colder

It's Hockey Day In Canada time again... all the Canadianness of Roll Up The Rim, plus all of the hockey you could hope for, stuffed into ten hours of Ron McLean. (It all sounds wonderful to me except maybe that last part.) It's much more kickass, and much briefer, than a Hockey Day In America would be.

So in honour of this great day, I'm going to try and make this post as Canadian as possible. What's in store for this, the national holiday that isn't Canada Day or Victoria Day or those other ones?

(Randomly selected Canadian-born player) Travis Moen and our Montreal Canadiens will start the day off playing against Mike Fisher and the Ottawa Senators. The Habs will win because because I'll be at work for half the game and I want them to come home and watch them win.

The primetime slot this year goes to Nolan Baumgartner* and the Vancouver Canucks, who unfortunately have to hang out with the Leafs and Luke Schenn. But hey, they'll get as much attention from CBC as they could ever possibly want!!

Late-night honours go to the Battle of Alberta, which I'm guessing will be the game with the most punching. If any is allowed during Hockey Day In Canada. Brandon Prust** and the Flames are going to engage in some punching with Taylor Chorney's Oilers.
Yes, if Stephen Harper shows up in a Flames jersey (or at all), you are allowed a tantrum.

But what to eat?

It's a long day, and you're going to get hungry, and maybe you'll get bored of all the little kids' teams they interview during the day, or maybe I'll need to leave the room if anyone brings up Crosby, who does not play in Canada (again, no Hockey Day In America). So here are some snack suggestions if you're not out someplace:

Only Canadian beer. You can have a Stella or a Heineken another day.

Maple baked beans, or other cabane a sucre treats. If you feel like curing a ham in beer and brown sugar, be my guest. No, literally. Some homemade ham sounds pretty delicious right now.

Actually, anything maple. Especially those extra-sweet gooey candies or anything you can put maple syrup on.

Tim Hortons. But that kind of goes without saying.

Poutine. Oh, the cheese... (Be warned, if you're ordering in, make sure it's not one of those places that gives you barbecue sauce instead of gravy.)

Snack cakes. You know you want the bad fats. I know Kate Moss thinks that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but all my pants are too big for me and I know what a Jos Louis tastes like.

Alberta beef, anyone? Raised by the best cowboys on earth!

Happy Hockey Day, everyone! (Especially those cowboys. I'm trying to get in good with them in the hopes of getting a free hat.)



* Seriously you guys, for all I know I took the metro with Nolan Baumgartner today and I'd have been completely oblivious. He's my randomly selected player because a few of the other guys seemed too obvious.


** You know I came thisclose to writing "Jarome Iginla" in giant letters right there. Instead I gave a Brandon Prust to ~czechtacular as a reward for blogging this week.

This drama's for yo mama.

Surprise surprise, another story about a locker room split!

Montreal Forum host Tony Marinaro reports that there was an altercation in the locker-room following the 4-3 overtime loss to St. Louis last Wednesday. The reported altercation took place between defensemen Andrei Markov and goalie Carey Price. Marinaro reports Markov approached Price and said “If you are not going to play with heart, stay home. We don’t need you here.” Several players came to the defense of Price, while others sided with Markov.

For those keeping tabs, the latest practice altercation featuring Cammalleri and Lapierre came the morning after this alleged event.

Seriously,

Come on now.

For the rest of us who would much rather prefer to focus on the on-ice product (which yesterday only allowed Randy Tieman to put together 47 seconds of decent highlight footage, so there you have it, no need for my own commentary), here are some sure-fire ways to avoid feelings of rage while watching a Habs game:

- Baking. Yes, baking. It gives you something to do, the intermissions are less dull, positive aromas make for a positive mood, and if by some miracle the lead actually manages to be held you can feast happily later on. If you feel you'll burn the house down, however, maybe making popcorn will suffice. Props if you do that the old-fashioned way that doesn't take two to three minutes, and don't manage to involve the fire department.

- Muting the TV and putting the radio on to classical music as you watch. I tried this with a friend during the last Stanley Cup Finals and it was surprisingly effective.

- Or, if you're not into classical music, muting the TV and making your own play by play. Inspiration for this goes to the fellow at Peel Pub this Saturday who took advantage of the RDS sound blackout to make his own personal debut. It may have consisted of "and now he passes to the other guy, now back to the other guy, to his friend here the other guy!" but it was still highly entertaining, especially when the Habs scored immediately afterwards.

