Lost a player you love?

Hearing that one of your favourite hockey players was traded, or that he just moved away, is never easy to stomach. The 2009 offseason proved that. There isn't much you can do about it, outside of complaining to every news outlet you know or maybe writing your GM a strongly worded letter (send us a copy if you do!), and it can be a lot to handle emotionally. You might need to have some worthless breakable objects around in case you get really angry. Or you might need a tub of ice cream and some sad songs to help you feel better.
That's where we come in.

Introducing the I Can't Believe He's On Another Team playlist. It might help a little.

No Doubt - Don't Speak. I know from experience that it helps!


Matchbox Twenty - If You're Gone. It's a little cheesy and sad, but I kind of secretly love Matchbox Twenty. Don't you judge me. You're the one stuffing your face full of chocolates and weeping.


The Fray - Never Say Never. Because basically every song by the Fray is sad enough for an occasion such as this.

oh, and if you're really mad at management then their cover of Heartless might do it for you.



Metric - Combat Baby. I went with a live acoustic version here for you, because I love the original version (it's just as melancholy but the electronic sound makes it a bit more bouncy) but it sounds amazing when it's stripped down.


Heart - Alone. Because if you're really down, an 80's hair power ballad might be the only thing that can pick you up.


Or maybe you don't want to be emo anymore and want to try and cheer up and convince yourself that everything will be okay.

HIHW gets hairy

You knew it was coming. Everyone loves looking at awesome beards. My Paul Mara fandom and hours spent researching this category are proof of that. Obviously, like basically everyone else on the Internet, we had to honour the best playoff beards and hand out the Paul Mara Memorial Trophy for Best Playoff Beard (since Paul Mara's Beard didn't get to enjoy any playoff glory this year.)
Now, I decided to make this category all about beards, so Jonathan Toews' mutton chops, the Pouliot-stache, and PK Subban's helmet strap didn't quite qualify. Much love, though.

So, who did make the cut?
Todd Bertuzzi has a playoff beard that the Internet seems to love as much as bacon.
Kris Draper's beard most reminds me of Paul Mara's, as it is both ginger and quite awesome.
Patrick Marleau's beard is great. You can't even see any face behind it. I didn't know he had it in him.
Joe Pavelski is half-cute, half-awesome with this beard. Mostly awesome. He looks completely different in playoff mode than he does in his roster shot.
Glen Metropolit trimmed his beard, but it still looked great.
Roman Hamrlik... I wish I had a better picture of his beard in all its glory.
Tom Pyatt grew the best rookie beard this season, and I'd be saying that even if it wasn't the exact same beard that Ryan Gosling had in The Notebook. #94 gets extra points in the "I wrote you every day for a year!" category.
Mark Stuart has such a great beard that honestly, I have no idea who he is other than the Bruins' #45, but I saw this picture and nominated him.

Eight nominees is a lot but for all I know, I omitted someone so if I did, that's what the comments section is for!

Here's to you, Jaroslav Halak

Traded to the Blues for two guys who'll have to show us what they're made of. Mostly because I know almost nothing about the St. Louis Blues. Usually I have to be reminded that they're even a thing.

Jaro started the season somewhat out of the spotlight, then grew in popularity as he became "the other white meat," an alternative to Price that Camp Carey Boo were constantly calling out for, then got the ice time to prove just how talented he is, behind both the Canadiens and the Slovakian Olympic team, then became such a mythical figure that his talent was celebrated even outside the Montreal bubble. Some TSN analyst described a brilliant third-round performance by Antti Niemi as "Halakian."

So it looks like we've got to say goodbye to the Halak puns and the stop signs. He'll post shutouts for other teams.

Jaro and Carey might now have a shot at each getting the ice time they need and deserve, and we might finally see an end to the childish, Twilight-esque rivalry.

But that doesn't mean I'm happy for the St. Louis Blues.