- Last but not least, if the game is on TSN, there's always the Pierre McGuire Drinking Game:
Hint: It doesn't necessarily limit itself to use during the World Juniors.
(thanks to thecheckingline.com.)


Now Habs. Let's bust that Lightning win streak. No preview post, because y'all should be looking for recipes right about now.

HIHW Holiday Gift Guide: Will you make it on your own?

Hanukkah has started, and Christmas is coming up fast (as is Festivus, you Seinfeld fans) and we hope that our gift suggestions in the first and second parts of our Holiday Gift Guide have at least given you some new ideas. But we also know what it's like to shop for your loved ones during the holidays. It's time-consuming, it's stressful, and it can get pretty expensive. It's enough to make anyone wish they were six years old again so that they can make paper snowflakes for their loved ones instead of buying gifts.

We get it. Maybe you're better at arts and crafts than you are at waiting and shoving, or maybe you're a bit pressed for cash or you have lots of people to buy gifts for. We're big on the homemade gifts, as long as they're made with love. And at the end of the day, you love your fellow Habs fans, right? Even if you don't have millions to spend on them?

This idea came about because of Paul Mara's ginger beard, the awesomest beard in the NHL. If you're wondering why I drew extra icing on his arm... it's my weak attempt at drawing a sling on a cookie.

Glen Met looked like he'd make a great gingerbread cookie.

Part III: Let's get crafty, like #14 near a goalpost
... Scott Gomez gifts on a Matt D'Agostini budget

Cookies! Making the above Photoshop (of questionable quality) inspired me to make special Habs cookies if I get the chance. Put jersey numbers on your gingerbread men! (If you're feeling really artistic, give them home, away, and vintage jerseys.) Make chocolate chip cookies, using red and blue M&Ms or Hershey's Kissables!


Cheap frames and shadowboxes are available at dollar stores and Winners. (You can also check at craft stores but their prices are usually a bit higher.) Make a one-of-a-kind memorabilia frame! You can use anything:

• Postcards or hockey cards
• T-shirts and flags
• Press clippings
• Game tickets
• Photographs (if you don't have a superfancy photo printer, take a photo file to a print shop or a photo printing kiosk at the pharmacy or wherever - I'm pretty sure that it's illegal or frowned upon to print a photo that you didn't take, but you can take a chance)

Buy a piggy-bank painting set (I saw them at the dollar store!) and customize it for your giftee. Some ideas: "Bell Centre Beer Fund!" "Season Ticket Fund!" "[Insert player name here] Fund!" (Ovie doesn't come free, you know) "Blue Retro Jersey Fund!"

Burn a CD for your giftee! Use their favourite player's "My Playlist" if the giftee hasn't already got all the songs on a playlist of their own, or make them a Bell Centre playlist (Vertigo, Seven Nation Army, Blitzkrieg Bop, that Coldplay song, and whatever else you hear pretty often during games).

Did you ever make those little reindeer by attaching pipe-cleaners and googly eyes to a candy cane? The Bell Centre Habs Zone has Canadiens-themed candy canes. Just thought you might want to know.

Make Christmas tree ornaments out of... anything. keychains, mini-sticks, those tiny t-shirt things for car windows... Use your imagination.

Go crazy at a print shop! Make a customized shopping bag, pillow case, or mouse pad.

For the really crafty: you can buy sticker paper and print hilarious hockey stickers. Some of the best types of special printing paper (like iron-on transfers and all kinds of stickers) come from a brand called Avery, which probably reminds Scott Gomez of his dark days in a blue jersey. Blech. But still, kids of all ages love stickers, right? One sticker that you can make in multiples and give to all the Habs fans you know: a white letter C. We don't know who the next captain is going to be, but whenever he gets the job, there will be T-shirts that need altering. A "C" sticker will be a good temporary fix until you feel like busting out the fabric paint.

Take it a step further and use these stickers in some kind of customized gift, like a calendar or something! Find a cheap datebook or calendar and stick pictures of current and former Habs on the dates of their birthdays. One piece of advice, though: do your homework and make sure that all the pictures you stick in after July are of guys that will definitely still be Habs at the end of the summer. I had a pocket calendar for this year (an official one, not a wicked sweet homemade one) and most of the pictures in it are depressing now: Komisarek in October, Bégin on the cover... you get the idea.