Jay Mohr announced as host of the NHL Awards

I'd say that it's a step up from Ron McLean, but I promised to abstain from Ron McLean jokes for a while after he saved someone's life.

Jay Mohr's pretty funny: I don't know if he'll rival Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais for clever quips, or if he can match Neil Patrick Harris' Oscar opening bit for sheer awesomeness, but I liked him as host of NBC's Last Comic Standing. He didn't take himself too seriously like a lot of reality show hosts do, and he let the comedian contestants do their thing. He also starred in the short-lived single-camera Fox comedy Action, which went way over my little head back in 1999, so of course I watched it. (Its cancellation may or may not have been one of the catalysts that drove me to loving TV like a mother loves her child. I haven't been able to watch Action again because I'm terrified I won't like it anymore, and then I'll have an identity crisis.)

Having a host to help the proceedings along, maybe knock some guys' egos down a few pegs, will probably make the awards telecast a lot better. Last year's show started off great with a passionate pretaped intro by Denis Leary (who would make the most deliciously evil awards show host, but we'd need to put the broadcast on like a two-minute delay) and then got a little messy, with people coming on stage, then showing up again... a host is going to solve that problem, and as long as we've got Jay Mohr on his toes, and maybe just a bit angry, then we're in for a good show. If we've got the Gary Unmarried Jay Mohr, then, um, clearly Julia Louis-Dreyfus just wasn't available.

The NHL Awards ceremony will also feature a performance from Shinedown, who surprisingly enough are not Nickelback.

Once you Laraque...

You never go back, as we learned today.

Georges Laraque is now truly, officially, irrevocably (unless for some reason we buy him again) no longer a Montreal Canadien. And after a season of blogging, with a great list of Laraque puns in my back pocket that I never had the right occasions to use, I can't help but smile as I say goodbye for real.

It's a good thing for everyone concerned: the Habs have roster space for the players we've grown to love over the course of this season and need to keep next year. And Laraque finds himself in a pretty good employment situation: he, like the services offered by his spokescompany TekSavvy, finds himself with no contract. (I didn't say "with no contract" loud enough, did I?) And a $1 million severance package is pretty sweet, especially in this economy.

Maybe we'll see him again soon, and he'll be a perfect fit in some other city. He'll have a goal under his belt, and a few months away might make him more aggressive and make that personality show on the ice. He might even completely forget that the next time he comes to the Bell Centre, he gon' get booed.

Mostly, I'm just glad that it gives me some Habs-related news to blog about... otherwise this would have just been an excuse to mention the resemblance between Jonathan Toews and The Office's Cousin Mose.

Pointed out to me by an acquaintance... and now I feel like watching The Office.

First week without hockey.

You know what I hate about the Stanley Cup Finals? The schedule (only one hockey game every two days, and no other hockey at all) is supposed to help transition viewers out of the hockey season and into the summer, but Final games are usually the most exciting, as evidenced by all the high-scoring and coach-whining. Someone (in this case, an Original 6 team, yay) gets a big shiny trophy at the end, and everyone's cheering and hugging and singing "We Go Together," and then it's over. Done. No more hockey, come back next year.

What's a girl supposed to do?

Top 5 Things To Do Now That It's The Offseason/Summer

1. Get "Chelsea Dagger" out of your head. (If you dislike it as much as I do.) The Chicago Blackhawks have given us a pretty big mission over the summer, by scoring so many goals and letting us hear that earworm so many times. I thought I was going to go insane. I had the men in white coats on standby. To finally exorcise "Chelsea Dagger," you'll have to fight fire with fire, and find some song that'll replace it in your head but hopefully not make you go mad. Maybe some Michael Jackson or Beastie Boys or if all else fails, watch a musical. (The manic Moulin Rouge! did it for me.) If you're really desperate, I guess there's Lady Gaga or the Black Eyed Peas, but you don't want to go there unless you have to.