Do you have wicked good Photoshop skills? Or at least, better than mine? Put your loved ones on the ice with the Canadiens... who wouldn't want to pretend they were there to hug Mike Cammalleri after one of his multiple hat tricks this season?

Use our ideas or your imagination, and we're sure that you'll make something great.

Merry CHristmas!
And Happy Hanukkah!
I know I'm not original at all by embedding this of all videos, but it's the best:

HIHW Holiday Gift Guide: more ideas!

I hope you read enjoyed Part I of our Holiday Gift Guide, in which two female twentysomethings attempt to become personal shoppers for an entire legion of hockey fans. (Our parents always told us to aim high.) We already covered official Habs merchandise, but there's more to give, isn't there? We've got you covered.

Please accept this somewhat cheesy graphic in lieu of what I would have liked to Photoshop... maybe something like your favourite Habs dressed up as elves. Sorry.

Part II: The Scoring Bonuses
... stuff that isn't officially Habs-related, but will still tickle most fans


Brownish-yellow gloves. I can never seem to find the right pair of winter gloves, because they're too warm or not warm enough. Plus, if you've got a couple of different coats like I do, you need gloves that can match anything. If there's anything I've learned from the Habs on old-school jersey nights it's that dark yellow gloves apparently match everything!

Tickets to a U2 concert in July. In my opinion, U2 is the unofficial band of the Montreal Canadiens (the Bell Centre brought back "Vertigo" for a reason) and a chance to see them outdoors in such a huge venue just can't be passed up. You'll have to try your luck with eBay or scalpers, unfortunately, since the shows sold out so quickly.

A country-western style shirt or belt for the Price, Moen, or Gionta fan in your life. Yes, admit it, our team is slowly becoming Club de hockey Cowboy de Montreal. It could be worse - at least it's not Club de hockey Cheesy Overproduced Euro Dance-Pop de Montreal! Then we'd all be wearing metallic bodysuits to games. Ew.

Hamilton Bulldogs merch, these days, is pretty much the same as buying Habs merch anyway, and they've added a few items to their store since last season so it's worth looking at if you haven't recently. A few standouts: women's zip-up hoodie (please, Santa Claus? I've been extra nice this year!), the women's long-sleeve shirt (it's less busy than the kids' T-shirt I have), and the rally scarf.
 I should have bought last year's cards and book, but I didn't and now I regret it. That's what cousins in Hamilton get bribed to do, I guess.

Be nice! Make a donation to the Canadiens Children's Fund or to a charity that one of the players supports.

Speaking of charity, Alex Kovalev's got a second training DVD. The first one was a very hot holiday gift - most stores couldn't keep them on the shelves for more than a few hours. The second one's probably just as good, and just as watchable, and since some proceeds from the first one were donated to research into children's diseases, I can only hope that it's the same the second time around. Win-win-win.

Olympic merchandise! I'm crossing my fingers that a certain Mr. Yzerman was paying attention to the newly improved wicked good Carey Price during that Capitals game, so we can cheer for a Canadien on Team Canada. Otherwise... um, what's the Czech equivalent of the Hudson's Bay Company?

NHL 2K10 - you know, the video game with Ovechkin on the cover. We're endorsing this one over EA Sports' NHL 10 with its coverboy Patrick Kane. 2K9 probably costs about 20 cents less.

Shameless self-promotion.  I have another side project: I design and make jewelry, and at ~czechtacular's urging, I'm using the blog to promote one of my favourite creations: the Canadiens bracelet.

It's the official jewelry of Hab It Her Way! Made with Swarovski crystals in the shades closest to the real bleu-blanc-rouge (well, technically, it's bleu-clear-rouge), it's both sparkly and simple and goes well with almost any outfit. I hate to toot my own horn, but I've been wearing mine for almost two years and it still looks great (especially when high-fiving people after awesome goals at the Bell Centre). I get a lot of compliments on it, too! Contact me if you'd like to buy one and we can work things out (my Etsy store is still being set up, so for now I'm kicking it old-school and doing all my sales person-to-person). As you can see in the above photo, you have your choice of a primarily white, red, or blue bracelet, and I can make simple earrings to match!

Stay tuned for more holiday goodies, and don't forget to gift-wrap!