2. Other sports! You may have watched the Grand Prix this weekend, or just enjoyed the downtime between soccer games. We're pretty lucky that there's a World Cup this year to tide us over, since soccer is one of the closest things to hockey you'll get, and international soccer is the best kind. (Hockey - pads + bromance = soccer) If you like baseball and tennis then you're also in luck. Or, roller derby! It's basically hockey - sticks and puck + better nicknames. Montreal events have been selling out quickly this season, so you might want to buy your tickets in advance.

3. The standard. Watch hockey movies, read hockey books, go back a couple years in the Habs Inside/Out archives... I'm sure you thought of all this already. I've got some magazines and things I picked up during the season but didn't read, Larry Robinson's book, Ken Dryden's book, and a brand-spanking-new copy of The Hockey Sweater to read, along with some other books, so I'll probably manage - and learn a thing or two along the way.

4. Um, summer stuff? You can't usually have barbecues during the regular season, especially in Montreal, so get outside and eat some meat. Or run to Ben & Jerry's to try Caramel Hat Trick. Or go to the beach. Or go see a comedy show. Or skip the draft to see a free Brian Setzer concert at Jazz Fest... I'm just never going to watch an NHL draft, am I?

5. Do the Happy Gilmore. Go golfing in a hockey jersey.

(Any excuse to mention Happy Gilmore is a good one, no?)

On with the awards!

To be added onto later tonight. For now we have:

THE OVEREXPOSED.

1- Patrick Kane vs. Cabbie: said taxi driver did not wish to pose with our favourite Stanley Cup-winning delinquent, so Snoop decided to instead. (I like to think it was an hommage to Rookie, but that's just me.) Anyway. The loose change jokes still haven't stopped, even if he put an end to this season in the weirdest of ways. Apparently now he's even dancing about it.

2- Goalie vs. Goalie: this doesn't necessarily have to be Habs-centric, even if it's obvious that Montreal happens to be the most obsessed with this topic. There should be a drinking game to its name. Me? I'm drinking to the fact that I found an old Jeff Hackett poster this afternoon. Remember THAT controversy? Where's Theodore now? Anyways. You get the jist.
3- PHX and bankruptcy: Obviously I nominated this one, because being where we are, we kind of have this elitism to "HOW DARE YOU HAVE AN EMPTY RINK WHEN WE ONLY HAVE 6 TEAMS IN THIS COUNTRY" and yada yada yada which is kind of repulsive when you want to highlight what the team on the ice HAS done for itself all year. That also never went away, despite attendance figures putting themselves in the black, so to speak. It still won't go away even now.

4- Kostitsyn drama: Enough already. We know he/they don't hang out with the good crowd. Who cares, honestly? Remember when you tried to get in with the cool kids and they had you throw your best friend in the dumpster in the process? Yeah. We don't watch who passes out what, unless it's pucks and they're on the ice. We don't want to hear about anymore.

Playerwise, now:

1- Sidney Crosby: the only reason we applaud him is because he apparently moved out of Mario's house. Finally. Otherwise, groan.
2- The Sedins: This is even worse because they're multiples. Meaning double the amount of coverage. Oh, Henrik for Hart. Oh, what a nice pass by Daniel. Whatever. I'm still convinced they switch jerseys for whatever games the other doesn't really feel like playing up to his usual standards so that the rest of us never know which of them is actually better, or worse, and therefore can't find some way to complain about it.
3- Guillaume Latendresse: This may not make sense unless you've painstakingly struggled to figure out which one of him is the real Gui since, I dunno, 2005? However, since he famously moved on to Minnesota, the goals sought from him for so long finally started pouring out without an end in sight. And lo and behold, networks like Versus started hopping on the Gui! Gui! Gui! bandwagon. VERSUS. Really.
4- Alexander Ovechkin: There was a reluctance to include him in this (we still like him), but it's impossible with Crosby, since despite being almost nothing alike as players, they simply go hand in hand.